I feel like owe those who follow me an apology because I just took an unplanned leave of absence from the blog and kink world over the last six weeks or so, but I won’t apologize. I will, however, offer an explanation of more than just my regular busy with work thing. And, yes, I absolutely fucked myself with work because I was chasing an elusive mark that would propel me into a second quarter bonus opportunity that would make life a lot more fun this Fall. It’s something I said I would never do when I reached other milestones in my career, but when it is right there in front of you, it’s like the perfect penis. It’s hard to not just reach out and touch it lightly, then fondle a tad, followed by a grab, and then before you know it, that thing is so deep inside of you that you cross the line from amazing sensual sexual fucked to full on being fucked as the lube starts to dry out. For me, that meant the last six weeks has been 17 cities, 49 flights, two continents, seven countries, and lots of Diet Coke and McDonalds.

In addition to this, someone I love as much as life (not Axel) fell off the wagon after 11 months clean from a pretty nasty addiction to meth that, while not ever having been discussed in this blog, involved me finding him on the floor about 15 months ago, his confession of at least a year’s prior addiction, and lots and lots of handholding and family nights with him at the after work group therapy place. He was doing so well – until he wasn’t when friends found him high again while I was down under. I returned from Australia at the last minute to hold his hand a bit before going back just four days later. It was under control and there were plans for structured counseling and more hand holding so I went back, came home ten days later and then he stood me up for dinner. Knowing the patterns of behavior now like I do, I used my keys and found him on the floor again. I honestly thought he was dead and as I was checking for breathing he woke up. He jumped. I screamed. He punched me. I screamed. He pissed himself. We rode to the mental hospital. He stayed. I left.  Subsequently, I got so incredibly angry that I could not focus on ANYTHING for a week or so. Unfortunately, it was a very pivotal week for me as I had two huge presentations to do, one with my boss, and I fucked them up beyond belief and am still paying for them, and likely will for years as I suspect a client will be lost.

I left Ax to deal with this since the initials after his name say that’s his specialty and because I was just flat out tired. We all knew he needed immediate help and Ax and some therapy buddies were able to find a 30 day facility in Oregon and hire a former military companion addiction escort to fly next to him and deliver him behind doors of the facility. The whole thing was so expensive and, luckily, he’s a mid-fifties banker that could cover it, but I could not get my mind off of what someone without that level of support would be able to do in the same situation. It crushed me.

Dealing with that, the incredibly weird jet lag that followed, the lost client, and my Alzheimer’s mother temporarily not knowing my name for the first time almost broke me, but it didn’t. Of course, over in Thumper Land he was unlocked and not feeling kinky at all, so that right there signaled the world was off track, big time! It was weird and a bit of a lost feeling, but I am not one to dwell in that area more than needed.

So, in a moved that surprised even me, I started watching my Twitter friends more and quietly reading and following them from the side and had the best damn time! It’s amazing how the like button can just create little families of strangers that can say the right thing at the right time, even when it has NOTHING to do with the situation at home. I love these strangers.

After that, Ax and I were introduced to a hot little pocket gay in his 30’s who wants nothing more than to be a slave to an “older” couple. It moved very fast and was very fun, but in the light of reality, we will not rush things and I am set to meet him in person in mid-July when we are in the same place.

Then, I decided to take some time off and will be home (with a few work calls here and there) for the next week and then Ax and I are going to a Hawaiian beach for the 10 days after that where we have promised each other kink and sex and naked time galore (and the completion of about 27 home projects too)

I cannot wait.

Of course, my Dom side is racing now too – so this should be a fun week.

So, I’m back. Be warned

Hope or Delusion? The Modern Kinky Personal Ad

Over the last two weeks I have been to five countries and thirteen cities. This is just my life and not the point of this post, but one of my habits in each place is to always look at Scruff, Recon, or similar (I am too old to have a Grindr account) to just look at the men and see who is there. Plus, it’s not secret that I have met and made some really nice friends from these places, so it’s always, well, sometimes, a win/win.

