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So, more about that boy?

I have been quiet since my trip to see him for multiple personal reasons and, the biggest, is that he and I have been working out an agreement to what the future might hold. In theory, we formed a “relationship agreement”, which, if you think about it would be ideal in so many vanilla friendships; however, this one specifically applies to a Sir/boy dynamic, a chastity mentorship, and various small things that we both agreed to in order to stay consistent and grow with each other over the course of time that this agreement is in place. Details will follow, but I mentioned this early to set the major tone of this post.

As you know, our meeting was pretty happenstance. I was meeting this random dude who knew I liked Steelwerks and who thought he would say hello since we were close that particular day. We met and we clicked. Period. I remember thinking that this is the kind of boy that I would one day want to collar and, at some point in the conversation, he said something along those same lines about wanting to be collared by someone like me, but those sentences blended into a mix of discussions about our switchiness, our mutual experiences in chastity, and how I am at a stage in life where my Daddy-side is emerging as rapidly as the gray hair in my beard. This kid made me swoon in a not-really-romantic-yet-some-romantic-sexy-wanna-take-care-of him fashion. Apparently, he felt the same way (though probably without nearly as many hyphens) and, two weeks later we have a signed agreement (that doesn’t have an end date) and, he has a clasped band around his wrist that serves as the collar. This will be glued shut tomorrow rendering it non-removable without destroying it, so the symbolism is huge.

My two nights with him were great. We made great use of a sleepsack, a straightjacket, a few hoods, some clamps, and I, somewhat ceremoniously, locked him in my Axel cage for two days and left with him locked in my Steelheart. He has his own Steelwerks cage, very similar to mine, arriving this week (there are advantages to having a best friend who makes cages) and when that is in place, he will be locking significantly more under my direction. In fact, we are building to a year locked which has been a fantasy of his (and mine) for many years.The funny thing is during those two nights we didn’t have sex, per se. Yes, there was some oral action and lots of naked togetherness and, as much as I wanted to fuck him, I know those times will come down the road. For me, this was about taking control from him, and, at the end, allowing him an orgasm in a way meant to be very special as it’s the last he will be having with me for many months. I wanted to watch and be allowing that from a vantage point versus just “fucking it out of him.” That said, I am so tempted to call the Skymiles line and get on a plane and go fuck him now, but Axel would likely not approve, especially because I have to go to Canada for five days starting tomorrow, and I am sure Bolt has other things going on that would inhibit him from just dropping it all too. But, alas, a Sir and boy can dream, huh?

Distance will not really be an issue later, though it is funny that he is almost the exact same mileage from me as Thumper is. Right now, it’s all about distance because I leave for a month in Australia next weekend and, while I am gone, his work is sending him to Japan for six months. So, while those things do indeed suck, the great news is that technology will make daily communication easier and, because of my super weird life, I have gotten really used to my world being filled with electronic relationships – a plus and a minus but something best saved for a future post.

The agreement is something that will remain private between us, but essentially it calls for him to have regular communications through specific measures and to not use his dick without permission. When his Steelwerks arrives, he will have about a week to get used to it before entering into the first of our two major agreements which will be 100 days locked which should take him somewhere to the middle of July without an orgasm. As of right now, I am investigating flying to Japan for day 101 and then, after that, he has some serious training to do for a few triathlons and races before entering into the already signed agreement of one full year without an allowed orgasm starting around November or so. My side of the agreement is to protect, encourage, mentor, and help him grow as a man and a boy and, oh yeah, to run one of his smaller races with him before the one year locking period starts. So, fat me needs to get moving.

He is going to reply to this post with a comment or two, so welcome him, but, as part of this experience, he is going to write a series of posts about the reality of getting what he asked for starting with the arrival of the Steelwerks next week. Those will be guest posted on here so you can all follow Bolt on his journey.

Oh yeah, one more note, in the last post I had a lovely comment about me cheating on both my husband and Thumper and, I just had to laugh it off. Axel, the husband for those of you new to this, is THRILLED and has already sent Bolt a small “welcome to the family” gift. Thumper is not a factor and, though he and I have not really talked this week, I know he is just as excited for me and this will not have any bearing on what he and I do. And, you know what, there may even be more boys in the near future, as there is a beta for Bolt we have our eyes on. It’s all fun!

