Welcome to my late Locktober post. For me, I am not an actual Locktober guy because, as you know, I come in and out of chastity depending on my switchy side, travel (in the olden days way back in February ’20), and life events like medical, massage and other things. My husband likes me locked but, even after six years exposed to the chastity world, doesn’t demand it and never wants the key, so we go through periods back and forth and have a great time doing it.

That made me wonder if I had any business writing a post like this but then decided that was silly because chastity comes in all forms and is done for so many more reasons than just flat out denial.

I started thinking about this more when Jack (aka, the new boy) entered our lives a few months ago. Chastity was not anything on his radar but I immediately wanted to lock him up. In fact, at our first lunch together I told him that and he just smiled at me and said “mmm hmmm” and then a few hours later, after a furious make out session in my car in the park, he looked at me and said “about that locking“. That night he ordered a Holy Trainer, a device he had never seen. Fast forward a few weeks and we spent last weekend in another city getting his dick pierced while designing the Steelwerks cage he will be ordering as soon as his piercing has healed enough to start the upsizing process needed to be #lockedinwerks. THAT is incredibly hot to me.

I have so much more to talk about regarding Jack and the weekend and will do so soon, but this is about my take on chastity and why it drives me. The weekend had me thinking about this because, when he was locked, I never took his key and I allowed him to orgasm the one time he asked. For me, I realized, it was not about his denial, but it was about trust, about understanding, and, him being locked BY me FOR me drew me into him in a bond of incredible closeness I had not felt with any of the previous people I had locked.

I realized then and there that, with them, I was trying to make it about the tease and the torment, something I think they wanted, and that is why I would grow bored with it as there is only so many times you could say no. For me, this is much like when Thumper plugs his ass for me, it’s about the power to control that, the power to have someone have some physical feeling, be it comfort or pain, due to the fact that they trust me enough to allow me to dictate it. Yes, it is a power move on my part, but, it’s also a bond that only we, and maybe a few select others in real life, know and that just makes it more fucking hot. That realization made me think about the reverse when I am locked and, again, the closeness and the giving of the power was the exact reason I give Axel the swooning eyes when he grabs my locked dick and says “that’s mine now, right?” I know I can unlock at any time because the big key is in my bathroom and a little key is always on my keychain, but I don’t even think about it unless I need to or have been told to because I have zero intention of violating that trust and that closeness that we feel together when those moments occur.

When I stopped to think about it, these factors are what has made my chastity life so different than Thumper’s or the others I know. I realized it’s not about the actual denial of the orgasm nearly as much as it is about the processes involved with getting to that denial, which has a hotness factor for me times ten. I am proud of my locked boy and I very much enjoy that secret we share knowing that.

That said, back to Locktober. I love the month because it brings the attention to the chastity club and so many more men talk about it and, sometimes, even try it for the first time. For many others, it’s about the willpower and setting an end goal, something we all could likely be better at for so many things (says the man who needs to lose the 20 lbs). Those guys are champions and I love the vigor that they put into the new challenge.

Something I also like is more about the chastity community than the action, but it is the fact that when some of these new guys fail a few days or weeks into it, very rarely do people try to bring them down about that and usually offer encouragement about what they did do, asked how it made them stronger and other like things. To me, that says a lot about the reason for having a special month such as this to support the kink we either love or hate in that good way.

So, Happy Locktober to you all and just 25 more days, boys.

Safety Sam here with an important message about the importance of identified real life contacts in a kinky online world.

Over the last few years I have had multiple conversations with a chastity guy who I deeply respect (chastityboydotcom) for multiple reasons, one of which is he runs a discord group that has a huge following and, through that, he collects devices that people are not using to distribute to those just curious, just starting. Super guy and someone I know who reads this blog.

Around May, his electronic presence on his site, his recon, and a few other places just stopped. Stopped cold. There could be 177.5 reasons for why this has happened, but May being the height of a pandemic, the fact that someone said he was going to Florida to visit his Mom, and the fact that he is in his late 50’s, all combine to make even a stranger like me wonder and worry.