While this is just as likely to occur in the straight vanilla world just as much or if not more than what I see in mine, there its a sense of hope or delusion or something that these people are going to find THE perfect match in some way or another and, in many cases, it seems like they will be unwilling to settle.

By this, there are the standard  5’2″ 400 pound men who insist that they can only dominate men “who care about their bodies and work out” or the “must be height/weight proportional”, we’ve all seen the hypocrisy in those ads (and no, this isn’t fat shaming, this is just reality and the lack of proper mirrors in some homes). But, these ads are not really the ones that I am talking about as I am focusing more on the ones that think they might also find a magic lamp in their posting.

Specifically, the ad that made me think about this was last weekend when I was in rural Tasmania and there was a local guy on recon whose ad said the following:

“Single, 48 year old kinky Master in XXXXXX village seeking slave to own part time leading to full time. Seeks hispanic male, ages 33-36, between 5’10” and ‘6’2″, must be smooth, must have post graduate degree, must be willing to accept complete ownership, MUST BE LOCAL and do not message if not.

Now, there are so many things wrong with that ad in general, but the MUST BE LOCAL just really made me giggle, especially because finding any hispanic man, much less an 6’1 kinky smooth slave is not that easy in all of Australia, but in rural, in the mountains, Tasmania? It made me giggle for hours because how in the hell can he even think he’d find that?

BUT, then I started thinking about it a different way that if this dude REALLY wants just this type and REALLY thinks that this tall, smooth, educated hombre will REALLY make him the perfect Master, then why not put it out there? I thought about messaging him to ask about his luck but, even though I am 6’1 and have the degrees,  I am far from hispanic and smooth and way over age, so I didn’t want to “disrespect” him by messaging – lol.

So, if this and only this will make his world, then good for him. However, I think I may have to start a personal ad coaching business to help the rest of the people phrase things a bit more realistic. I mean, in my muggle job I coach executives about how to be a better leader, so it certainly could apply here as well. I believe in disclaimers and feel everyone can say “muscle guys are my biggest attraction, BUT, that doesn’t rule out others” or something similar. Of course, maybe I just feel that way because 20 years ago my ad would have said (or maybe it did being aol and all) “most attractive to short, blond, light eyes, tall, smooth men with sweeping hair and a very outgoing personality” but I then married a quiet tall hairy man with a balding head of dark brown hair and eyes so dark I often wonder if he has demon blood, You know, exactly my type – Ha, but despite the fact he looks nothing like my ad, I love him madly anyway and am very glad I included the disclaimer.

So, I ask, you know for my future editing business, are these ads full of hope or delusion? or, does it matter at all?

The other question is why do I care? I mean I am always offended by the ones that discriminate by saying “No Asians” or “HIV negative only” or the ABSOLUTE WORST “Clean only” and really wish those could be reported, but if people are reaching for the stars in non offensive ways why should I worry?

Anyway, this was a nothing post about really nothing but am curious as to how others read these and if you read them with hope or with delusion in mind of the writer?


Hello from a tiny little corner of New Zealand. It’s such a fascinatingly beautiful, quirky little country that I can’t help but smile every time I am here. Just based on Twitter, recon and Scruff, it seems to be a kinky little country as well.

Anyway, over the last few months I have casually been texting here and there with a new sub who connected with me through this blog for advice, some mentorship-ing, and just general chat. The funniest part is he has the exact same job I had 15 years ago, so I feel this very weird Dad vibe with him regardless of whether he embraces his kink or not, but we do laugh because our mixed conversations about chastity, plugging, and percent utilization of suspect pooling would be enough to scare any HR officer sideways should we have worked in the same company. He is married to a kinky sub who has encouraged him to find a Master or a Sir as he (his partner) has zero desire to ever take control of him. His main kink at the moment is chastity, and he looks really nice in his Holy Trainer that I push him to wear more and more.

