Well, the update was that it’s now day 18 and it looks like we are going to go for longer as Axel has now stated that he wants me to go until I return from a trip to Australia which is on Valentine’s Day, ironically. Unfortunately, the International Day of Chastity is the 15th, so would coming the day before be hypocritical?

Anyway, to back up. Last night was great in so many ways and wrong in so many others.

As you know from yesterday’s blog, I told you that Axel had a plan for me when he got home and had mentioned that I might be allowed to come if I didn’t touch myself in the process. Well, the afternoon started really well and we were both in the mood, but he needed to work out first. For context and to explain our “dungeon”, we have both started a TRX workout plan because I can travel with it and he can adapt it to fit his needs better since, as you know, he had major surgery reconstructing his right hip following an injury three years ago. To help with this, I have taken the spare room upstairs and mounted steel hooks at various levels into the studs in the wall for the TRX only (wink, wink).

He often gets frustrated that he can’t work out the way he used to when he was an athlete and sometimes it just makes him mad. So, yesterday, he decided that he would take the permission I have given him to use me at will and decided that he’d attach me to those anchor points (pic below) and, if he needed a “punching bag” of sorts, I would be there. Well, he really didn’t need that but it turns out he really does like objectified company when he works out and spent most of the time talking at me about how he is enjoying the control of my penis, how he plans to really expand that and was thinking that a few more weeks would really enforce it, and how he had been talking to our friend Griffin, who is already a Master at many things, and how he had really been a good find for him and how much he was valuing his advice, some of which, he informed me would be things that he knew I’d not like, but deep down appreciate. From that, the really hot points was that he turned all of that into how these things would make me better for Thumper and how he was really getting off on the idea that he was training the trainer and how happy this was making him, much to his surprise. He did say that one of the reasons he was rethinking the orgasm demand with the bunny was that if I was be denied for him, he wanted to be the one to enjoy the big moment whenever that may be.

So, he had one of his best workouts in awhile and I found a very nice inner peace that I haven’t had in awhile. He went off to shower leaving me there to wait on him and what I was hoping was going to be the sticky, sweet, wonderful afternoon of pure, simple, and dirty, dirty sex. He came back about twenty minutes later to unhook me and lead me to the bedroom. O.M.G. it was going to be fun and great and then a minor event happened and it all stopped. There was no going back but there was also ZERO anger or blame. It was like having a great evening planned around a wonderful bottle of wine that, when uncorked, reveals that it had turned rancid without any way of knowing in advance but, once that damn was unplugged, life had been unleashed and we could not reign it back in time to save the erections.

That said, we dealt with the issue, went to Chilis for dinner and Sport’s Authority because I needed new running shoes (now that Thumper and I have vowed to be fit) and just went about life. During dinner, much to the fun of the people in the booth beside us over that fake wall, we discussed my chastity status, how much he is looking forward to the device arriving and setting up ground rules around that and then he informed me that, just so I knew, before I leave for Bunny Country he will be getting off and I will be taking it. So hot. So so hot. He now has this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and it makes me hard each time I see it.

And that is where we stand today. Suffice it to say today I will be cleaning more between projects and may try out those shoes too!

vscocam-photo-3

So, just to start it off and put it out there, it’s been 15 days since I have ejaculated. I know that most of the men who have been into chastity for awhile read that sentence and muddle to themselves about the fucking newbie who thinks that two weeks is some sort of milestone or something similar. I get that because, to me, it’s like some newbie really excited about earning silver status on an airline. Fly ten times more than you did to earn that and then I will consider giving you the secret diamond handshake.

Now that we are all aware that I know that this time period is really not that special to the world, let me say that it is to me for various reasons. Frankly, I don’t think it’s the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm, but I do know that it IS the longest I have gone when I wanted to have one. Just as a refresher, Axel has stated that he does not want me to reach that point until the next time I see Thumper, which, mother nature and business partners cooperating, will be this upcoming Thursday evening and Friday. While I am not expecting to enjoy this release due to all the factors you already know, I am looking very forward to it as well because it will mean I have done something for Axel, which the idea of turns me on more and more each day.

Frankly, not coming has been good for me and I am really looking forward to actually having the custom device (versus self imposed will) when it arrives because I suspect the feelings of horniness and drive I am about to discuss will be intensified on a much grander scale.

That said, four lessons I learned this week are:

Lesson One – Horniness makes me cleaner.

Yes, this weekend has been spent cleaning out drawers, sending things to Goodwill, and scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom (even those little jet things in the tub) because I knew it would make Axel happy. I’m really not thinking that it’s sexual energy that is driving this, because I still want to just sit on the couch and write most times, but the desire to please him has intensified this week a great deal.

