Comfort

I have learned that comfort is my new key word.

I am rather shocked by this fact; however, I am very happy with it.

First, comfort with Axel.

One thing I have not mentioned here is our mutual friend, Griffin, who I introduced back in January, and Axel have become close and have started down a path of friendship that I suspect is one that is paved with nothing but smooth asphalt. Axel admires him greatly, as do I, and I know that they have talked about him mentoring Axel as a Dom. This, of course, will also involve him helping Axel learn more about me, about how, when, and why I might need control and, most importantly, what to do about it.

Last Friday night when I got home from a trip, we were laying in bed talking and he started talking about Griffin, some of their conversations and how he was really very excited about the possibilities that could lead for him, and for me, as one component of this would surely be me having a session or two with Griffin and then likely being cuckolded in a situation between them. This scenario is a long way out and maybe just a fantasy thought in my/our head at the moment, but, what struck me in that moment was the fact that were were just laying there having that discussion like we were talking about how his car needs to be detailed. In fact, I was very turned on by this fact, even more so than with the conversation topic, thought that did spark some action in my metal spiked region.

He went to sleep and I laid there just basking in the comfort of this conversation, of how he is with Thumper and how the bunny is now almost a daily conversation in our relationship, and with just life. That basking just led to more arousal, and I just had to wake Axel up to show him. It was the right thing to do and I didn’t care if he had a sleep Saturday or not.

Second, comfort with Thumper.

As I write this, I am sitting in just a jockstrap and a T-shirt waiting on Thumper to use his key and walk into my hotel room. We tend to have two one half day visits and this will be the morning that follows the afternoon we had yesterday. If you follow us on Twitter, you will know that yesterday we had some delicious fun that I am quite hoping repeats itself this morning,  although since he greeted me this morning with a text that so eloquently said “You made my butt hole sore” (he’s poetic, that Rabbit) I may have to aim my fire elsewhere. The sex was good. Frankly, the best we have had together. He may or may not write about it, but the sheer greatness to me (well, one of the greatnesses as he does have an ass that doesn’t, well, never mind) was the comfort involved.

By that, I mean that he and I have settled into a pattern now where we have solved all of those teenage angst issues like whether or not our spouses approved, which hotel in town has the sexiest carpet to be fucked on, or who was going to bring which plug to the party, you know, the usual issues the newly intertwined face. Seriously, when I was flying here yesterday I realized that I didn’t have the pre-visit butterflies anymore, that it didn’t matter when he got to me, or the worry that we would not have anything to talk about. It just works now, for what it is, and for that, I am very thankful for the comfort.

It was funny too because last night we went to dinner, an act that Belle insisted he make as to be the perfect host, and were talking about that fact and the fact that Axel had actually texted me a “have fun today” message shortly after I arrived. It made me just say out loud to him that “we just are married to the absolute best people in the world, aren’t we?”, to which he raised his glass and we had a small toast in their honor. That is comfort, my friends.

Third, comfort with me.

Over the last few months you have all watched me evolve a bit and I am very proud of myself for how I have. I have found comfort in being monoga-mish and very much look forward to Axel developing something on the side with the right person himself so he can see the freedom and energy it allows. I am way better to him because of my time, and friendship, with Thumper so maybe I am just selfish and look forward to that for me too.

I am very comfortable with the fact that he now officially controls my penis and that soon it will be locked in steel for him every day of the year I am not with Thumper. I love this fact, actually, and now that I am wearing his cock ring 24/7, I am finding more and more peace with that every time I see it, feel it, or pull his pierced cock out of my pants.

Also, I am finding comfort in having further embraced my kinky self and in starting to mix my muggle and blogging selves into one at a few, specialized, occasions in life. Last week I met a Twitter follower and loved that. In a few weeks I am meeting my Domme idol Ferns, on the other side of the world, and cannot wait for that because I look forward to sharing real names, whole pictures, and actual facts because it is what I have realized all makes me who I am – the complete mix of husband, professional, son, brother, and kinkster all in one.

