Four years as a slave. By jack.

I’ve apparently been quite lax in my blog posting. An update is probably appropriate given that this week starts year five of being MY Master’s most prized possession, second only to a car which requires a plug, as well. The similarities may or may not be intended, but you’d have to ask Master about that.

To the outside world, most probably haven’t noticed the subtle changes in the man walking past them. They may have noticed a damn near permanent smile on my face. A more confident stride and an appropriately assertive demeanor. It may be possible they even noticed the imprint of a titanium Steelwerks cage in my pants (like my dentist did, but that’s a story for another time).  I often wonder if they do notice, are they impressed by the size of the tube and the cock captive inside of it. Do they even know that I carry a dick that isn’t my own? I love the secrecy on display, in some cavern of my perversely intricate mind. For me, that’s what being a slave is. Four years of chastity has changed me in so many unexpected ways. I would have thought I would be a horny mess, but in reality it has shaped me into the man I just described and is so deep in my self thoughts that I just think of it like an actual appendage.

It is probably safe to say that I’m still in love with the man who chose the cage. He and Daddy both still make my Steelwerks fill and my heart flutter inside my chest. You know I am a sappy fucker. So, what has changed? Everything has changed, but more in relation to the depth of trust we have for one another. As the trust grows between us, so does our bond. 

That sounds all nice and blog-worthy, but it is true. Master and Daddy have always told me and shown me that I am loved unconditionally by them for forever (or at leas until nobody can remember who the other ones are, but I think it will still show). Let me shorten the story…..

Earlier this year I accidentally tested that statement of unconditional love that we have not really talked about with anyone. And, no, I did not cheat on them and/or chastity but this was something more to do with just regular life that is more muggle than not. But, I made a decision without my Master and chose not to tell him even after it was made. In retrospect, it was a less than ideal decision but one of those that, once done, it’s not immediately reversible. It wasn’t so much that I was ashamed of the decision that I made, but I felt more guilt because I didn’t ask for Master’s guidance and I realized that, had I done that, it would not have happened. Once done, I had hidden something from the two men who mean the world to me. That wasn’t my intention, but it still looks that way. When they discovered this, I was embarrassed. It broke my heart that I had disappointed Master and had done something that had damaged his trust in me. Of course, Master does know all somehow and he eventually found out which, of course, was at a less than ideal time for anyone. But, his response, which was great or worse or wonderful or horrible still makes me tear up when I think about it.

He said, “yes, you broke my trust and you will be punished. But, when that is said and done, it’s okay, slave. We’ve got your back and this and will help you through this, because that is what we do. Also, it’s only been three and a half years. You are still growing as a slave and sometimes that part of you that existed for 38 years before you were owned will come through despite how many times I have spanked you. You are still in training, and mistakes will always happen. They just will not happen twice.”

Fuck me! I melted right there. It wasn’t an all is forgiven free pass by any means. Master was understanding and kind, but I could tell by his tone that he was holding back a lot because he knew that knowing I disappointed him was the worst punishment I could ever receive and fuck, it hurt like hell. I remember telling him I loved him, that I was sorry, and I likely cried more than I wanted to admit, but I knew right then that we would be okay. He said that we were done with talking about it at that time, but I asked him to spank me as hard as he could, because I thought he needed it too. I remember being surprised when he said “No slave. Not today” because I think he was not going to give me a way out that was physically painful that day. I remember being disappointed because I needed that spanking to feel absolved, I thought, but he just told me to look into his eyes and he told me “boy, we will be just fine, but I will not punish you when I am angry or hurt. That spanking will come (and boy did it) but we move forward right now so go get the shower ready, then get Daddy some coffee, and we three are just going to have a quiet night and watch a movie.” I fell more in love with him at that spot because the unconditional part of the unconditional love had just actually shown itself.

That was a few months ago but I told that story because I grew more as a slave that day. If it were possible for my commitment and service to him to grow anymore, well it tripled those few days.  Our trust for each other grew out of that, though I know I that I am still rebuilding to 100%. However, we learned how to communicate more and how to communicate better or with better timing. That is what I’d call real love, real family.

Outwardly, my body is in better shape, my overall physical health is better, there is titanium piercing things and encasing things that were not that way four years ago. I’ve embraced my true self. I’ve become a better father, man, coworker, friend, boyfriend, slave. I’ve learned to communicate better. I feel like I’ve also finally allowed myself to embrace those things that make me MY Master’s most prized possession. I feel like I’ve accepted that despite my faults I might actually be fucking deserving of these two and their love for me. That is a hard thing for me to admit. Like wall breaking therapy session type hard for me to fathom. But there they are supporting me. Loving me like nobody else ever will or ever could. That I am certain of.

One thing that hasn’t changed in the last four years? I live to see to look of pride on Master’s face when I take his pain and push past limits. I love to see how he looks when he really relaxes (that is rarely seen out in the wild, so to speak).

So thank you Master and Daddy for all that you do for me, the way you love me, and the way the two of you make my world a better place. Luckily, I am still in training and have so much more to learn and grow closer to them.