I’ve messaged a few of his friends on recon, two of whom he told me he was very close to, and they are worried too because they don’t know anything. Assuming they knew a real life name, I was hoping to run a search, but they didn’t know that or were not willing to tell me – though I really think they don’t know.

That got me thinking that any and all of us could suddenly just drop offline if that proverbial bus happened to be cruising down the same lane where I decided to stand – likely because I dropped my phone. In many cases, that would be that and thousands of followers, or at least a subset of those who are close, would just, one day, have nothing and, worse, have nothing without a clue as to why. The ultimate ghosting.

Wondering what to do about this, I decided to post this and update the bio section of my profile with the twitter names of three people who know all of me including my personal, professional, and kinky sides. I FULLY trust these people, as well as a few others I didn’t list, to have the intimate knowledge of my whole life and, if the situated warranted, to have the judgement to release that information in either a cloaked or complete format depending on the who, what and where. Meaning, if that bus just clipped me to the point that after I am out of my coma and might be back, I want them to just say “he’s alive, the bleeding has stopped after 17 days, and he will eventually be back.” However, if that bus had a full on hit, they can tell people that, help wrap up my story, and hopefully call a few of my relatives to just say “guess what? you never thought it could get worse than him being a liberal democrat but, there’s more – here are some excerpts from a sex blog he once wrote detailing what he did with his democratic penis…”

I simply listed them as muggle contacts without any explanation, fanfare or anything similar. These three have my back no matter what while I am alive, so it just made sense that they would have it later as well. If there is a better place or way to list this please let me know, but in the meantime I would encourage you to do the same.

Finally, if you do know chastityboydotcom and know he’s okay, drop me a line, please. No details are needed aside from a “he’s ok”.

So I got a new cage.

I have yet to even try it on because, when it arrived, I didn’t have the proper time or mood to dedicate to such an occasion. But I did take a few pics from my office.

Did I need a new cage? No. The Tiffany 2.0 I had was beautiful, compact, and quite comfortable. While I had admired the new, curved titanium tube design that Steelwerks was now making, I was contently locked away going about 2020 like the rest of us. You know, in a sort of fear, constant dread, masked and sanitized. Then, I got an offer from someone wanting that cage that I could not turn down.

One scrubbing and a vinegar and water boil later, the Tiffany 2.0 was in a FedEx box going far far away to a land my American passport no longer allows me to enter.

So, that’s how the new one came about and I am thrilled with the more compact, tightly curved shape. Also, as I have mentioned, my gingery skin is pretty sensitive and I would often wind up irritated where the PA fit through the bottom of the tube, so with this one, SW made me a barbell that is often used by uncut men. This design goes in from the bottom and locks from the front, but nothing is exposed on the underside which should help tremendously with the irritation issues I was having (plus nothing there to catch in a zipper!).

As I mentioned, I haven’t tried it on yet but hope to today. I am a bit ceremonial in some respects and things like peeling the protective cover off a new iPhone, peeling that blue plastic that never really ever comes off from the step plate of a new car, trying on clothes, or taking my time and looking, touching and savoring my newest penis are all things that I want to be in a quiet place where I have all kinds of time to just be in the moment. Yesterday when it arrived I was arguing with my HR department over something and was so, so not in the moment. But there is hope for today. And, you know me, titanium penis pics will soon be coming, but until then, here is from the unboxing.

It’s been no secret that, on top of everything else 2020 has brought us, it also brought me a bit of a midlife crisis (MLC). I have friends who have had their own MLC’s and have bought expensive cars, who are suddenly sporting a full head of hair, or who have magically found a new “long term significant other” who is their “soulmate” who they plan to travel the world with once that “soulmate” is old enough to legally rent a car. For me, luckily, my MLC has been lots of home improvement projects, a double digit weight gain, a low level funk, and a re-analyzation of whether this chastity thing was for me. I unlocked the day my mother died in March and, in all honesty, aside from a few days here and there, all of my cages stayed safely stored in a drawer full of other discarded things that at one point had also meant the world to me.