In addition to the two above, Axel and I have also developed a real friendship with another couple who are, get this, straight-ish, and have enjoyed getting to know the real them in addition to the fact that are very similar in progress and desires to us in a D/s relationship. We have enjoyed long chats on, another get this, Facebook, real Facebook, that have mixed in discussions of what should go up the husband’s ass and when while also talking about how one of their children did at the swim meet or how my mother’s dementia was doing this week. And, by the way, I will meet at least half of this couple tomorrow and cannot wait as it’s just more of my “coming out all over again” tour. There is only good that can come out of this and I am very excited about the possibilities of friendship here as the four of us are all fascinating people. (fyi, I have asked them to choose their blogger names they’d like me to use here, so I will re-introduce you soon)

More soon, but for today, comfort is the word of that day (except for, perhaps, Thumper and that butt hole issue).

Uncorking the Rancid Wine

Well, the update was that it’s now day 18 and it looks like we are going to go for longer as Axel has now stated that he wants me to go until I return from a trip to Australia which is on Valentine’s Day, ironically. Unfortunately, the International Day of Chastity is the 15th, so would coming the day before be hypocritical?

Anyway, to back up. Last night was great in so many ways and wrong in so many others.

As you know from yesterday’s blog, I told you that Axel had a plan for me when he got home and had mentioned that I might be allowed to come if I didn’t touch myself in the process. Well, the afternoon started really well and we were both in the mood, but he needed to work out first. For context and to explain our “dungeon”, we have both started a TRX workout plan because I can travel with it and he can adapt it to fit his needs better since, as you know, he had major surgery reconstructing his right hip following an injury three years ago. To help with this, I have taken the spare room upstairs and mounted steel hooks at various levels into the studs in the wall for the TRX only (wink, wink).

He often gets frustrated that he can’t work out the way he used to when he was an athlete and sometimes it just makes him mad. So, yesterday, he decided that he would take the permission I have given him to use me at will and decided that he’d attach me to those anchor points (pic below) and, if he needed a “punching bag” of sorts, I would be there. Well, he really didn’t need that but it turns out he really does like objectified company when he works out and spent most of the time talking at me about how he is enjoying the control of my penis, how he plans to really expand that and was thinking that a few more weeks would really enforce it, and how he had been talking to our friend Griffin, who is already a Master at many things, and how he had really been a good find for him and how much he was valuing his advice, some of which, he informed me would be things that he knew I’d not like, but deep down appreciate. From that, the really hot points was that he turned all of that into how these things would make me better for Thumper and how he was really getting off on the idea that he was training the trainer and how happy this was making him, much to his surprise. He did say that one of the reasons he was rethinking the orgasm demand with the bunny was that if I was be denied for him, he wanted to be the one to enjoy the big moment whenever that may be.

So, he had one of his best workouts in awhile and I found a very nice inner peace that I haven’t had in awhile. He went off to shower leaving me there to wait on him and what I was hoping was going to be the sticky, sweet, wonderful afternoon of pure, simple, and dirty, dirty sex. He came back about twenty minutes later to unhook me and lead me to the bedroom. O.M.G. it was going to be fun and great and then a minor event happened and it all stopped. There was no going back but there was also ZERO anger or blame. It was like having a great evening planned around a wonderful bottle of wine that, when uncorked, reveals that it had turned rancid without any way of knowing in advance but, once that damn was unplugged, life had been unleashed and we could not reign it back in time to save the erections.

That said, we dealt with the issue, went to Chilis for dinner and Sport’s Authority because I needed new running shoes (now that Thumper and I have vowed to be fit) and just went about life. During dinner, much to the fun of the people in the booth beside us over that fake wall, we discussed my chastity status, how much he is looking forward to the device arriving and setting up ground rules around that and then he informed me that, just so I knew, before I leave for Bunny Country he will be getting off and I will be taking it. So hot. So so hot. He now has this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and it makes me hard each time I see it.

