IMG_3783Hi, as usual, from the sky. I am heading cross country today to California for just a day after getting back from Australia over the weekend. The travel has gotten to a point where any adventure is really nullified, but I am trying my best to not allow that to happen.

In kink news, I, frankly, have never felt kinkier in my life and am so sitting on the edge of go and ready to strip to my cage and go to town, but each time I think I am starting, forces beyond my control have shut me down and spiraled me mentally backwards for a brief bit. The first was two weekends ago in Sydney where I had been talking to a really cute man who was kinky as fuck on the dominant side. He and I just really clicked. After some intensive conversations, we decided it was time to meet and, unlike my usual nature, I felt so safe that I was going to meet him at his nearby apartment where we would go for a drink and talk. Axel knew all about this and endorsed it heavily. My friend Mack knew it as well. All was good until I got there where there was a strange looking dude standing at the door of the complex. My new mastery friend buzzed me in and the strange dude followed. I let him go first because I didn’t feel the love from him and had wondered if I has just accidentally buzzed a jewel thief inside while feeling a bit bad. Then creepy dude suddenly went to the exact apartment I was going to, knocked and went in. I messaged my friend immediately to say I saw that and that I would be leaving and didn’t hear from him for six to eight hours and, when I did, he was high as he could be and gave off a significant Meth vibe that I have learned from my friends who have had issues in the past. I felt stupid and really questioned myself, but I was safe and in the scheme of things, that was the important factor. While I think this guy would have been incredibly fun, burn me at the beginning and we are done.

Fast forward two weeks and my arrival home. There was someone Axel and I had both been talking with in a training, perhaps cuckold situation, and it had been months of nice gentle conversation. We had set a time to meet, just for a drink or three, and an hour before he messaged running late and that was all there was . Ghosted ever since. That may or may not be a misunderstanding as Ax and I had both been talking to him, so maybe there was wire crossed, but for now, it’s off the table and again, I feel like I was played.

All of this is simply me trying again, because, I have decided I need a new Thumper. Plain and simple. Yes, I still have a friendship and a maybe sex/maybe not relationship with Thump (though we were supposed to meet tonight in LA and he cancelled on me so I am reevaluating the whole thing – kidding, Thump). But, in hindsight of the days when Thump and I did see each other once or twice a month where I could abuse him, I was at my kinky best. The regular outlet of kink, BDSM, and a bit of polyamory fueled me, allowed stress to be relieved, and actually increased my relationship with Axel as we were both very happy with how things were going. I even enjoyed writing then, something that has failed me since.

So, its time and saying that, consider this my own personal ad of sorts:

If you have a penis (naked or locked) and are Dom, sub, older than 45 and have a professional demeanor with a kinky as fuck side while also wanting something regular without being the main, please apply within. Distance can be dealt with easily..

While I semi joke with that, there is more truth to it than not because I am just not a random NSA guy and the thrill of getting to deeply know a kinkster inside and out (literally) is a huge driver for me. I think I have failed to admit this to myself over the last year as I didn’t want the whole Drew and Thumper show to end,  but I now realize it was cancelled two years ago, or at least in the format it began in and that is not coming back despite how we feel about each other or if we still get naked. I am best with an “on the side” and it’s time I find him again*. Period.

 

*referrals gladly accepted and finder’s fees may or may not apply.