The good news is that I am always a glass is 3/4 of the way full kinda guy and a funk wasn’t fitting. So myself and I had some pretty serious talks, mostly while in very long showers, and, all in all, I think my MLC is quickly waining. I will spare you all the life lessons learned and the “I will do betters” and fast forward to the chastity part because, I mean, come on, that’s why you are here. I decided it is for me. It is for Axel. And, when the time arrives, it will be for whoever else we invite into our relationship who will either be locked like me (when not in dom mode – remember, switchy is tricky) or who will hold my key and maybe Axel’s.

However, with this being the decision, I needed to make a few changes for comfort starting with my PA. I haven’t really written about this but after about two days in any cage, the skin around my pa swells, turns red, and hurts like a mother fucker. This is mostly because, being a ginger, I am super sensitive to lots of things and that little bit of area where the skin, the cage, and the PA meet is just not conducive to long term wear for sweet gingery me. In addition, if I take the PA out, my body reacts and immediately closes the hole by swelling and it’s a bitch and a half to get it open again that usually results to a tear running down my face.

So, being the fanboy I am, I called Chris at Steelwerks to both discuss my options and to talk to Mrs. Steelwerks, once again, about how she would not ever regret watching Hamilton even though they are, well, Canadian (said in a whisper). Our original plan was that I was going to order a taper to help keep the hole open. SW makes the best tapers as they screw into existing jewelry to help thread that through. I really wish he would get back to making the custom body jewelry that he started his career doing because that would be amazing, but I digress.

The taper conversation led to a discussion about how he could make me a new PA that would lock in the front hole and not even come out of the tube on the underside. For irritation issues this sounded amazing and I was all in, but we realized my cage had the groove cut out for the PA and there was a worry that the new one would catch in that. That wasn’t a deal breaker at all because he could make the end be a shape that wouldn’t go through the slot, but, well, me being me, I also mentioned the really cool new tubes he was making with the tight curve and asked if my current tube could be replaced with a tight curve, no slot, and while we are at it, a closed cap new tube. Of course he said yes, as SW can make anything, so with a few text exchanges about shipping, fund transfers and another Hamilton discussion, here we are.

The cage is with him now. He has already started my new one.

https://twitter.com/steelwerks/status/1293638798237147136?s=20

And, with all that said and done, I have realized that my penis, and the titanium that encases it, are my MLC Porsche, new hair, and exaggerated, diffichttps://twitter.com/steelwerks/status/1293638798237147136?s=20ult to insure non rent a car-able soulmate twink.

And, if that makes my mood better, then so be it.

Stay tuned. I should have it in the next few weeks and might take and post a picture or 92.

Maybe.

Just a word of warning, today we are discussing age and getting older which I have learned, is not for the weak.

Like many of you, I am old enough to remember a time when people traveled freely between states and the American passport could take you anywhere you wanted to go, cause you still had a job and could save up afford it. And though I long for the days past, I have settled into a new rhythm that has me actually working more than ever and, ironically, 2020 is my best professional year in my career. But, that’s the only thing positive I have to say about it.

A few months ago I turned 50 an age I neither dreaded nor looked forward to. However, I have waited to write this as I am still not sure I like being 50, but mostly it’s because within a week of my birthday, quarantine happened, I re-broke my foot, and my mother died. The next week, my college roommate died of a brain tumor, the woman I used to call a second mom died of COVID, and every single thing I was used to doing professionally for the last ten years changed instantly. It was fuck 50 big time, even though I know it really wasn’t my birth year’s fault (1970 RULEZ).

The deaths sent me into a spiral and I started counting that if I were like my mother I had 24 more years left or if I did this, I’d be this, and so on and so on. I worried about 50 being the end of my sex life or the end of ever being attractive to anyone. I realized that if I did still have hair, it would be all gray. You know, all those fun things one does when they get into that cycle. However, I started to question the other way as to what I was scared of. I mean, just from my kink friends alone, I have inspiration such as with my Australian girlfriend Ferns, who is so beautiful it’s not fair, but she turned 50 and showed a nude pic and not a single bit of that slowed her down. I looked at Thumper who is WAY older than me and he can still talk about his metal penis ad nauseam and people still are engaged and this does not even begin to speak about what he can do with his ass. So, they gave me hope that sex and, maybe more importantly, sexuality will and can continue.

