I got home from work on Friday and spent time doing my usual chores in the usual “uniform”. I worked up a sweat outside and my Master told me to get a shower and bring down the cuffs and my posture collar. I did as instructed and then I was ordered to put on the cuffs and collar and to go retrieve the largest anal hook and the lube, “if I wasn’t feeling bold and wanted to try it without the lube.”

Then, he told me he had a few calls to make and to stand there and wait (he knows that kills me but I am adjusting.)

I waited as ordered.

As Master approached me from behind, I heard the amazing sound of chain rattling and this slave’s already filled tube pulsed even more. As my Master inspected his property, I enjoyed the feeling of his hands feeling for any hairs that might have been missed when I shaved. A swoon inducing approval from my Master was followed by the feeling of being opened as the anal hook entered my body in one hefty thrust which was followed by my wrists being attached behind my back to the attachment point at the end of the hook, my titanium tube pulsed in rhythm with each beat of my heart, my new tail pulsed every time I moved a finger. The pulse was soon increased to four and only strengthened as two big clamps – made for wood and bought at Home Depot – tightened onto my nipples locking themselves in place for the remainder of my afternoon.

Master positioned me so that the hook pulled deeply inside of me. The chain now attached to the D ring on the front of the posture collar was pulled. This slaved followed. Communication with no spoken word is all that is needed at times. In fact, at times like these I am forbidden to talk unless asked a direct question and, even then, I have developed an almost animal like ability to answer with sounds, gestures, and slight, southern growls.

Master wasn’t done with work for the day, but instead of leaving me standing, he decided to work from the couch in his office. As he sat, he positioned his slave’s head between his thighs and then proceeded to set up the laptop across my shoulders. It turns out I make quite an acceptable desk top for finishing out the day’s work. The chain was attached around my Master’s thigh, ensuring his new desk remained in place. Goddamn. I was attached to one of the most amazing men on the planet, serving as an object. Somehow that centers me, brings us closer, and builds on every bit of trust, affection and service I give to that man. 

After about two hours, work was nearing being finished, Daddy came home from a long day which was caused by what were apparently some pretty rough clients/patients. He made a comment about the new desk, how it would be amazing yet too distracting for him, and molested me for a few minutes before going to the office to finish up his notes/charts for the day (Master did not miss a beat typing).

From between his thighs, I grinned. Now both of the two most amazing men in the world were home. 

Soon after, Daddy started dinner and I was “displayed” in the kitchen for a bit to “enhance the decor” while Daddy worked on the food prep (there is a nice attachment point high in the doorway leftover from something when the house was built 150 years ago). He figured I needed some time upstairs as the last few days of work had me a little stressed, despite orders to have the best work week ever, so Daddy released me and sent me to Master.  

Master led me upstairs by the chain attached to my collar. When we got upstairs, my wrists were released from the anal hook and reattached to the steel bar above the doorway (note: we have sliding barn style doors upstairs – not just random steel bars attached to the walls – YET). I strained to reach my Master, to touch him with every part of my body. He was just out of reach. I tried and tried harder. My still pulsing tube showed just how badly I wanted contact with my Master. Concerned that I wasn’t trying hard enough, he offered encouragement by means of twisting and pulling the big clamps on my nipples. While it drive me wild, I could not reach him. He loves denying me in as many ways possible.

Standing chained just out of reach, I could see his thick cock dripping. I knew he was proud of my effort to reach him and proud of my ability to take his pain, every bit, more and more. 

As I craved my Master more and more, his lips touched mine. As he held my face, he asked what I was thinking, as he often does. My reply was I wanted him closer (and goddamn, his eyes are beautiful and goddamn I love him and goddamn why is he so fucking far away). He told me how proud he was of his slave. How proud he was to see me take his pain, how proud he was of the man I am and continue to become. He reminded me that I am never alone in anything that I do. He even reminded me how he is coming around to the idea that he might like me as much as I really fucking like him a whole lot. He reminded me that love I get is forever and unconditional as is my service to him. I think about this and know that I’ve never loved someone like this. I’ve never trusted someone like this. No need for me to play the lotto at this point in life, he is standing right in front of me while the other one is down cooking in the kitchen (an area Daddy does not let either me or Drew meddle in.)

I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him closer to me. I try to kiss him. He pulls away. He asked how long I was willing to wear the clamps for? Or what is the price you will pay for this kiss? Some bartering led to a two hour payment and 300 licks with the paddle I will pay for later this week. But, once the price was settled, it was the best, deep kiss and I savored every second of it having achieved that at such a bargain price. 

I don’t talk much about my life prior to this, but I can summarize by saying I was taught love was conditional, God was vengeful, and happiness appeared to just be a concept. When I was left as a single dad with a six week old baby, I saw unconditional love in those tiny eyes, but I didn’t know if it could last or if I would be capable of providing it. Through my Master and my kinks, I now know it is possible and have begun to further grasp the concept that unconditional, forever love is possible for me, his slave, and for anyone I allow myself to love in the future. While in a fully muggle way, I am learning the same when I look at my now nearly driving age kid and I never miss an opportunity to tell him that too. I can see that, just like with my Master, we make each other better too. I never thought by simply spending an afternoon hanging in a doorway I would emerge a better Dad, man and slave, but I did and do. I still grasp for the words to describe it because it seems they are just out of reach most of the time.