Finally, to Bolt, I am very happy how things have transpired and look forward to this journey with you.

By now, you all know that about four months ago I relinquished perceived ownership of Thumper’s ass in exchange for a friendship with him that continues to grow in different directions – all of which are educational, fun, and have truly been a gift to, I think I speak for him, both of us. What that left us with was the fact that Belle now let’s me “borrow” his ass once a month or so (and two high holidays per year and one weekend every summer). I have to promise not to break it, damage it, or leave it open each time or risk losing my security deposit and, frankly, you don’t want to know what that penalty is.

Anyway, all signs are that the end of the this week will be my next chance to use it and, due to the switch part of me and the now chronicled horniness, I plan to take full advantage of this gift I have been given and have mental plans that will take it to that place of rocket fire and, hopefully, leave it there for an extended period of time.

It’s funny, because, I have found that the more I am into all of this, I am very glad that I have a personality and a mind that let’s me compartmentalize things and act accordingly. Meaning, I have a career where I might have seven clients at once that might range from a religious institution to a gay rights group and I have had to learn to adapt my way of thinking completely within minutes of time. In this case, I have been able to use that job training to see myself as both Axel’s sub and his husband and as both Thumper’s friend and his tormentor.

In the case of Thumper, the friend part of me would not want anything to harm the man and I am looking forward to sharing a meal with him and a hot chocolate later the next day just as much as I am looking forward to using him like a cheap whore who really needs a very thorough fuck followed by a spanking in between. I am very lucky that we have learned that he can switch his thinking as well because this shift in dynamics is quite fun and, odd as it may sound, the comfort level with each other is what will allow me to treat him as nothing more than a hole I want to hurt at the right moment in time. Because, as we all know, I like the sound he makes when I hurt him and he really, badly wants to make that sound – often.

Also, Axel asked me the other day if I missed the days when Thumper had orders, plug goals, or other areas of focus and the answer was no, because, while not an everyday or even every week thing, those things still have a background for the time when I do borrow the ass and the slut part of him will make sure of it. As a for instance, he’s had one task to do for me now for the last few weeks that has not been done. I think that, deep down, he knows he will pay for that. In fact, there are two ways he’s going to pay and only one involves the new paddle, but I will wait and let that be a post from him later in the weekend.

So, if nothing else, the horniness now has only proven the switch aspect to me more and more and I am very grateful to Belle for the loan, Thumper for his “talent”, and to Axel for understanding that keeping me chaste benefits both sides of me and gives the bisexual bunny the whore time he needs as well.

Finally, as an update to this morning’s post, evidently something is planned tonight and I will be allowed to orgasm if I can do it without touching myself. It’s a lofty goal, friends, because in the 34 years my penis has been fully functioning, I can’t recall an instance where that has happened.

However, never say never.

I guess I should warn “those people” that is this not a sexy, kinky post as one needs to have been sexy and kinky recently to post a lot of that. I have felt neither this week but it’s coming back.

As I have mentioned, I am not traveling for almost three weeks and this is really throwing me off my game. Yes, I still have work to do (in fact, I am staring at a 150 page report I have to write that’s due Friday that I have only known about for six months and carried to four continents with me), but the inner Sheldon I carry around in my head is screaming at me because there is nowhere I HAVE to be and no logical schedule to be following.

Prior to this job, I was the typical 8-5 executive who always had an office to go to and a stress level that caused me to lose what hair I had left. When I switched careers, I spent months adjusting to having every day be different and often in a different city, but I quickly realized that no routine WAS the routine so it settled and I learned to embrace it and my stress levels are lower than in the last 20 years professionally. However, when home, I was struggling because I often became overwhelmed at the fact I had one, two or three nights to do what I used to have seven do to. This caused stress between Axel and myself because, frankly, I am just an ass when the world is not going my way. I try to fight it, but I just can’t sometimes.

