Tonight, I was going through some photos of me from 2013 looking for something in the “not-for-facebook” folder and found this picture I took of myself that summer. At the time, I remember thinking that it referenced the two sides of me, but seeing it now, especially in the context of this blog and title, really does say a lot more than I realized, so I thought I would share.
Blog Grand Opening Day continues. It actually has been a pretty good day, although I am still trapped in my head about a few things which is what tends to happen to me over and over again about lots of things in life. Although I have complained, I have never actually hated the fact that I process things at such a never ending pace, because I rarely make rash decisions and I am usually very educated on my choices.
For most of my life I have been able to separate the professional and personal me from the kinky, dominant with a growing side of submissive inside me and now that I am allowing the worlds to mix, at least in my head and now at home, it’s like a cyclone of insecurities are hitting me all at once.
Regarding Thumper, I think you all saw from his post that we were both battling the same sort of things, at similar, yet different levels. At some point I have referenced the fact I liken the last few weeks to having opened the door to a great big room in my soul that I shared with only random internet people and I never bothered to turn on the lights because they weren’t staying. As discussed, I have, at several points in the past, opened the room to my husband and flipped the lights on briefly before finding some reason to extinguish both the lights and the desire before kicking him swiftly out the door.
This was the game I played for years until the last few weeks when I first let Thumper knock on the back door (although we know that action was actually reversed), come in, turn on the lights and sit down. Hell, we even discussed some furniture and colors. That so excited me – and him – and like two mad decorators with an unlimited budget, we each slightly pushed away things very important in our lives so that we could engage both of our cerebral sides into all the possibilities, plans, and comfort of knowing there was someone out there that “fit” – in living color – while the rest of the world stayed gray.
You see, Thump is wicked smart, quick and,despite his metal dick, wields some power in life. Plus, he’s rather hot. DILFY hot in fact. He is my wet dream sub come true, so I got lost in the practicalities of the day to day aspects of having control of him and, almost surprisingly to me, he got lost trying to please me which he did and does.
As wonderful as this was, we knew it couldn’t last and today we designed a new path, still in living color, that is going to be excellent and will help us both achieve our ultimate goals of being better submissives to our spouses while also indulging our stainless steel, hardcore, kinky souls at the same time. That’s one of the beauties of two middle aged men with a quite a bit of intelligence and experience coming together. We both thrive in the day to day practicalities of life and will now simply make this fit in within the kinkiest realm we can create. And, like Thumper’s magical ability with his tail, it may resist a bit, but it will ultimately fit in and stay.
I will write about my journey with my husband, who, by the way, we will now reveal as Axel, and try my best to not tell this same rabbit story yet again. But, I have asked him to wrap up his post from this morning and share his new, pared down weekly requirements (we decided goals was a bit too flexible) and his plans to become the ultimate DILF, for Me.
Good morning. As you probably all remember, I travel for work. Often. Very often. In fact, it’s Monday morning at 5 something a.m. and I am sitting in an airport writing this on a very cold morning headed toward a very cold place (Canada). Of course, it’s 200 degrees in here and I am a huge sweat-er, so this is not good, especially since I sit here in a sweater. Anyway, this was not intended to be the first post on the grand opening day, but, as you will learn, writing for me is cathartic and there is a bit of therapy I always gain from writing things down.
So, I think I must start with the following:
My name is Drew (well, here at least) and I am not perfect. There. Said. Done. Surprised? I suspected you would not be, yet somehow I am honestly surprised, shocked and dismayed every single time I realize that fact for myself. Basically, last night, well, yesterday in general, I fucked up. My very first task at this new side of me and I fucked it up. You see, the very, absolute first rule Husband and I had and Thumper and I had, I blew – and not in that good way. More about me, well, I get excited about things. I got excited about Thumper and taking our relationship forward as I grow my Dom side. I got very very excited about this blog and the comments and where I wanted to go with it. I got excited about finally expressing my sub side to myself, the Husband, and actually my best friend in the world who already “knew” but “didn’t really know” (more on that in a post this afternoon). I got excited about anything and everything, except, sadly, not my Husband.
