A Steelwerks Extreme Review

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending the day with my friend, Chris, owner, designer, janitor, secretary, CFO, CEO, and, most importantly, artist in residence of Steelwerks Extreme in Montreal, Canada. Thanks to Mother Nature and the inability of Delta Airlines to be able to fly through “extreme wind” in New York, I then had the pleasure of spending an almost extra whole day with him too.

To be honest, Chris and I rapidly developed a friendship last year when I ordered my first custom hollow barbell and the relationship has continued to grow as my purchases have as well. It’s an unusual friendship for both of us as he generally is a shy, quiet “artist type” and I generally can’t be friends with anyone who won’t return an email within a week, but, somehow, like Felix and Oscar we bonded. He’s teaching me all about metal, latex and kinky people while I am teaching him about airplanes, time sheets, and my own brand of kinky people. He’s a good guy, a super friend, and, for the record, has a wife so charming, sweet, and, well, hot, that the tiny less than one percent of me that might have a straight gene took note. Just sayin’.

Anyway, this is not about Chris the man, as much as it is Chris the artist and I only stated the above to make sure my clear bias as to his business is stated and to basically say that I understand that my 48 hour all access pass to him, his family, and his business team is a rarity reserved for only a few. However, because of that, and with his permission, I decided to write this ad hoc review of Steelwerks as an “insiders glance” at how, what, and why things are the way they are. Specifically, these days with him showed me why he doesn’t return emails quickly, why every piece that comes out of there is different than the previous one, and, probably often the elephant in the room, why his pieces are at the top of the price spectrum and why he generally asks each client not to talk about what they paid for their device, as there really is no actual comparison piece by piece.

Steelwerks Extreme is a small, non-descript building in downtown Montreal surrounded by new construction, chain link fencing, and a lot of German cars. From the outside, one could say that it looks like a small house or flat, however, as soon as you open the door, you are hit with an aroma of metal, wood, and burning hot machinery that makes me think of my grandfather’s workshop from when I was a wee lad combined with a sweet yet smokey smell that just screams the word masculinity. Upon entering you see machines, benches and raw metal rods that are rather innocently stacked there having no idea that they will wind up one day wrapped around a man’s junk or inside (or outside, I am still really not clear about this) a lady’s most private parts. This is where he takes the most simple of elements and heats, bends, shapes, and molds them in painstaking detail one by one by one.

Yesterday, he and I spent the morning adding a “gap protector” to my cage, the Axel, because I was having issues with my really delicate skin (I’m like a daisy, you know) becoming irritated between the gap opening which caused me the kind of swelling one doesn’t really ever want to see in their pants. When this happened, I texted him a picture of my puffy penis (you know, like we all do to our friends), saying something like “the cage is fighting me” to which he said, “I have no idea what to do about that, but give me some time and I will make it right, but take that off right now”.

As requested, I gave him time he needed and he took all of it, seven or eight whole minutes, before texting me back with “I have three ideas, but here’s the one I like most” which was accompanied by a 3D sketch of a piece of titanium perfectly sized to “mind the gap” and slide right in thus protecting my tender testicles from ever trying to escape via the northern path again. My trip to see him and his shop was already planned, so he said to just bring it with me and that we’d fix it together, which I did, and then we did.

He picked me up from my swanky hotel with a great tub and fascinating carpet and we went to the aforementioned shop, I got settled in this fascinating 1920’s kinky barber chair he has mounted in the front, and then he produced the roughest looking little piece of titanium that matched the 3D drawing and said, “Here it is. I am going to see if it fits and then make it pretty”. He disassembled my cage and slid that piece right into the sweet spot (yes, I know how that sounds) and said “Perfect”, while complimenting himself immensely, and then disappeared for what seemed like an hour to a really loud machine in an equally loud part of his shop. I stared both at him and what he was doing and at all the pretty metal “things” that are everywhere and when he was done that piece of metal could have been worn as jewelry, it was that shiny, sparkly and smooth.

See, that’s the thing about Chris, he’s a perfectionist and he was not going to let that little piece of metal, one that will hardly be seen and barely felt, be anything less that absolute perfection. This was evidenced once more when he was finished and didn’t like the way the anodized blue on my cage had aged, so he asked me if I wanted to redo it while I was there and then, just like the hamburger helper kid, he said those magic words every man with metal locked on and in him want to hear, “And, you, Drew, can help!”. Woo to the hoo, I got to assist in what essentially a process akin to dying Easter Eggs as he carefully dipped each piece into a charged chemical bath. As the process happens, I watched my metal member turn gold, then a deep purple, and then various shades of blue until it finally reached the exact color I wanted to see every time I pee. For me, it’s a shade very similar to Dodger blue, you know, for the best team in Major League Baseball and all. My job “was to watch” and I did it really good! So good so that he then let me dry each piece before he assembled it all back together (I tried to do that but would have had my PA sticking out the top had he not intervened). The end result was beautiful as I will proudly show you in the pictures below.

Following that we had some kinky shopping to do and he needed to show me the underbelly of Montreal and I emerged all latexy smooth looking, well, we will talk about that in a future post.

Fast forward to Friday and while my plan was to always stop by the shop, I never intended to stay until I suddenly had many extra hours to kill. He graciously let me hang around and watch and while I did do some of my own work, I could not help but just watch the work that he and his team do, and how slow, careful and methodical it is.

As a case in point, today he was multitasking by working on one new creature cage, resizing an existing client’s cage, and then starting a new one. In my head, I think I had always assumed the process was a bit like assembling Ikea’s furniture where everything is cut, assembled and shined but I very much underestimated the time it takes to create that type of precision. For instance, when I first arrived he told me that he was about to make a cock ring and walked me through the drawing, the setting of the cut and various other things. What I didn’t realize was that two hours later, he was still making that cock ring because he was tweaking it by micro millimeters to make sure the client would be happy with the end product. Two hours for that which still does not include all the polishing and micro cutting that will also take place on this one simple cock ring later in the process.