That is where the idea of me being more controlled at home and while away in chastity came from and it was working, but with December being what it was professionally for him and my sex organ bleeding, the magic of that control dried up for a few weeks. However, as I have said, it will come back and I am looking forward to it. In fact, Axel and I talked this week on our road trip to what I call “Southern Hell”, aka, the in-laws, about how to get that back and how the chastity, we realized, had played a huge role in things. That is too much to add here, but I plan a separate post on that later today or tomorrow because I feel it’s important to share or at least for me to remember when I read this years from now for my own information.

Speaking of that trip, honestly that is what inspired this post in a way because it made me realize exactly how comfortable and how happy I have been since allowing myself to embrace my kink side, since allowing you all into it, since beginning my relationship with the bunny boyfriend, which ALL circles back to Axel and I opening our marriage.

I know it’s hard to get how all of that can happen around an aluminum Alabama Christmas tree, however, in this case, I was very out of my element and wanting to just tell every single person in the room that I had a piece of titanium in my penis, like plugs in mine and my boyfriend’s asses, and that I have met Doms/Dommes/slaves/subs/and pets in the last few weeks. It was crazy, but I had such a feeling of not fitting in that I was struggling to even make conversation. Of course, that was not fair to Axel so I worked hard and got past it, but it wasn’t easy.

I have told you I am a proud Southern man and was born and raised “down here”, but Axel and I come from very different Souths. Mine is one of acceptance, private education, dressing for Sunday dinner (at 2pm), and using one’s natural accent for emphasis or sexiness (or just when drunk). His South is, unfortunately, more stereotypical where judgment rules, religious symbols are placed everywhere (someone we know has a picture of Jesus printed on vinyl and cut to fit the hood of their Camry), accents are just, well, bad for the image of all Southerners, and our German SUV is still looked at as “one of them foreign cars” and seriously does elicit stares.

That said, most of the people are good, hardworking people and have never, ever treated me with anything but respect, even while praying for the gay to go away. However, after hearing my mother-in-law refer to me as Jake multiple times (yes, while Drew is not my real name, it’s not Jake either and after 17 years, she should know it) and after my father-in-law and his wife gave me a giant cross sticker for the window of our cars, I ALMOST lost it before Axel suddenly jumped in and started explaining how all of that was inappropriate, how we were both pretty much agnostic and, even if we were religious we’d never have it on our cars, and that my name is ____.

It was really funny because then he started talking about how they could use a nice “re-think” of everything, how people, including their neighbors have secrets behind closed doors, and how praying to the Camry would likely not save their soul. When the irrational people left and the conversation evolved, I had stepped out for a bit and came back in to hear him talking about this couple he knows that have the kids, the house, perfect careers, and the dog, but have open minds about life and how they thrive. In fact, that “husband even has a boyfriend” (which caused two gasps and one brother in law to be seen adjusting his crotch) and that she is “encouraging of it and sees it just like when she goes to the spa”. I am not sure if I was too proud of him to be happy or too happy to realize how proud I was or just too busy looking around the table to see if anyone was putting two and two together (they didn’t and I didn’t blush) but it was just one more step on the Axel evolution ladder in a weird, weird setting.

So, this was a long post about nothing, but just shows that once again, the dominoes are all falling in a row and that just makes me smile harder than I would if a troop of hot firemen were to walk through the room (well, maybe not).

More tomorrow on chastity and the plans for January but until then, remember, if feeling blue, go find yourself your own Camry to pray to. I hear it helps.

P.S. Yes, Thumper, I know you predicted I would not know what to do with myself with 3 weeks off.  The bunny is always right, folks

This afternoon I got my first complaint.

I have gotten rude comments, questions, and compliments over the months, but never a complaint.

You see, Joelsub32 wrote me a rather eloquent message that said,  “Dude, your blog is supposed to be about you being a slave to your husband and owning a straight guy’s ass – which is hot. I looked and it’s all words and it’s about your life -not hot. Plus, who is Axel, Thumper and Stella? Too many names – also not hot.”

Well, what can I say, Joel? Have you heard of Tumblr?

Although I doubt Joel will ever read this, I decided to write a little synopsis here for new readers who, I hope can comprehend a bit more than Joelsub32.