I know some of it is his new, stronger ownership of my penis, but part of me also thinks it was the experience we shared together last weekend at MAL when he got to meet and spend time with people like our new friends Griffin, his partner Captain, and his boyfriend CrógaPup. Axel got to see a different part of the world and feel very accepted and I suspect that has as much to do with his new willingness to be all owner-y with me much more than the fact that I have been walking around with a hard dick knowing I can’t touch it. Well, he does enjoy that too.

Lesson Two – Horniness is not about me.

I have willingly given Axel the control of my orgasms, therefore I really have no say in them anymore. I never really thought about this working two ways until a conversation with Thumper. See, one night last week, Axel and I had some amazing sex. He was all over me and I, in turn, was all over him, in him, and around him at various points in time. During all of this, he had been reminding me that I was not allowed to get close to coming because he had decided otherwise. This reminder, as it turns out, is evidently the trigger I will need should someone ever need my penis to assist them with hammering nails and/or cracking walnuts because, fuck, that was hot and I was as opposite of flaccid as one could be. This sexual adventure continued for almost two hours, when, he said that he had changed his mind and wanted to feel “me” all over him (I have told you how he likes that versus me who generally wants to keep clorox wipes on the nightstand just in case I am touched with it post orgasm). I did not know what to do when he said that because my thinking had to shift too fast. I had prepared for another week or two and was enjoying that idea, especially at that stage. I told him no, I wanted to wait. We didn’t think anything about it, and he came, I showered and he rolled over and went to sleep semi sticky (sheets washed the minute he got up, btw).

For the record, at that point, I was very proud of my resolve and the next morning relayed all of this to Thumper since we tend to both talk to each other about sex with our spouses (I tell him because he likes it, he tells me because it’s educational for me). He was neither excited about it or put off by it and just generally didn’t care and I chalked it up to the week he was having and/or the fact that he was doing the “you go six months and then we will talk thing” in his head. Life went on and last Friday afternoon we were talking and he said something like “you know, you gave Axel the control, and technically you didn’t have any right to say no to him. You can’t have it both ways.” He was in a store and had to quickly get off the phone, so we didn’t get to finish that talk, but it really hit me hard and I have thought about it ever since, even to the point of it being one of the first things Axel and I discussed when I got home.

I will consider that a newbie mistake, but nevertheless, it was a lesson learned.

Lesson Three – Horniness makes me think of lady parts

No, I am not about to come out as bisexual to you, but I have realized that with the increased level of sexual frustration, I have a new sexual appreciation for many different things. For instance, one evening last week, Thumper and I were going back and forth in a Twitter conversation with our blogger friend Ferns, who I have referenced here before. In our tweets, she made reference to “Thumper and I kissing while she stood in a corner furiously masturbating”. It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t think anything else about it until suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.

Me? Me? Thinking about that? WTF?

Of course, the bunny was there for me to run this by (because I suspected he’d enjoy me bringing that particular vision back to him) and he told me that I wasn’t going all straight, but that in the right mood, I might even think about having sex with a woman, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I needed to be open and let my mind go where it needed to go.

Let’s just say that, in the days that have passed, my mind has gone several new places since.

Lesson Four – Horniness will make Axel and I stronger

When I got home yesterday from a trip, Axel said, “I know this sounds unlike me and so sappy, but I had a horrible morning, but just knowing you would be here this afternoon made absolutely nothing bother me today because I was so excited”.

That floored me because, while I know this man is incredibly in love with me and our life, he is not one to express a great deal of emotion. It’s taken 18 years and I still have trouble sometimes knowing if he is excited about something. It’s a combination of a poker and therapy face that is just nuts, but, I can already tell he is enjoying the control he now has and I think, and hope, that gets more and more strong.

In many ways it’s like how I watched him embrace the open marriage concept. It was slow to start and now he’s buying my boyfriend presents and is genuinely both curious and excited about when I will see him next because he says he likes how I am when I come home. That’s cute in a way.

So, those are today’s four lessons. I’m sure there will be others. I hope.

I woke up today in a weird mood. Not a bad mood. Not a sad mood. Just a weird mood.

Part of it was that a very good friend of mine moved to China this week and, when I am in town, we had a standing Saturday lunch date. I missed him today.

Another part of it is professionally I start back to a life on the road Monday and, while it will be nice to be back in some ways, I have really enjoyed a few weeks “off” as well. Even with Axel having the flu.