However, he won’t wear it to work without an absolute threat and, when he does, he reports that he sits at his desk all day praying that no-one will look at his crotch. I have been kinda hard on him pushing more and more though I can’t say I would have been much different at his age. My excuse, however, is I didn’t have anyone telling me it would be okay, so why not just blindly follow my advice? I get it and, well, I still get unlocked when I am giving a speech because generally if I am on a stage and if the lights are right, people are exactly at crotch level and I feel, even now, that the world would notice thus interfering with my ability to work. I would not be able to finish. So, alas, I have patience with him and am trying to gently coach him along.

This all got me thinking about the crux of this story, face pics. Dude and I have had lots of conversations and this is an area I do feel a bit of a hypocrite about because I don’t post them. On site like Scruff where the message is “nice guy who travels a lot and loves to make new friends”, I absolutely post it without any worry because, in 95% of the cases, I really am just looking for new friends (and, yes, that caveat is spelled out in the profile). In situations like this blog, Twitter, or recon, where my message is “HEY YOU GUYS!!!!!, HEY HEY, LOOK AT MY SHINY SHINY TITANIUM SUPER PENIS”, I am a bit more reserved and don’t disclose a great deal about my real life and never show a face, though I will always gladly send one to anyone who cares.

It’s this dual identity thing that suddenly is giving me pause because, how can I be a real role model if I am not willing to 100% own what I like attached, inside, and around my body? I feel it’s a double standard in so many ways and I see exactly what I am doing. However, the other side of me that has worked hard for 20 years to build a very unique career that is not particularly non-public, is just terrified about the details of my sexual life mixing with the public life. It’s not a gay thing as I very publicly changed my name to the same as Axel’s and will talk about my incredible husband to anyone who dares look at my left hand, but it is a kink thing and I, to this day, cannot figure out if its a privacy thing or a shame thing, though I think it once was one and now is the other.

When I think about this I think about two figures from the interwebs that I admire incredibly for their public embracement of what gets them off and I often think about how much I thank them for doing so. The funny thing is, I have never met either one and have not had any more than a brief few words on Twitter or recon with them directly either. And though it might sound slightly stalkerish, one of these helped shape me and the other continues to guide me, even without their knowledge.

The first is Ruff, from @ruffstuffsblog on Twitter. He is a few years younger than me, but we started coming out in kink about the same time, but he just went exponentially faster than me and way more public. But, despite the fact he was a Twink’s age at the time, he showed me the “normal side of kink” through his generous display of pictures, comments and such things and continues to do so through his blog and Twitter feed. My claim to fame here is that I actually did stand next to him once at MAL, but I was shy and he was in a full latex catsuit and Ax was holding my leash a bit too short. I laugh because muggle facebook thinks he and I should be muggle friends at least once a week (mutual friends), so they clearly do have all of my data. I have no idea if you will read this, Ruff, but thank you for being so out, kinky and proud as you have led a generation in many ways,

Second, also in the recon and Twitter world is Sir Steven, aka @TXLTHRMAN on Twitter. He and I have a mutual real life friend as well, but I have watch him “grow” online the last few years and this young Sir owns his dominance (and a slight submission at times) and just displays it through the internet with a sense of grace and pride that only a true Texan would have. Again, I’ve never met or even talked with him seriously, but if you follow him you will see why I am drawn to him. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or not, but I watch the tweets he likes from the younger (and some of us older) boys, subs, doms, and other (especially the others) and he continually gives affirming comments, likes, and more than I know if something that really does help the growing kinkster. So, should you also read this, keep this up, Sir, there are many out there who silently very much appreciate it I am sure.

So, back my face drama, I really don’t know but am edging closer and closer to just baring it all which sounds so funny since the world could likely pick my dick out of a crowd I have so many pics of that flapping around out there.

I shall continue this debate in my head, but I now have a flight to Australia to catch and a dessert bar in the club calling all three of my names.