While this ring cut, I got to watch him make a hollow curved barbell that will be locked into the client’s Prince Albert piercing. Since that one item is what started my steely business love affair in Canada, I was fascinated to watch him take a piece of metal, set it almost on fire, and then bend it to the exact specifications needed. He acted just like it’s an everyday thing for him, but for me, it was like watching magic happen. Having said that, seeing the metal glowing before bending sorta made my own hollow barbell burn in my dick in sympathy or something which was odd, but now I finally know how Harry Potter felt when that lightening bolt started acting up, so that’s a plus.

Throughout these two days, he and I had some really nice talks about the business, what works well, what doesn’t, and what the future might hold. We also talked a lot about perceptions of his product, his knowledge, and how, really, nobody but him can answer his email because he is the knowledge bank that, should they turn into a client eventually, for which they will be paying. He showed me what a typical day of email looks like and for every twenty “dude, what happens if I get hard in one of those things?” emails there is an actual potential client mixed in asking very specific questions about what he offers, as they should. I should note that once an order is placed or serious discussions have taken place, he gives an alternate contact method, but it was watching this act and hearing the constant ding of the Mac mail that allowed me to cut him some slack (while also suggesting about 900 different ways he could do it – it’s what I do for a living, you know, consulting at its finest) which was rather hard for me. I should also note, damn, that straight man has a lot of penis pictures on his phone which I also found really, really amusing.

Finally, pricing, that big kinky elephant in the room. Steelwerks is not for the starter chastity man or woman. In fact, I am probably less representative of his actual client base because I am still rather new to this world and my husband and I don’t follow anything conventional chastity wise, if there actually is such a thing. When I first started working with SW, I was frustrated that his website offered nothing, not even a hint, as to what things cost and I didn’t understand how and why he could run a business that way. However, soon after the process started, I realized that the devices shown on the web should be considered as more of a portfolio of his work, versus a catalog of items. True, each piece is usually based off of something seen there, but the amount of customization that is possible (as an example, several clients have him customize down to special screws) really means there is just no way to even begin to list things. That said, Steelwerks is not inexpensive, but having both gone through the process of ordering, which is by far a more thorough self examination of your private part specifications than you likely have ever done with a pencil and a tape measure, and seeing the inside work of the operations and the amount of time, detail, and craftsmanship that goes into each piece of what is usually a many piece product, I can tell you that every dollar spent is reflected in the final product in how it looks, feels, and functions.

In summary, if you are considering the ultimate in chastity jewelry, there is no other place. Just be patient.

Oh yeah, the unfinished “Axel” is here, and the finished is just below the NSFW warning jump:

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Continue reading “A Steelwerks Extreme Review”

The Axel from Steelwerks Extreme

Aboot two months ago I wrote this post about my trip to Canada to visit Chris the artist and owner of Steelwerks Extreme to be measured for my very own custom chastity device. That device arrived on my doorstep two days ago and the following is a bit aboot this Canadian piece of art, how it came to be, and what it’s like to install it on oneself for the very first time. I honestly haven’t worn it enough yet to give it a full review, but I can say right now that if I were to write one right now, it would be glowing. There is plenty of time in the months ahead to talk about how we use it, as we are not a couple that fits the traditional chastity lifestyle, but for now, it’s all about the titanium.

BACKGROUND

The device itself is called the “Axel” named both after my husband who wanted this device for me and re-named because I have a really bad memory of a woman named Tiffany and I did not want to think about that every time I touched my penis. In reality, it’s a slightly modified version of the Steelwerks Extreme “Tiffany” that is made up of a steel tube with a titanium cap and a set of titanium cock rings which include a scrotal cuff that, according to Chris, is like having a “gentle hand tugging your balls all day“. The modifications are slight, but they include a slot that is cut into the bottom of the cap to allow my curved barbell PA insert to connect on the outside of the device, thus rendering it absolutely inescapable, though the scrotal cuff pretty much does that too. In addition, we altered the colors of the trim which includes a two toned cap that is blue on the inside, giving a really nice peek of color viewed from the front.

When I ordered this with Chris, I was cautious about trying not to demand too much change to his original art, but that was a worry I soon forgot as he was in touch with me on every single detail of the design, the cutting, the measuring, and the final product. My device took about two months from start to finish, but in reality, he had a two week vacation and a complete move of his shop from one location to another, so some of that time was spent simply waiting, which I knew about from the outset, by the way. In all honesty, months back when Chris and I designed my barbell, we began a friendship that bled over into this product execution, but I really think our relationship had very little to do with the outcome as I know he spends just as much time with everyone he designs for at each and every step (but I am sure I am just more delightful). He’s slow, detailed, driven and often cranky, but the amount of time, energy and precision that goes into each device is simply unbelievable and, in the end, you get a piece of jewelry that happens to keep you from touching your own jewels.

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INSTALLATION

Throughout the process, Chris used the word “install” over and over again and it took until it was in my hands and about to be on my man parts, before I really understood that this is not the average chastity device. His patented S screws are a force to be reckoned with and they are everywhere locking that bad boy down. When I opened the box, I was actually perplexed about how to actually put it on and Chris being Chris offered to FaceTime with me to help me step by step. Of course, me being me, I could not wait that extra ten minutes it was going to take him, so I started without him and was able to get 90 percent of it on before he called. He was really impressed and I was really proud until I dropped the tiniest of the silver S screws right on to my kitchen floor where it not only blended in with the silver slate floor, it rolled under the big silver gas range that is nearly impossible to get under. So, poor Chris got to talk to me AND watch me as I laid in the floor with my naked ass in the air trying desperately to find it, which I did, right after I had given up.

With the tiny screw now in hand, he guided me through the final installation steps right until at the very last we realized that my existing curved barbell was not long enough to go through the bottom to lock into place. I was troubled by this, but he quickly pointed out that it can just stay inside the cage until we get that sorted out and then everything was right as rain once again. In fact, I rather like it in the cage, but for the stream of urine I want to have, I am looking forward to getting the new one soon.

