Today I got called a “faggot”

It was quite unsettling, yet it didn’t really bother me because I really don’t think the person who called me that meant it. But I’m not sure. I texted Thumper and Axel to ask their opinions and both were a bit taken a bit aback by it, but I think my nonchalantness may have tempered the expected response.

Now, hours later sitting in a big blue leather seat flying through some stormy looking clouds, I am pissed off because, that just shouldn’t happen, but it did, and in a professional environment.

Here’s the story. Today I was at an a very well known 200 year old institution north of New York that has seen its share of scandal through the years. I am a regular consultant there and have been there enough times through the years that I have gotten to know some of the  staff who I don’t work with specifically. So, when I got there today I was greeted by a man who I have not seen in years and he asked for my email address after we chatted a bit and caught up on life and baseball (thank you again, Thumper). I handed him a business card since it had been a few years since I had given him one and he started looking at me quizzically.

Now, as you may or may not know, when the first SCOTUS ruling happened in 2013, Axel and I got legally married on our anniversary (which happens to be his birthday) (which happens to be this weekend) (which happens to mark 18 years) ( I happen to be taking him to Miami/South Beach for dinner tomorrow and a Saturday play date) (it happens that mileage and points are my one career luxury).

For about 250 different reasons, the most compelling of which was that my mother thought it was “only appropriate”, Axel and I wanted to have the same last name, you know, like all the popular straight couples do. I had a long name with lots of vowels. He had a short name that was kinda cool yet not too common. We tried half and half. We tried adding a hyphen. We tried creating something new. But, in the end, his name just sounded good with my actual first name, so I changed my legal last name, a process that is awful for anyone, but for a man in the South it is, or hopefully WAS, a hassle that needed court rulings and lots of signatures. Adding to this, I had about 20 plus years of doing what it is that I do, so I had to essentially come out to every client I had, but luckily had the blessing of my bosses that I could tell them to “fuck off” if I had any issue because we didn’t want them as a client (it was a good year and luckily I never had a single issue).

So,back to this morning.

It’s been a few years now and most of my clients and coworkers just know me as the married me with the short name and don’t think twice about it. Hell, even I have reached a point where I can answer to it without giggling a bit, so I just don’t think about it. Then, this morning as I handed him my card, he said, “wait, this is not you. Did you change your name or something?” To which I replied a simple “yes, when I got married a few years ago I decided to change mine”. I don’t go into the dribble of who I married, who I fuck, etc, I just simply leave it at that. So, that was that and then he said, “huh, I didn’t know you were a faggot. Well, good for you and I hope marriage treats you well” and then he went about his day and I went about mine walking away a bit puzzled, maybe hurt, maybe not. I had work to do and went to do it.

So, a bit later I was texting with Thump about this,that and Josh Duggar, when I just casually thought to say, “oh, guess what, I got called…”. He responded with something akin to “what the fuck?” with a “who do I need to come hurt?” tone and I played it off a bit in the way I used to forgive my grandmother for saying “colored”, because during her life that was all she knew.
But this man wasn’t too old, was, based on where he worked, fairly well educated and exposed to many types of people, and as I sit here now I can’t forgive him as easily as I did this afternoon, though I can’t say I hate him either.

It’s funny, I think I had a fucking real life commenter from this blog or Thumper’s right there in front of me because he did the exact same things some of the nasty people here have done by insulting in the first sentence followed by a nice expression in the second one. Since the first time Amy in Alabama lit up my comments with hate almost a year ago, I have always wondered what I would do if I ever had the chance to meet one of those people in real life and, I’ll be damned, I did and didn’t even realize it.

Now, to be fair to me, he did not start out with “I’ve been reading your boyfriend’s posts for years…” like 90 percent of them do. If he had, I would like to think I would have clued in, but I blew my chance, though, it wasn’t a place I would have caused a scene anyway.

But, like many of the comments we have gotten, I am confused by the hate followed by the happy. Do these people do this regularly in life with other things too? Should we try it? I’m currently thinking of all the muggle variations we could give back like:

“you look great, even with the extra weight”,

“wow you have aged, but you do it well”,

“your child is really stupid, but she’s so pretty”, or

“I’ve seen your sinning pictures on the Internet, but boy you ride that dildo quite well”

Actually, I have done this in my life before and I remember it being therapeutic, because a friend of my mother’s saw me once after awhile and said “wow, Drew, you are really bald” and I remember in a split second coming back at her with “wow, Helen, you sure are old” while my mother laughed like she was proud of the smart assed son she raised. It felt great and is still something I think about many, many years later.