Shiny Security – Korean Style.

The broader point of this post has been on my mind for months, but I have not been able to figure out how to actually express my thoughts on it. However, I am in Hong Kong and it’s the middle of the night, so I thought I would give it a go. The overall theme of this is “owning your kink”, something I have struggled with for years. For me, it’s been a staged effort where most of the time I am not actually aware I have slipped into another stage of ownership until it’s presented to me in some way. This week, that presentation was me standing at the transit security check at the Seoul Airport at 3am in the morning while watching each of my chastity cages, and their supporting rings, wands, and other bangles, ride through the big gray tray all shiny and sparkling like little erect penises lined up proudly in a row.

To go back about ten minutes, I was transferring planes in Seoul on my way to China (I’m in Hong Kong now which is how I can write this) and my plane was almost an hour early arriving at something like 3:15am. I was one of the few connecting souls in Seoul (see what I did there?), so the transit line wasn’t very long and I, being toward the front of the plane, was toward the front of the line (as an FYI, for those who may not know my lingo, this area is where if you are connecting to another international flight, you simply have to have your carryons’s rescanned by the country you are in before being allowed into the airport).

Indicative of most other things in my life, my carryon backpack is very compartmentalized with each compartment also has little zipper pouches thus further giving all sorts of clues to my type A side. As we have discussed, Axel does not make my fly internationally locked for a variety of reasons, but he likes to choose which device I wear where (again, see what I did there?) so I take them all in a small zipper gray pouch along with six or other little pods that contain medicine, chargers, cords, more chargers, my Dodger’s cap, and a few more chargers. I have actually been commended by airport security before because it’s easy for them to see and, when they have had to open my bag for something, the little packs just go in the tray and I wait, repack and am on my way.

Except this time. This time as my carryon pushed through to me, I had that sinking feeling that one gets when they see their other bag come out of the shoot, lift slightly, go left, and then ride the conveyor belt behind the plexiglass as if they have surely found out I was carrying something I had no idea I had. As the bag came to rest, these two Korean agents who didn’t speak a word of English motioned me to stand on the two yellow feet on the floor as they proceeded to open the back and lift each little pouch out. That has happened many times to me in the past and they run the bags back through, smile and let me pack and leave. However, this time, I watched as the two men unpacked each of my cubes and laid all the items out one by one on the tray. As freaked as I was I did realize that they had done a fabulous job is setting a beautiful display and my cords and chargers were stunning and, again, I was moire freaked that I really didn’t care because those are part of me and that’s that. Then, then, they got to the penis bag containing everything and anything I have used to control my penis or those peni around me.

He lifted the bag, I wet my pants a little, and then he proceeded to lay every thing out, each screw, wand, ring, and phallic shaped device (I had my two Steelwerks and one Steelworxx Steelheart in there) was perfectly arranged on a beautiful display of control that might be what a museum in the year 2230 would show when talking about primitive orgasm control. As this happened, they did not make a single glance my way, didn’t say a word to each other, and he took my tray and broke into the line of families now ready to be processed and laid it down and let it ride. I felt like I should be mortified, but I wasn’t. I was worried about what pictures I would have to draw in the small booth as there was no way I could even think to make google say “locked dick” in Korean. I so wanted to take pics and document this, but, of course, they also had my phone.

So, as my penises slowly rode the belt of shame, I waited being quite proud of myself for not turning red, not shaking, or not doing anything other than planning on trying my best to tell the story of Thumper, me, orgasm denial, and butt plugs, all in Korean at 3:30 in the morning. But, nothing happened. My other items came through and the agent gently packed them back into the cubes and put them in my bag, but when the dick bag came, he actually packed it all back up, carefully making sure he got every screw and bauble and then zipped the bag and, instead of putting it back in my bag, he walked around the glass and handed me the bag with the two hand gesture often used in Asian countries, said something in Korean, and then sent me on my merry way.

