I don’t intend for this to be a long post, but for those of you who follow both blogs you will know that he said that Belle thought my tone was too possessive in the first blog post and that he did too, but since he knew me, he knew how to take it, etc. He also posted today that I was tempted to edit it, adjust it, move it, draw pretty pictures within it, etc, but he advised that I not do that. He told me he has plenty of blogging regrets out there and that I should post about it, then be done.
So, having re-read it and with nothing technically or legally wrong with it, I decided to leave it here BUT to say that, with the “sensible adult eyes” that T said, I so, so see their point and I am glad I do because, while I may make no guarantees I won’t do it again accidentally, I will certainly have fresh eyes about it.
Thumper calls it a little triangle (where each) has their own perspective and vulnerabilities. He is right, but when you add in Axel, it becomes what I see as a ball enclosed within a rectangle with two corners made of lead (shiny lead, but lead nonetheless), one corner made of aluminum (sticking with the metal for male thing – but a thin one, explanation below), and a fourth corner made of very beautiful, fragile glass. On Sunday, that ball contained within it was a 16 pound bowling ball made of the ugly black resin that so many are. Today, after a few days of each couple talking, becoming grown up adults, and putting on our sensible shoes, I think T would agree with me that the ball is still one used for bowling, but it’s probably 12-14 pounds now and is at least that weird mix of blue and green that they use. It will take time to shrink it to a youth size, replace it with a kick ball, and then, maybe, just maybe, a tennis ball, but we can never, ever forget the ball is in there readily waiting to knock out two, or even four corners.
Finally, another thought I had about this that will be completely new to the Thumper world of readers, but a realization I had earlier today is something that we have not touched on at all and I think it’s important for all of us to note. Yes, my language in the first post could have been and should have been softer, but as Thumper’s FIRST job is to protect Belle, mine is to protect Axel. I wrote that telling myself I was worried about both of the other corners fragile spousal corners, and I was, but, what I was not considering was a wife’s point of view, because that is just something I never ever had to do but will be cognizant of from now on.
Let’s put it this way, one of the things Axel and I do together is walk down the street and look at guys, not for sex, but just because we enjoy that together and have absolutely no issues in saying “fuck, did you see his ass?”. I have felt sorry my whole married life for straight men whose wife’s get mad at them for looking at another woman because that is something that we as a couple share together. But, biologically we share that, and that is something a straight man will never be able to do with his wife and something she will never be able to do with him. So, that said, this made me think about this new rectangle differently because, while Belle and Axel are both amazing spouses who are trusting us to do what we need. to. do, I have never actually realized that she is absolutely the most trusting one of all of all four of us because it truly is a different football field for her and I now promise to be ever aware.
Ok I agree that sometimes we write stuff only later to realize we were wrong or stupid or naive… and we, too, would never go back and change it to look like we were perfect. I’m not perfect and never will be… I can only strive for that perfection I know I’ll never achieve.
Anyway, I DO, however have a bone to pick with you Drew-boy. 🙂
You wrote “and that is something a straight man will never be able to do with his wife and something she will never be able to do with him.”
I beg to differ, maybe MOST straight guys with straight wives wouldn’t be able to enjoy that but as a straight chick with a straight man I DO point out a nice set of tits, a nice ass or a cute chick etc. I do genuinely think those things. To your surprise it is actually possible for a woman to appreciate another chicks looks. I may even tell him if I think they’d be squeezable or suckable. 🙂 It’s actually really fun to tease him that way too. It’s something totally different if the wife is bi.
Anyway, just picking on you a little because I can. 😀 *hugs and girlie kisses* haha
I mentioned to Him that Belle and I also mutually admire others. Usually men, but occasionally woman. At least I feel free to tell her whenever I see someone I think is hot. My guess is the sample of people reading this blog may not be strictly representational of the population at large, however.
I did just have to pick on him a bit 😉 he’s fun to play with
Hmm. I wouldn’t know.
I AGREE!!!! I’m a straight chick with a straight husband and can totally share when I think a chick or a guy is hot. It is about security in your relationship to be able to do that. However, Drew I do see your point and am not trying to take anything away from it in my comment.
Oh, fun to play with, Lady M? You. Have. No. Idea – HA HA – as always, thank you for your comments and you make a very valid point.