Regardless, words aren’t always necessary to show that kind of love and relationship and sometimes too much thinking is too much thinking. Back to the doorway, I was quickly reminded that by a not so subtle jerk of the chain attached to my collar, a pulsing cage, and a tightening of the leather restraints.

It was a good Friday night.

I have often stated that the organization of many gay bdsm families required the kink equivalent of a corporate org chart. I say this because it’s not that uncommon to have a conversation with a new friend that goes something like, “hi, my name is Josh, but my Sir, Joshua, calls me j, I am submissive to him, but we are both submissive to Daddy Chris who is owned by Master Chris who is married to another dominant named Sir Josh who has three boys, alpha Josh, beta Chris and gimp Bob. Alpha Chris owns two pups, mike and mike, not including beta jay who has one dominant brother, Bobby. All of us are submissive to Super Master B, who himself, and by extension the rest of us, submit to Super Duper Master Chris. It’s all very simple.” Yes, I have exaggerated a bit, but come on, we all have had similar conversations.

Currently, my definition of our family is only three people, but, as I have said many times, I always hope that the boy, who I call slave, boy, jack, boyfriend, and sometimes, dog, interchangeably, will have his own slave but for now, unless I use the myriad of names for the same person, we are generally pretty easy to define. Now.

But, back to my corporate analogy for two reasons. This week, at work, I had an employee who, at the ripe old age of 25, zoom with me to demand more money. Now, being that times are different, she at 25 makes now what I made at 40, told me that she had been doing some research (we have open salary ranges) and that there are some people with a “similar” title making six figures and that she felt she deserved that. I have to say that I admired her moxy to come to me like that, but my admiration quickly went away as she continued to talk because she clearly didn’t do her research, her math, or even look at Glassdoor, because the people she was referring to were ten or more years older than her and that “similar” title, for them, included words like “senior” or “director” or other key signifiers to prove that they had done their time, done their work, and deserved the pay they were making. I was very kind and, while pointing out that she had clearly not made any of her KPI’s or metrics last year and was really behind this year, that I would in no way consider this and that, if she was unhappy, that the job market is quite healthy for a young double degreed elite university graduate and that I’d certainly understand if she needed to go elsewhere. That did not go the way she thought it would and she, on the edge of tears, decided that we should finish our call later (by the way, if you ever work for me, please don’t cry. I try, really hard, to be empathetic but something about that makes me giggle and, though I try, again, really hard, to not show it, I can’t stop giggling. I do that at funerals too. I am not a bastard but…).

Fast forward about four hours and we had another call. This time, she seemed to have done some soul searching and she started talking about how she just wanted to not be at the new kid and be at the level of her more senior peers because “they seem to always have an answer, have respect from colleagues, and they make a lot of money and I am ready to have things they have in life and, I deserve it.” I remember feeling that way too. Fuck, I am the senior peer now and I still feel like that at times and, I told her that. We talked for over an hour about paying her dues and putting in the time (and, fwiw, I did not shatter her dream about the definition of “a lot of money” is) and I explained to her that she is not looking at all the work THEY put in, and that she deserves nothing at this point because she hasn’t proven anything, that she doesn’t see all the struggles they had at her age and the even more struggles they have now because they don’t talk about such things with those young enough to still have a dream. I also added that, if they are anything like me, the more money they make the less they enjoy their job because money and titles come with expectations and expectations come with stress. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d not change a single thing (well, a few) but she.has to just have her eyes open now and be willing to adjust, be molded, and grow (with me or elsewhere.)

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with kinky families? A lot in my mind, especially after I had that conversation, Where I am going with this is I have a pretty damn good thing going with my little triad, especially the Master/slave duo within it. However, that did not happen overnight and many of the above things on growing in your career come close to matching this. I was thinking about this because at least three or four times a week I get a request to “join us/join the family/step in to come play/use the slave, etc” (this does not count friends who seemingly joke, okay friends?). These are absolute strangers who, in the above situation, would be currently making $20K a year and expecting me to hire them at $100K because “those guys doing the job I want free about my age, have the same interest career wise, and it would be cool.” In all honesty, I don’t know if I ever want to add to our family in the way we are now but, if I did, the corporate rules of earning their place would apply. Anybody we might invite in has a lot of tests to pass, work to do, and trust to build. Right now, I have no interest in going through all of that, but I have also learned to never say never. I could and would love to one day have an extended family, like great friends treated as brothers, cousins, etc for the bonding and awkward Thanksgiving dinners, but who knows what reality will bring on such things, but even those guys would have a probation period.

Speaking of that probation, it’s an absolute. The idea of someone just dropping in to join us at a level we are now is indeed impossible because they have not gone through the hiring process, orientation, probation, and it will be years until they are fully vested. And, even though I did have a full strategic plan in place, what we have now doesn’t match it because the parties involved are much different than who I intended to hire. We have worked hard to make the plan flexible and put a lot of time to make it work and I do not think anyone could, despite their impressive resume, just drop in. They might intern, but that’s a whole other ballgame.