FIT

I have struggled with the actual wording to use here, because the fit is, to use the standard phrase, “like a glove”. With the steel tube centered between the titanium ends, the weight is centered on the shaft creating a balance I actually never realized was missing from my previous devices. I can only liken it to the feeling you get driving an old school RWD BMW that has a perfect 50/50 weight balance on a twisty two lane going way to fast.

The actual fit while on is just perfect. The rings are a tad smaller than what I was used to and the first night I wore it I had a bit of burning, but with the right amount of lube underneath that went away fast. I wore it the first night with just the regular ring and the second night with the ring and cuff and I have to say, contrary to what I thought it would be, I like the way the one with the cuff feels much better. It really is like that gentle hand tugging and I like how it tucks my balls away a bit bringing the shaft down to almost the perfect spot when standing or sitting.

Those S Screws

The beauty of the S screw is in its simplicity because its simply a screw with a s pattern on the top. Since I already had two keys from the barbell, the Axel did not come with any extra, a devious trick from Chris that is actually only right as we can’t have them just laying around. Once the screws are in place, they allow the device to be 100 percent secure while also allowing flexibility in the metal, something else I had not experienced with previous devices. This. Device. Is. Secure.

That said, when the mood strikes, it’s as detailed to take off as it is to get on and, when sent to remove it to have a, well,  rendezvous, the mood can almost run out in the time it takes to remove which, I guess, is the cruel trick of the Steelwerks experience.

FINALLY

Over the next few weeks I will be wearing it in various forms before any solid rules are put in place regarding its use. With my life existing almost as much in the air as it does on the ground, one of the beauties of this design is that I can wear the ring and cuff, locked on, 24/7 and get that “ownership” feeling I crave without the actual cage. I say this because this amount of titanium will pass through airport security, I hope.

PICTURES

After this NSFW warning jump, of course.

Continue reading “The Axel from Steelwerks Extreme”

Flying Heavy with the TV On

It’s late on a Thursday night and I am sitting in the front row of the first class cabin on yet another plane ready to crawl out of my skin because flying on Thursday night is just miserable. It’s a combination of business guys like me trying to get home and families who are trying to start a weekend vacation a bit earlier. It’s always chaos and I really prefer staying and taking a 5am flight out the next day, but every time I book my trips I seem to not remember this because all I see is an extra night home with Axel. Of course, it’s almost always at this skin crawling level but, tonight, it’s worse because it’s raining in Atlanta and that means that everything runs on Hartsfield time, which, on nights like this is two hours behind real world time. So, I will get home around 1am, take a shower, (finally) eat dinner, and then crawl in bed with Axel for about four hours before he has to get up. Not really quality time, but it will count for something.

It’s been a heavy week. I am not going to say it was a bad week, but just a heavy week. One of the Scotts has been really freaky sick and in the hospital for a week which has caused Axel (and me) stress and worry (he’s going to be fine)(but cardiac things can happen to a fit thirtysomething), Axel and I have been arranging his surgery dates, care plans, and time off of work, which, for me means a lot of rescheduling since I am generally booked six months out, and, as you know, Thumper and I have declared a “break” which is essentially no more than officially labeling what, pretty much, was/is just our normal routine when we are not in each other’s presence. Add to this that I have, apparently, been labeled the destroyer of the environment because I often like to leave the TV on when I leave hotel rooms, and all that just creates the word “heavy”.

Anyway, a few days ago Thumper posted about the break on DT linking it back to mine where he likens this to Ross and Rachel and then goes so far as to even dare think that he is the Rachel in the situation. Perhaps this is part of that one sidedness showing, but I didn’t like that post much, though I adored the comments, and I can’t exactly express why, which bothers me further. It’s a topic he and I have not had enough time to actually discuss, so I am leaving this right here for right now and one day one of us will pick this back up surely.

As for the Scotts, they have weaved their way into our world in a way neither Axel or I expected, but I have to say we are delighted they have. It took a bit of time for the weirdness to go away, but Axel and I found a groove and I no longer feel any stupid jealous like feelings when he is with them at all. In fact, as I have mentioned, I have a bit of a crush on both of them which has been acknowledged in return, so that door is open now too and, as surprising as it is since Axel and I have said for years that we’d never play together, I can really see me stepping through that door one day fairly soon, which is both exciting and scary in that good way scary can be.

Finally, tomorrow the BEAUTIFUL “Axel”, which is appropriately named because Axel helped design and purchased it, device arrives between 3:15 and 5:15 CST. This device is likely going to make a significant change in our momentum and we are both quite excited about that, though we have put the cautionary brakes on anything “official” until around December as I will be traveling internationally again for two weeks starting next week and he is swamped during the holidays as families create chaos and people need counseling in a dramatically higher rate starting around Thanksgiving. But, that’s plenty of time for me to practice and adjust and we will likely have some goal based lock ups during this period that I will be writing about more in the coming days.

I’m almost home, so happy Friday.

Oh, about that god damn TV thing, FOR THE RECORD, I tend to leave the power on because at most hotels you have to go through about 27 menus and advertisements before you can get to the channels and/or I travel with an Apple TV and if the TV is off I have to then crawl behind it and adjust the inputs each time. It’s irritating and I am in a hotel room just enough that these small little annoyances can just make a bad day worse. Fuck, I have rented enough Praises (or is it Prii?), to offset that stupid amount of energy, dammit. Don’t judge me. It’s really just me being practical.

Fucking Kimmy Schmidt

Hi. It’s Drew. Remember me?

It feels like forever since I have written a post and it’s just been one of those weeks where I could not think of anything to write about. It hasn’t been a bad week at all, just busy and I have had an aversion to writing ANYTHING, texts included, which is especially sad because I have three huge reports all due next Friday that I could have been working on this week. But, I didn’t and I will get them in. Somehow. The good news is I have channeled that into working out, watching baseball and watching my newest discovery of Netflix, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. It’s a silly little show by Tina Fey that has just made me laugh all week.