And that is where we stand today. Suffice it to say today I will be cleaning more between projects and may try out those shoes too!

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Four Lessons in Horniness

So, just to start it off and put it out there, it’s been 15 days since I have ejaculated. I know that most of the men who have been into chastity for awhile read that sentence and muddle to themselves about the fucking newbie who thinks that two weeks is some sort of milestone or something similar. I get that because, to me, it’s like some newbie really excited about earning silver status on an airline. Fly ten times more than you did to earn that and then I will consider giving you the secret diamond handshake.

Now that we are all aware that I know that this time period is really not that special to the world, let me say that it is to me for various reasons. Frankly, I don’t think it’s the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm, but I do know that it IS the longest I have gone when I wanted to have one. Just as a refresher, Axel has stated that he does not want me to reach that point until the next time I see Thumper, which, mother nature and business partners cooperating, will be this upcoming Thursday evening and Friday. While I am not expecting to enjoy this release due to all the factors you already know, I am looking very forward to it as well because it will mean I have done something for Axel, which the idea of turns me on more and more each day.

Frankly, not coming has been good for me and I am really looking forward to actually having the custom device (versus self imposed will) when it arrives because I suspect the feelings of horniness and drive I am about to discuss will be intensified on a much grander scale.

That said, four lessons I learned this week are:

Lesson One – Horniness makes me cleaner.

Yes, this weekend has been spent cleaning out drawers, sending things to Goodwill, and scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom (even those little jet things in the tub) because I knew it would make Axel happy. I’m really not thinking that it’s sexual energy that is driving this, because I still want to just sit on the couch and write most times, but the desire to please him has intensified this week a great deal.

I know some of it is his new, stronger ownership of my penis, but part of me also thinks it was the experience we shared together last weekend at MAL when he got to meet and spend time with people like our new friends Griffin, his partner Captain, and his boyfriend CrógaPup. Axel got to see a different part of the world and feel very accepted and I suspect that has as much to do with his new willingness to be all owner-y with me much more than the fact that I have been walking around with a hard dick knowing I can’t touch it. Well, he does enjoy that too.

Lesson Two – Horniness is not about me.

I have willingly given Axel the control of my orgasms, therefore I really have no say in them anymore. I never really thought about this working two ways until a conversation with Thumper. See, one night last week, Axel and I had some amazing sex. He was all over me and I, in turn, was all over him, in him, and around him at various points in time. During all of this, he had been reminding me that I was not allowed to get close to coming because he had decided otherwise. This reminder, as it turns out, is evidently the trigger I will need should someone ever need my penis to assist them with hammering nails and/or cracking walnuts because, fuck, that was hot and I was as opposite of flaccid as one could be. This sexual adventure continued for almost two hours, when, he said that he had changed his mind and wanted to feel “me” all over him (I have told you how he likes that versus me who generally wants to keep clorox wipes on the nightstand just in case I am touched with it post orgasm). I did not know what to do when he said that because my thinking had to shift too fast. I had prepared for another week or two and was enjoying that idea, especially at that stage. I told him no, I wanted to wait. We didn’t think anything about it, and he came, I showered and he rolled over and went to sleep semi sticky (sheets washed the minute he got up, btw).

For the record, at that point, I was very proud of my resolve and the next morning relayed all of this to Thumper since we tend to both talk to each other about sex with our spouses (I tell him because he likes it, he tells me because it’s educational for me). He was neither excited about it or put off by it and just generally didn’t care and I chalked it up to the week he was having and/or the fact that he was doing the “you go six months and then we will talk thing” in his head. Life went on and last Friday afternoon we were talking and he said something like “you know, you gave Axel the control, and technically you didn’t have any right to say no to him. You can’t have it both ways.” He was in a store and had to quickly get off the phone, so we didn’t get to finish that talk, but it really hit me hard and I have thought about it ever since, even to the point of it being one of the first things Axel and I discussed when I got home.