I have no idea what he said but am so fucking curious it’s making me laugh over and over again. But, we shall see as I am off to New Zealand tonight and get to play this airport game over again.

The Rabbit, the Lizard, and the Troll

As most of you know, over the last four years Thumper and I have had a relationship that vacillated between pure, raw, kinky dirty sex to baseball to control and challenge games where I issue orders and he follows them. Usually those involve something in or on him, but it’s helped us both maintain a level of D/s regardless of whether there is sex or not. It’s actually now been over a year since I have seen him in person due to schedules, families and life (Warning: passive aggressive comment ahead) and I have no idea when the next time will be as I have actually decided to stop trying for awhile as my last six or eight attempts have been bad on his end, so the plug’s in his court on those (passive aggressive comment over).

But, anyway, we are maybe two years out of the boyfriend status that we used to say we had (and we did) and I technically have no official claim on his ass when not in a specific challenge, but something happened this week that kicked in my Dom side and I couldn’t help but insert myself into a situation where I was worried that he would be hurt as his lizard versus rabbit brain was clearly siding with the lizard . I was hesitant at first because there is no inherent right to his ass, but the reality was that, for me, once a Dom always a Dom and whether active or not, when we formed that side of our relationship I made a promise to protect him that I didn’t limit to just when my collar was locked on him.

If you follow him on Twitter, you will have seen that this week he was approached by a guy online who we have both talked with in the past who has always wanted to give Thump orders. This guy, while nice, has always been a bit sketchy in that he has no email, no real picture, and won’t reveal anything about himself that could be real – you know, the three SCREAMING red standard red flags, but Thump has always been drawn to him despite those things. I have interjected before and stopped anything while telling dude to back off and, in true online fashion, he’d disappear for months and then be right back at it again. He talks a great talk and if he were real and it was an option, I’d likely drive Thump to him and hand over my rights to anything because they actually have that much in common in the kink and dirty talk world that they’d be naked together forever. But, something has always been off and I have no trust in him, but, being virtual, I always kinda thought what real damage could be done by talking?

Well, not too much for most people, but the thing about Thumper is that when he is in his sub space, he IS IN HIS sub space. It’s almost trance like and the 50+ man who is widely successful in non kink life, suddenly becomes this passive being who can only use the words Sir, hole, plug, fuck, and cage. I admire the fuck out of him for being able to do that and there were times in the past I had to rely on myself to stop myself, because he’d have let me do anything I wanted to him and I could have easily done it. But, we had boundaries and rules and I also know that when he comes out of that trance, it’s sometimes not pretty, so I felt a had a duty to protect.

So this week, I could tell dude was getting him to that sub place just trough texts and phone calls. He cannot hide it from anyone, though I am likely more attuned to it than most. He started talking about dude and how he wanted to do whatever he said, so Drew’s Dom voice stepped in from wherever I was an absolutely insisted that dude talk with me and that he be bound by a set of guidelines I established (which included Thump getting rid of the stupid font he was using on Twitter that made everything look stupid – you are welcome, Twitter). Thump wanted to submit for a week, but I insisted on just 48 hours and messaged Thump and dude saying that along with a variety of other things, like family time is family time and that his career CANNOT be brought into it, etc. In addition, I insisted that they use a group message that allowed me to watch, but I said I would not participate in the conversation. Immediately, dude told him to do something that would have made it obvious to Belle and Thump was actually starting it and I stepped in as a warning. That was fine and the next day they talked incessantly (which was so fucking annoying as my watch and phone buzzed for hours on end) but Thump seemed to be enjoying himself and, after verifying that with him separately a few times, I let them be. I was with a brand new client and they decided to take me to dinner, so I dropped offline for about two hours, and, though I felt my watch buzzing like mad, but with a new client I could not be rude and keep looking, so I let it be even more. However, when I got back to my hotel and logged in, it was a hot mess with dude repeatedly giving orders outside our agreement, Thumper trying his best to not say no, dude being belligerent, and Thump trying. I immediately stepped in and stopped it and sent dude packing (though Thump has likely yet to block him), but the texts flowed from Thump about how when the line was crossed he felt violated but could not stop the guy, who conveniently messaged that he had a family emergency that was going to keep him offline for about a week. Yeah, right, of course.

