Category: Uncategorized

Well, it’s been a few days since I decided to be more open and more “bloggy” and then I realized I had nothing real to say as the week was full of work and, this week, was in the most boring of places, so I just hunkered down in my Holiday Inn Expresses, and visited Tumblr as often as I could (which is futile when locked) and binged watched some TV (anyone watch A Million Little Things? – I’m man crushing on the personality of the bearded guy and the face of the one cheating on his wife).

The Tumblr part reminded me of a thought I had because I get a ton of questions about “how did you turn your husband kinky?” I would like to tell people the exact ingredients, but I am working on a secretive patented pill that, taken just once, will make the vanilla swallower into a kinky slave like real swallower or into the most demanding Dom ever, dependent on the wishes of the person who gives the soon to be transformed that wonderful pill.  It’s as easy as that. Take my pill and all will be good. Oh, and it will be a million dollars cause I am tired of flying.

Damn, wouldn’t that be nice? I have to say I don’t know where or how I would have gotten it, but twenty years ago when I met Axel I might have mortgaged my soul for such a pill, though being a switch makes me wonder if I’d have to have two and that would be impossible. But, fuck, I keep forgetting I am going to own the patent and the pills so I guess I could give give myself a good discount? Wonder if I’d have to blow me to do it?

Anyway, with Axel, he is now more kinky than ever and has a wildly Dom streak coming out of him that is incredibly hot to see, and experience. But, IT’S BEEN TWENTY YEARS. So, boys and girls, don’t get all pissed thinking that I am going to guide on how you too can turn your husband in just twenty years, because I will speed up the process.

In fairness to Ax, it’s likely only been about ten years since I truly opened up to him about my kinky side and that I wanted him to be part of that life. The first ten years were me pretending to be happily vanilla and that wasn’t working, but I do suspect you whipper snapper modern kinksters would get around to being more open about your feelings a bit faster than the 1990’s sweeping hair Drew did. Also, in the spirit of fairness, as some of you know, eight years ago Ax had an injury that required significant ortho work on his leg and hip that had a “mechanical failure” three years ago which caused all the work to have to be done again though removing the first caused a need for huge incisions through the thigh muscles, so that set him back many years each time as apparently thinking about me tied in sling locked in a thick collar didn’t make his bones heal faster or make him use his old lady with tennis ball walker any faster either. For some reason kinky Drew was not the top of his mind because “he hurt” and only could focus on himself (said with such a kidding sarcastic tone, btw). He’s not back to normal yet, but that normal is based on him pre-accident, pre-surgeries and that level of normal will likely never be back, so we have learned/are learning how to settle and make things fit the new us who are not nearly as flexible and a bit limited in what we can do. In all honesty, I am still afraid I will break him if I am aggressive, but logic tells me otherwise, so I try!

So, back to the original question of how I turned my vanilla, country, therapist husband into a kink machine? Well, I didn’t. While he is far from a kink machine (said a tad ironically as he has more metal in him than most of us), but he is in the territory now and that is a huge improvement. How we got him there, though, is likely the fear of so many people out there because it comes down to one single word…communication.

Yep, that fucking word that always makes everything better. This was a horrible thing for me as I realized he would never grow unless I explained to him what I liked, why I liked it, and what that act does to me emotionally. To do this, we created a private Tumblr and a few years ago I started reposting pictures of things I would like him to do to me like that and, when needed, explained how it could work (ie: take the chain in the upstairs closet, get an eye bolt out of the garage, hire seven Cuban dancers, fly Ferns to the US, etc, etc). Each day, when possible, we would discuss the pics and he would ask me what it made me feel like to imagine myself doing that, etc, etc. It was such a hard process for me as I fought a mix of embarrassment and a lack of empowerment but it was absolutely needed.

That Tumblr game continued for a bit until I stopped saying anything about the pics but just posting them anyway. What happened was he surprised me by responding  to each pic and telling me what HE thought I liked about it and how he could make it happen on his terms. Now, we each add pics and often lay in bed together with the iPad talking about them and, mostly, he doesn’t allow me to talk about them with him, but as he does he watches the cage rise and fall and, apparently, that’s all he needs to know about my “feelings” on the topic at hand (often literally). One night we went through 173 pictures and, while I thought I would die, my head swooned with excitement.