I will consider that a newbie mistake, but nevertheless, it was a lesson learned.

Lesson Three – Horniness makes me think of lady parts

No, I am not about to come out as bisexual to you, but I have realized that with the increased level of sexual frustration, I have a new sexual appreciation for many different things. For instance, one evening last week, Thumper and I were going back and forth in a Twitter conversation with our blogger friend Ferns, who I have referenced here before. In our tweets, she made reference to “Thumper and I kissing while she stood in a corner furiously masturbating”. It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t think anything else about it until suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.

Me? Me? Thinking about that? WTF?

Of course, the bunny was there for me to run this by (because I suspected he’d enjoy me bringing that particular vision back to him) and he told me that I wasn’t going all straight, but that in the right mood, I might even think about having sex with a woman, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I needed to be open and let my mind go where it needed to go.

Let’s just say that, in the days that have passed, my mind has gone several new places since.

Lesson Four – Horniness will make Axel and I stronger

When I got home yesterday from a trip, Axel said, “I know this sounds unlike me and so sappy, but I had a horrible morning, but just knowing you would be here this afternoon made absolutely nothing bother me today because I was so excited”.

That floored me because, while I know this man is incredibly in love with me and our life, he is not one to express a great deal of emotion. It’s taken 18 years and I still have trouble sometimes knowing if he is excited about something. It’s a combination of a poker and therapy face that is just nuts, but, I can already tell he is enjoying the control he now has and I think, and hope, that gets more and more strong.

In many ways it’s like how I watched him embrace the open marriage concept. It was slow to start and now he’s buying my boyfriend presents and is genuinely both curious and excited about when I will see him next because he says he likes how I am when I come home. That’s cute in a way.

So, those are today’s four lessons. I’m sure there will be others. I hope.

The Kinky Weekend – MAL 2015

Hello from the end (of our) of Mid Atlantic Leather Weekend (www.leatherweekend.com) where Axel and I lost our gay fetish event virginity. It was a wonderful experience and we enjoyed meeting new friends and seeing the sights, both good and bad. Plus, we did a damn lot of shopping. More on that later – of course.

For the last 48 hours, within 100 feet of us there were men of all ages dressed in complete latex bodysuits, full leather gear, and incredible uniforms. Additionally, within those same confines were men clad only in the most minimal of strings which, by technicality, allowed them to stay within the event rules. Some were in collars. Some attached to leashes. Most others just “were”. Many of these men looked amazing in these outfits while many of these men did not. The thing that impressed me most was that nobody gave a fuck. These guys just embraced who they were and it didn’t matter to them what anyone else thought (about the fetish, that is, as they had clearly put time and money into the gear and it showed!) . There is a lesson in that for all of us to learn, myself included.

In addition, we met a few new couples and their friends and learned that we are not that unusual in our open marriage nor are our friends who do not have the open adjective. There was such an interesting mix of dynamics. Couples who compete to see which can get the greatest number of partners over the weekend. Couples who like to share a third just on these weekends. Couples that are part of a polyamorous 24/7 world. Couples that live, eat, and breathe Dom/sub. And, couples that have been together for 20+ years without having ever strayed from each other. It didn’t matter because nobody judges here and everyone is accepting of whatever wild story you may tell them, even if they involve women. This was especially illustrated when we were talking to two rubbermen. I stepped away for something and came back to hear Axel say something like, “No, they try for once a month at least and, his wife has him locked in steel chastity, so Drew never gets to use the penis. It belongs to his wife. I just loan him Drew’s.” The two rubbery guys were just fascinated, which made me laugh, because of all the fetishy things in the room, the idea of me fucking a locked straight guy got their attention. Go figure.

Something also new was that I got to meet several people who I have talked to online for many years and to shake their hands and give them a hug, which, for the record, I do really really well. Most are familiar with my current life and I enjoyed introducing them to Axel and showing off pictures of Thumper.