Anyway, Thump was hurt and I think embarrassed, but I think it was likely a very strong lesson learned for him on multiple levels. In the end, all is fine and there was no actual harm done, but being able to witness this incredible guy suddenly turn into a pool of submissive juice was extremely eye opening because the sub mind is truly fascinating as I don’t think my switch brain would ever get close to that on either side. But, the flip is I also realized that even without planning or thinking, a Dom’s role IS to protect and in this situation, Thumper and I did this right.

I’ll be curious to see how this plays out in the future, especially because I didn’t want Thump to use it as a source of withdrawals from being the guy who accepts orders, as he truly does thrive on that even after the drama (as he is at work now sitting on a giant plug wearing briefs chosen by me – how’s it feel, Thumpie?) and that’s fantastic! I’ll be interested to see the comments here and see where this goes now. And, fyi, dude is blocked on my end forever and I hope the lizard allowed the rabbit to do the same in Minnesota.

The Forever Penis: The Steelwerks Crucible 2.0


As many of you know, I have had my very own, very personalized, very beautiful Steelwerks Crucible 2.0 for a bit over two months. I have tried many times to start a review of the cage like I have my other ones, but something about this cage feels so different and yet so right that it’s been a struggle to find the exact words. This review is less about the stats and less about me saying “you must go buy one now” and more about the mental reaction caused by this creature that makes you stop and think about a few things. Now, Chris would kill me if I didn’t actually mention that you can buy your own that will be based on your own dick, not someone else’s, and then carved from a single block of titanium (ie:no seams to irritate). Plus, breaking news, SW now has a BEAUTIFUL new version that uses the traditional ring versus the piercing so all you non-PA’d guys can have both the security and beautifully shiny crotch that I have too (spoiler alert: I am going to interview the original locked man in that beauty soon).

But back to the cage and my lack of words. I have mentally been thrown since the minute I put the Crucible on as basically, this cage is so good one could wear the rest of his life without needing much of anything or ever orgasming again (it’s sanitary, airport proof, and looks like a penis in pants). THAT is what scared me and made me realize that Axel and I are not ready to even remotely try that level of management. It also made us aware that we just might want to get there but, first, we had to get a few things done and the to-do list just kept growing. Apparently, we are/were not quite ready to be so adult and, most importantly, the levels of stress and clutter in our lives continued to grow despite our best attempts to say we made good attempts. So, while it almost sounds stupid now, this one cage represented something to us that made us want to be better and get our shit together to move into the next life phase, whatever that may be. We made a vow to declutter what we could, adjust our thinking along some kinks, and just be more together when we are together. I would say we vowed to workout more and eat healthy, but you know, we do have limits.

So, over the last few weeks, while in the shadow of the crucible hanging between my legs, we actually started simplifying, just to get ready for a cock cage.  He started by closing a practice/business that was costing us money personally each month, we’ve updated our insurance and wills, we have done the whole big picture financial piece (and got scared and went for pizza), cleaned out about 80% of the drawers and closets at home, updated CV’s, and this last weekend we hired movers to come take away about 12 pieces of furniture we had that we really didn’t like and/or no longer had a need for to take to what will be a family estate sale in a few months.

No, I am not going to be locked in this forever, but I could be. When you put this on it’s amazing in how it really feels like your own dick, just in titanium and just slightly more endowed. It’s so light that you can’t even feel a weight as well which is odd.  In fact, when it comes down to it, I am almost bothered by the comfort of it and have contracted with SW to make me a new locking scrotal cuff that will allow the bottom of my PA to lock into it, thus seriously constructing the freedom the caged penis has without it. I know that sounds odd, but there are times when you want chastity to feel like chastity and when that time is for me, I will have the o ability to click the lock down to the ring and be a bit more managed, shall we say. And, yes, with this cage you can get hard, and while I have admittedly not really tried too hard, orgasm would be tough with this because it’s so slick that there is really nothing to grab nor any feeling when you do.