All this, but no answers here and I will likely never know whether Mr. Man was being nice to me or judging me. I want to think he had a stroke or just didn’t catch himself in time, like when I catch myself wanting to say “Oriental”. I’m not going to worry about it either because it’s over and I am not sure I would have made the situation any better had I scolded him. I just don’t think he knew what damage a word like that can do and, if he had to use it, I am glad he did on me versus one of the younger people who are still fragile enough to let that get into their head.

So, I am going to forgive him and let it go, however, I do hope someone in his world calls him fat and old this weekend.

Axel says he likes it when I have sex with Thumper.

That’s honestly something I never thought I would hear my husband say. Ever. But it’s also something that makes me infinitely happy as well.

There are about 7,004 reasons as to how this came up in conversation, but to go backwards a bit, Axel and I are coming out of our funk and I have found myself locked in the Steelheart a bit more and am now traveling (later this afternoon for the whole week) with some guidelines as to his expectations. More on that later in the week, I guess, but to go back to the original story, last night he just came out and said that he has realized that he really gets turned on by knowing, what limited parts he chooses to know, about my relationship on the side. It’s funny, because in some ways it seems like reverse cuckholding, but as he has gotten to know Thumper more as the man, Dad, and business guru he is versus just the internet legend he was to him, he says that “he finds power in knowing that his husband, who he has power over, has power over this man who he really respects”.


In some ways, it’s rather cute.

This morning as I packed for the week, a trip that includes a day and a half visit with the rabbit, Axel was all about making sure I was groomed properly. He insisted he shave my head to “be freshly shorn”, checked my body hair to make sure I wasn’t grizzly, and even went so far as to make sure I packed the good lube (as if Thumper would allow bad lube to be used on him).

I know you all probably have grown tired of this story because nothing has changed at all in Axel’s perception of my having a boyfriend, but it’s just something that makes me smile so I continue to share it. When this started, going on 8 months ago, I always knew that he’d be fine with Thumper, but I never expected how much closer it would bring the two of us and how he, by he I mean Axel, would actually help contribute to me and Thumper becoming closer too.

Life is neat.

So, I have been an ass the last two days. Thumper called me a drama queen. I prefer ass. A big ass.

Unfortunately, this has put a huge strain on my relationship with Axel this weekend. However, fortunately, since he doesn’t read this blog, I can say that it’s without a doubt 100 percent of his fault. Maybe even 110 percent.

As it’s no secret that I have a dominant personality within everyday life and with my boyfriend sexually, with my husband, I have always had a desire to be more submissive to him. He and I have been going along this path swimmingly well and, as he had requested, he asked me to take a step back in managing, or over-managing as some might call it, the day to day aspects of our household especially given that I am almost always somewhere else because he liked that idea of having that role in our domestic relationship.

As I said, this, along with his growing dominance of me sexually and domestically has been going great and was really getting to a place where I felt it beginning to just become a natural part of my core. Until yesterday. The day I will forever call the day Drew emasculated Axel, yelled at a Nurse, became covered in white dust, and, perhaps, added my name to a list of potential kidnap victims by a Mexican gang (or maybe a Chinese one).

The issue that caused all of this was stone. Ironic only because Thumper’s theme of the week was also stone, just a vastly different kind.

We needed new countertops in our kitchen. Even after a renovation a few years back, this was something we had put off until we had enough bonus cash from my annual, well, bonus, to be able to splurge a little and get the good stuff. This was a project that, frankly, we had both looked forward to for about fifteen years and this month was the month. Thursday, in fact, was THE INSTALL DAY. Because life has been what it has been for us and because of our new dynamics, I left this up to Axel as this is something I typically would have been all over every spec of piece by piece. By that, I mean we picked out the stone and sink together, the fancy new faucet that you just have to wave your hand in front of to turn on or make a fist to turn off, and even the color caulk that would be used, together.

However, the new Drew left all the details of the measuring appointments up to Axel as well as the install dates and times where he would make sure he would be the one here to take care of everything. That was hard on the newer, domestically submissive Drew, but I understood and, in reality, that is so what I do want in order to help lower both of our stress levels, thus increasing our desire levels, my submissive state, his dominant state, and our newly improved sex life.