The CliffsNotes of The Drew Duality:

The Blog: It’s true, it was supposed to be only about my submission to my husband and my dominant relationship with a bisexual married man who is locked in chastity and longed to be fucked by a man. While I think the original intend would be that this would be about a great deal of sexual details and less about life, what this has turned into is an outlet for me to explore my kink side through words, challenge myself at times, and chronicle my day to day life with “the husband” and the bisexual man (he’s far from straight, Joel), now often referred to simply as “the boyfriend”.

The blog has taken on a life of itself and is something I very much enjoy, so it’s going to continue and will evolve as my life does, as a husband, as a boyfriend, as a professional executive trainer, as a traveler, and, most importantly, as a switch who is navigating all of these waters as they flow together.  Finally, I write this blog as the man who is made up of all of those things and as a man who has honestly never been happier in his life as he comes to find a bit more peace in his soul every single day in accepting those things that drive his mind and his penis to great pleasure and as he finds some great people along the way.

The Husband (Axel): My partner of 17 years (and my legal husband of two), known only here as Axel, a name HE chose by the way, is an amazing man who I confessed my kink side to in 2008. Since that time it has been an evolving path of discovery often taking three steps forward and 117 back before repeating the process and starting again. Eventually, we made progress and are now at a spot where he wants and is taking more and more control of my life at home, which I happily give him (although due only just to life events, right now we are in one of the reverse series – but it’s all okay).

Our path took a great leap when we decided to open our relationship so that we could each explore things we wanted but were not getting at home. For Axel, he had a few dalliances that were only that and never amounted to anything more (but he is determined to find his own boyfriend soon). For me, this openness was really only symbolic until I met “the boyfriend” in October. At that time everything really exploded on both sides, with Axel deciding he wanted me to have a prince albert followed by chastity control and some structure at home, while also allowing me every freedom in the world I want or need with the boyfriend.  He is an amazing man and I am proud to share my life and my last name with him.

The Boyfriend (Thumper): Thumper really needs no introduction because of his incredible blog I was a huge fan of before we met (although I still am a huge fan too). He is a married, bisexual father whose wife keeps him locked in chastity 24/7 and has for over six years.  His full story and amazing blog can be found here, but we found each other after he wrote a post about wanting to be fucked by a man and I simply volunteered which was step one.  Step two was us clicking like long lost friends and realizing that we shared many unique things (and we continue to do so such as PA dates and times and, this week, I realized my ATM code is one he uses for something else – really, of all the numbers and codes in the world we use the same ones??) and that our kinks not only clicked, but they aligned almost perfectly like a delicately shaped plug designed for a gaping hole.

We started out as Dom/sub, Sir/boy, and I used many names for him publicly that I now use in private at the right times (except DILF -it’s just so fucking true to not be public) and had rules, challenges, and tasks which were followed by amazing sex, but after that we realized that our real lives were suffering at the expense of these activities and that the possibility of really being friends and knowing each other for the men we are would not be possible under the mask of me as always a Dom and him as always a sub. This new “freedom” has allowed him to serve as my kink mentor, female anatomy advisor, baseball coach, tech support hotline, my hole at a few specific times (see these posts), and, most importantly, my friend which is something I have grown to value tremendously.

All that said, we still fuck like bunnies and I still own his ass in private when we can (at least every month) and will continue to do so too!  Lucky for all of us is that he recaps those episodes as well!

The Dog (Stella): Stella is my girl and probably my favorite. She’s a spoiled terrier who has multiple beds (two heated and one cooled) and has a busier schedule than me and Axel combined. That said, she’s often referred to in the posts as an annoyance, but I love her dearly.

The Penis (Mr. Winky): RIP Mr. Winky, we now call you Cock.

So, that is where we stand, Joelsub32.  Care to send me another email complaining about words?

I like the sounds he makes, when I hurt him.

I like the look in his eyes, when I hurt him.

I like the tension of his muscles, when I hurt him.

I like the way his ass grabs my dick like it’s never been as satisfied, when I hurt him.

I like the fact that, for a few seconds, he leaves me alone in the room when he goes wherever he goes in his mind, when I hurt him.

In fact, I am counting down the days until I can hurt him again.