My mood is way better thanks to the pill that got my hormone level out of manapause rather quickly and I am no longer extremely sensitive and baby kitten like weak. The side effect of that is a raging horniness that has not been felt in awhile and I am rather enjoying that, even though Axel is far away and Thumper is out in the woods without internet access all week. On that note, it was funny, last week when all the mood drama hit me and he and I were still in the “is he repulsive?” stages of his bisexuality (yes, I said we, commenters, because Axel tells me that when the “r word” is mentioned that people go through things together, but, his layers of sexuality do have a direct impact on me so it’s appropriate) I rather worried about if I did miss him would that be weird or some other kind of shit like that, but, life is life and I have missed him this week and look forward to his return to my day to day world. Simple as that. We keep each other company, or, mostly, he keeps me company and updated on world news and baseball while I am out and about so that’s nice. Also, this week my work colleague who I text with about 37 times a day has been on vacation and Axel is crazy busy, so I really have zero excuses for not getting my work done aside from fucking Kimmy Schmidt.

Axel and I have not yet had the chastity and discipline talk we have been planning to have, but that has been due to some schedules that have been weirder than normal and a particular client he has been working with that has troubled us both all week. I think I will actually post about that situation separately because it’s something that deserves it’s own spotlight rather than being buried in the middle of a long post about really nothing.

That said, one thing I want to address is last week in the post where I discussed that I was having trouble finding my sub space, I mentioned that Axel and I were on the edge of taking a bigger step toward a different kind or level of chastity than we had in the past and I wondered if I was nervous about that. I was not really meaning that the new device I will be ordering in a few weeks was going to change everything, but a few people thought that in the comments and, while I addressed it there, I want to reiterate that a bit here too.

Thumper mentioned,

The Steelheart was going to do the trick, but didn’t. A Steelwerks device will do the trick, but will it? I don’t know. He’s been through a lot of devices and none of them have worked for whatever reason”. 

This was followed by him also saying,

“Besides any unresolved behavioral/relationship/dynamic issues (none of which am I privy to, BTW) or perhaps wanting the *idea* of chastity more than the reality for whatever reason (he’s really into the shiny baubles with ceramic knobs), Drew’s lifestyle is really poorly suited to the long-term enforced dynamic. Possible, but such a bigger hassle. And, IMO, until Axel really puts his foot down about it, I don’t know that it’ll ever reach critical mass.”

When he wrote that, he texted me that I was likely not going to like his comment and that it was approaching an area that he and I had not talked about. This is true on the talked about area because it’s is hard for us, him specifically, to see me as the switch I am, so I sometimes leave some of the details out of details because, me being a sub is the last place I want his mind to go during the times when I need him focused. As for me not liking it, nah, I thought it was pretty spot on, but also shows that I have not done a good job of educating those around me, even my boyfriend, about what it is that Axel and I want to accomplish by this change in the dynamic.

First and foremost, unless I ever change jobs or find myself grounded for an extended period of time, Axel and I will never have anything close to what Thumper and Belle have, nor do I think we want it that way. We see the chastity as a prelude to very good sex and, in Axel’s mind, because he likes my penis a great deal, very good sex involves me being unlocked, so I will not be denied in the way that many crave. Would I like that? maybe, but it’s simply not an option for us, so we don’t even think about it. It’s more of a game at times and right now, that is working aside from the fact I do not have a device that I find very comfortable for the long term due to my PA, the size tube I need, and other issues. We LOVE the idea of him owning my dick and that was accomplished with the his “request” (i.e. demand) I get the PA first and now with that locking barbell that I no longer even carry an emergency key to, so we accomplished that and he is beginning to refer to it as “his”, etc. I love that. The lockup, however, at least for the time being, is going to be something we do when I am home at all times and when I am traveling at specific times. This will allow my sex to be controlled which, in return, will drive my sex drive through the roof – something that is often hard to have happen when I am tired all the time from never being in the same place each week.

The device itself, well, yes, it’s going to be an investment but we are looking at it like the wedding ring we never spent money on. In fact, I looked last night and mine cost $22 and his was $28 when we bought them on Amazon in 2013 when the first SCOTUS ruling occurred, so it’s not like we went all out. This device, which I can’t wait to show you the design ideas we have been batting back and forth to Canada, is going to be unique for me, fit to me, and, though chosen by me for comfort and design, approved by Axel which will make me proud to wear it. I know that we could do what we are doing with a Holy Trainer or, gasp, God forbid a CB6000, but, I consider us lucky enough to not have to take that route so I look forward to the adventure to get it and the adventures long after it is made.

Now, I have one minute until I have to go present a presentation to 28 strangers, so I need to quickly get my mindset off of this and in a more “neutral” place.

Think dead puppies, Drew. Dead puppies. Dead puppies. Old women having sex. Dead puppies.

Okay, that worked…

The Betting Pool of Communicative Disorders?

Last night, I tweeted this:

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It’s been on my mind, kinda sorta, since I tweeted it because it was just another one of those funny moments that happens when you are part of a foursome like we are and I like to share such things.

In contrary to that, I have also been thinking that I needed to shut up about being happy because the blogs are getting a bit pollyanna-ish and that is also not me all the time because, frankly, right now, my job sucks big time (nothing major just one of those mid year revenue is down panic type of things), Axel’s schedule is crazy to the point that he’s exhausted, gaining weight, and generally just too tired to play with me and we have a lot of additional pressure happening in the muggle world with some medical things with both sets of parents. However, I continue to smile because I am happy that life has dealt me the cards it has and those things are trivial in the long run.

Relationships, friendships, and open communication are the things that I thrive on, so fuck those muggle things as I can already see the clouds breaking for them. It’s funny, I love it when those things are working, when Axel smiles at me, when I get called a boyfriend, or when I get a happy comment on one of the posts. Those are what I am quickly finding are the things for focus, not the other bullshit stuff that is just what life is.

That said, Thumper got a comment on his latest post that he shared with me but has not approved for his blog yet. I am assuming that is because he will likely write about it or that it made him mad to a point that he doesn’t want it out there, but it was just funny because, however it was intended, it made it sound like the world has an over/under type thing going on about how many times I can see the rabbit before the relationship we have explodes into glittery gay flames. Maybe it’s just that this is so unusual to people that they can’t comprehend it, or maybe it’s the gay thing (because this lad had a remarkable way of describing me), or perhaps it’s just a protective move over Thumper because, in many cases, he is and has been a blogging God to many readers for so many years.