So, spoiler alert, it’s now two days after the initial install and I am now sitting on my front porch while a crew of workers remove everything they did Thursday and replace it with all new everything. The old Drew not only came back, but he came back breathing fire, unfortunately. I knew something was not right Thursday night when Axel sent me a picture and said “looks good, but they cracked the stone all the way across by the sink, but it’s okay, they fixed it. You can hardly tell. Plus, it’s really dirty in here”. He said he was happy with it and signed the form and all was fine. New Drew was skeptical, but fine.

Friday morning, while I was at the airport on my way home, he texted again and said “Um, prepare yourself, it doesn’t look as good as I thought and, wow, they did make it dirty in here. I will call when they open”. New Drew still existed, but when he received a copy of the email from Axel to our sales guy showing the pictures, well, he and every bit of sexual submissiveness he had vanished.

To cut to the chase, and, to his credit, Axel had already arranged that they were going to replace the stone but, in the passive way Axel has that I am often jealous of, he didn’t bother to ask when or how. I was very happy with that, despite the unknown factors, and new Drew sparked a bit. However, I soon came home to find 2 inches of dust on almost every single inch of the entire downstairs of my house and about an inch on every surface upstairs. Adding to this was the crack that was allegedly covered up, looked like someone had taken a sharpie and a glue stick to it, a dishwasher that wasn’t anchored, a floor tile had been broken, and there was a board still nailed to the outside of my lower cabinets – the ones that face the dining room. Old Drew was back and with a vengeance. Oh, oh, the fancy ass faucet, wobbled.

I did call Axel and ask if I could call the company that did it and take over and he willingly obliged. While on hold, I tried really, really, super really hard not to be mad at him for not noticing these tiny details or not thinking that one should cover up the doors and cabinets when one’s work crew is cutting a hole in stone for a sink WHILE INSIDE – even if one has two Masters and a Doctorate degree and is clearly wise in the world, but I could not. I was angry and him, at the place that did it, and at my job for not allowing me to be home more. (FYI – this is about the time Thumper texted me calling me a drama queen) (I will get revenge -said in a queen like voice mind you). 

I ranted and raved about the quality with the installer people, who unfortunately mostly spoke Spanish and oddly one who only spoke Mandarin, which I only tried a bit of with her, and finally wound up with them bringing in a crew to work overtime last night and to be here at 9am today, Saturday, to redo everything. Axel went to work this morning and I sat here, fuming again, until they showed up at 11:15.

So, ALL THAT, for me to ask advice. We made up last night, even watched a Dodgers game side by side on the couch while texting with Thumper who was watching the same game (another story for another time because how cool is that in Open Relationship Land?) but I found myself seeing him as weak for not being the alpha and taking charge of the situation and for allowing me to walk all over him to get it the work that needed to be done, done immediately so we can spend tonight cleaning and moving on with the weekend. I am still there in my head, and the thought of sexually submitting to him right now just does not make me quiver in any way. I know I am still mad and that might go away soon, but I let him lose the “power” spot I had for him in my mind and I am now afraid it won’t come back.

I know I will feel better when the literal dust settles, but any advice in the interim?

I understand that one being in one role or the other does not mean that fights or disagreements won’t be had and I also know that we have clearly never stated the fact or even thought the fact that being submissive means you automatically lose an argument, but it just sucks that this hit now, right here, as things were moving forward.

I know that 12 hours from now we will have cleaned the house (or if my Facebook friends who have Angie’s List have come through, hired someone to clean the house) and I think I will be in a better mindset when I literally don’t feel dirty everywhere (this is made worse by the fact it’s pollen season in the south and everything is coated in yellow dust). In fact, I feel better having just gotten this out, as I often do about most things I write about. So, time will tell and I think all will be fine.

In other news, I see the rabbit for a day and a half this week and am very excited. It’s been the longest gap of time away we have had, but what is also funny is that is not anything I have thought about which shows me nothing but good in the evolution of things. He’s been feeling better lately and his tumbling has increased, but even if he’s not feeling “it” yet, I don’t care as it will be good to just “be”.

Happy weekend.

P.S. – The yelling at a nurse part – which I am adding just for fun. During the middle of this, I stopped to get my weekly shot and was greeted by the nurse who always loudly says “Hey ‘name'” which is a childlike version of my real name that only my Mother and Axel call me. He has done this for four years and I have cringed inside each time; however, yesterday was his mistake.

Let’s just leave it at that.

Thumper just dropped me off at the airport after two days of really good, easy, relaxed fun. On the ride, I told him that I absolutely loved my Prince Albert as it’s been almost three months since it was installed. He suggested I write a quick post about that since it seems so many guys want one, but are afraid or worried.