No, he’s not ready for kinky porn, but in another twenty years he might be ready for some geriatric exhibitions in our new retirement villa somewhere. But, finally, my advice? Just talk, talk and talk some more. Yes, it’s painful. Yes, it’s weird. But, it’s likely the biggest thing in the thousands of possible steps to makes your partner kinky that will get the fastest results.

Oh yeah, the open marriage helped too – spoiler alert!

Welcome to the newly revised Dual Drew 2.0.

It’s been exactly four years since I started this blog and, although I enjoyed it immensely, it’s gotten stale and it’s time to shake things up a bit. Starting with a slightly new look and feel, I decided that it was time to refresh the content of this a bit and move forward from the basic premise of this started in 2014.

However, before I do that, I have a bunch of new readers who have asked questions about the origin, why I started this and what I wanted to get out of it, so, in my plan to go forward, I will go backwards. So, here we go:

It started with my continual reading of one of my favorite blogs, Denying Thumper, that focused on this man who presented himself as a sexy as fuck, slightly more than a curious bisexual, and completely locked in a chastity device by his wife for many years. The information I obtained from that blog changed many things about how I thought about chastity and control and I would wait eagerly for a new post. Then, one day in October 2014, Thumper posted about his wife saying he would be allowed to be fucked my another man as long as that man didn’t see or play with his penis unlocked. Well, that intrigued me and, despite my growing interest in being locked myself and with the permission of my husband, I raised my hand and sent him a message volunteering my penis as his personal dildo. I don’t think I ever expected him to respond, but when he did, we clicked on multiple levels and developed a fast friendship with benefits that consummated on Halloween 2014 after what seemed like 160 hours of talk, text and video messaging. I had always thought it would be weird not touching his dick or even seeing it for that matter, but a combination of factors including the control his wife held, his conviction to staying locked and enjoyment from being “just a hole”, and my personal       non-attraction to tiny dicks was all I needed to make me want to just hurt his balls and never see that small thing outside of its steel prison.

Following that day, he sent me a note and asked me if I would be interested in writing a few things about the day which I, of course, jumped on. In hindsight, I am not sure he knew I was a writer and I think he thought I was going to write a paragraph using words like “hot”, “sexy”,  and “fuck “, but I wrote a piece very similar to this blog, he published it in DT, a few people liked it, and the Drew Duality was born.

Since I had never expected to be discussed sexually and to write a blog about my dick, I had allowed Thumper to call me Drew, my actual name, in his posts so we didn’t really think about hiding it better when this started. The Dual part of it, however, likely describes me better than my actual name because I am somewhat two sided on most things in my life as in I am a strict sadist who craves dominating submissive men, though I often find myself jealous of them when they are at their weakest wishing my husband would take me there like I did them. I am an Executive Senior Vice President and Managing Director by day but would love to be on a leash at night making no decisions. I hate to swim but love the water, etc, etc, etc. Seriously, this list could go on for days about how one side of myself will contradict with the other.

The blog started immediately and went full stop until this year when I ran out of stories that I wanted to discuss publicly (a key phrase) as that created a big rift with me and Thump a few years back and, frankly, ran out of time as my work now has me working six months a year in the Southern Hemisphere building a new business in Australia, New Zealand, China, and Singapore. That said, even at my busiest, I missed blogging and missed the interactions it allowed me to have with others like me, who I have found ultimately grounded me and made me proud of my kink side, a pride I have been missing. In rebuilding this blog, I am also trying to rebuild friendships made from this (Hapa, I am coming for you soon) and am thrilled that next week I get to see Thumper for two days as its been nearly 19 months since we have seen each other in person. That seems odd, but we kinda are bonded to each other in ways, so it didn’t feel wrong, but just long.

Now, for those who asked, that is the back story of nearly four years worth of sexual and regular dribble about my life. It’s there if you want to read it, but starting from here is good too. During those years I developed a fetish and a friendship with Steelwerks and to this day there is not a day that goes by without something of theirs attached to or on my body. More on that as this moves forward.