I don’t know, but I have a new theory.

Axel and I talked about it last night and I actually now think the thing that is the hardest for most people to comprehend is the absolute 100 percent faith, trust, and allowances that our spouses allow us to have because that kind of freedom is very scary and something that many may dream of, but may not be able to handle when they are granted it, if they are granted it in whatever form or format that may take.

I know this is just a theory, but I have one friend who is required to copy his husband on all communications he has with any friend who has the “kinky box” checked beside his or her name. That works for them, but I have told him this so I feel it’s okay to say here, that I am often very uncomfortable having a monitor at times when we communicate because I have never made a friendship with a chaperone because I really like him and sometimes just want his opinion on things, but I don’t ask because I don’t know his husband. I have another friend, who is bisexual who has to hide any and all communication with men, women, or anything outside of the vanilla world by having two cell phones, one that he cannot even charge at home and has to pay for with a friend’s credit card, because she likes to read everything he has on his phone and goes into insanely jealous rages if she has seen his twitter likes or, god forbid, him reading blogs such as this or Thumper. However, to another extreme, I have two friends, or rather friends of friends, who are so open that I am surprised the neighbors don’t wonder if they are running a brothel because they literally have two extra parking spaces reserved at their building for their tricks who often times they pass each other in the house. The funny thing is, even with that level of openness, they have a “don’t ask don’t tell policy” and almost pretend that their naked boys have not been in the house all day when they sit down at dinner at night together. I am not judging, but I find that especially odd because it just proves that even in the absolutely most open of relationships, there seems to still be communicative issues. These are not mine to solve, but I just thought about them and added them to my theory box.

So, to circle back here, I am not judging any of the above friends, but those things just make me think that it’s less about me and Thumper, and more about me and Axel, Thumper and Belle, and even Belle and Axel because it’s apparently much harder to understand being wide open emotionally and having blanket trust than it is where one puts one’s penis or even if one’s penis is allowed to come out and play. In many ways, I almost hope that is the reason for the “betting pool of relationship doom” aimed at he and I because I can understand it much more than I can bigotry and intolerance.

What do you guys think?

Finally, if you are in the betting pool, spoiler alert, next month Thumper and I go away for a weekend – ba da bum (read the following with the soap opera voice in your head)

Will Belle survive the loneliness  Will Axel have sex with strangers in retaliation? Will Thumper and Drew do naked things?  Will Twitter be able to handle us in a new place? Will Thumper be able to wear chastity in another city? Will his chastity device color matter?

These, and many other questions, will be answered in the days that follow.

Da da da dum.

 

Did you pack the good lube?

Axel says he likes it when I have sex with Thumper.

That’s honestly something I never thought I would hear my husband say. Ever. But it’s also something that makes me infinitely happy as well.

There are about 7,004 reasons as to how this came up in conversation, but to go backwards a bit, Axel and I are coming out of our funk and I have found myself locked in the Steelheart a bit more and am now traveling (later this afternoon for the whole week) with some guidelines as to his expectations. More on that later in the week, I guess, but to go back to the original story, last night he just came out and said that he has realized that he really gets turned on by knowing, what limited parts he chooses to know, about my relationship on the side. It’s funny, because in some ways it seems like reverse cuckholding, but as he has gotten to know Thumper more as the man, Dad, and business guru he is versus just the internet legend he was to him, he says that “he finds power in knowing that his husband, who he has power over, has power over this man who he really respects”.

Whew.

In some ways, it’s rather cute.

This morning as I packed for the week, a trip that includes a day and a half visit with the rabbit, Axel was all about making sure I was groomed properly. He insisted he shave my head to “be freshly shorn”, checked my body hair to make sure I wasn’t grizzly, and even went so far as to make sure I packed the good lube (as if Thumper would allow bad lube to be used on him).

I know you all probably have grown tired of this story because nothing has changed at all in Axel’s perception of my having a boyfriend, but it’s just something that makes me smile so I continue to share it. When this started, going on 8 months ago, I always knew that he’d be fine with Thumper, but I never expected how much closer it would bring the two of us and how he, by he I mean Axel, would actually help contribute to me and Thumper becoming closer too.

Life is neat.

Masturbating by Macbook

Yesterday I went for a run. Well, a run/walk kind of trail thing because I have learned I am just not a huge fan of running on pavement and I don’t have the stamina to run more than a mile or so on a trail without walking. Anyway, at the end of my run Thumper called, I stopped, found a nice spot by the river and we sat and chatted for awhile. It was a conversation of random subjects, however, in the twelve hours that have followed, two things we discussed happened to appear, one rather randomly.

The first is a muggle-ish life detail not for this blog that did just appear out of the blue, but it was a big deal in many ways, makes me proud and makes me want to say “congrats, a well deserved honor indeed”.

The second, was that he and I were talking about a post he was about to write (that he did post last night here) regarding addictions to pornography, pleasuring one’s self, chastity, female sex organs and other very similar topics in which he is an expert and, without really anything of it, he pretty much predicted how my night would go

It’s been no secret that Axel and I have been distant since that horrible weekend at the beginning of April. We have been pleasant, had a good time together in life, but there has been no sexual energy and no, zero D/s activity. As you also know, the following week coincided with the arrival of the Steelheart which was supposed to mark many changes in our lives, but because of all the rubble created by the stone in the kitchen and the steel in the street that weekend combined with the actions of one of his client’s that shook him much harder than I think either of us expected the following week, any kinkiness, or frankly, horniness, we had went out the window and was very hard to re-energize. I wore the Steelheart for a few days, but he didn’t seem to notice when it was on or off, so I took it off, put it in a drawer where it still sits waiting. I am different in the chastity than Thumper in that, for me, it’s not about denial but more about giving Axel the control over my penis and if he didn’t want it this month, I simply wasn’t going to wear it.

