Weakness.

I realized this morning that it has been over a month since me or Jack has updated this blog. I could list 30 reasons as to why, but I am not sure anyone would care. I am finding that even owning the most amazing boy in the world doesn’t stop the year end work travel, the tendons I keep tearing – or the joints I keep breaking, and the still newly minted Dead Parents Club orphan gold – club level status grief that somewhat just hangs over your head like a cloud that no longer rains or casts gloom goes away. But I learned that it’s just a cloud that is omnipresent and one that thins out just as fast as it can grow dark. I spent so much time trying to make it blow away before realizing that it doesn’t and it shouldn’t, but one just has to learn how to ignore it when not needed and celebrate it when it is. But, enough about the muggle world.

While things have been busy, never fear, Jack’s ass has stayed a nice shade of red, his nipples are constantly sore, his dick is locked and his ass is plugged. We have a level of consistency and perfection always on display, and I love that. Something that hit me over the last few weeks could apply to the muggle world too, but specifically in a power based situation, I realized that the boy is my weakness, yet I am his strength. That weakness I have for him is one reason I suspect power based relationships may suffer because, while I am dominant and love to give an order, I am also practical and take into account his feelings on the task or his current state sometimes more than I think I should. This is more outside of sex than in it, but a specific example that comes to mind was one night, a few weeks ago, it was really cold and really wet and I remembered I had forgotten to plug the charger into my car. So as I was getting up, I looked over and the boy was in the floor in a blanket and my first thought was “fuck Drew, you have a Jack, this is one of the things he is here for, so why are you going to get cold and wet??” That was followed by “but look how comfortable he looks and he’s naked and warm and it’s my car, etc etc” so as I continued to get up I debated it. In reality, he saw what I was doing, asked what I was doing, and had his shoes on and was out the door before I could get my fat ass into sweatpants. He did that because THAT is what and who he is now and if I had given into my weakness, I would have denied him the joy of service, so to speak. Versions of that scenario happen over and over again and most of the time they end of just like they did then. Sometimes, when he is busy and I do something like that or carry something heavy in from the garage, he will look at me like I crushed him which further fuels my weakness (we don’t show the puppy dog eyes that are always exacerbated by the collar) and I find myself apologizing, or wanting to, for doing a task for myself. I forget he fuels his strength in service like this and I will remind myself that from time to time.

Where my other weakness comes to play is probably not the place you guys would think, but it’s in his orgasm denial. There are so many times during sex when he has done such amazing things to me that I think “fuck that boy needs a reward” or “God damn, that will be fun to watch” and more. In those moments I want nothing more than to let him have what he wants, but then I always remember that it’s not what he wants AND because what he wants doesn’t matter here. What I want does and I want a boy and love a boy who serves, now, on two plus year denial energy and that turns me on so much that it would not be fair to either of us. I love this part so much that I wonder how good it will feel at 5 years or at 10 years? Surely I will love it even more and, by then, I wonder if he would have given up the idea? It’s an interesting conundrum and one that, as long as I don’t give into my weakness, we will all just have to wait and see, right Jack?

And, for what it’s worth, please don’t worry, I am pretty strong.

2 Comments

  1. I was reading what I wrote a few weeks ago in my story about a Master and the slave, and funny how this fits:
    (from the slaves diary): Master came and asked me to sleep in his room last night. I happily accepted, followed orders? I leave it up to a future reader to decide how his tone was. I slept well in the cage. Master wanted me to stay till he was ready. I did wake up early and needed the toilet, but then I crawled back in. I am allowed to do that. That’s one reason why it never gets locked. Master got up first and after checking in with me, got himself ready, prepared breakfast and then I was allowed to get ready while he walked Siri. (the dog) It was hard for me to stay lying in the cage while he was moving around the house, walking past me while getting dressed etc. It was a new experience for me, and I like that he challenged me like that. I brought it up over dinner tonight. I wanted to know how he felt about it. He did admit it felt a bit strange at first, but then he enjoyed it, the power. Well, I enjoyed the submitting. Sometimes I feel I need that. Thight reigns.

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  2. Such exquisite words tug at My Heart. Joy to You all.

    A Happy Holidays to Y’all (i never know which greeting is correct this time of year 🙂). I’ve just had my 54th Birthday and 36+ years on the Poz side of life. Feeling very Poz-,itive about everything. A lot due to hearing of a So Happy, Loved-up Family throws a lovely halo on everything.

    Hey from Sydney, Australia.
    Mark (MonkeyBoy 🐒) ❤️‍🩹

    Like

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