But, to the present day, some updates for the loyalists and some new skinny for those who are not. First, Axel, my husband, is really growing in his dominance and kinky side and he now controls more of me than we each ever thought he would. We will both fully admit that it’s not the ultimate place we want to be, but it’s a HUGE step from where we were and he has asked me to write more about my submissive side moving forward, something I rarely did in the past because Thumper did not like reading that and my dominance was dependent on, in my head, mostly, my ability to appear “dominant” at most times.

Second, there’s Rex.

Rex is a new name on this blog, but for the last six months or so he has worn my collar, carried Axel’s plug everyday, has not had a single orgasm, and has performed perfectly in ways that only a truly wired 100 percent sub or slave is wired to obey. It’s been eye opening for me as to how he just adapted to the role he had wanted immediately and has not looked back as he gets a daily schedule from Ax of sexual service ideas and a second from me that has very specific financial and exercise instructions that he had not failed at even once. The issue is, of course, he’s on the other side of the world from our home, but where I am every other month, so there is plenty of 1:1 time that will last until his trial visit to our home this winter. He loves to clean, loves to organize, and I have about two weeks worth projects for him by day so he can serve me before becoming Axel’s toy each night. Should that work, we may be adopting an Aussie slave in 2020, so when that happens you will be the second to know (my Mom being first, lol). Now, history taught me a lesson and this may be the last time you hear about him for awhile as we are keeping this low and quiet, though any submissive side of me will now be shaped by his as well.

Finally, over the next few weeks I will have new pictures, new stories of me and my ass, some dick stories, and general musings about power exchanges that I crave, love, or think are odd. There also may be some guest posts so if you are interested in any of the above and want a venue, please let me know. It’s evolving in my head as I type, so let’s go on the 2.0 ride together again and I promise a more active time.

XX, DD

Hello from a club in an airport that looks like every club in every airport. I am about to board a 17 hour flight to Australia which will be followed by a four hour flight to New Zealand, so I am trying to get all of my thoughts out now so I can take a pill and be in a trance for most of the next day.

It’s funny, I absolutely detest flights that are between three and six hours, but these long ones just kinda are what they are and I have learned how to just crawl into my little world and enjoy it, to a degree. That said, the Australian airlines have not started wifi yet on international flights so, while I am in my zone, my zone does feel like it’s in 1997 at times.

Anyway, like always before one of these month long trips, Axel and I had the best weekend. For our 20 year anniversary a few weeks back, I surprised him with a really cool hot tub in the back yard and we have found that to be a place where we find our center each night and we just sit in the bubbles and talk. This morning we did that twice before and after he helped me pack and then we, like typical before these trips, had that kind of sex that makes you want to quit your job and just stay home forever until Bank of America decides to foreclose. Of course, that doesn’t make it any easier to leave, but life is what it is and we like that fact that I have an income. It’s hard leaving after great sex and bonding, but it’s worse leaving when you haven’t had either, so I sucked it up and we loaded up the German and headed to the airport.

As we got to the departures point, I started to get out of the truck when he said “oh, in case you find someone you like, I put a few viagra in your pill thing, you know, in case you are stressed or tired but really want to fuck him“. Now, he actually knows that is VERY unlikely for me, with the exception of the possible slave candidate I have mentioned, but the sheer fact he did that just sort of melted my heart a bit. I mean, that’s just open marriage at its sweetest, huh?

I thought about that all day too and have laughed at how I would envision most of how our friends would react should their spouse say something to them like that and/or should they have overheard that. And then, oddly enough, I felt a little sorry for them that they would not have reacted well. Of course, not every marriage should be open or can be open, but that moment just made me really glad mine is despite the fact the door to the open side is kinda squeaky and needs a push and a yank in the post Thumper days.