I am not meaning this to come away as cold as I welcome anyone and everyone to have a conversation with us, but, to those guys, please just don’t assume that returning a text is the same as an invitation. I am more writing this to the, in theory, young kinksters who want it all to tell them that they can have it all, but it will take work, it will take time, and it will take some heartbreak at times too. As Walt Disney once said, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.” So, “kids,” have courage and pursue away but be realistic. Remember, just like ANY job description you may get in the muggle world, the real work in a kink relationship will often be glaringly different than described and those guaranteed benefits often change. That’s okay. You can get to a place of happiness in time.

I promise.

By Jack.

Two inches may not seem like much, but it’s huge. It may as well be the size of the span of the earth when all you want is to touch every part of your body against the man who owns it. You are craving maximum surface area contact, but, per his instruction, you can’t get any closer than two inches from the Master that owns you, the body that physically attracts you like no other, the mind that is just as attractive and knows his slave mentally and physically inside and out. Two inches that buzzes with the electricity and anticipation of an entire universe, close but so fucking far away. Two fucking inches, but I am a good boy and I follow the rules.

As Master gets ready for another work trip, I want to save up enough contact with him, enough pain, enough lingering bruises to last until he gets back home. Plugged and collared, cuffs, and chains keep me displayed as an object for my Master’s service on the bed next to where he is packing. He places his clothes for the coming trip on me, stacking them as if I was just a warm table there to use. As he comes near me, I smell him. I try to rub my scruff against his leg as he stands near me. My tongue reaches out, trying to taste whatever part of his body comes near me. He sees this and immediately gags me with a red rubber ball gag to further frustrate me. Worse, my straining titanium tube gives away how hot I find that. How much I want to be free. But, it’s not my choice and I know that. I

Once I am released he leaves me to finish packing his bag, I make sure everything is properly folded and packed away neatly. I carry the suitcase downstairs and put it in the SUV to make sure it is ready for the airport, almost involuntarily cleaning out any trash I see in the SUV while doing this.

Master said to meet him upstairs when I am finished. 

I finish and go back upstairs and meet my Master. The flogger, pain stick and leather paddle are on the bed, still warm from where I had been bound for hours before that. There are now chains there and I know these are the ones that will be used to attach my cuffs to my collar in a hogtie position when Master orders me on the bed. I hate that position, but I also fucking love it too.

He chains me and I struggle to get on the bed. He inspects me. I feel the weight and warmth of his hands move over every bit of his slave’s hairless body, designed by him. He grabs the dick now filling its titanium casing. Multiple fingers slide inside past the plug in this slave’s ass, further expanding me in ways I didn’t know possible. All this slave can think about is getting closer to Master. I want to be so close. Fucking chains.

“Do you need to take my pain?” He asks. 

“Yes Master. Your slave needs to take your pain. He needs to be hurt.”

As Master gives me every ounce of his pain, I crave nothing more than every fucking bit of him. The pain stick leaves distinct marks on my ass. It burns and stings like hell, and my cage fills full as my balls turn from blue to purple. 

Master asks if I need more. “Please, Master,” I beg. As he reaches to get the leather paddle, I feel his leaking cock press against me, and it sends shivers down my spine. I press against him, but I am pushed back down on the bed. The pain of the leather paddle snaps me back into that headspace that craves Master’s pain. When I think I can’t take more, it stops. 

“You need more, slave?”

“Yes Master. I need more of your pain.”

He instructs me to get closer to the edge of the bed, though he knows I can’t so he pulls me. He then asks, “Are you sure?”  I nod and mouth yes Master. 

He unchains the hogtie and I soon feel the flogger sting across my back, my ass, my thighs, my calf muscles, my sides. I writhe but make no sound. My cage is wet and leaking now. Taking my Master’s pain just drives me to need him and want him more. 

Master lays down next to me on the bed. He asks how I am. He checks in on me. He holds me close and tight to his body. I feel his pride for taking so much of his pain and wanting, needing more. 

He pulls me on top of him and I feel his pulsing cock between our bodies. Both leaking and wanting release, but I remember it is still 2022. I have given up an orgasm for the year. I gave it to my Master. He controls it. He owns it and every fucking part of me, Master’s slave. 

He releases my hands and allows me to touch, rub, and massage his body. I happily do it. I see him relax. I see him smile. I hear him moan and grunt as I loosen tight muscles. I feel him beneath me so very close. I lick his body and grind my plug against his leaking cock. I rub my face against his. He leans in to kiss me but pulls my hands behind my back and positions me two inches from his face, and he gives me the command to hold that pose. My legs wrapped underneath his, all of my weight is being held up with my legs using Master as leverage. I still try to kiss him.

As I try and try to get close to Master, he tells me I may get no closer than two inches. I still try to get closer, but he doesn’t allow it.  He reminds me of the two inches. That two inches of mental bondage is stronger than all of the chains as I just want to please him, NEED to please him. I an filled with so much emotion, feeling, unconditional love…GOD.DAMN! Our bodies vibrate together. Another form of denying his slave, and we’re both on fire. 