My funk is also work driven because I have the kind of job that looks at one calendar year at a time for productivity, bonuses, projections, and other things. When January comes and everything resets to zero, it’s like you have been hit in the face with a cold winter reality that you have to start over again and that everything you killed yourself for in the previous year is now “just old news”. For the record, in 2014 I killed it and set a professional high mark; however, that celebration lasted about 37 seconds after midnight on December 31st and then I got wiped right back down to the bottom again. Plus, a big report I killed myself on is now just sitting, for the 13th day, just waiting for feedback which I know will come crashing down in a last minute fury any minute now before I am set to present it to over 200 people on Tuesday.

So, those things are happening and just happen to all collide in the day after I returned from seeing Thumper; which makes me super duper sensitive about Axel and him interpreting my lack of excitement about the generalities of life as me wishing I was still with Thumper or having had more fun with the bunny than with him, etcetera. In fact, I probably over act how okay I am which is fucking idiotic to do when you are mated with someone who is trained to see into people’s minds for a living. I will never ever learn that lesson I fear.

Adding to that, Thumper had “issues” this morning that he told me about prior to posting this blog post and caused Belle to question the very thing I was worried about Axel thinking. So, me being me, I unfairly projected her question on to Axel and his mindset which made me insecure which was just, well, stupid.

So, I decided to talk to Axel about his issue which he realty didn’t have.

That said, it was a great talk and progressed through a shopping trip and dinner and ended with some really nice sex.

Fun sex. Emotional sex. Sticky sex.

And, I got my first blow job with the big ring in my penis. Woo to the hoo.

Anyway, through the talk I realized that I, me, Drew, Husband of Axel, Boyfriend of Thumper, Dad to Stella was the one with the issue, not Axel. I have been worried about him being worried for nothing and which them commenced us into a therapy session about why I felt that way.

It’s funny, what he and Belle allow, the “loaning” so to speak, is so great, so generous, so thoughtful that I think I have been blocking myself to fully allow this generosity, and, I mean, fully embrace it. It’s like being given a gift of a first class trip to Hawaii and not allowing yourself to enjoy it because you are too worried about what it cost the giver and what you might have to do to one day repay that gift. That’s just nuts and this “worry” will stop now. I promise. Or at least kinda promise.

In addition, the talk caused him to read a few parts of Denying Thumper and one or two sections of this blog, which you all know he chooses not to read. He read today’s post by Thumper and looked at me and said, “I just love Belle. I admire Belle. I hope to be as good to you as she is to him one day and I just want to thank them for showing me this” and then I looked down and he was typing. Typing to Thumper. Fuck.

He would not tell me what he was saying which had me wringing my hands and wondering but also knowing that he or Thumper would tell me. It was, in a way, a collision of worlds that was not supposed to be taking place. At least not yet. However, it was not my place to tell him not to or to even insist it so I waited and wondered but also found myself rather okay with it too, because, I have always thought they would meet and/or communicate long before Belle and I do. In fact, Thumper and I always tell each other to be safe and protect ourselves because neither of us is ready to deal with the awkwardness of attending each other’s funeral. I’ll still be careful, but in my head I thought that this way, it will one day be a bit less awkward for him. Ha. God forbid, of course.

Luckily, “Axel, the blog muggle” sent his response as a comment versus an email and it was there in black and white. He told me later he did not mean to do it that way and meant to send Thumper a private message, but, it was a sweet message and one I know that was almost like his official permission slip to me, his written blessing to Thumper, and a thank you note to Belle all in one very clipped, very brief paragraph (he’s not one for lingering, flowery prose like me, obviously). Frankly, I feel very weird that it is there, but I would bet that will be the only time we will hear from him so it’s a done deal.

He told me in the truck on the way to dinner that this time I was with Thumper, the third time, where I was did not even cross his mind in any way other than that he hoped I was having a good time. He knew that Belle had allowed Thumper to take me to dinner, which he loved and that he really enjoys the fact that the bunny and I have truly become friends. He told me that I need to value that and to just quit fucking worrying about it and that we would not be discussing this again.

This was followed by another statement about his admiration for Belle and that if there was anything I needed to be worried about, it would be about how much he is going to enjoy “his penis that’s attached to me” being in his control and that it’s not going to be as much about my denial, but his control of when and how often. This means that I will likely come more, but only with him (or with his permission with Thumper) and when he wants it and I will likely not be allowed to savor and enjoy it. While that may not make sense to many, I have told you I am one that has never been driven by the need to orgasm. Plus, I am like Thumper in that I am all about the ejaculate during the act, but 1.7 nanoseconds after it has left my body I think it’s the nastiest thing in the world. That nastiness is multiplied by 9,008 if it has left my body and THEN leaves someone else’s. However, that is not Axel. He can be coated in his or mine, wipe off and then roll over and go to sleep. So, so not me. But, I think I may have to learn.