Finally, as I mentioned before, there is a particular guy in the Southern Hemisphere who I met in the most vanilla of ways, but somehow we started talking about kink and, within a few hours, I had introduced him to Axel as a potential boy, or even slave, for us down the road (he’s been owned before and comes already housebroken). For blog purposes, we will call him rex (as he looks good on all fours and in a collar), but we will have a few days together in the middle of this trip where I plan to put him through his paces. I suspect he will do fine, but the whether he will knock the rust off the open door hinges on this trip (and then, like a proper slave clean up the rust) remains to be seen as I love the idea of leaving him wanting for more. Of course, who knows, as I am excited about the possibility of the rust going away too, so we will see where it goes, with or without the Viagra.

Oh, and last note to self, I just realized the Viagra looks a lot like the Xanax I take on the flight, so I need to pay very close attention as those 17 hours erect would not be fun at all. Maybe.

Lately, I sit a lot on planes and in hotel rooms and think “I should be writing for the blog”. Then I think, “well, I am a tired“, or “there is no sex to speak of lately and nobody wants to read about my mom, my house on fire again, or see my metal dick again“, or, my favorite, “Thumper is not writing much right now so I don’t have to either“, as if that is a real excuse at all.

My guilt, it seems, is often exacerbated two times a day when Lion and Mrs. Lion put out a post around 8am and 4pm almost every single day detailing his submission to her and how it varies in intensity and even desire. In today’s post, Confessions of a Naked Blogger. Lion talks about how he is always naked at home as required and went on to discuss more and more about why they blog, what they get from it, and then how some people have been telling him that Tumblr is where it is at for blogs and the like. I was amused by his additional comment about millennials living in their small screen as they walk, talk, eat and exist. That said, my amusement was mostly because I was reading it while walking on the moving walkway in the Detroit airport carrying a coffee in the left hand and balancing my backpack and phone in my right. I was quite proud of myself at that moment because I was not only acting like a millennial, I was pulling it off.

My first response to this was a bit of jealousy of his comfort being naked at home. Axel wants me to follow this rule, I want to follow this rule, but due to unknown body issues or something deep down inside of myself, I absolutely still hate being naked. I NEED to change this, but really have no desire to spend years in therapy for this when I know I likely have so many other things to use therapy for.

My second thought in reading this was, maybe for the first time, seeing how they use their blog as a way to communicate their needs to each other, albeit with an audience. I do have to admit that there have been times when I think “why would they write about that?” and then realize they are at least writing, but, when you think about it, it’s an impressive fete for any couple to pull off and I want to give them props for doing so. I also enjoy that they follow up on the successes and failures, something I need to do a better job at because I tend to make bold declarations of my new activities, sneeze, and then never think about it again.

However, as a note to Lion and Mrs. Lion, please don’t move to Tumblr (I know it’s likely not a huge worry) as it’s actually nice to read these accounts in public (most times) and please keep going. As one of the few who blogs about male/male Dom and sub, I find I learn a ton by FLR blogs (oddly not so much from MLR ones) that can apply to my life as well.

Speaking of my life, it’s still going at 100mph most days and living in two hemispheres is proving hard, but incredibly valuable as well. Ax and I are excited as we are in the qualifying process for a new slave who wants to serve us both and there will be more on this in the future, but I am giving it time as this one feels really right.

And, listening to myself above, my chastity vow of a month ago fell flat and I don’t think anything, or anyone, has been on my dick since that date due to a period of incredible stress with my friend with the addiction (now in a 3 month rehab program) and a sense of jet lag that I have had some issues shaking.

But, as a summary, here’s to you Mr. and Mrs. Lion. Keep it up and know that even in the weirdest of blogs, someone gets something from it.

 

I am in Australia with my friend Mack and this morning, over our what felt like 12th coffee, we started talking about his quest to find a Dom and some of the struggles he faces. What we fixated on can be about kinky and vanilla hookups, but it’s all about the presentation. For him, he was discussing a recent opportunity he had where there was this Dom that said all the right things to him, pushed his buttons in many ways that he wanted them to be pushed, but what he could not get over is that every picture the guy sent was from his home that was either filled with trash in the background, or had things like broken window blinds displayed that showed just years of neglect.