Master shoves me down and impales his cock in the back of my throat. He holds his slave’s head there. I struggle to breathe, but I want my Master more than air. He uses his slave’s throat, just an object that brings him pleasure. I feel his body get tense, his breathing change rhythm, his thighs shake like they do. I take my Master in my throat, on my face. His body still tense and shaking and breathing hard…my body shakes, I squeeze the plug deeper and tighter. I feel a sensation I can barely describe flow through my body. I get hot and cold and feel goosebumps on my skin. It’s not an orgasm, but fuck it is so close. 

Master pulls me close. He kisses me. He tells me how proud he is to own me and my orgasm and every fucking bit of me. I thank him. We talk. We rest. We get closer physically, mentally, emotionally. Our bond grows deeper and stronger. I’m ready to miss him after he leaves, just so I can show him how much when he returns. 

Two inches may not seem like much, but it is huge to me. 

As I sit in a hot bath filled with foaming Epsom salts, I’m forced to face a fact about aging that I’m not quite sure I’m ready to accept. My mind does find some ease as I watch my full titanium tube bob in the water like some beautifully perverse fishing tackle because with each bob, I ponder the realization why my muscles ache. Mostly, it’s because this body isn’t nearly as flexible as it once was back in my days at the Fire Academy. However, the best reason why is because I had the best day with my Master.

The past week was long, but the long weeks make the time spent with the Master I adore even more exceptional (if more exceptionally exceptional is even really a thing). This time of year is one I enjoy. Coming out from under the cold grip of winter, the yard starts to come to life. My Master’s legs are now visible more often than not in shorts as the temperatures warm (they are fucking amazing legs). Quite honestly, I’m cold natured and I’m glad that the weather is now warmer. The three of us enjoy working in the backyard together, and it just gives me a feeling of family that I can’t exactly describe.

Back to the hurting part…. 

After completing my chores in the yard and taking a shower, Master sent me to the gear closet for a list of items as he showered. After drying my Master, he came in and put me in a very tight hog tie on the bed. Earlier, I took Master’s pain. And, while I was bound on the bed I could see into a mirror and loved that my ass bears the marks of several implements that allowed me the honor of taking said pain. My nipples still burned, too. Master left me there for what seemed like hours just to contemplate about myself, my role, and on how to take what we did and will do this weekend and use it in my muggle life this week to be better, be stronger, and to make him proud.

Out of nowhere, he appeared and held me, flipped my on my back and redid the cuffs on the wrist and ankles and then, also out of the blue, another lock was connected to the posture collar restricting my movement even more as he hooked my ankles and wrists to my neck, thus effectively turning me into ball.  I’m convinced one day I’ll be writing about how an owned dick really can bend titanium as I swear I think I was so excited and so turned on that heat would have radiated from my body.

Then, we played a game. He knows I like to be close to him and, as I tried my best to get close to my Master, he gave me the word that triggers me to get even closer to him as he moved his naked body around and on the bed, JUST out of my tongue’s reach. I struggled like a turtle flipped on his back on a thick memory foam bed. I think I used every muscle but I just couldn’t get close enough.

I tried with my arms, my legs, my feet, my face, my tongue, my mouth. I struggled until I was exhausted. My neck hurt from the posture collar. I was a sweaty mess. My body was exhausted and yet I still wanted nothing more than to get every part of this body in contact with every part of his. He gave me the word to get closer to him again. A struggle between my body and mind ensued and my aching body was close to winning. My Master sensed this, I am certain and he settled me and held me while I calmed down.

While I was still bound (though ankles were removed from my neck), my Master asked what I wanted most at that moment, at that time, and then pointed out he was feeling generous as, at this stage, it is never about my needs (nor should it be). Of course the answer was to get closer to him but I also really needed to sit up to be able to breathe, the second part of my answer. Spring time in the southern U.S. is basically breathing air yellowed by the pollen of the blooming plants and trees which leads to a less than perfect BDSM experience at times.

Of course, I was repositioned again and now being able to breathe, I got closer to my Master. 

Finally.

As he worked his way closer to climax, I felt his body, his breath, his being, his vibrations. I was able to talk in his ear as this was the first time that was allowed. I told him how proud I am to be owned by him, how proud I am to call him MY Master. I also told him how he makes me better. I told him how he feels to touch, how he makes me feel when touched, how physically and mentally he makes me a better man and a most gracious trained slave.

Soon after, he was done hearing me and literally just pushed my head down to where it belongs at times like that. I tasted him and ultimately swallowed him. I wished I was allowed an orgasm too, but I know that’s my my place. However, in moments like this of pure truth, unconditional love, pure being, I know that is far better than one meager orgasm.

Tomorrow I will ache. Tomorrow I will smile.

I have been thinking about the dichotomy between our kinky selves and our muggle selves and how, sometimes, it’s true that the separate lives most of us lead actually, often, make us better in both worlds.