However, one particular friend stood out.

For sake of this blog, I will call him Griffin, but this is a man who has impressed me for years with his acceptance of his kink and his open relationship with his partner. In addition, he has a boyfriend (technically he’s a pup, for here we will say the b word) who, like my b word, lives in another city. They have been together/collared for over four years and the boyfriend has been married to his husband for over twenty. Griffin and the boyfriend’s husbands are good friends and their relationship works quite well. It was a joy to watch them interact and to see actual, real life proof that situations like mine, Axel’s and Thumper’s CAN and DO work. And, Griffin is just nice. He’s handsome, intelligent, and has a caring nature that exuded throughout the entire event space. Plus, he told me he reads this blog and Denying Thumper regularly, so you know he’s good, right?

Seriously, Griffin, if you are reading this, know that meeting you was the highlight of my weekend and I look very forward to seeing you again.

All of that was leathery, rubbery and wonderful, but some of the most important things from the weekend didn’t happen in the event space but in our hotel room. Of course, with a leading sentence like that I think you are likely to be getting ready to hear about stickiness, palpitations, and orgasms, but, aside from a little licking here and a little sucking there, we did not have coitus. Not once. What we did have, however, was intense amounts of private time, much of it naked and in bed, that consisted of holding, of touching, of examining, and of making Axel and I exactly what makes us such a great pairing. The sex will come, hopefully later tonight fyi, but we examined more of what he is looking for in his outside “interest” and what that will likely look like. He even had an opportunity to go break in a new paddle we bought for me when I need it and for Thumper when he does, but his potential disciplinee hung out with us in the giant group of people just a bit too long and said three or four words too many, and that was the end of the erection for Axel. But, aside from the fact he will likely have to break it in on me now, it served up a great conversation that is actually big enough to be a blog post by itself, so I will be writing that this week.

Also, we talked about Thumper. A lot. He asked more questions about what we do together than he had in the past and I volunteered more specific information than I had in the past. Ironically, we talked about him as the person way more than him as the sexual object, but that’s what we wanted from day one, and I cannot tell you how good it feels to just have no secrets.

On the shopping front, I have already mentioned the paddle and you have seen the new belt and belt buckle that cost far more than something like that should, but it was fascinating and fun to have an entire event space turned into a shopping market of nothing but kinky things from some of the best vendors in the business. I did not see a single place that was not thriving and I love that. In addition to those things, we bought a few T-shirts, a uniform shirt for me, a book or two, and some new gear that I am not ready to talk about at the end of an already long post (plus, it will be best to surprise the bunny when he is blindfolded as two of them are going to HURT)

Despite these things, some of our best shopping was out in DC on Saturday morning where we had an authentic Mexican breakfast and then ran into a Farmer’s Market of sorts. Axel saw a small piece of art that he said “that reminds me of Thumper and what he represents” and, well, before I really realized what was going on, my husband was buying my boyfriend a present (and a few other pieces for our house and his office). It’s way cool and I suspect you will see it on DT one day, but that’s enough of that for now aside from the fact that evidently Facebook friending leads to gift buying, at least when I am in the middle. In all seriousness, when Axel finds who he is looking for, I will be picking him up something too. It’s like a fucked up version of etiquette for outside partners that Miss Manners was too disgusted to write.

Finally, at the end of last night I was honored to be able to meet Dan Savage himself and shake his hand and thank him for all the advice right before making him stand for the obligatory picture with me. I told him the story of Axel, who was taking the picture, and Thumper, who I have to say he said “the chastity blogger? I’ve quoted him. So, you are the new guy?” (or something very similar) which made me feel like royalty and almost pee my pants in excitement for when I can tell Thumper (who is still in the woods and out of reach).

And, that was last night. Today was far more boring by comparison.

(Note, here are a few pictures from last evening that both show everything and nothing at all including your first veiled glimpse at Axel and his new boots and my cool as fuck belt).

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