This guy was not looking for a slave for such things either, but in Mack’s case, he said he was completely turned off by this and that he knew, even if blindfolded, he would not be able to focus on the Sir knowing what was around him. Now, in full disclosure, Mack is a bit anal and every time I stay with him I try to only sit in one chair without anything breakable, scratch-able, dent-able near me, and he always seems to be cleaning something, but I think he was completely right in this situation because, in my mind, if a Sir can’t take care of what’s around him and/or doesn’t respect his actual property enough to treat a sub as such, then why would one want to submit to that?

In the reverse, on recon, I have watched a formerly owned slave whose Master died a few years back begin his search for a new Master. This slave is hot. He’s built. He’s pretty. And he’s been owned for about 20 years so his entire adult life has been in service, BUT, almost all of his pics from the last five years show him in a house that looks like a hoarder lives there. Now, that may have been his late Master’s choice or maybe the slave is a hoarder, but in his text he prizes himself of being an excellent “domestic servant”, then I would think he should clean a small corner of the room to take his naked, chained pictures, wouldn’t you?

But, maybe I put too much weight on the presentation but I feel that even the best looking human can be ruined by a bad background, but is that just me?

Back to Mack, he ultimately didn’t meet the dirty Dom and decided that his head would not allow him to do so, and I can’t blame him, but can you? (He’s still single, Sirs!! – message me for pics).

On another note, tomorrow Mack is joining the PA club and I get to escort him to do it. If he let’s me take pictures then I will document it here.

Welcome to the Southern Hemisphere. I have one hour and forty-two minutes before I land in Australia where I have a four-hour layover before heading to a four hour flight to New Zealand. This flight left from Dallas and is a bit over 17 and a half hours long. I do okay on them, but the last two hours on the plane drive me insane and makes me miss WIFI terribly.

There have been some significant movement on the kinky home front but, like usual, just as Ax and I get going, lightning strikes and things get wonky. When last we left off, Ax and I had just returned from Hawaii having really connected but ending our trip with what turned out to be e-coli that we suspect came from tainted water on the zip line tour. That trip was amazing, but I have to tell you that when you share one hotel bathroom with someone equally as food poisoned, we saw and did things in front of each other that in twenty years we had not done together. Oddly, that forced closeness, as disgusting as it was, opened up some blocks we had let be right in the middle of us, which cannot work in a bdsm relationship (even a light one) so maybe that is a good thing.

And then, eight days ago, lightning actually did strike at 7:33pm on a Sunday night hitting our house squarely on the top end of the back gable causing a small fire that only burned about three feet before the rain apparently put it out. However, before or during that, as we stood there petrified with the hair on our arms standing up straight, sparks randomly burned places down the length of the entire upstairs ceilings, all the light fixtures exploded, the thermostats shot off the wall, and our new HVAC systems burned up. Basically, if it was plugged in, it died. So, after getting power and air back, the past week has been like Christmas getting everything ordered, delivered and now Ax is left to have to deal with the installs and the house repairs. I feel terribly guilty, but work is work. Now, the best part of all of this that the longtime readers will note is that THE DISHWASHER DIED. Yes, the expensive German machine that we could not justify replacing just because of the terrible beeping, beeped its last beep on Sunday at 7:33pm.

But, now to the good stuff, over the last few months, I have been fighting with the duality of my kinkiness way more than I have ever cared to admit. It’s funny to think about because these fights and struggles have not been when I am naked or even sexual, but more when I am driving down the street, sitting in a meeting, or just doing me things. I am mad at that dual side because it would just be so much easier to just be a sub or a Dom and own it, but it’s not who I am. In my mind, I think that because of the Dom side being present, I thought I could never fully embrace my subiness. This, in the past, was further exacerbated by the fact that when I was playing with Thumper, he couldn’t hear about my sub-side so I packed it away and never wrote in the blog world about this. Now, he and I are still close, especially when he is horny, but I don’t think he’s read one of my posts in a year (exaggeration), so I figured that rule will be ending.

While this has been happening with me, Ax seems to have finally found his dominant voice and has been more forceful. He has been setting and enforcing some basic rules (though those go away when you have a house full of work people) and we are getting past some of his issues that kept him from taking that control he really wants. This has been a good thing in so many ways, but even though it may mean my dick is locked up more or that my ass is red, I am really happy that he is finding comfort in this.