Frankly, before I got mine I was terrified of it. I wanted it, but didn’t move quickly toward it at all. Luckily, my husband wanted it for me more and after I met Thumper and heard the virtues of his, I gave in to Axel which, in hindsight, really marked the first step in my submission to him. The irony here is that Thumper’s PA sold me, even though I have never actually seen it for myself. I’ve been close and have even said hello though the hole of the steelheart, but, it’s not mine to play with, so I will likely never see it (btw, I find that so incredibly hot).

For mine, after three months, it’s now just a part of me. Yes, urination has changed, but it’s not bad. Right now I have a curved barbell in with a large stainless steel ball on the head and, though I love it, I kinda miss the captive ball ring too. As you may have read, Thumper and I broke in the barbell thoroughly during the last 48 hours. In fact, as odd or as wonderful as this may be to say, I let myself go to almost a primal place that I have never been with Axel, but certainly plan to as soon as I am home from the trip I am leaving on now.

I assume that it’s the additional nerve endings that have been exposed by the PA itself, or perhaps it’s the weight of the jewelry, but I have never, ever experienced sex like I have since I got mine. The sensations are amazing and, as I have said before, an orgasm feels about 200 percent better than it ever did before. I am not sure if it’s the ability for the penis to release more fluid, or that the fluid flows over and around a steel bar, but, fuck, does it feel nice and, in a way, much more complete than any orgasm I had experienced prior.

What I have not talked about, is the events that lead up to the orgasm.

Oral sex is just incredible now. Thumper’s mouth felt amazing, like a mixture of hot and cold at the same time. Feeling his tongue roll over, play with, and move the balls of the jewelry sent little mini orgasmic chills into my spine, each and every time. Plus, there’s the sound. I know that sounds strange, but with the additional fluids and the additional hole, there is a new sound that emerges that is just like a melody of squeaks or clicks or something similar. I can’t accurately describe it, but I suspect it’s what a penis would sound like if it could actually sing. Plus, when the PA occasionally would hit or brush a tooth, there is a clicking sound, like bamboo wind chimes, that would vibrate to my core. Absolutely amazing.

Anal sex, frankly, is not something I have ever enjoyed a great deal, but the PA is rapidly changing that. Today as I fucked Thumper, I could feel the jewelry move inside him, guiding the path so to speak. It was an intense pleasurable feeling as I could feel the muscles of his ass push it up, down, and back and forth within my penis. That intensity, frankly, gave me a new level of confidence in the act I have never had before and resulted in a later orgasm unlike any I have had in my life (and in a way I never have- fyi). On the flip side, Thumper told me that he could feel both steel balls on their path and that he would try to grip to them in anticipation. That, was an incredible feeling.

In masturbation, the PA has changed my grip and my pattern, but that switch has led to a new path of self pleasure I didn’t know I had. Now, I am not currently allowed to go down that path, but when I am, the tender area between the hole is an erotic zone like no other. To touch that place, while erect, is just a feeling of intensity that I can only now appreciate. I had worried this would go away with the final healing, but it has not and, honestly, has only gotten better making me very happy about the road ahead (even though it will be steel encased).

In day to day life, as I have said, I love the fact that it’s in my pants and that it represents Axel. The weight is great and gives me a bit of added length I didn’t realize I really needed.

Also, I just love the way it looks.

So, in summary, for anyone who is on the fence with this, feel free to reach out and ask. As I have said, I have zero regrets now and look forward to this just being more and more a part of me as I go down the path.

Thumper, care to elaborate now on the other side of it since you have experienced the giving and receiving with one?

It’s been almost a month since Thumper and I publicly vowed to look better naked both here on this blog and here on Denying Thumper.

Today we closed our first challenge month in Fitocracy, the app we are using to track our workouts, assign points, and to report in to the Ferns Workout Crew (#fwocrew). I think I speak for him when I say we both had a good month. Plus, I had fun.

While I didn’t really lose more than a few pounds, I was able to use my type A competitiveness to make sure I stayed in alignment with him and a few of our other team members throughout the month. For me, that is a huge step toward the positive. In the past, I have always been my own worst enemy because I could easily talk myself out of any activity that involved not sitting down at the end of a long day of traveling. I used to joke that I needed a man with a whip to go to the gym with me for motivation, and, while I still have the position open for the right man at the right gym, this level of virtual accountability has been just what I was hoping to have to fill the gaps when my mind is swimming with laziness.