It’s no secret that I limit the amount of muggle me that I let into this blog or Twitter because my professional and family worlds are not two worlds that can ever FULLY mix. However, I made myself a vow years ago that when I could mix elements of them I would and, as a for instance, sometimes I channel my Dom energy to work with a client, though I often have to channel my inner masochist to sit through a meeting for just an hour. In my head I find this entertaining because I have labeled it, but everyone likely does it without thinking.

I find myself fascinated by this and love watching it in the people I have gotten the pleasure to know on both sides of the collar, so to speak. This is not a post about shaming myself or others about keeping these lines separate, because there is a need. I had email from a 22 year old “pup” who bought his mask, named himself, and is 100% out and about being a pup at home, at work, and with friends. He was attempting to shame me for not showing up at a meeting in a harness or being more open so I pushed him. He’s 22, he works in a leather bar, and he lives with six friends he met at IML. He scripted his kink world, but is it real? He said if his world was able to accept his kinks than all worlds should. Isn’t that cute? I hope he’s right and I hope, for him, that he continues to live in that if it is what he wanted. This is different than being yourself and being out and gay, because kink is such a private thing different to all that do we really want to live in a society where mixing the worlds is just a given? Now, do NOT get me wrong, I wish we lived in a more accepting society about kink and a more understanding one at that, but I do think there always needs to be a line, at least professionally. As a for instance, do you really want to be treated by a naked doctor who is locked in a hood because that is “just who he is and this is what his Dominant wanted” or be in a plane where the pilot toddles in in diapers sucking on a pacifier? I mean, I know most of us are are never going to be “who we are” and, for me, that’s okay. For the record, if the doctor or the pilot told me that they were a slave or an infant at home, I’d be very cool with that, but I don’t need to see it in action (unless both were really hot but that is so another story).

Where my fascination really is in watching how the two sides of the people I know diverge and then come together all at the same time. I was thinking this a few weeks ago when my slave and I were sitting and talking and he was asking me for permission to take a shower and then for me to give him his list that showed what scrubs, underwear and plug he was to be in each work day. He was genuinely waiting on this and would be really out of sorts in the morning if he had to pick out his own clothes because that is just not a decision he has to make anymore. However, once those scrubs are on, this man with a locked dick and metal up his ass who was not even allowed to choose his outfit might be standing next to your hospital bed giving you meds, he chose, that might save your life. While he has no ability to control his own penis, he has full ability to save a life or guard a life all at the same time. When we have discussed it, he says that the mind space that he now has free and the peace he now has in not worrying actually makes him be a better at work, makes him more free because he knows that he has me for the small things if that makes sense and can focus on care and safety while at work.

Another time was actually a few days ago when I was talking to a very good, very in the know, friend and he was complaining about customer service and cleanliness at a national retailer he was doing business with. He didn’t know this, but I happen to know the exec vp of customer service for the chain and I happen to also know that he is owned by his husband and would be locked chastity sitting on a giant plug while running this extremely large part of the company. I told him I knew someone and could let him know about the experience, but knowing this couple, I knew the appropriate path would be that I told the exec vp’s Master that a friend had had this experience under his slave’s watch so that he would “be aware”. The next day there was a full letter of apology sent to my friend on behalf of his team and his Master told me that he would now be conducting an audit of how the situation happened and that, while that audit was taking place, he doubted he would be able to sit down at any point along the way. Now, I know this is just a one off situation and just HAPPENS to be how this couple operates, but I do love the fact that a spanked slave might mean that they rest of us no longer have to jump through two hoops and give a drop of blood just to pick up a package.

In this situation, my friend’s Master, who, for the record is a meek elementary school teacher, thanked me for taking that path as he found some self confidence in the power of being able to discipline for a third party infractions and, you know that stirred all sorts of thoughts in my head in good ways.

But, in all of this, there are likely hundreds more stories of how Doms and subs take their private kink to be better in public and I just absolutely love this. I do hope they recognize this as well.

Finally, to my 22 year old friend, I think the whole point of me writing this is to tell you that, yes, as you grow up you are likely going to have to lose the pup mask and work, but you don’t have to ever lose the pup in you. You will learn to channel that energy, obedience, or whatever it is that drives you to make you a better person, employee, parent, whatever. Please don’t think that if you move forward in life you will become boring and slow because you can’t be a 24/7 pup – trust me, you will become boring and slow anyway so enjoy it where and when you can.

It’s been awhile since I really wrote about me. Me. Me. And more, Me.

I stopped writing a great deal when it got too personal, when life got in the way of my kink. I felt I was in danger of turning a kink outlet into a personal diary and, since this ain’t fucking Facebook, I just withdrew a bit. Lately, it has really felt like outside forces had formed to try their best to throw me off my game that I have been in a constant fight to keep winning. During all of this, I met the boy and that boy is who I give a lot of credit for helping me stay in the game and keep things moving forward in kink and muggle life in many ways without a hitch, at least on the surface. Yes, I give Axel credit too and he’s been absolutely amazing, but he is right in the middle of most of the mud with me, so he needed his own propping up as well. The good Dr. Ax is amazing with solving other people’s problems, but that super power is often diluted when closer to home and I also know that it’s not fair for me to expect him to solve my issues either.