So, last night I could not sleep. Not at all. Some of it was these things were on my mind and a rather strong sense of disappointment in both myself and Axel for allowing our progress to go backwards – yet again. Some was a work project that is looming over me like one of those dark, scary clouds you see in Disney movies. And some was just simply me being horny thanks to some of Thumper’s actions of the day and a bit was the god damned dishwasher that was happily beeping to say it had finished – I have got to fix that setting somehow. All these things combined did not equate rest, so I got up about 2am and, surprise, surprise, found myself looking at copious amounts of porn while also scanning the This Old House website (there has to be a special name for that combined perversion). Since Axel had not said anything to me recently about pleasuring myself or not pleasuring myself, I decided “fuck it” and soon found myself naked in the big dark room downstairs that was lit only in the blue hue of the macbook. It had been weeks since I had done that so I took my time, enjoyed the moment and was soon the master of my domain again.

Following that climax, I was energized and still couldn’t sleep, so I stayed downstairs until about 4:45 before going back up and crawling into bed with Axel. Karma being the bitch she is, I woke him up in doing so and, for the first time in three weeks, the man crawled on top of me ready to roll. Fuckin’ hell. In that moment I thought about pretending I was asleep, saying I had a headache, waking up Stella who would HAVE to go out, but no, me being me, I fessed’ up which led to a really interesting naked conversation at 5am that culminated with us taking a shower together at 6am followed by him making me bacon at 6:15 – the good bacon too. Applewood.

No, we did not have sex, but we laid it all out on the bed about how we have been feeling. He was still angry, confused, and a bit hurt that I had called him weak that weekend and didn’t know how to process it. He said he had indeed been thinking about the chastity, the rules, and what we had planned, but in his mind he put up a wall almost blocking me from accessing that from him out of punishment. It’s very twisted when you realize that this method is the “I am punishing you by giving you full access to your penis” method and I doubt it’s going to one day make it into Thumper’s book on chastity which we all know he is destined to write some day. I explained to him that, from a sub point of view, it really doesn’t work that way and that I had tried to continue with what we had set expectation wise, but when he became disinterested, so did I. I really wanted to pin every bit of this staleness on him because it’s just easier, but, I also realized I have been purposely “chilly” as well and have not projected the “I’m gonna fuck you like a whore” vibe I generally like to project at home and, coincidently, while giving speeches at work.

It was 5am on a workday so we didn’t get much of anything resolved, but maybe we don’t have to dig deep to fix things and perhaps we will just start again as I expect an email sometime today telling me to lock up and where to put my key. It’s very much a blessing when you realize that you have the ability to communicate to fix issues so we don’t take that lightly. In fact, I have a post planned about that very topic soon because I have a few new friends who I feel are struggling in that arena.

Finally, no, it’s not the perfect fix, but it feels nice to now have it all out there and ready to be dealt with again. Stay tuned.

Open Marriage and Boyfriend Sex

So this week I am wandering through Pennsylvania conflicted about life, work, the world, and how the stupidity of some people continue to amaze me.

Regarding life, work, and I guess the world, it’s very weird right now because they have all collided in a way that is not making me happy with any of them nor is it particularly making me angry or sad either. It’s just “unsettled” and I don’t do that well if you haven’t picked up on that already. The job is the job and it ebbs and flows as anyone who also bills by the hour understands. I am having a particularly good month, but some of my colleagues are not, thus causing all sorts of drama that doesn’t really matter to me, yet just creates email exchanges that make my stomach turn with worry at times.

The bigger issue in this category is that Axel and I are both still very, very unsettled.

I feel like I have to give some sort of preamble here that Axel and I will be fine and I am beyond certain about that, but we are just in one of those places where all couples go at times where our interest in each other keeps getting sidelined by events,  emotions, and about eight pounds between us that we have each gained (me 3 him 5) which send those sexy feelings to the back burner. It all started with me returning from Australia in a jet lagged fog and then leaving again in 36 hours only to come home to the disaster weekend that I blogged about. Add to that the suicide of a client last week and, unfortunately, the attempted suicide of another yesterday (there is almost always a second attempt as an attention thing- always), and the man is just emotionally spent. Unfortunately, all of this hit at the same time the Steelheart arrived, the timing of which was supposed to be the “official marking point” of the shift in our relationship, so that has just added another element to this which is beyond our control. We are also both the type of people who will mourn for the plan that didn’t happen while shouldering the responsibility  of the “failure” versus just making a new plan. That is stupid, but just us, and while we know better, it is what it is. So, it’s just bad timing and there has been no sex, not even light petting. Just really no interest on either side, which, again, happens. The groove is starting to come back and hopefully by the time I get home later in the week we will be fucking like bunnies again.

Now, all of that up there out of the way, I still continue to smile every day about how this open marriage thing is working out. Granted, I think it’s more than just the open marriage because it’s also the particulars about how, and especially who, is involved in this particular openness. In our case, what made me really smile Sunday night, while laying in bed trying to force ourselves to go to sleep early since I had to go to the airport at 4am, we started to get a bit flirty, a tad touchy, but the erections were just not there (well, his at least, mine was covered). We just laughed about not having the energy or the current drive (which in itself is pretty damn cool when you think about it) and then Axel said, “Well, a year ago I would have been feeling horrible about not giving you great sex right now because of everything, but, the good news is I am just assuming that you had (and will have) great sex with Thumper, so there’s a ton of pressure off of me. How funny is that? Fuck him well, husband” He went on to say that if I needed to take an extra trip to use up some energy it was fine with him. Of course, he knows it doesn’t work that way schedule wise and he knows I wouldn’t, but the sheer fact he said that made me swoon a bit. Regarding that too, Thumper and I seem to have found an interesting new groove in the long distance, D/s, boyfriendship thing and we are just rolling along groovily. There might even be a third blog out there if anyone is interested in searching that clue for the hidden immunity idol (yes, yes, I still love Survivor). Just sayin’.