Using Fitocracy, Thumper and I have started another challenge for March and it’s simply who can earn the most points and bragging rights as we have other ways we can challenge each other at other times. And, speaking of bragging rights, because caring minds want to know, I would be negligent if I didn’t point out that I won our February challenge by about 500 points, although he has a larger total overall point balance than me. What’s funny is that, although these mean nothing in the scheme of the real world, I will admit it killed me when he pulled ahead enough that I would get my ass out of bed earlier to work out to bring our numbers closer together. For March, my goal is to continue the lifting pace I have already set, but add in a lot more cardio like running which I have never been good at doing. I used to say I wasn’t built for it, but honestly think I have always given up before I pushed myself.

So, all of this to say, thanks for putting up with our Twitter announcements and encouraging us as we move toward our naked pictures in June. If anyone is interested in joining us on this adventure this month, please send one of us a message as we’d love to have you in our virtual gym.

Finally, while it’s outside of the scope of this project to a degree, I have also promised Thumper that I will drink more water.

He worries.

Today I was on a Sydney train and my car was fairly empty because it was going both away from the CBD and the beaches toward the suburbs where I work when I am here. In fact, in this car it was just me and about four gay guys who I would guess to have been in their early 20’s. In some ways it was like going back in time because I remember being one of those guys. Also, a great deal of the younger men in Australia still dress like we did in the 1990’s so that just helped me visually.

As I sat there with my earbuds in pretending to listen to my iPhone, I listened to them talk about dating, meeting guys, and how they wish more guys were “straight acting”, even though, in my terms, they were not.

Those two words paired together just made me laugh because I didn’t know that in this day in time that was still a phrase, concern, or descriptor. One hundred and twelve years ago when I was dating prior to both Axel and high speed internet, “straight acting” was something I was all about. I described myself as that. I requested anyone I met on a date be that. And I defined the type of man I wanted by that.

The funny thing is that nobody really could define what it meant.

For me, it meant I did not want a club guy, a twink guy, or, god forbid, an effeminate guy. I wanted someone ready to be settled, someone with a sense of purpose, and, someone who was naturally masculine. Looking back, I think a lot of my self doubt, internal homophobia, and other issues were hiding behind the term, because I did not want to be around swishy men who might out me by virtue of their presence or flighty spirits who had their own course in life, most likely unplanned, and it didn’t matter what anyone thought of anything.

So, from my train point of view and in thinking about a lot of the labeling posts that Thumper has been writing, I decided that I think that this is a phrase of the youth, of the younger gay men who still, even now, lack the words and the understanding of what they want and who they want. Young men who have not yet met enough straight men who, through their acting, have shown them that that is no longer an attribute they need to ascribe to.

To double check this, tonight I did a Craigslist and Manhunt search and, sure enough, almost all of the “straight acting” requests were from men younger than 27 or older ones who had ads that said something like, “I’m 54, never married, straight acting, an avid collector of prized porcelain frogs. Nobody knows I am gay. Seeking xxxx, must be straight acting

With this post, I am making no judgement on whether or not the term is offensive, off based, or even relevant so this is just an observation.

That said, twenty years later, I have two friends who are so flaming that we can’t let them in our yard during the dry season, some twink or former twink friends, and a few straight men who are anything but straight acting within our close circle of friends along with some who are so masculine the Brawny guy would wonder if his dick is small next to them, so I certainly did not stay with the SA mantra as I aged.

What also hit me is the other irony in that, after all those years searching, I finally did land a straight acting man, aka Thumper. Aside from the fact that he likes boys too, he’s as straight acting, by pure definition, as they come (or not, as in his case) and it didn’t have a thing to do with his masculinity which, aside from his hair product fascination, is something that enters the room almost before he does.

Finally, I am not ashamed of having used the phrase to describe my preference for a masculine man any more so than I am ashamed of having that masculine preference.

However, if I were to place an ad now or describe myself, I think I would just go with “masculine” and leave it at that, unless I was describing myself in which I might use the words “Super Masculine”, complete with the capital letters since it’s just so obvious.

Anyway, just my random thoughts on wording, masculinity and me.


Hello from the other side of the world.


It’s rather lonely on this side of the planet (despite it being the homeland of my favorite Domme, Ferns) as most everyone I love in the world is home sleeping to wake up to the day I am just ending. That is still one of the strangest things about this gig to me, to know that I really only share about seven hours of a day with Axel.

As you know, I have had the luxury of a travel break during the last six weeks, or at least long travel, and I had no idea how hard this trip would hit me physically and emotionally.