Hurting him is fun. Hurting him gives me pleasure. Hurting him makes him “hard”.

This all started last week when Thumper tweeted the phrase “he likes the way I sound when he hurts me” and as mentioned, fuck, yes I do. In fact, while reading that phrase, my mind got turned on something fierce (my mind, of course, since, at that point my penis was still bleeding like a skewered goat and couldn’t react accordingly. He has since resumed his excitement over it; however).

Of course, me being me, I could not just accept the fact that his non-comfort, when naked and under me, makes me happy, so I have also been trying to figure out what it is that makes me want to hurt him and why when he begins this weird purr like guttural growl it makes me harder than I have been in years. See, he already has the sexiest voice in Minnesota, but, when it goes into that growly sound, it’s like I have just opened a Costco sized box of Cracker Jacks and the giant prize inside is just pure, dirty, sticky, wonderful sex.

Is that alone the reason? I dunno.

Today, Thumper wrote some advice back to one of his readers about how she should embrace her kinks and feelings because that is not going away and, through this post, I decided to do the same as I am now further embracing mine and have vowed not to even worry about why I feel that way, but to just let those feelings take over when that collared bunny presents me his fine tail and run with it, when possible.

In fact, let’s consider this my coming out as, at least, a part time sadist. Part time, meaning that the absolute only time I don’t want him comfortable is when we are on that path to his internal fireworks. Of course, this may not be a direct path and I have plenty of plans to make this take some time, but those will be between he and I until he shares them, (and you know he will).  I want to get him there faster next time, but in the days leading up to my next visit, we will be taking some steps to insure that as well and those may not be pleasant for him, but he will do them because he knows he has to in order to make his eyes roll back later in the week.  It’s the simple carrot and stick approach, really.

Anyway, let’s go back one week from tomorrow when he reached that place he described, shall we?

What he forgot to mention is that I had also linked the ring of his Steelheart to his locked ankles, so every time I would push him nipple wise, he’d pull himself ball wise and had linked nipple clamps through his collar so when he pulled his balls, he’d also “tug” his nipples. (I am a twisted fuck at times, btw). Actually, in hindsight, he may not have even realized that these elements were there as the scene escalated, but I did take some notes for next time and plan an updated configuration to make sure he won’t make that mistake again. In fact, next time we will get him there faster, keep him there longer, and we will spread out the pain so he may not even realize exactly where it’s coming from. I’ve been reading, my friends, and have all these notes neatly diagramed in my mind for the bunny to try to hop right off the bed, or floor, or windowsill, etc.

But he won’t.

Now, all of this is very relevant to his post last week about “That Place Where You Can Only Take Trust” because, like the twin towers he mentioned at the end, NONE of this can or will happen until I make sure we are both at the right place, the right time, and that our minds are thinking the same way.  It’s only been a few months, but I suspect that if we were at a cocktail party right now we could read each other’s expressions from across the room – his would be one of fascination because he had just seen something sparkly and mine would be some sort of intense look because I’d be pissed we were still there – but we would know, sorta, where the other stood. This party game skill transfers to sex too, because, I like nothing more than to make his downward looking submissive eyes look me in the eye while I control him and one learns a lot during those moments. Trust me.

To answer some more of those questions from earlier responses, yes, we did have a safe word, which was something so unique that I have forgotten it. However, I knew he’d never use it at that point because if I was doing my job right, deep down he’d know that I would never really hurt him and I never ever would. But, at that moment, I know that he was no longer processing such trivial things as bruises, marks, or ER trips, so I had to, and will continue to do so, because, that’s my job. During those times when he is my submissive, my masochist, my hole, and my object, he’s also my responsibility and I do not and will not ever take that lightly.

Besides, the bottom line is something my grandmother always told me as a child:

“Drew, when you grow up, make sure you never send your locked DILF boyfriend home to his wife broken or there will be trouble, young man”.

Words. To. Live. By.

Yesterday, on this blog, Thumper and I received a really long, detailed, thought out set of questions from our friend Skipper in Nevada.  Thumper created a new post yesterday based on one question and I am going to do the same for a section or two of the question as it progressed.  Also, I know that Thumper has one more response that is coming quite soon as well.  As an FYI, the entire question can be found within the comments on my favorite post, The Bisexual Bunny Tongue, by clicking here.