That made me think why I was so worried about it and, one night a few weeks ago when I was scrolling Scruff (you all know I love the apps to look at and/or talk to strangers – an introverts delight) I realized that the fear of 50, or the fear of middle age, had been at least visually perpetuated by all the mother fuckers out there who lie about their age and think that somewhere between 49-52 is the most believable age for them. While I have never understood why someone would lie about their age and then expect to meet someone, I also don’t understand especially why you’d not pick an age you can pull off. So in scrolling, I found 15 men who said they were 50. Three or four of them looked great. Good skin, some wrinkles, but they looked like me in many ways, so I will assume they are actually 50 as I really can’t fathom why one would lie up in age.

Going through the rest was a man who, if he really was 52 as he said, would have qualified for having had the hardest life on record, as he looked stunningly horrible for 52. Down the boxes from him was another guy who was listed as 51 and though he looked better than the first one, he went on to say in the text that he had two grown kids and three grandchildren – two of which were in college. I mean, I grew up in and live in the deep South, so that is technically possible, BUT, do the math, this dude had to be pushing 70. Then there was the 49 year old who had JET black hair that was so dyed it was almost purple, deep inset wrinkles that only come from 100 years in the sun, and he was wearing an Abercrombie shirt that we ALL know should never be worn past the age of 27.5.

I just wanted to know why they did this because what had occurred to me is that THIS is what I thought 50 looked like since internet dating started. I mean, yes, I know people age differently, but so many people who had been so “clever” in not accepting their age had created a group of guys below them who feared looking like that at their real age. I didn’t want that, but that is what I thought I would be, apparently.

So, I asked them. Yes, I know, that is almost the equivalent of me being in a strip club once in college and trying to ward off a lap dance – FROM A WOMAN – by asking her if her Mom knew what she did and if her Nanna had ever seen her perform, but, I decided why not. (I never knew what happened that day but I did not get a dance and my friends were asked to take me home).

So, the 52 year old really was 61 and was stunned that I could tell he wasn’t the age he said he was. Stunned. He said he looked amazing. I offered to stand next to him to see but he declined. He thought I was rude. I said he was a liar. I promptly got blocked

The 51 year old with grandkids was actually, get this, 67, and he said he had not aged a single day since he was 51, so he used that age and he has never been turned away. He declined to tell me if he had many second dates. I then got blocked.

The 49 year old. Well, sadly, he actually was only 51 and even I could not fine a way to gently tell him he looked awful. I think I said something like “a more welcoming picture might do wonders for you” and then, this time, just to feel the power of the block, I quickly blocked him first.

I really don’t know why I think this was something post worthy, but, I do think that if you are a man, especially a gay man for whatever reason, do not base what you think you will look like or be from any of these apps -unless he’s hot, muscular and 51 – lol – and for God’s sake, post your real age. I think the biggest point is don’t be afraid of getting old and, if you are, look to the real ones of us who have hit these milestones and still continue to tweet about naked body parts, abusing the willing, and giant sex toys going into tiny places. The reality is that it truly is what you make it, so make it worth it.

I am finally opening the blog email (I think I forgot I had it- sorry) and realized I have not answered many, well, any, questions in forever. As usual, half the messages are stupid, common sense, or just wanting to sell me viagra, so I have selected a few (and in a few cases combined 1-2 questions).

Drew, where the fuck have you been? Did you stop the blog?

I have honestly considered stopping this a few times but know that I would miss it when life settles down and I get my writing mojo back. In all honesty I started thinking of the blog as a chore, as one more thing I had to do, one more nagging back of mind item so I blocked it and didn’t think about it.

The transition from 100% travel to 100% in a chair in the front of my house with the lack of any real alone time has been tough on me. Job wise I am still and will be fine, but working almost ten years where things were relatively easy to suddenly having to go into survival mode, no matter how much it hurts, was not something I ever thought I would have to do during my career. Fuck, it’s been a challenge to physically do it but the mental challenge has been worse because, no surprise, watching the world nearly collapse most days due to the horrible-ness we have in Washington just makes me so sad some days and having to tell friends/colleagues that they may not have a job in three weeks is brutal and exhausting.