Physically, I think I caught some sort of stomach bug the day I left that, unfortunately, hit me about two hours before the long flight ended and stayed with me most of yesterday. I am no longer sick, but have been left with chills and zero appetite and nothing, not even my precious diet coke, tastes right. Even food smells funny. That, combined with general jet lag has been enough to just wipe me the fuck out

Actually, from every movie and tv show I have seen it sounds like I am pregnant. Oh. Shit. Could I…

Wait, my husband and I have not done anything that could cause that and my boyfriend is locked in a steel tube, so I guess that option is off the table. Fuck. I have always wanted to be on the cover of People and it looks like I am going to be foiled by Bruce Jenner yet again in life. I wonder what his new name will be?

Anyway, I did manage a full day working today and got a workout in, but just was zoned out completely. Tomorrow is packed again but I know it will be better and I will likely be eating my way through Australia before the weekend is over.

On the emotional side, or maybe the physical, I fucked up and jacked off this morning without permission. Since I am device-less for awhile, we are relying on me to have self control and, this morning, I had none. The funny thing is I was not actually very horny. I just wanted to do it so I did. I thought about the fact that I didn’t text Axel first and ask (he was awake at the time and I could have) but I didn’t really care either and thought this was something that I’d just not mention just like “the old days”. That feeling lasted until about 2.7 seconds after I came when I was then overcome with an emotional guilt like I have not had before. I had just used Axel’s penis without permission and that was not allowed. I almost wanted to go sit myself down in the corner but, well, you all know how I feel about having ejaculate on me, so that guilt was washed away by the need to shower. At that point, never once did I think I would not tell Axel, but I just figured I would wait until the right time or when I was home.

That lasted all of about three hours when, during the middle of a meeting I was in, I felt absolutely compelled to text him to tell him; however I thought I would soften the blow with a complaint about how bad I felt stomach wise first. It went like this.

Screen Shot 2015-02-05 at 7.46.19 PM
First and foremost, I should tell you that when you are down under, evidently you hack off versus jack off, or at least that is what the iPhone thinks happens, but, I would assume that hacking is as forbidden as jacking, so I am still in trouble. This is my first offense, but, having given him the control, what happens now is not my decision. Perhaps he will forget.

In one way I think I am almost glad it happened and maybe deep down I was testing our new resolve, because when he and I take steps back from this new life, it’s usually because of a trip like this. So, we will see what happens in eleven days when I FINALLY get home.

In other news, have you all read the recent rabbit posts? He’s been on a roll and has some really good stuff posted, so check it out if you haven’t. He surprised me with something we aren’t talking about here yesterday when I landed and that, so far, has made my whole trip and will make future ones I know as well.

He and Axel both hate it when I say this, but one of the best things about these trips is the Facetime calls in the middle of my night and I always tell them to call and wake me up (however, I am usually up anyway). It’s a very “grounding” feeling and, while I evidently can’t explain it to anyone as to why, it just makes the days fun. I mean, who wouldn’t want to talk to either one while laying in bed naked?

Speaking of the two of them, they spoke today. Technically they instant messaged, but it was very funny because Axel messaged him and he thought it was me having just seen the last name and was, from what I hear, kinda an ass to him, or at least in Thumper’s mind (for the record, he’s not an ass to me, but having been inside each other we can say things like “hang on” or “busy” without issue). When he realized this it became Twitter fodder which I enjoyed because I suspect Miss Manner’s protocol would usually say that “when greeting your boyfriend’s husband for this first time, one should be polite”, so I knew the rabbit’s mind raced a few seconds. In reality, Axel thought NOTHING of it and told me that he told him that if he (Thumper) still felt bad, he’d send me up there on an unscheduled trip just to punish him (Thumpie, don’t you feel awful????? – hint hint).

It really was nothing but I tell you this to simply say, HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? What a great reaction from Axel and this is just one more piece if the giant sea of okay that we swim in (for the record, we all knew this communication would take place as they are planning a very special birthday surprise for me during my birthday which coincides with my new bunny trip – wait, wait, I am projecting, the reality is that Thumper is an expert in an area that Axel needed some information in so it was silly for me to play the middle man).

Finally, it was pointed out to me that I don’t have text in the “about me” section (and that Thumper’s is out of date). So, to the arrogant ass who thought it was important enough to make that they only message they sent to me, thank you. We will get right on that.

So, from my balcony overlooking a shopping mall and a motorway I bid you adieu. I have an about me to do.