So, Skipper says:  I’m surprised by my confusion with the Drew / Thumper relationship! I can’t explain my confusion easily? I consider myself a smart rational guy. In reality the relationship between you and Thumper is a relationship between two people. That’s what people do… engage in relationships! I get that.
But…..?

Well, I honestly don’t know how to best answer that except that I think, just think, that perhaps some people think he and I should just be about sex, or friendship, or just to be quiet about both as the stereotypical masculine male has not historically been known as a type who expresses emotion or lets people, especially strangers, into their “inner world”.  I have to ask you, do you think it’s just weird because this might be the first time that you are actually watching two people form a friendship inclusive, yet not fully so as it started, of their kink bond?  I only ask it that way because you are right, people form relationships, but rarely are you on inside of the formation of the relationship? Or, seeing two people who have an incredible amount of commonalities and odd historical relevant experience from the “inside” and we have both allowed that here since day one and, aside from the fake name here or there, are both nearly 100% honest about our loves, our lives, and ourselves.

That said, let me tell you that you are not the only one who has asked this, but you ARE the only one who has asked in a way I care to answer.  Some have been about how a gay guy and a guy with a family could even be friends or other things filled with the same type bullshit or even negative ones not worthy of my time typing, but I sense you really do care, so I hope that helps.

Also, a bit later in your question you ask:

How can two people like Drew and Thumper have a relationship that is really cool and both of them coincidentally be really great at expressing things in writing? amazing! Whats the odds of that?)

I wish I knew.  It’s CRAZY, but I think the writing and the way we express ourselves is one of the main reasons we connected before and after we connected.  You may remember, but a few of the very first commenters accused us of being the same person, something I hope we have disproven by now and with those clouded pictures.  So, the writing is just a fantastic coincidence of sorts, but if you were to spend time with us, together or apart, we pretty much both talk the way we write too – random, off the wall, simple, long, deep, stupid, etc –  it makes for a fun lunch.  It’s just another commonality.

(Paraphrase) I have to express feeling a bit of weirdness about the fact that I consider you, Thumper and Belle to be my friends and that I find it odd that I worry about you all as a group and as individuals, etc?  

Please don’t feel funny about that at all.  That’s why we post in the format we do, because I suspect someone is reading my stuff like I used to read Thumper’s – just looking for advice, ideas, or even internet connected and covered acceptance of who they are.  While it still smarts a bit that you left Axel out of that (I kid), I have to tell you I used to be one of Thumper’s greatest online fans – now I am just one of Thumper’s great fans in life.  It’s funny, because, like you, I knew all the backstories that have been shared, thought Belle was the hottest, coolest wife ever, and thought the Bunny was a God who had to be the coolest guy in the whole world.  I could even see them living in this huge home and each driving  five Porsches with custom locking butt plug docking stations for him, BUT, what I met was the real man who has let me into his life and I having seen for myself that all of those things are true in his day to day life – except the docking stations don’t lock in reality.  Seriously, don’t feel guilty or creepy about it in any way, it’s what we put out there so enjoy it.  Learn from it.  Etc

To sum that up, I see it in the same way that Betty White has always been my fantasy Grandmother. I. LOVE. HER, but,  I have never met her or even seen her in person, but the day that woman dies, I will be under a table rocking back and forth for at least four minutes and about 16 seconds (well, I will have things to do I am sure).  Does this make sense?

Keep the questions coming and maybe we can help decipher things for you!  Oh, and if you DO decide to start stalking, start with him. He’s much easier to track down than me!!

DD

Well, today was the day as anyone who follows me and/or Thumper already knows.

This is not going to be a long post because I am wiped out after not sleeping most of last night thinking about today and then spending most of this afternoon in a tightly wrapped bundle of bloody nerves waiting on my bloody penis to stop being so fucking bloody.