I have written about it some on here and it’s been no secret that we have had some personal losses which total 12 people very close to us who left this life for the next, but within that 12, last week we lost the fifth, and final, parent (four parents and one step parent total) all within 22 months, something that broke me a lot more than I admitted at the time. Losing a parent is hard enough, but losing a parent who did not remember you even being born when they died can sometimes be haunting.

And, as the icing on that funeral cake is another life fun that has not been discussed. Three days ago I had my 13th surgery in 15 months for a weird breathing issue I have that is caused by the biology of my neck (9 of 13) that I did not and will not discuss in detail here. Also, the broken foot I had discussed (4 of 13) previously, as I had to show those sexy wearing a jock with a casted/booted leg pics plagued me.  I THINK last week was the final, literal, cut and that the issues have now been resolved through some implanted jumper cords/stimulators in my throat, breathing sensors in my ribs, and batteries inside a tiny computer living just beneath the surface of my chest, but we will see how this plays out in time. As these happened, I didn’t mention these things because they are not relevant to the kink world and, well, fuck, I was afraid Lifetime would call and want to do a weird kink based movie about grief as seen through titanium dicks, bone plates and joints and/or that I would turn on all the drone/robot fetishists out there as I am now closer to that in reality than they are. We do not want a jealous robot uprising this year, friends. I simply do not have the energy for that at the moment.

Oddly, I feel like the people who read this blog are my friends and I felt I owed an explanation of my absence and, perhaps, my change in tone.  We all have flaws but I wanted to hide the fact that I know have new scars, both physical and mental. They had to heal awhile before I was ready to discuss my thoughts on teaching, training and growing a man into a slave while also trying to figure out who the fuck oneself is when he now finds himself in a newly decorated body, in a changed world, with a changed career, without a family while at a very small Easter brunch where there is a slave leashed to the table. It’s all so different and as someone who doesn’t like risk in life and who is worried about what color rental car I will get Tuesday afternoon in New York, change like all this shit is, well, to put it bluntly, hard.

However, not a fucking day goes by that don’t think about ALL of the above without telling myself I am better because of it in some many ways. The self reflection has been huge and good, and over the next few posts about just ME we will go through some of them with the biggest being an upcoming announcement, spoiler alert, that my switchy scale has radically shifted to the right (fyi, that’s okay, but should you ever hear me describe myself with that phrase not directly related to kink- something is wrong, send help)

As for the scars, I will take a step with this post, but actual scars are quite sexy and, when healed, I will show them off with pride. Emotional scars are not as sexy and sweet little silicone patches do not cover them quite as easily, but when they are healed, I will fucking show those off too. It’s just a matter of time for both and as much as I have recently honed my dominant skills, I know my own strength and cannot demand that that go faster.

Finally, this really long post has not been written in any way as a ploy to play a sympathy card as I don’t need that nor do I want that (and, honestly, please don’t). As I said at the start, this was all about me and the simple act of sitting down and writing this out has started something inside of me that feels a bit like healing, a bit like momentum, and a bit like normalcy. 

So, that said, let’s talk about my slave’s titanium dick and the plug he carries for me every day…

A death, whether anticipated or not is an experience unique to a culture, community, family, and individual. The southern part of the U.S. is no exception. I attended the visitation (that’s southern for wake) for someone recently who I felt I needed to pay my respects to, as she was always so good to my number one. Despite working in healthcare, I had a little covid-related anxiety about going. I could see the headlines about a super spreader event traced back to a small town nobody has ever heard of outside of the state. 

I made my way through the receiving line, and have survived the expected incubation period without any symptoms. As I talked with Drew later about the experience, I told my Master about my anxiety and strange feelings I had beyond the covid stuff. He was not surprised. In fact, he hit the nail on the head when he said it was just a reminder of my old life. 

I hadn’t thought of it like that, but it was the truth. Here I was, an owned slave, titanium encased, plugged, and proud of it. The experience was a reminder of a time when that was not the case. It was a reminder of a time that was filled with anxiety, insecurity, and fear at times. I hate those feelings. To say I hated that time in my life would be a lie. Without those experiences, I wouldn’t be who I am today. 

I talked with my Master about this in detail after I thought about it in depth. After listening, he brought tears to my eyes (the pain did that later in the day too, but this was different). He told me that I was worthy of being owned, not owned by just anyone but by him. He is proud of the man (and slave) that I am and have become. A man (and slave) that is confident and strong. A man (and slave) that is loved. A man (and slave) that he owns. I’m my opinion, a man (and slave) that he has helped make proud and confident and strong. Not only does he make me better, but we both see it. Axel, my Daddy, sees it, too.

Imagine this…a love where you can be truly yourself. An unconditional love, even if you happen to be a pervert who craves the feeling of your Master’s pain, his hands inside your (well, technically it is His) ass. That’s what my Master and Daddy give to this slave. I couldn’t be more proud to be owned. I couldn’t be more proud for others to know that Drew is MY Master and Axel is MY Daddy. The next time you see me at a wake, there may just be a grin on my face. It’s a grin because I will be making a list of reasons why I’m glad I have a new perspective on life and reasons why I’m worthy of such a Master and the reason’s I make him proud.