Well, the update was that it’s now day 18 and it looks like we are going to go for longer as Axel has now stated that he wants me to go until I return from a trip to Australia which is on Valentine’s Day, ironically. Unfortunately, the International Day of Chastity is the 15th, so would coming the day before be hypocritical?

Anyway, to back up. Last night was great in so many ways and wrong in so many others.

As you know from yesterday’s blog, I told you that Axel had a plan for me when he got home and had mentioned that I might be allowed to come if I didn’t touch myself in the process. Well, the afternoon started really well and we were both in the mood, but he needed to work out first. For context and to explain our “dungeon”, we have both started a TRX workout plan because I can travel with it and he can adapt it to fit his needs better since, as you know, he had major surgery reconstructing his right hip following an injury three years ago. To help with this, I have taken the spare room upstairs and mounted steel hooks at various levels into the studs in the wall for the TRX only (wink, wink).

He often gets frustrated that he can’t work out the way he used to when he was an athlete and sometimes it just makes him mad. So, yesterday, he decided that he would take the permission I have given him to use me at will and decided that he’d attach me to those anchor points (pic below) and, if he needed a “punching bag” of sorts, I would be there. Well, he really didn’t need that but it turns out he really does like objectified company when he works out and spent most of the time talking at me about how he is enjoying the control of my penis, how he plans to really expand that and was thinking that a few more weeks would really enforce it, and how he had been talking to our friend Griffin, who is already a Master at many things, and how he had really been a good find for him and how much he was valuing his advice, some of which, he informed me would be things that he knew I’d not like, but deep down appreciate. From that, the really hot points was that he turned all of that into how these things would make me better for Thumper and how he was really getting off on the idea that he was training the trainer and how happy this was making him, much to his surprise. He did say that one of the reasons he was rethinking the orgasm demand with the bunny was that if I was be denied for him, he wanted to be the one to enjoy the big moment whenever that may be.

So, he had one of his best workouts in awhile and I found a very nice inner peace that I haven’t had in awhile. He went off to shower leaving me there to wait on him and what I was hoping was going to be the sticky, sweet, wonderful afternoon of pure, simple, and dirty, dirty sex. He came back about twenty minutes later to unhook me and lead me to the bedroom. O.M.G. it was going to be fun and great and then a minor event happened and it all stopped. There was no going back but there was also ZERO anger or blame. It was like having a great evening planned around a wonderful bottle of wine that, when uncorked, reveals that it had turned rancid without any way of knowing in advance but, once that damn was unplugged, life had been unleashed and we could not reign it back in time to save the erections.

That said, we dealt with the issue, went to Chilis for dinner and Sport’s Authority because I needed new running shoes (now that Thumper and I have vowed to be fit) and just went about life. During dinner, much to the fun of the people in the booth beside us over that fake wall, we discussed my chastity status, how much he is looking forward to the device arriving and setting up ground rules around that and then he informed me that, just so I knew, before I leave for Bunny Country he will be getting off and I will be taking it. So hot. So so hot. He now has this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and it makes me hard each time I see it.

And that is where we stand today. Suffice it to say today I will be cleaning more between projects and may try out those shoes too!


Hello from the end (of our) of Mid Atlantic Leather Weekend ( where Axel and I lost our gay fetish event virginity. It was a wonderful experience and we enjoyed meeting new friends and seeing the sights, both good and bad. Plus, we did a damn lot of shopping. More on that later – of course.

For the last 48 hours, within 100 feet of us there were men of all ages dressed in complete latex bodysuits, full leather gear, and incredible uniforms. Additionally, within those same confines were men clad only in the most minimal of strings which, by technicality, allowed them to stay within the event rules. Some were in collars. Some attached to leashes. Most others just “were”. Many of these men looked amazing in these outfits while many of these men did not. The thing that impressed me most was that nobody gave a fuck. These guys just embraced who they were and it didn’t matter to them what anyone else thought (about the fetish, that is, as they had clearly put time and money into the gear and it showed!) . There is a lesson in that for all of us to learn, myself included.

In addition, we met a few new couples and their friends and learned that we are not that unusual in our open marriage nor are our friends who do not have the open adjective. There was such an interesting mix of dynamics. Couples who compete to see which can get the greatest number of partners over the weekend. Couples who like to share a third just on these weekends. Couples that are part of a polyamorous 24/7 world. Couples that live, eat, and breathe Dom/sub. And, couples that have been together for 20+ years without having ever strayed from each other. It didn’t matter because nobody judges here and everyone is accepting of whatever wild story you may tell them, even if they involve women. This was especially illustrated when we were talking to two rubbermen. I stepped away for something and came back to hear Axel say something like, “No, they try for once a month at least and, his wife has him locked in steel chastity, so Drew never gets to use the penis. It belongs to his wife. I just loan him Drew’s.” The two rubbery guys were just fascinated, which made me laugh, because of all the fetishy things in the room, the idea of me fucking a locked straight guy got their attention. Go figure.