Actually, I either tweeted or wrote here last week about Axel saying that Thumper is now “just a part of our extended family” and about the comfort level with which his name now comes up – an act that is paralleling in a similar yet very different way in Thumper’s house – but it’s very true and, to quote Shaggy from Scooby Doo, that’s “neato”. It’s baseball season and Axel being a former pitcher, Thumper being a GIANT fan (though not a Giants fan), and me being in the middle and now a fan too is rather a cute thing because, when timing allows, the three of us have watched several games together with Axel next to me on the sofa, Thumper and I texting, and all three of us going back and forth with each other about the game and/or questions. It’s been suggested that Axel be included and it become a group text, but that was quickly nullified because Thumper and I realized that we would have to clean up our conversation and, at the same time, Axel realized we would have to clean up our conversation, so that idea died as fast as it started.

Finally, my third point in this update post is about the stupidity of some of our fellow blog friends who continue to send me messages about “turning Thumper gay” as if I can be contracted out to do the same to their significant other. It’s crazy because, one just assumes people would know that can not happen, right? And, if it could, I am evidently a huge failure because even Belle is now calling me out, and laughing, about my lack of skill in that department so it’s a no go people. Being gay is clearly is a choice one makes for themselves when they check that extra little box on their first library card and, once that is done, there is no changing it. It’s your permanent record, folks. Nobody fucks with that!

(disclaimer: yes, yes, that was a joke about the choice and the library card. My straight or gay survey came in the mail with my gay card application and invoice for the dues – being Double Gold Star has it’s privileges)

Masculinity vs Manliness vs Submission

A month or so ago I posted about somehow feeling less manly surrounding having my orgasm controlled. Thumper and others jumped on me about this – in both good and bad ways – and I did re-caliper my thinking around that and realized that they were right, that the act of being denied or being controlled does not make one less manly at all. I get that. I really do.

That said, the last few weeks I have had a nagging thought in my head that has really come to the surface this week about my manliness in general and how, if any, my deeper dive into submission is affecting this level. Frankly, I don’t think it has much to do with it at all, but rather my questioning is just part of the natural aging process and due, likely, to my new exposure out of the almost exclusively gay world I have realized I isolated myself in. To be clear, I am not talking about masculinity. I realize that most dictionaries would say that masculinity and manliness are the same thing, but in this situation, I am breaking them apart.

For me, masculinity is rather natural (pause for the joke from Thumper here). I am a big guy in that big guy way. I am not fat but I ain’t little either. My voice is deep and I carry myself rather mightily when I need to and I cannot be graceful to save my life. However, manliness, in this context, is something I have never really had a traditional stronghold in and, frankly, it has never bothered me until recently. By this, I mean that I am not one to always read a sports page first. I am not outdoorsy, and I don’t wear flannel well at all. In my garage sit a German SUV and a German sports sedan versus a giant truck or a more practical Honda and I have always preferred to do the dishes versus take out the trash. I’ve never intentionally gone the the store in sweatpants and would rather die before wearing a sleeveless shirt even to the gym. I have always been sensitive and cared deeply for those in my world and admitted that to them without shame. That’s just me and always has been.

However, over the past few months, that traditional me has been evolving as I have been looking at trucks, enjoying pre-season baseball, and, just yesterday, wore sweatpants to Target. I even took my shirt off in my car this week, just because.

I’ve allowed myself to question whether real manly men would be feeling the way I do when I get lonely on the road or miss Thumper or my other friends when we don’t connect on schedule, because, in my wrongly thought out mind, missing buddies and feeling unconnected are not associated with manliness. I know that is very very wrong and my need to connect is just who I am and these people I am talking about already know those things and deal with them.

The question in my head has been, why?

At first, I was very quick to blame these thoughts on being subjugated by my husband, by my choice though, or by giving him the control of my penis. I allowed myself to fall victim to the being submissive means you are weaker trap and I have been struggling to find my way out of this even though I know it’s absolutely false while also struggling to actually allow it to happen.

I know this is 100 percent false because, as you might have heard, I have seen Thumper in some really primal submissive places but not once, not even for a second, did I ever think of him as any weaker than when he walked in the door in his business attire with his man bag two hours before. I have always seen him as power and submission together, which is one of the things I think is sexy about him. However, even seeing that and knowing that, I have not been able to figure out why I was not able to apply that same logic to myself and allow myself to climb out of the false subbie box of weakness I had fallen in. This has been an area I have just wanted to sit down and discuss with him, as he is my Manliness Consultant, but time has not been our friend this week and this isn’t a text-able thing.

In addition, and to be absolutely candid, the last few months have been the first time, ever, I have questioned not having children. I have felt a void I didn’t know was there in a sense and have wondered if it was the growing older factor, the impending illness of my mother and seeing my role in her care and thinking ahead, or if I just, finally, wanted to go throw a baseball with my kid. It’s been an odd thing, frankly, because, up until now, I have never given it a second thought.

However, tonight I realized that my questioning of my manliness was truly indeed tied to my new levels of submission, kinkiness, and even switchiness, but just not in the way I naturally assumed.

Turns out, I have decided that it has nothing to do with my soon to be encased penis or, for that matter, even Axel at all. It has to do with, well, this.  I have realized that as I have explored this side of me and made new friends, I have accidentally officially come out of my big, sparkly, glittery gay shell and, for the first time in my adult life, I am truly inside the homes and bedrooms of Thumper, my Chicago friends, my New Zealand friend and others who all have these wonderful lives that are so different from the same old two men and a dog groups of guys I have been around for twenty years. Don’t get me wrong, I love my fabulous flaming friends and have an amazing life, but through these open posts, Twitter, and by having a biflexipan boyfriend with a wife and kids, I am now seeing so much more about how life works with other people. So many more variations of love and happiness, and so many things that I knew was there but just generally lacked inside knowledge of the day to day-ness of it.