Also, as a further point of this post, I just got off FaceTime with Axel and, you are damned if you do, damned if you don’t in situations like this, because he read the blog today and won’t be reading it anymore either because, while he is fine with me coming home and saying something like “we had fucking amazing sex”, I use too many adjectives and descriptors in my writing, so he decided he didn’t want to read the full picture. I get it and I will not ask him to read it unless there are very specific points to make and then I will likely copy and paste.
Now, I have to specifically say that is not at all saying he is unhappy, not approving, or even in the slightest way regretful he gave me the freedom. He is very happy, in fact, that I trusted him with the freedom he allowed and that I took it (it only took about 14 of our 17 years, fyi), but, he just doesn’t want the full HD 3D picture and I understand that completely.
Personally, I think it’s just because I have not started talking about his amazing genitals, sexy dark German eyes, or deep, yet sometimes frustrating, accent, or his brilliant, multi-degreed doctoral mind YET. We will see his reaction once that starts which is hopefully soon after all this housekeeping is taken care of.
I’m finding this fascinating because I can SOO relate.
I have two rules with my blog: I don’t hurt anyone and I don’t surprise anyone with things we haven’t discussed already. Sounds reasonable and easy, but in actual fact navigating that can be hard (as you’ve discovered) because sometimes you don’t even see it until it’s done and sometimes ALL of the things you feel fall outside of those rules and are off limits.
And if you blow it, you close down a little, become even more mindful, and you risk getting to a point where you are paralysed, or the content is so sanitised that it no longer has any value.
In short: I can relate. I guess your respective partners not reading it is a solution, but it’s surprisingly fraught.
I wish you luck.
Ferns
Thank you, Ferns. I very very much appreciate the response. As you will see, last night we talked and talked and talked and I think he will read it now, although I am not pushing. And, you make a great point about being paralyzed when you “blow it”, but all of you here are being good coaches to me, so I am learning to just accept it and move on.
It made me sad to think that Axle wouldn’t read what Drew was writing because having a blog has been so beneficial to my and Belle’s relationship. I’m hoping he decides to give it another go in the future.
Awe, no need to be sad because I think our talk last night and even this morning fixed it (although he’d likely be sad you spelled his name wrong). For now, I am cutting and pasting entries specifically to us, but, as you know, he is an intellectual doctor processor who will begin to see that a its a safe place to read. Plus, now, I think he realizes that while I may talk about our sex, it won’t be a “he put this there” account because, well, that’s simply not Southern. Today, literally and figuratively, is a whole new day, d.
Oh I might have some idea. 🙂 All boys are fun to play with… especially the submissive ones.
No seriously, I love to make people smile and laugh and you see there? I did! Neener! You seem to have a sense of humor I can get along. 🙂
I was going to write my own post based on what I’m about to say and I still might… but I get the Spouse’s view on not wanting to read the down and dirty. Honestly, I love that even *I* have a choice to read what I’m comfortable reading.
I’ve always been that chick with the gay friends – my two best friends (guy & girl) are both gay… I know they have sex with the same gender, I know they’ve had bfs or gfs however I have no desire to watch them have said sex. So, while I tried reading thumper-mans portfolio, I couldn’t read the description of it. But I’m good with the normal stuff, so here I’ll stay and I’ll leave the descriptions to the more interested voyeurs. 🙂
The thing I love the most in all this, because it’s what my monkey boy and I stress in our blog, is the communication going on. It can never be said enough how important it is. <3
As always, thank you. Yes, I have a wicked sense of humor so bring it on. I get what you are saying about watching your friends who sleep with the same sex have sex, but I tend to just think I don’t want to see any of my friends (well, maybe one) having sex as a general rule. 🙂
Haha hmmm depends how horny and what kind of mood I’m in… then again, you’re right, my FRIENDS having sex is likely not what I want to see. I see my friends a certain way and I’m comfortable with that way. Hell some of the things I do I wouldn’t want to watch haha. I might get off on pegging my hubby but I’m not sure I could watch myself doing it. 😀
And, girlie kisses? Ewww 🙂
Ewwwww girlie cooties! Now I sound like my kids! 🙂
‘That’s just not Southern.’
Leave the prurience to those liberal Minnesotans :).