Anyway, to sum this very long post up, Thumper and I were texting later when I said something like “how weird is it that your boyfriend’s husband would be thanking your wife?” to which he simply replied “weird is the new black”

It’s almost 3:00 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I tried, but having a strep-ish flu-ish ridden bed partner who is coughing like a chain smoking lesbian truck driver does not lend itself to a peaceful slumber.

I laid there at least two hours thinking about things like how good my penis feels with the metal rod through the end and, now that there is no pain, how groovy it is that I can push in toward the tip and actually feel and even hold the bar inside there.

That got me thinking about chastity and how much I look forward to being able to wear a device again because I have found I have really missed it. For me, what I have discovered is that I love the fact that I am controlled yet still unlocked to fuck Axel or Thumper and, while it’s a different animal in many ways, my switchiness has even pervaded the Dom/sub dynamics at home because, in actuality, I set many of the rules as to how and why I will not be locked down. Axel has the power to change them, of course, but I don’t see that happening for awhile just based on him and how he approaches life and his dominant role. All that said, I am very different than Thumper in that when I am unlocked, it’s very rare I want to just Tumblr surf and jack off, because I like the feeling of self denial and will often wait as long as possible just because. In fact, I actually see him for two days at the end of this week and I am not sure I will come then (btw, we need a collective crossing of fingers now so that he and I both escape our partners germs – thank you)

Following that, I started thinking about how much I really, really like the one floor lamp I bought yesterday on sale and that I think I’d be a fool not to go back tomorrow and get the matching one (they are stainless steel and the top looks like a Steelheart tube cap). Of course, that led to where the one I will be replacing it with should go and, that drama alone is enough to keep me up for at least an hour. However, I soon rationalized how, in reality, me leaving one sale lamp is very inconsiderate as the store now an unmatched set to deal with. So, I now have a Saturday morning shopping adventure but am still torn about where to move the old one. Oh, the troubles of a gay man with a furniture sale and a limited floor plan.

Of course, it started raining here and that is a sound I LOVE so I had to stay awake and listen to that for a bit, right? We have a master bedroom on the second floor with a vaulted ceiling AND covered hot tub area below the window that is roofed with aluminum, so rain sounds are just wonderful. THAT led to me thinking about those wonderful, guttural sounds that Thumper makes when I hurt him and began immediately planning on what I am going to do Thursday to get him there quickly with the help of a small box that will be delivered to me on Monday from Mrs. S Leather. Oh, the purring I am planning.

Not yet settled, the next round of thoughts began with how much I LOVE BEING HOME with Axel and my friends who are also off, but how much I am LOVING that most go back to work on Monday leaving me here to write and actually work in peace. Everyone being around has changed the way I eat, the way Thumper and I talk, the way I get in my zone to work from home when here, and how the world has been in my way every single time I try to run an errand mid day. It’s just madness I say.

Then hunger hit and my focus turned to the two packages of Nutter Butters and Vienna Fingers that I bought at Target yesterday. I felt they were very lonely downstairs and that I needed to get a bit of a snack, so here I am typing away wrapped in a blanket (and what appears to be a towel that was statically attached to the blanket) with cookie crumbs all over the place. It’s not a pretty sight.

All that actually caused this next part because I had been thinking how I just want to really say thank you to the people who wrote me yesterday or commented on my blog and to all of you who also did the same for Thumper. Oddly, that Amy letter did not bother me until I saw how much it bothered Thumper, which then infuriated me and still has to some degree. It’s funny because in the evolution of the Drew and Thumper Show, we have reached the point of going into protection mode for each other when one is offended or hurt. It’s kinda cute and kinda just nice knowing someone has my back if needed. While I HATE to use a brother type reference with someone I fuck, it does have that natural protective feeling to it, not the just for show kind one sometimes feels.

Finally, and I promise that this time, an old friend has come back into Axel’s life that has the potential to be something more (but should he read this I have to specify it’s early and very very potential). While I was initially bothered by the fact that it didn’t bother me, I realized I have nothing to say about it as long as our rules are followed and I really hope this might work for him as the guy is not local but does work here twice a month which, as I know from experience, is not a bad arrangement.

Now, want to know what the absolute best/weirdest/creepiest thing would be about Axel possibly dating this guy?

Since I am guessing you won’t guess it…

Dude has the exact, and I mean the exact first and last name of the real Thumper (I know it’s a bit like me telling you there is no Santa, but Thumper is not really his name as Drew is not mine either) AND, AND dude’s son also has the same name as the Rabbit’s offspring. Further proof that life is just weird!!