That said, there is good news. I FINALLY got out of the cast/boot for my broken foot after almost six months, Axel and I have have gotten along amazingly well and have a lunch date in the backyard almost every day, and we got a new puppy to keep Stella company and to add some new life around us after the significant losses he and I each had the last few months.

So, thanks for asking. Trust me, even if not writing I am still Twitter lurking – likely while on a work Zoom.

How many days have you been locked during the pandemic?

I was locked about the first six weeks of it and then had to have a MRI of my foot and legs done so I took it off and still haven’t put it back on. If you have followed me you know that stress makes me lose any interest in sex or kink, and during a few weeks of this a squad of naked firemen wearing collars and leashes would not have made me react, so there was no point in wearing it as there would be no unapproved orgasms anyway.

Since it’s been a few years, do you still love your PA? would you do it again?

Good question and something I have considered a lot. It’s been over 5 years since I got it, which, in and of itself is still staggering to me, but my official answer to you is a yes, no, and then a firm maybe depending on the day. I still think it’s beautiful, still enjoy the way it feels in my hand and in Axel and love the way it will lock a chastity cage on you in ways many men have not experienced.

The negatives, even with the hollow barbell which does allow me to stand, I still have to think before I piss, I miss wearing khaki or light gray pants willy nilly, and at least once a week I will catch it in a zipper and that feeling is not nice.

Taking all that together though, I still feel like a bad ass mother fucker at the (now virtual) boardroom table so, yeah, I still like it and, yes, I would do it again.

What’s your favorite combination of a vanilla and kink look on a man?

THIS is a fun question.

Tall. Naked. Locked leather collar. Leather leash. iPhone in left hand. Apple Watch on left wrist. Steelwerks cage on cock. Plug in ass. And a BMW or Porsche key in his right hand. ON running shoes, no socks, on feet.

(if anyone should either fit the above or know the above, message me. FAST)

You say you are switch, what does that mean on any given day?

Basically it means that the man above would either sexually own me or I would sexually own him depending on the hour and the day of the week.

Seriously, when I was younger I would switch for periods at a time. For a year I wanted nothing more than to own a slave and do all kinds of sadistic things to him. Winter would come I wanted to switch places and that lasted till the end of Summer, etc. Now, I think I could switch within a day and, as I look for the elusive family I discuss, I think I could be sub to a Sir while still being alpha to a beta. It’s a weird thing, yes, but pretty darn cool too.

Why do you have two Steelwerks’ cages? Isn’t one enough?

Have you ever thought about asking someone who collects art why they have more than one painting? I haven’t. And, while others have pointed out I just have one penis, to me, these are wearable art pieces and I have invested in them for that reason in addition to function. Oh, and I have three.

Okay, I think this is it. I don’t want say too much on this one as it would then be a year before my brain will want to type again!

Hello from day 376, I think, or it feels like, of quarantine. My state is starting to open up and I have been to the gym a few times, picked up some take out from inside a restaurant, and even got a haircut, so it’s nice to have elements of the real world popping back into real life (and yes, it may be too early but I protected myself and those around me). Real life the last few months has been intense and I mean that in a neither good nor bad way, but just intense. Ax and I are each dealing with the loss of a parent – in very different ways – while adjusting to each of us working from home every single day of the week. Luckily our house is big enough that we could honestly go all day without having to overhear work calls from each other as long as we each stay in our assigned places, but it’s still fucking odd that after 21 years together the last nine weeks have been the longest we have ever spent together. The first ten years or so, he spent in school and practicums getting his degrees and licenses and then, when that happened, my career took off and I hit the road, so this has been a tremendous opportunity to spend time together and about 97.6% has been amazing- which surprised me just a bit for some reason.

Now, this being about our intimate life and all, I’d love to tell you we have had kink fueled sex every afternoon followed by more each evening but nope. I had envisioned myself chained to the desk just outside of the zoom camera while leather and latex sat all around the desk. But, again… (And don’t any of you pretend to be surprised.)