So, how does this tie into the manliness questioning? Well, I realized that at 45 years old, this is the first time I am making real friendships with straight-ish men and that I am really enjoying it. Don’t get me wrong, I have always had straight male friends, but I have never had the type of relationships with them that I am enjoying now where we talk about life, sex with our spouses – my male one included, where I can ask about breast sizes and vaginas without shame and where I have a true glimpse into the bonding that two men can share and, because these men are open enough, I can talk about the same things with them and give them a glimpse into the same, often boring world, of a same sex marriage. I have decided that the truck thinking, the sports page reading, and outdoorsy envy are just side effects of the exposure that may go away or, if they don’t, such as with baseball, then I am and will be a better man for it. I liken this to when Friends first aired and I was a 20 something who suddenly decided all of the friends in my life were not pretty or quirky enough and I wanted  to go live in a coffee shop in New York. That didn’t last, but elements of it did such as the picture frame I always have on the back of a door and this giant coffee table I am not sitting in front of, but I am a better man for knowing it and having been exposed to it.

I’ve been too hard on myself recently, but through all these things I have realized that admitting my need to submit is really just another expression of me understanding myself and my relationship and nothing more. In fact, all of these things, are just growing pains and were likely to happen with or without a collar. Many of these posts have been about me vowing this or that and MOST I am sticking to such as the gym, trying to be naked more, and feeling free enough to express myself when needed. So, let’s just add this one to the list as I will now officially stop the self questioning and allow my former self and my new self to blend into what I am thinking will be this big ole mix of switch with a metal dick attached.

Comfort

I have learned that comfort is my new key word.

I am rather shocked by this fact; however, I am very happy with it.

First, comfort with Axel.

One thing I have not mentioned here is our mutual friend, Griffin, who I introduced back in January, and Axel have become close and have started down a path of friendship that I suspect is one that is paved with nothing but smooth asphalt. Axel admires him greatly, as do I, and I know that they have talked about him mentoring Axel as a Dom. This, of course, will also involve him helping Axel learn more about me, about how, when, and why I might need control and, most importantly, what to do about it.

Last Friday night when I got home from a trip, we were laying in bed talking and he started talking about Griffin, some of their conversations and how he was really very excited about the possibilities that could lead for him, and for me, as one component of this would surely be me having a session or two with Griffin and then likely being cuckolded in a situation between them. This scenario is a long way out and maybe just a fantasy thought in my/our head at the moment, but, what struck me in that moment was the fact that were were just laying there having that discussion like we were talking about how his car needs to be detailed. In fact, I was very turned on by this fact, even more so than with the conversation topic, thought that did spark some action in my metal spiked region.

He went to sleep and I laid there just basking in the comfort of this conversation, of how he is with Thumper and how the bunny is now almost a daily conversation in our relationship, and with just life. That basking just led to more arousal, and I just had to wake Axel up to show him. It was the right thing to do and I didn’t care if he had a sleep Saturday or not.

Second, comfort with Thumper.

As I write this, I am sitting in just a jockstrap and a T-shirt waiting on Thumper to use his key and walk into my hotel room. We tend to have two one half day visits and this will be the morning that follows the afternoon we had yesterday. If you follow us on Twitter, you will know that yesterday we had some delicious fun that I am quite hoping repeats itself this morning,  although since he greeted me this morning with a text that so eloquently said “You made my butt hole sore” (he’s poetic, that Rabbit) I may have to aim my fire elsewhere. The sex was good. Frankly, the best we have had together. He may or may not write about it, but the sheer greatness to me (well, one of the greatnesses as he does have an ass that doesn’t, well, never mind) was the comfort involved.

By that, I mean that he and I have settled into a pattern now where we have solved all of those teenage angst issues like whether or not our spouses approved, which hotel in town has the sexiest carpet to be fucked on, or who was going to bring which plug to the party, you know, the usual issues the newly intertwined face. Seriously, when I was flying here yesterday I realized that I didn’t have the pre-visit butterflies anymore, that it didn’t matter when he got to me, or the worry that we would not have anything to talk about. It just works now, for what it is, and for that, I am very thankful for the comfort.

It was funny too because last night we went to dinner, an act that Belle insisted he make as to be the perfect host, and were talking about that fact and the fact that Axel had actually texted me a “have fun today” message shortly after I arrived. It made me just say out loud to him that “we just are married to the absolute best people in the world, aren’t we?”, to which he raised his glass and we had a small toast in their honor. That is comfort, my friends.

Third, comfort with me.

Over the last few months you have all watched me evolve a bit and I am very proud of myself for how I have. I have found comfort in being monoga-mish and very much look forward to Axel developing something on the side with the right person himself so he can see the freedom and energy it allows. I am way better to him because of my time, and friendship, with Thumper so maybe I am just selfish and look forward to that for me too.

I am very comfortable with the fact that he now officially controls my penis and that soon it will be locked in steel for him every day of the year I am not with Thumper. I love this fact, actually, and now that I am wearing his cock ring 24/7, I am finding more and more peace with that every time I see it, feel it, or pull his pierced cock out of my pants.

Also, I am finding comfort in having further embraced my kinky self and in starting to mix my muggle and blogging selves into one at a few, specialized, occasions in life. Last week I met a Twitter follower and loved that. In a few weeks I am meeting my Domme idol Ferns, on the other side of the world, and cannot wait for that because I look forward to sharing real names, whole pictures, and actual facts because it is what I have realized all makes me who I am – the complete mix of husband, professional, son, brother, and kinkster all in one.

In addition to the two above, Axel and I have also developed a real friendship with another couple who are, get this, straight-ish, and have enjoyed getting to know the real them in addition to the fact that are very similar in progress and desires to us in a D/s relationship. We have enjoyed long chats on, another get this, Facebook, real Facebook, that have mixed in discussions of what should go up the husband’s ass and when while also talking about how one of their children did at the swim meet or how my mother’s dementia was doing this week. And, by the way, I will meet at least half of this couple tomorrow and cannot wait as it’s just more of my “coming out all over again” tour. There is only good that can come out of this and I am very excited about the possibilities of friendship here as the four of us are all fascinating people. (fyi, I have asked them to choose their blogger names they’d like me to use here, so I will re-introduce you soon)

More soon, but for today, comfort is the word of that day (except for, perhaps, Thumper and that butt hole issue).