Can you just imagine the discussions in my house about “my xxx xxxxx is WAY hotter than your XXX XXXXX”. They will be funny, but I say that only because I know I will ALWAYS win that argument. Always.

Have a great Saturday.

D

This afternoon I got my first complaint.

I have gotten rude comments, questions, and compliments over the months, but never a complaint.

You see, Joelsub32 wrote me a rather eloquent message that said,  “Dude, your blog is supposed to be about you being a slave to your husband and owning a straight guy’s ass – which is hot. I looked and it’s all words and it’s about your life -not hot. Plus, who is Axel, Thumper and Stella? Too many names – also not hot.”

Well, what can I say, Joel? Have you heard of Tumblr?

Although I doubt Joel will ever read this, I decided to write a little synopsis here for new readers who, I hope can comprehend a bit more than Joelsub32.

The CliffsNotes of The Drew Duality:

The Blog: It’s true, it was supposed to be only about my submission to my husband and my dominant relationship with a bisexual married man who is locked in chastity and longed to be fucked by a man. While I think the original intend would be that this would be about a great deal of sexual details and less about life, what this has turned into is an outlet for me to explore my kink side through words, challenge myself at times, and chronicle my day to day life with “the husband” and the bisexual man (he’s far from straight, Joel), now often referred to simply as “the boyfriend”.

The blog has taken on a life of itself and is something I very much enjoy, so it’s going to continue and will evolve as my life does, as a husband, as a boyfriend, as a professional executive trainer, as a traveler, and, most importantly, as a switch who is navigating all of these waters as they flow together.  Finally, I write this blog as the man who is made up of all of those things and as a man who has honestly never been happier in his life as he comes to find a bit more peace in his soul every single day in accepting those things that drive his mind and his penis to great pleasure and as he finds some great people along the way.

The Husband (Axel): My partner of 17 years (and my legal husband of two), known only here as Axel, a name HE chose by the way, is an amazing man who I confessed my kink side to in 2008. Since that time it has been an evolving path of discovery often taking three steps forward and 117 back before repeating the process and starting again. Eventually, we made progress and are now at a spot where he wants and is taking more and more control of my life at home, which I happily give him (although due only just to life events, right now we are in one of the reverse series – but it’s all okay).

Our path took a great leap when we decided to open our relationship so that we could each explore things we wanted but were not getting at home. For Axel, he had a few dalliances that were only that and never amounted to anything more (but he is determined to find his own boyfriend soon). For me, this openness was really only symbolic until I met “the boyfriend” in October. At that time everything really exploded on both sides, with Axel deciding he wanted me to have a prince albert followed by chastity control and some structure at home, while also allowing me every freedom in the world I want or need with the boyfriend.  He is an amazing man and I am proud to share my life and my last name with him.

The Boyfriend (Thumper): Thumper really needs no introduction because of his incredible blog I was a huge fan of before we met (although I still am a huge fan too). He is a married, bisexual father whose wife keeps him locked in chastity 24/7 and has for over six years.  His full story and amazing blog can be found here, but we found each other after he wrote a post about wanting to be fucked by a man and I simply volunteered which was step one.  Step two was us clicking like long lost friends and realizing that we shared many unique things (and we continue to do so such as PA dates and times and, this week, I realized my ATM code is one he uses for something else – really, of all the numbers and codes in the world we use the same ones??) and that our kinks not only clicked, but they aligned almost perfectly like a delicately shaped plug designed for a gaping hole.

We started out as Dom/sub, Sir/boy, and I used many names for him publicly that I now use in private at the right times (except DILF -it’s just so fucking true to not be public) and had rules, challenges, and tasks which were followed by amazing sex, but after that we realized that our real lives were suffering at the expense of these activities and that the possibility of really being friends and knowing each other for the men we are would not be possible under the mask of me as always a Dom and him as always a sub. This new “freedom” has allowed him to serve as my kink mentor, female anatomy advisor, baseball coach, tech support hotline, my hole at a few specific times (see these posts), and, most importantly, my friend which is something I have grown to value tremendously.

All that said, we still fuck like bunnies and I still own his ass in private when we can (at least every month) and will continue to do so too!  Lucky for all of us is that he recaps those episodes as well!

The Dog (Stella): Stella is my girl and probably my favorite. She’s a spoiled terrier who has multiple beds (two heated and one cooled) and has a busier schedule than me and Axel combined. That said, she’s often referred to in the posts as an annoyance, but I love her dearly.

The Penis (Mr. Winky): RIP Mr. Winky, we now call you Cock.

So, that is where we stand, Joelsub32.  Care to send me another email complaining about words?