Tomorrow, when I have a more clear head, I will write about my first 24 hours with the PA and document the feelings, the healing, and the other incidentals because I think that it’s important to leave such a record for people down the road who are doing the same thing.  In fact, as you know, Thumper and I oddly chose the same day and the same time, just six years apart, to have ours done, so I love the fact that I can go back and read one of his entries from say, the 17th, and compare myself to where I am on, say, the 17th.  Anyway, I digress.

I have a titanium curved rod in my dick.  It’s 6 gauge, strangely much higher than the 10 gauge I was expecting it to be.  But, we will talk about that in the days to come, see pictures, and, one day, Thumper may even post actual pictures of it (I allowed him to photoshoot the fun) once I am no longer freaked out about seeing myself in that pool of blood.

As a quick summary, to all those people out there who said “I didn’t even know it had happened” or “it was just a pinch” – FUCK OFF,  because I knew every single second of it because it felt like she was digging into my most precious asset with a dull butter knife.  Now, it did not last long nor did the pain.  In fact, all afternoon it has barely even stung.  My bigger complaint was that I literally tensed myself up so much that I aggravated a muscle in my lower back and that was enough to hurt all day taking the focus off my dick.  That said, Thumper actually reached out and held my hand through it.  Honestly, that is a phrase I have used for years, but I can’t actually think about a real life time when anyone actually held my hand through something like that – mostly due to sterile conditions or the LASIK surgeon not wanted to walk around Axel, etc.  But, as the picture shows.  He did and, at the risk of sounding like Jan Brady, that really meant a lot to me and is a memory I will never forget.  The pain and blood I will forget, but not that. (plus, my ass looks okay in the pic too)

IMG_0128 2

The issue?  Well, there were multiple.  One, I bled and bled a lot.  I am not on any type of medicine that should cause this, but by the time he and I went to lunch – pizza, my all time favorite comfort food –  and I had the nerve to go to the, luckily, private bathroom to look, I had soaked through all the gauze and was almost soaking through those new jeans you all saw last week.

That terrified me.

Everyone said “expect a bit of blood” but big pools were not on the list.  So, being the kind boyfriend he is, we went to Walgreens and both of us went to the gauze section, the sterile saline section, and then, like two lumberjacks in a china shop, we daintily went into the feminine hygiene section looking for maxi pads or something like that.  Being the married to a woman man he is, I would not have expected this to be his first trip down that aisle either, but, it was, so as our “heavy flow with wings” virginity status was lifted, we first admired all the pretty boxes and designs and then went for the purchase.  He took me to a private spot and bandaged me right up while in my head the “how sweet” and “I really hope he will not save this mental picture of my dick – because he has seen it in far more glory” thoughts battled in my head.  As for the pads, they have helped.  Tremendously.  However, its almost 11 hours after the deed and the blood is still running down my leg at times.  They say it’s normal.  It does not hurt.  But, I am hoping it stops soon.  (also, I am now in Chicago for work at a very very expensive fancy ass hotel with the most amazing sheets ever – I really hate they have the potential to look like a crime scene tomorrow morning and wonder what the replacement will cost me).

The other issue is just me.  I freaked out a bit after this afternoon and, as typical of me, I went to a worst case scenario in my head.  I know that he thought I would be happier with it but I just had that “what the fuck have I done?” thought in my head over and over again.  That said, I do that a lot and recognized the behavior in me.  Every single time I have made a major purchase, started a job, or the like, I go there.  It’s almost like the day after Christmas in my head, BUT, I always get past it and am already there as I can start to feel the jewelry bounce a bit as I walk – it’s pretty cool.

Finally, to wrap this up tonight, a bit about me and Thumper.  It was funny, but this afternoon we each expressed to each other, about the same time, that we didn’t really feel the need to write about the details of (as in feelings about) our relationship anymore – at least at this stage.  I think the evolution you have all watched has reached the point that it’s simply that, our relationship.  He and I may define it different ways on different days (usually depending on who last ejaculated when), but, as I think you can sense, we continue to click quite well on multiple levels in multiple ways and that is just the way it’s gonna stand.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we may not talk about the sex…

(and on that note, the only thing I will say right now, is that I have the absolute utmost respect for a bisexual tongue as that training the plain ole gay boys like me are just not privy to. F-U-C-K.  WOW.).