Bottom line, this is likely one of the most advanced pieces Steelwerks has ever made and is the perfect device for lifestyle lockers as it could be the forever penis many often dream about. For me, I still have a few weekends of cleaning the closets but we are getting closer.


Wanted: Kinky on the Side (again)

IMG_3783Hi, as usual, from the sky. I am heading cross country today to California for just a day after getting back from Australia over the weekend. The travel has gotten to a point where any adventure is really nullified, but I am trying my best to not allow that to happen.

In kink news, I, frankly, have never felt kinkier in my life and am so sitting on the edge of go and ready to strip to my cage and go to town, but each time I think I am starting, forces beyond my control have shut me down and spiraled me mentally backwards for a brief bit. The first was two weekends ago in Sydney where I had been talking to a really cute man who was kinky as fuck on the dominant side. He and I just really clicked. After some intensive conversations, we decided it was time to meet and, unlike my usual nature, I felt so safe that I was going to meet him at his nearby apartment where we would go for a drink and talk. Axel knew all about this and endorsed it heavily. My friend Mack knew it as well. All was good until I got there where there was a strange looking dude standing at the door of the complex. My new mastery friend buzzed me in and the strange dude followed. I let him go first because I didn’t feel the love from him and had wondered if I has just accidentally buzzed a jewel thief inside while feeling a bit bad. Then creepy dude suddenly went to the exact apartment I was going to, knocked and went in. I messaged my friend immediately to say I saw that and that I would be leaving and didn’t hear from him for six to eight hours and, when I did, he was high as he could be and gave off a significant Meth vibe that I have learned from my friends who have had issues in the past. I felt stupid and really questioned myself, but I was safe and in the scheme of things, that was the important factor. While I think this guy would have been incredibly fun, burn me at the beginning and we are done.

Fast forward two weeks and my arrival home. There was someone Axel and I had both been talking with in a training, perhaps cuckold situation, and it had been months of nice gentle conversation. We had set a time to meet, just for a drink or three, and an hour before he messaged running late and that was all there was . Ghosted ever since. That may or may not be a misunderstanding as Ax and I had both been talking to him, so maybe there was wire crossed, but for now, it’s off the table and again, I feel like I was played.

All of this is simply me trying again, because, I have decided I need a new Thumper. Plain and simple. Yes, I still have a friendship and a maybe sex/maybe not relationship with Thump (though we were supposed to meet tonight in LA and he cancelled on me so I am reevaluating the whole thing – kidding, Thump). But, in hindsight of the days when Thump and I did see each other once or twice a month where I could abuse him, I was at my kinky best. The regular outlet of kink, BDSM, and a bit of polyamory fueled me, allowed stress to be relieved, and actually increased my relationship with Axel as we were both very happy with how things were going. I even enjoyed writing then, something that has failed me since.

So, its time and saying that, consider this my own personal ad of sorts:

If you have a penis (naked or locked) and are Dom, sub, older than 45 and have a professional demeanor with a kinky as fuck side while also wanting something regular without being the main, please apply within. Distance can be dealt with easily..

While I semi joke with that, there is more truth to it than not because I am just not a random NSA guy and the thrill of getting to deeply know a kinkster inside and out (literally) is a huge driver for me. I think I have failed to admit this to myself over the last year as I didn’t want the whole Drew and Thumper show to end,  but I now realize it was cancelled two years ago, or at least in the format it began in and that is not coming back despite how we feel about each other or if we still get naked. I am best with an “on the side” and it’s time I find him again*. Period.


*referrals gladly accepted and finder’s fees may or may not apply.