As an example, one of the things that he gets tired of with me is that I never stop working. It’s not that the work piles up more and more on the times at home, though it could, but my focus is really bad when I am home because there are so many things I want and need to do in my real non-work life. On Sunday, Ax asked if I had done my expense reports and other weekly things I hate and, when I said I had not, I soon found myself naked at the desk with my ankle locked to the leg until my work was done.  When I finished, he led me upstairs to our smoke-stained rooms where he decided I needed to be groomed a bit before my trip and hooded me, tied me, and got the clippers. These are the new Axel moments and, since I helped build them, I am going to celebrate them with him.

Now as for the chastity, we are going to try something new where I have committed to stay locked (aside from a few special circumstances) for a minimum of six months. Now that doesn’t mean I will be orgasm free since he really likes it when I do that, but it will be an interesting measure of control that I am looking forward to. He bought me a Holy Trainer V3 for “those days when I don’t deserve a Steelwerks” so his mind is racing in many good ways, though now I have to wonder what will cause me to not deserve the Steelwerks!

Anyone want to stay locked with me till January?

Hello from the last stop on mine and Axel’s vacation as we have one more flight and then we will be home. The trip has been probably one of my favorites ever because we were both relaxed, we both put out of office messages on our work emails, and we had made a pact to each other before going that this would be a trip of firsts and that we would do whatever we could to challenge our existing mindsets on various things from heights to sex to whatever else hit our radar.

First, we wanted to challenge ourselves mentally and physically. Mentally, I have a ridiculous fear of heights and physically, he has never been the same since the accident and the hip replacements. So, since we were in this amazing Hawaiian jungle, he decided that we should try zip lining as a way for us to use one activity to meet both goals. Now, Ax being Ax, I am not sure if he read all the options or just chose the first one, but he picked this amazing course that was nine zip lines that stretched over eight miles and included, what we didn’t know, several places where you had to clip yourself into harness and literally hoist yourself up to the platform. My triceps are STILL angry with me. But for him he realized he could do some of these things again and the smile on his face was infectious. For me, I realized that I was still terrified of heights but that I knew I was protected and by the seventh of the eight lines I could feel myself start to relax and enjoy it (that’s not true, by the third one I was allegedly smiling as I hurled myself down a steel cable thousands of feet above a jungle) But, we did it, bought the T shirts, and went immediately back to the hotel for a very long shower and then nap.

The second thing was Ax’s desire to get me to settle and relax for one whole day without working while also stepping outside my normal. This was accomplished by a rented villa by a hotel pool where he made sure I had plenty of shade and that the Diet Coke was flowing, the chastity cage locked on tight with him having the only key this trip, and a large world’s most comfortable plug up my ass for the duration of the day.  If you know me, you know that I am a ginger and my people tend to catch on fire in direct sun, so I was shaded and happy as he went in and out of the pool coming back to tease me about my current state over and over again.

The third thing was something that even surprised me as he had been talking to a pro Dom in Honolulu and he set up a 120 minute session for me to have with him so that I could have whatever experience I wanted to have with him.  At first, I was not happy about this at all, but he let me message him and we talked and liked him, but it turned out he was less a Pro Dom and more a kinky massage guy that liked to do bondage massages, so I thought that could be fun and to see how it progressed (plus, my triceps were still killing me). The appointment was made for the next day and all was good.