Damn, what an amazing life this slave has!

I think I’m pretty special for a few things. I know that sounds arrogant, so let me explain.

I had a realization today that my Master probably has seen me at my most on edge, mentally, emotionally, kink-ally, than any other being on the planet. The past two years have been stressful for everyone on this big blue ball called earth, to say the least, probably more stressful than we even realize in ways we can’t realize. Even some events we typically categorize in the “good” column of the spreadsheet are physiologically processed as stressors. I don’t think we have fully grasped the potentially long lasting impact covid isolation, deaths, and division amongst people over any number of things like getting the jab (or three or four), wearing a mask, etc..

Covid has been a time of loss, of relief, of stress, job insecurity for our small family of kinksters. Because of covid, I have met Drew and Axel. I have gained a Master and a Daddy who love me for who I am and for what I am and for what I want to be for them. I have found trust in another that I have never experienced before. I have truly felt unconditional love, and I have felt what it feels to grow that love, to trust like I never have before, and to push past limits like never before. I’ve seen that same trust be given to me by them all during a period of time when they have each had tremendous personal losses that forever changed their futures. I guess what I’m saying is that we may be a group of perverts, but I’ve never felt so close to what I’ve always thought “normal” felt like. 

These men have given me permission, in a sense, to be loved and show my true self with a confidence I’ve never had before. Sometimes that love hurts (the good column kind of hurt). Sometimes that love is tired and we just need a nap together. Sometimes that nap looks like me drooling on Drew’s shoulder while we watch whatever bingeworthy show. Other times, it involves locks and chains and leather. The point is still the same. We can take good away from any situation with the people who love us, support us, and get those things in return from us. Do I really think I’m all that special, not really. I do think I have the support of two amazing men, and what we do for each other, that’s fucking special.  

For those who read this, I hope you have something, someone, or just some time to realize your specialness too. If nothing else, I think I say this to just, once again, tell the perverts like me that you can blend kink, life and love and, most of all, you can embrace your inner pervert while doing so. If have learned it doesn’t have to be an either/or type of life and if that’s not special, what is?

As much as I’d like to say I’m perfectly adjusted and am the poster slave for easy going, low stress, no anxiety serviced focused living, you’d laugh if you knew me. 

My Master travels a lot for work, sometimes more than others. The upside is he’s been on all seven continents and has worked all over the world. That is something that fascinates me about who he is and and part of what draws me to him because it makes him so happy. Going into this, I knew he’d be gone some (though not at all in the pre-pandemic level) so, the downside is, I miss him like hell when he’s gone. It’s not a bad thing, it just is. While he is out of town for work, we have a few things that keep us close together no matter how much distance is between us at times. Last Sunday was a day before he left, one I usually try to pay a bit more attention to him, but that day, a bit of a last minute family stressor put me in a foul mood. 

Drew knew that, though.

As I walked in the door, he looked at me as said what’s wrong. As I changed into my uniform, I said nothing, “I’m fine”. He called to Daddy in the kitchen saying the slave is in a funk. “He’s all funked up”. As much as I tried to hide my foul mood, my Master saw it. I was ordered upstairs to get the spreader bars, the leather cuffs, and the ball gag. He said I needed “service therapy” and, as it turns out, I really did.

While I was bound, we discussed the reason for my funk, I massaged my Master. I I looked at his beautiful body and listened intently to him as we talked. I realized a few things that I already knew, but I think they’re worth repeating. I’m a a better man, dad, brother, son, boyfriend, slave, and best friend because of him. I’m a better pervert because of him. I’m better equipped to handle life’s stressors because of him. 

As we continued talking, I continued trying to get closer to him. He tortured my nipples as we talked as he laid out a plan to help me cope with the afternoon’s muggle family gathering. Of course he will be with me. I carry my large plug when he is out of town or when I am at places he cannot physically be with me at. I do it, because it was ordered, but mostly because it acts as an extension of his control over me, he is essentially inside me. I can squeeze him to try to get closer to him. He’s huge and fills me full. It helps to relax me and remind me how loved and owned I am. When I do this, I know he will be with me, close to me, inside of me. In essence, having him inside me and trying to squeeze him closer to me, calms me and keeps me incredibly turned on at the same time. I’ll carry the large plug from then until he gets back from his work trip in several days.  

I offer my nipples to him. He bites them, and it hurts. I am quiet, taking all of his pain. He looks up and grins at me. Grabbing the filled titanium tube, the contents completely owned by him. As he squeezes my tits harder and harder, he grins as I take all of his pain. He tells me how proud he is of me. How happy he is to see me take all of his pain. By this point, I’m lost in his beautiful eyes. I tell him how proud he makes me. How proud I am to be owned by a man like him, how proud it makes me to call him my Master. I tell him, “I love you Master, every fucking bit of you. You own every fucking part of me, inside and out.” I thank him for allowing me to take his pain. It reminds me that I am loved when I’m still sore the following days. To be clear, this is not abuse in the domestic violence way, but in a consensual “do it harder” kind of way.

