The Un-Authorized Spilling of Seed

Hello from the other side of the world.

Literally.

It’s rather lonely on this side of the planet (despite it being the homeland of my favorite Domme, Ferns) as most everyone I love in the world is home sleeping to wake up to the day I am just ending. That is still one of the strangest things about this gig to me, to know that I really only share about seven hours of a day with Axel.

As you know, I have had the luxury of a travel break during the last six weeks, or at least long travel, and I had no idea how hard this trip would hit me physically and emotionally.

Physically, I think I caught some sort of stomach bug the day I left that, unfortunately, hit me about two hours before the long flight ended and stayed with me most of yesterday. I am no longer sick, but have been left with chills and zero appetite and nothing, not even my precious diet coke, tastes right. Even food smells funny. That, combined with general jet lag has been enough to just wipe me the fuck out

Actually, from every movie and tv show I have seen it sounds like I am pregnant. Oh. Shit. Could I…

Wait, my husband and I have not done anything that could cause that and my boyfriend is locked in a steel tube, so I guess that option is off the table. Fuck. I have always wanted to be on the cover of People and it looks like I am going to be foiled by Bruce Jenner yet again in life. I wonder what his new name will be?

Anyway, I did manage a full day working today and got a workout in, but just was zoned out completely. Tomorrow is packed again but I know it will be better and I will likely be eating my way through Australia before the weekend is over.

On the emotional side, or maybe the physical, I fucked up and jacked off this morning without permission. Since I am device-less for awhile, we are relying on me to have self control and, this morning, I had none. The funny thing is I was not actually very horny. I just wanted to do it so I did. I thought about the fact that I didn’t text Axel first and ask (he was awake at the time and I could have) but I didn’t really care either and thought this was something that I’d just not mention just like “the old days”. That feeling lasted until about 2.7 seconds after I came when I was then overcome with an emotional guilt like I have not had before. I had just used Axel’s penis without permission and that was not allowed. I almost wanted to go sit myself down in the corner but, well, you all know how I feel about having ejaculate on me, so that guilt was washed away by the need to shower. At that point, never once did I think I would not tell Axel, but I just figured I would wait until the right time or when I was home.

That lasted all of about three hours when, during the middle of a meeting I was in, I felt absolutely compelled to text him to tell him; however I thought I would soften the blow with a complaint about how bad I felt stomach wise first. It went like this.

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First and foremost, I should tell you that when you are down under, evidently you hack off versus jack off, or at least that is what the iPhone thinks happens, but, I would assume that hacking is as forbidden as jacking, so I am still in trouble. This is my first offense, but, having given him the control, what happens now is not my decision. Perhaps he will forget.

In one way I think I am almost glad it happened and maybe deep down I was testing our new resolve, because when he and I take steps back from this new life, it’s usually because of a trip like this. So, we will see what happens in eleven days when I FINALLY get home.

In other news, have you all read the recent rabbit posts? He’s been on a roll and has some really good stuff posted, so check it out if you haven’t. He surprised me with something we aren’t talking about here yesterday when I landed and that, so far, has made my whole trip and will make future ones I know as well.

He and Axel both hate it when I say this, but one of the best things about these trips is the Facetime calls in the middle of my night and I always tell them to call and wake me up (however, I am usually up anyway). It’s a very “grounding” feeling and, while I evidently can’t explain it to anyone as to why, it just makes the days fun. I mean, who wouldn’t want to talk to either one while laying in bed naked?

Speaking of the two of them, they spoke today. Technically they instant messaged, but it was very funny because Axel messaged him and he thought it was me having just seen the last name and was, from what I hear, kinda an ass to him, or at least in Thumper’s mind (for the record, he’s not an ass to me, but having been inside each other we can say things like “hang on” or “busy” without issue). When he realized this it became Twitter fodder which I enjoyed because I suspect Miss Manner’s protocol would usually say that “when greeting your boyfriend’s husband for this first time, one should be polite”, so I knew the rabbit’s mind raced a few seconds. In reality, Axel thought NOTHING of it and told me that he told him that if he (Thumper) still felt bad, he’d send me up there on an unscheduled trip just to punish him (Thumpie, don’t you feel awful????? – hint hint).

It really was nothing but I tell you this to simply say, HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? What a great reaction from Axel and this is just one more piece if the giant sea of okay that we swim in (for the record, we all knew this communication would take place as they are planning a very special birthday surprise for me during my birthday which coincides with my new bunny trip – wait, wait, I am projecting, the reality is that Thumper is an expert in an area that Axel needed some information in so it was silly for me to play the middle man).

Finally, it was pointed out to me that I don’t have text in the “about me” section (and that Thumper’s is out of date). So, to the arrogant ass who thought it was important enough to make that they only message they sent to me, thank you. We will get right on that.