Dude was coming to us and Axel was going to stay downstairs at the pool because he wanted me to have the fun and the experience. However, when dude got there, he was this highly intelligent, polished middle eastern man (ironically with a tiny penis) who started acting like a couples therapist. He asked why Ax wasn’t there and I told him, but he said to text and invite him up. I was not wanting sex with this guy as that whole stranger danger thing can never leave my mind, so he gave me this amazing massage and tied me up as he did it. By this point Axel was upstairs and naked and happened to mention to him that we had never done a threesome, something that apparently bothered him more than me as I have never cared about one, so dude went all dom on Axel and demanded that he remove my chastity cage. I was actually quite happy about the state of my locked self so I was hoping Ax would say no, but he didn’t, and as we have covered many times that is my the locked guy’s choice to make, so he decided he would. Now, if you have been around a Steelwerks device and the tiny locking S screws, you will know that the unlocking is not this dreamy sequence where the key is popped out, the lock turned and, with a thunderous sound the mighty penis is released because in reality it is this naked man trying to find his glasses and maybe a flashlight to line up the little bitty S on the little bitty screw head while also holding the PA bar to try not to pinch the locked man. Axel has always been squeamish around installing/uninstalling my PA or so this just adds to the scene that was going on all around me. I thought about screaming and jumping hard just for kicks, but I knew Ax would lose and likely never find his erection again, so I decided to enjoy my bonds and just wait. However, waiting was what I did because the scene somehow turned I was cuckolded because the two of them started going after each other and left me there to watch.  I was invited in later, but not being able to move made that choice a bit hard, but I was enjoying the voyeur role and decided to shut my mouth and stay there. All in all, it was an experience and, while interesting, likely not one I will do again as my stranger danger warning system is just too deeply installed in me.

So, in keeping with our thing of trying new things, for the last three days we were ditching the resort and had air bnb’d a treehouse high up in the jungle on the North Shore of the island. Now we are not campers and have no outside adventure spirit in us, but it was a fully contained and we thought would be fun. In reality the views were beautiful and the cabin was okay, though it lacked a TV, more than two lights, had a twin size bed instead of the king advertised, and if you were more than 6′ tall, which both of us are, you had to walk around stooped over. The minute I walked in I thought “um, what have we done” and that statement turned into the “what THE FUCK have we done” at 2am when we woke up with a lizard in the bed which was then followed by a giant roach falling onto Axel’s chest. So, the next morning, well, as soon as the sun shone and we could make it down the hill, we threw caution into the wind and used membership reward points to book this amazing resort we could never have afforded for more than a night for two if we had our rational minds.

Excited about our decision and the daybed package by the pool we pre-purchased, we found a lovely food truck area and decided to have breakfast before heading to a few beaches and then making our way around back to Honolulu for the resort. The food was so so and not anything you’d really remember except for the fact that about three hours later I started to feel really queasy but Ax was fine. I had this horrible headache suddenly and felt like I wanted to throw up, but I did my best to hide it from him so we proceeded to the new hotel. We checked in, he went to the pool, I showered, he swam, ad I then began a frenzy of vomiting and worse that would continue for at least 20 of the next 24 hours.  I didn’t text Ax cause I just wanted to go to bed, but he came up to the room and laid down beside me before he suddenly turned green and “had that look” himself.

Now, something to know about me and him, but mostly me, I hate talking about anything bathroom related. I never liked poop jokes, I shut the door (and often lock it) even when I am home alone or in a hotel room. We don’t talk about such things and I blame my WASPY mom. But, this room we had was one of those trendy bathrooms that are usually beautiful and made for people who love each other as they are all glass and have shutters instead of doors, etc. They are not made for two people who are ill and Ax and I broke new ground around 2 in the morning when I graciously moved from the toilet to the shower to vomit so that he could have the toilet. It was so disgusting and we both just “wanted a mom”, so I texted Mrs Steelwerks who, while younger than both of us, has such a caring way about her that I knew she’d make us feel better. Morning came and we were dead and had 10 hours to feel better to get our flight. I was feeling better since I started earlier, but poor Ax just wanted to sleep and had the chills and shakes so bad I felt horrible making him load into the rented Volvo to head home, but we had no other flight options and it would have cost a fortune, plus really fucked with my job, if we had stayed.

The first flight was nine hours and since I used points we had the flat bed seats where I think I slept 90% of it like I never had. Ax was behind me and I think he did the same. We were lucky that there was this amazing attendant on board who said “food poisoning?” and she brought us crackers and Sprite and scraped all the “stuff” off the meal to get me just a chicken breast too (that experiment did not go well, fyi).

We are on the second flight now which is a tiny plane, but he’s still behind me and I am waking up, but he’s still really green, so I am hoping a nap at home will be very much the trick. I have to be on the west coast for a lunch tomorrow, so I hope so too (though I can cancel if needed).

So, here’s to a great trip full of the one of a kinds.