This bond, this trust, this unconditional love makes us whole. I’ll be sore for the next few days as a reminder of this. I’ll carry the large plug to remind me until he returns from his work travels. I will squeeze him tightly inside me when I need a little extra reminder that I am never without him. Fuck, I know just how indeed lucky I am. 

One last thought, as weird as it sounds, I’m glad I miss him. I have thought about the why is this and, I believe the missing part is an indication of things to come. I miss his presence, but I know he is coming back. What’s the point in missing someone who isn’t coming back? The missing part is good on some other weird level. It reminds me I’m owned by an amazing man who makes me a better man. My Master makes my knees weak, my titanium cage full, and all sorts of other things. He’s worth missing, he’s worth carrying inside of me when he’s gone, and he’s worth being greeted by a well trained slave ready to take his pain when he gets back home. 

I had a conversation about dom/sub relationships with someone the other day. I’m no advice columnist, but I’m as much my Master’s slave as he is my Master. Are we equal? No. Are we unequal? Well, no. While I may be his chattel, I’m a man, made better by my Master. I’m proud to be made better by him, and in turn I think we make each other better men and better humans. 

Last night was a rare night in that the boy was unlocked the whole time he was with me. It started as a need to deep clean and soak the cage and, in the process, a small red spot was discovered so for safety’s sake, I told him to stay unlocked for a day or two until it could get better.

Now, while it is always covered in titanium, his dick is truly something to behold. I mean, I know it’s not the right tool for a sub to have and we have taken measures to mitigate that, but while he’s a small statured man, his dick is built for someone two to three times his size. It has a left facing curve that I suspect was created by the sheer fact that when growing up it had to evolve itself to fit into his pants.

That dick aside, it’s not something I generally play with or even see. I like him denied and in being denied he doesn’t get to be touched or ogled at either. That said I often tease him about things with “let’s go get a pizza and when we get home, would you like to ejaculate?” or “If you do x I might let you come” but, deep down, he knows I am not serious because we all know he gave up the right to have a (traditional) orgasm in 2022 (as well as in 2021) and he knows I will not allow him to go back on that decision. We are working on the left ear orgasm I have been training him to have, but that will take some time.

But, last night, last night was different.

There was a sexual tension that was strong and, for me and him, I have the ability to talk directly into his ear and, in doing so, he fires up and in some ways almost becomes robotic. We were sitting in the floor together, he was naked and collared, and I starting pinching his ass which had just received about 500 licks an hour before. They were hard licks too as, after we finish, I always give him the choice for more. Last night’s choice was he could kiss me, but each kiss would cost him an additional 10 hard licks with the heavy leather paddle. He kissed me, and again, and on his third attempt I said, “are you sure, boy, this is a heavy price” to which he said “yes Master, it is worth to me.” So, since he was paying, he got a kiss worthy of the impending pain and, when we were done, I even gave him a free one as I am indeed a generous guy.

That is where the tension had come from and, last night, I really did think that I wanted him to come. I made him be still, gave him the no talking command, and then I pinned him back and started playing with that curved, massive member. I fondled, I licked, I even sucked a bit too and the boy was vibrating, He knew better than to come, but I think he was mighty close and I had to try to think about what a punishment would be if he did and realized that we have never set one because I am that sure in his ability to stay chaste for me.

I felt him pulse, I felt it coming, so I stopped. I repositioned him so that he was effectively sitting in my lap with his back to my chest which gave me perfect access to speak directly into his ear while I rolled my Southern drawl in a more than whispered effect while also stroking his dick in a beautifully choreographed rhythm to my voice. And, of course, I was continually pushing his almost permanently installed plug up and down inside of him.

I said, “what would you do to come boy?”

He said, “umm mph

I said, “before you come, I am going to do x and x and x to you so that you will have so much of me inside you that you will have no choice. Do you want that boy”

He said, “god damn, Sir”

I said, “but to be a good slave you will have to do x and x and x and it’s gonna fucking hurt”

He said, “Fuck Sir, anything, ANYTHING for you Sir”

I said, “anything, slave?”

He said, “EVERYTHING SIR. YOU FUCKING OWN ME SIR” (his whole body was vibrating)

I said, “Do you want to come boy, just tell me, just tell me”

He said, “It’s not my choice to make Sir, but mmmmmm, mmmmm, FUCK”

I said, “picture yourself coming with me doing x and x and x while you simply have no choice to take it and any pain

He said, “Fuck, Sir, FUCK, Sir, that is so fucking” (and then his voice started cracking)

I said, “Okay, slave, you are ready, are you ready, fuck I bet you are ready

He said, “tell me Sir, fucking tell me Sir

I said, “Okay, boy, you earned this, picture your Mother naked boy, picture her absolutely naked

He said, “mmmmmmmm, mmmmmm, no Sir, that’s terrible, and oh fuck Sir:

And, as I absolutely stopped all physical contact with him, I said, “Lock up and bring me the key, You have 10 minutes. Oh the plug stays in until tomorrow

I have to wonder, did he really think I was going to allow such behavior? And, yes, I know I used X in place of the actions, but use your imagination, we can’t tell all our secrets.