So, from my balcony overlooking a shopping mall and a motorway I bid you adieu. I have an about me to do.

Uncorking the Rancid Wine

Well, the update was that it’s now day 18 and it looks like we are going to go for longer as Axel has now stated that he wants me to go until I return from a trip to Australia which is on Valentine’s Day, ironically. Unfortunately, the International Day of Chastity is the 15th, so would coming the day before be hypocritical?

Anyway, to back up. Last night was great in so many ways and wrong in so many others.

As you know from yesterday’s blog, I told you that Axel had a plan for me when he got home and had mentioned that I might be allowed to come if I didn’t touch myself in the process. Well, the afternoon started really well and we were both in the mood, but he needed to work out first. For context and to explain our “dungeon”, we have both started a TRX workout plan because I can travel with it and he can adapt it to fit his needs better since, as you know, he had major surgery reconstructing his right hip following an injury three years ago. To help with this, I have taken the spare room upstairs and mounted steel hooks at various levels into the studs in the wall for the TRX only (wink, wink).

He often gets frustrated that he can’t work out the way he used to when he was an athlete and sometimes it just makes him mad. So, yesterday, he decided that he would take the permission I have given him to use me at will and decided that he’d attach me to those anchor points (pic below) and, if he needed a “punching bag” of sorts, I would be there. Well, he really didn’t need that but it turns out he really does like objectified company when he works out and spent most of the time talking at me about how he is enjoying the control of my penis, how he plans to really expand that and was thinking that a few more weeks would really enforce it, and how he had been talking to our friend Griffin, who is already a Master at many things, and how he had really been a good find for him and how much he was valuing his advice, some of which, he informed me would be things that he knew I’d not like, but deep down appreciate. From that, the really hot points was that he turned all of that into how these things would make me better for Thumper and how he was really getting off on the idea that he was training the trainer and how happy this was making him, much to his surprise. He did say that one of the reasons he was rethinking the orgasm demand with the bunny was that if I was be denied for him, he wanted to be the one to enjoy the big moment whenever that may be.

So, he had one of his best workouts in awhile and I found a very nice inner peace that I haven’t had in awhile. He went off to shower leaving me there to wait on him and what I was hoping was going to be the sticky, sweet, wonderful afternoon of pure, simple, and dirty, dirty sex. He came back about twenty minutes later to unhook me and lead me to the bedroom. O.M.G. it was going to be fun and great and then a minor event happened and it all stopped. There was no going back but there was also ZERO anger or blame. It was like having a great evening planned around a wonderful bottle of wine that, when uncorked, reveals that it had turned rancid without any way of knowing in advance but, once that damn was unplugged, life had been unleashed and we could not reign it back in time to save the erections.

That said, we dealt with the issue, went to Chilis for dinner and Sport’s Authority because I needed new running shoes (now that Thumper and I have vowed to be fit) and just went about life. During dinner, much to the fun of the people in the booth beside us over that fake wall, we discussed my chastity status, how much he is looking forward to the device arriving and setting up ground rules around that and then he informed me that, just so I knew, before I leave for Bunny Country he will be getting off and I will be taking it. So hot. So so hot. He now has this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and it makes me hard each time I see it.

And that is where we stand today. Suffice it to say today I will be cleaning more between projects and may try out those shoes too!

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The Kinky Weekend – MAL 2015

Hello from the end (of our) of Mid Atlantic Leather Weekend (www.leatherweekend.com) where Axel and I lost our gay fetish event virginity. It was a wonderful experience and we enjoyed meeting new friends and seeing the sights, both good and bad. Plus, we did a damn lot of shopping. More on that later – of course.

For the last 48 hours, within 100 feet of us there were men of all ages dressed in complete latex bodysuits, full leather gear, and incredible uniforms. Additionally, within those same confines were men clad only in the most minimal of strings which, by technicality, allowed them to stay within the event rules. Some were in collars. Some attached to leashes. Most others just “were”. Many of these men looked amazing in these outfits while many of these men did not. The thing that impressed me most was that nobody gave a fuck. These guys just embraced who they were and it didn’t matter to them what anyone else thought (about the fetish, that is, as they had clearly put time and money into the gear and it showed!) . There is a lesson in that for all of us to learn, myself included.