I blame myself because even with chastity and the like, when I get stressed, my dick can crawl up inside of me faster than anything and, for me, if you have learned only one thing about me yet, you will know I like things even, planned, and with foresight – all things that one cannot do in a quarantine. Work wise we are both incredibly lucky to still have jobs, me more than him, but I worry constantly as I am in an industry that was hit hard. I, like many I know, took a “voluntary” reduction in pay to keep my company from laying people off. Of course, this being a side of me I don’t show the public I think I can say here and debunk any myths as those things are never actually voluntary, despite what the press release says. In fact, I was never even consulted and have a mental list of at least 10 jack offs who should be laid off because they don’t work. But, being a good corporate citizen, I bent over the way they expect good obedient workers to do in the real world regardless of your Dom or sub status on Twitter.

Now that I have all of that out I am not sure really why I am writing this post though I guess if nothing other than to just prove I am still alive. I was planning to write more about a mildly judgmental exchange that happened a few weeks back on the Twitter started by one of my favorites that bothered me, so maybe I will now. My friend asked how many devices people had, how long had they been buying devices, and, finally, how much had someone spent collectively on said devices.

It was really interesting in some ways because some guys had ten or more devices and had not spent more than $400 while others, like, me and a surprising lot had spent more than five digits on various cages, mostly being products from Steelwerks, Steelworxx, Lori’s, Mature Metal, etc. While there was a collective “wow” among the group at that stage, I still thought it was a bit fun and interesting to see how we all had the same interest but how we had all found various ways to take care of our need based on where we were in our lives and the like.

Then, a stranger to our group walked in, like they always can on Twitter, and I can’t remember the exact comment or really even what it said, but there was an immediate tone of judgment in it that was questioning why anyone would pay such money for something like a cage when other cheaper ones off the rack do exist. It kept going and going a bit more as they often do. Because of the group tagged in this, most of us in the higher dollar levels had a Steelwerks cage so that, naturally, was the topic of discussion. This led those of us who have these devices, and even a few who didn’t, to begin to justify our purchases in ways NONE of us HAD do yet for some reason felt compared to do.

I talked about how women I work with have wedding rings that cost $10k or more and, unless I am in the wrong circles, nobody says boo about it. I think explained how I had spent $35 on my wedding ring on Amazon because I was saving money because I knew where I wanted the good ring to be and it wasn’t on my finger.Others talked about the comparisons to BMWs and Bentleys and the like, but at the end of the day I just felt bad because I just didn’t understand why we, myself included, felt we had to defend ourselves.

This judgement, so to speak,  in our personal preferences to spend seemed the “height of bad form in a culture of kink that is supposed to value everyone’s individual motivations and desires as OK even if they’re not mine” (Thumper, 2020). The conversation ended there and left a bitter taste, though I am not sure if it was just me on that day or if it was a general thing that on any other day I would have just shrugged off.

There’s been no more discussion of that thread and no likes or anything else to get it moving again, so I assume the issue will die down if it didn’t already die out, but the kinky judging the kinky about their kinks needs to stop.

This isn’t a whine post or the like, but just an update with something to pay attention to. You know, like one of those afternoon specials from yesteryear (question: do those still exist?)

Over the years of this blog, my Mother was the accidental star of multiple posts that featured her inquisitions about my sex life, her suspected knowledge of my boyfriend on the side, and her just general fascination and acceptance of my sexuality.

A few days ago she gave in to her fight with Alzheimer’s and left us to go on another journey that I hope is filled with just as much love, laughter, and acceptance as she showed me.

And, proving the funny of this whole thing, the day we said goodbye, my father wore his favorite hat, my Nasty Pig hat he accidentally borrowed one day from my house and fell in love with and wears all the without having ANY clue as to what that “fancy logo” stands for.

So, in honor of her and her love of the kinky people, I wanted to re-post my favorite Mom post.

(P.S. – absolutely no need to say you are sorry, etc, I just thought this a fitting way to close the story of someone who added so much here)

https://wordpress.com/post/thedrewduality.com/306