Something also new was that I got to meet several people who I have talked to online for many years and to shake their hands and give them a hug, which, for the record, I do really really well. Most are familiar with my current life and I enjoyed introducing them to Axel and showing off pictures of Thumper.

However, one particular friend stood out.

For sake of this blog, I will call him Griffin, but this is a man who has impressed me for years with his acceptance of his kink and his open relationship with his partner. In addition, he has a boyfriend (technically he’s a pup, for here we will say the b word) who, like my b word, lives in another city. They have been together/collared for over four years and the boyfriend has been married to his husband for over twenty. Griffin and the boyfriend’s husbands are good friends and their relationship works quite well. It was a joy to watch them interact and to see actual, real life proof that situations like mine, Axel’s and Thumper’s CAN and DO work. And, Griffin is just nice. He’s handsome, intelligent, and has a caring nature that exuded throughout the entire event space. Plus, he told me he reads this blog and Denying Thumper regularly, so you know he’s good, right?

Seriously, Griffin, if you are reading this, know that meeting you was the highlight of my weekend and I look very forward to seeing you again.

All of that was leathery, rubbery and wonderful, but some of the most important things from the weekend didn’t happen in the event space but in our hotel room. Of course, with a leading sentence like that I think you are likely to be getting ready to hear about stickiness, palpitations, and orgasms, but, aside from a little licking here and a little sucking there, we did not have coitus. Not once. What we did have, however, was intense amounts of private time, much of it naked and in bed, that consisted of holding, of touching, of examining, and of making Axel and I exactly what makes us such a great pairing. The sex will come, hopefully later tonight fyi, but we examined more of what he is looking for in his outside “interest” and what that will likely look like. He even had an opportunity to go break in a new paddle we bought for me when I need it and for Thumper when he does, but his potential disciplinee hung out with us in the giant group of people just a bit too long and said three or four words too many, and that was the end of the erection for Axel. But, aside from the fact he will likely have to break it in on me now, it served up a great conversation that is actually big enough to be a blog post by itself, so I will be writing that this week.

Also, we talked about Thumper. A lot. He asked more questions about what we do together than he had in the past and I volunteered more specific information than I had in the past. Ironically, we talked about him as the person way more than him as the sexual object, but that’s what we wanted from day one, and I cannot tell you how good it feels to just have no secrets.

On the shopping front, I have already mentioned the paddle and you have seen the new belt and belt buckle that cost far more than something like that should, but it was fascinating and fun to have an entire event space turned into a shopping market of nothing but kinky things from some of the best vendors in the business. I did not see a single place that was not thriving and I love that. In addition to those things, we bought a few T-shirts, a uniform shirt for me, a book or two, and some new gear that I am not ready to talk about at the end of an already long post (plus, it will be best to surprise the bunny when he is blindfolded as two of them are going to HURT)

Despite these things, some of our best shopping was out in DC on Saturday morning where we had an authentic Mexican breakfast and then ran into a Farmer’s Market of sorts. Axel saw a small piece of art that he said “that reminds me of Thumper and what he represents” and, well, before I really realized what was going on, my husband was buying my boyfriend a present (and a few other pieces for our house and his office). It’s way cool and I suspect you will see it on DT one day, but that’s enough of that for now aside from the fact that evidently Facebook friending leads to gift buying, at least when I am in the middle. In all seriousness, when Axel finds who he is looking for, I will be picking him up something too. It’s like a fucked up version of etiquette for outside partners that Miss Manners was too disgusted to write.

Finally, at the end of last night I was honored to be able to meet Dan Savage himself and shake his hand and thank him for all the advice right before making him stand for the obligatory picture with me. I told him the story of Axel, who was taking the picture, and Thumper, who I have to say he said “the chastity blogger? I’ve quoted him. So, you are the new guy?” (or something very similar) which made me feel like royalty and almost pee my pants in excitement for when I can tell Thumper (who is still in the woods and out of reach).

And, that was last night. Today was far more boring by comparison.

(Note, here are a few pictures from last evening that both show everything and nothing at all including your first veiled glimpse at Axel and his new boots and my cool as fuck belt).

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