In addition, we met a few new couples and their friends and learned that we are not that unusual in our open marriage nor are our friends who do not have the open adjective. There was such an interesting mix of dynamics. Couples who compete to see which can get the greatest number of partners over the weekend. Couples who like to share a third just on these weekends. Couples that are part of a polyamorous 24/7 world. Couples that live, eat, and breathe Dom/sub. And, couples that have been together for 20+ years without having ever strayed from each other. It didn’t matter because nobody judges here and everyone is accepting of whatever wild story you may tell them, even if they involve women. This was especially illustrated when we were talking to two rubbermen. I stepped away for something and came back to hear Axel say something like, “No, they try for once a month at least and, his wife has him locked in steel chastity, so Drew never gets to use the penis. It belongs to his wife. I just loan him Drew’s.” The two rubbery guys were just fascinated, which made me laugh, because of all the fetishy things in the room, the idea of me fucking a locked straight guy got their attention. Go figure.

Something also new was that I got to meet several people who I have talked to online for many years and to shake their hands and give them a hug, which, for the record, I do really really well. Most are familiar with my current life and I enjoyed introducing them to Axel and showing off pictures of Thumper.

However, one particular friend stood out.

For sake of this blog, I will call him Griffin, but this is a man who has impressed me for years with his acceptance of his kink and his open relationship with his partner. In addition, he has a boyfriend (technically he’s a pup, for here we will say the b word) who, like my b word, lives in another city. They have been together/collared for over four years and the boyfriend has been married to his husband for over twenty. Griffin and the boyfriend’s husbands are good friends and their relationship works quite well. It was a joy to watch them interact and to see actual, real life proof that situations like mine, Axel’s and Thumper’s CAN and DO work. And, Griffin is just nice. He’s handsome, intelligent, and has a caring nature that exuded throughout the entire event space. Plus, he told me he reads this blog and Denying Thumper regularly, so you know he’s good, right?

Seriously, Griffin, if you are reading this, know that meeting you was the highlight of my weekend and I look very forward to seeing you again.

All of that was leathery, rubbery and wonderful, but some of the most important things from the weekend didn’t happen in the event space but in our hotel room. Of course, with a leading sentence like that I think you are likely to be getting ready to hear about stickiness, palpitations, and orgasms, but, aside from a little licking here and a little sucking there, we did not have coitus. Not once. What we did have, however, was intense amounts of private time, much of it naked and in bed, that consisted of holding, of touching, of examining, and of making Axel and I exactly what makes us such a great pairing. The sex will come, hopefully later tonight fyi, but we examined more of what he is looking for in his outside “interest” and what that will likely look like. He even had an opportunity to go break in a new paddle we bought for me when I need it and for Thumper when he does, but his potential disciplinee hung out with us in the giant group of people just a bit too long and said three or four words too many, and that was the end of the erection for Axel. But, aside from the fact he will likely have to break it in on me now, it served up a great conversation that is actually big enough to be a blog post by itself, so I will be writing that this week.

Also, we talked about Thumper. A lot. He asked more questions about what we do together than he had in the past and I volunteered more specific information than I had in the past. Ironically, we talked about him as the person way more than him as the sexual object, but that’s what we wanted from day one, and I cannot tell you how good it feels to just have no secrets.

On the shopping front, I have already mentioned the paddle and you have seen the new belt and belt buckle that cost far more than something like that should, but it was fascinating and fun to have an entire event space turned into a shopping market of nothing but kinky things from some of the best vendors in the business. I did not see a single place that was not thriving and I love that. In addition to those things, we bought a few T-shirts, a uniform shirt for me, a book or two, and some new gear that I am not ready to talk about at the end of an already long post (plus, it will be best to surprise the bunny when he is blindfolded as two of them are going to HURT)

Despite these things, some of our best shopping was out in DC on Saturday morning where we had an authentic Mexican breakfast and then ran into a Farmer’s Market of sorts. Axel saw a small piece of art that he said “that reminds me of Thumper and what he represents” and, well, before I really realized what was going on, my husband was buying my boyfriend a present (and a few other pieces for our house and his office). It’s way cool and I suspect you will see it on DT one day, but that’s enough of that for now aside from the fact that evidently Facebook friending leads to gift buying, at least when I am in the middle. In all seriousness, when Axel finds who he is looking for, I will be picking him up something too. It’s like a fucked up version of etiquette for outside partners that Miss Manners was too disgusted to write.

Finally, at the end of last night I was honored to be able to meet Dan Savage himself and shake his hand and thank him for all the advice right before making him stand for the obligatory picture with me. I told him the story of Axel, who was taking the picture, and Thumper, who I have to say he said “the chastity blogger? I’ve quoted him. So, you are the new guy?” (or something very similar) which made me feel like royalty and almost pee my pants in excitement for when I can tell Thumper (who is still in the woods and out of reach).

And, that was last night. Today was far more boring by comparison.

(Note, here are a few pictures from last evening that both show everything and nothing at all including your first veiled glimpse at Axel and his new boots and my cool as fuck belt).

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