Grand Fucking Rule One and I broke it and I broke it bad. See, another duality of me is that I live my life out of a suitcase 3-4 nights and week and then out of the drawers at home the others. This varies, obviously, but the last few months have been more about the suitcase than the drawer due to work demands – which pay me well and provide for that drawer – so I am always trying to balance. This week I am in Canada three nights, home two, and then off to China for nine. So, see, time with him is precious and that makes this fuck up and lack of balance even worse. See, I allowed what I generally like to call “that 13 year old girl inside of me” to rule and I started shrinking Thumper, this blog, my eventual slide into being controlled and a few others things into one giant ball filled with glitter, puppies, rainbows, and Captain Crunch and got goose-bumpy and giddy. Yeah, I said it. Some of you might understand it. Some of you may not. Especially with the duality of me as the over 6 feet, 200 plus pound, former linebacker looking chap that I am; one does not expect glittery rainbows. However, that’s just me and, while a few hours of it may have been fine, letting those emotions control me was not.
Also, Thumper and I talked and he and I will most likely amend our time spent thinking about each other and the oh so good freaky acts of submission and control he will provide for me and learn how to channel that better, together for a great adventure of his plugged ass that is balanced, in check, yet defined enough that he will have a very red ass should he fuck up (Thump, chime in here if you want).
Finally, I have several different posts planned for today as I have a significant amount of free time and lots and lots of garbage spinning in my head to get out. Anyone mind hearing more about glitter, puppies and anal plugs later?
So, balance is coming. Advice is appreciated.
It’s time for me to board. Later.
I had planned for tomorrow to be the grand opening of my new blog, which I consider to be a spin off from the absolutely incredible Denying Thumper, expertly written by MY DILF, himself, Thumper, but, I have a lot on my mind and decided I would give this a go today. So, consider this the “soft opening” of sorts and since it’s my first day, I am not even going to make a joke about that comment and T’s ass, although, I am having to try hard to fight that. Really hard.
So, the name? Again, I credit Thumper because he is the one who created it, but, while it certainly defines my role with him and my switch role in general – I own his ass while my husband owns mine – it also really does define a huge aspect of me as a person who you will get to know in a guarded way through this blog. While nothing is particularly secret and/or sacred, as I intend to talk about everything and anything here, what this blog will not be is a trashy exploit of my relationship with Thumper (for that, you can visit Thumper’s Portfolio site, which I fully endorse having that information) or anything that would cause my husband, who I will name later, or Belle any embarrassment or worry in reading. While I really doubt either will read this, my goal is that if and when they decide to sit down with a Macbook and read about their significant other’s genitals (and more) on the internet, they will be proud of what they read and know that each of their roles within this journey is valued, respected, and that they are the melty, gooey, candy filled center of love and encouragement within our daily lives and, even more importantly, that what he and I do together makes each of us better for them respectively. Frankly, it already has.
While we are speaking of Thumper, I will say that he has administrator rites to this site as well and I have encouraged him to post here or cross post anything that refers to this particular journey. I will write about my feelings for him, his training, and whether or not he’s been a good DILF at times (somewhere now he just got excited and scared knowing that his possible failures will be public, although his praises will also be) and our goals we have for him. As you know, plugging is something that we intend to build him up to being at an almost constant level, because that reminds him of me while his metal genitals always draw him back to his full Owner, Belle. That’s just one goal. The others will be spelled out in time.
In fact, one rule he will now have is that every Sunday he is to post an abbreviated, generalized version of his weekly goals here and every Saturday he is to publish the results. I control the reward or punishment, but I know he will enjoy the extra voyeurs on this ride as well – or maybe not – but he’s not in control of that now.
T is an amazing, multi faceted man and I am very lucky to have met him, as I consider him to be the almost perfect DILF – he’s cute (hot actually), wicked smart, willing to have a few strings, and knows how to write a mean sentence. Plus, he’s pre-trained and comes with a metal dick that I don’t have to worry about. It doesn’t get any better than that, folks.
In addition, this blog will also be about me and my journey to finally, finally accept the kinky side of myself after 17 years of marriage and 45 years of life. It’s been an emotional few days as I am coming to grips with what I have said to my husband, my agreement to follow his rules, and the changes to our lives that this will cause. These changes will almost certainly make us even stronger as a couple, but they come with an almost guaranteed initial level of stress and strife and that will be what tomorrow’s grand opening will be about, as tonight officially begins our journey, together, into this.
Finally, when Thumper asked me to post on his site in response to our first of what we certainly intend to be many dalliances, many, many dalliances, I really never thought it was going to morph into its own entity. I love that and want to say now that I appreciate any and all feedback that lacks the judgement of some he and I initially received.
Thanks in advance for reading me and I look forward to sharing this with you. And, Thumper, it’s Sunday, you have an assignment due here.