Well, contrary to my earlier post, the sky did not fall today and Axel and I are not fighting, although I can’t say we we are really talking either.

I went to bed tonight with Axel and Stella and couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about the last 48 hours, listening to every god damn dog in the neighborhood bark along with people walking to their cars laughing and talking. I think I have mentioned before that we live in a regentrified area of the city where fifteen years ago we were on the cusp of the movement and now, after the gays moved in, of course, there are now 47 bars and restaurants that we can walk to from our house (some people count sheep, I count food establishments). This is wonderful and good, but it’s also noisy as people park all over our streets and ruin my love of sleeping with the windows open when the weather is perfect. Plus, my god damn dishwasher is still beeping to announce that it has finished a load, ironically, because it’s so silent one doesn’t actually hear it when it’s actually working.

Thank you, Bosch.

Anyway, the comments from the last post were very nice and, as always, each one taught me some sort of something, but I also realized through the beautiful Ferns and her comments, that I blogged in the middle of something that was happening and, by the time the comments were coming, I had moved on and things were better. In hindsight, I don’t think I emasculated Axel when I seized control of the bad kitchen elves and squeezed their balls until they made it right, but I also know that I did not behave well because I was WANTING him to be this man that he is not and in reality. He was, most likely, willing to accept a shitty job because he was worried about the installers being away from their families so late and worried that they would get in trouble, because, he said tonight, that they reminded him of some of the homeless kids he had worked with in the past and that he just didn’t want to admit how bad they were at what they were doing. While that is sweet and all, I am still staring at dirt all over the place that we have yet to find time to get to and am still absolutely baffled why nobody, him included, thought to cover any god damned thing in the house OR run a shop vac. But, this will pass and with each swipe of the swifter things will be better.

Also, as a follow up, I think I tried to apply the D/s aspect of him making more decisions and having more actions to something where it didn’t really belong. Him taking those actions on as tasks are not really a Dom action as much as they are him just trying to help spread out the load when I am gone and him being project manager on something. We learned this week that it’s just not going to work out that way and, well, now we know.

In addition, the reality is that I was mad and when I am mad I am not sexual. Period. NADA.

As the afternoon progressed, all was getting better and we were smiling again. However, if life had a soundtrack, weird foreboding music would have been playing because the smiling didn’t last long.

Yes, we went shopping again as it’s that time of year again in the South where we go buy ferns, palms, and bloomy things and, once the vast yellow worm like ribbons of pollen stop covering everything like snow, we spruce up our yards. This year he, the cook, needed a new grill so we borrowed my father’s truck to go get all of the above. Being the gay snobs we are, we decided to go with the big boy grill with the stainless body and the ceramic lid, you know, the one with the big tag on it. This, by the way, is typical of us too as we are often drawn to the shinier bits. We procured these things quickly, loaded them, used lots of straps my father had in his truck and off we went looking forward to going home and just cleaning and ordering a pizza and watching Daredevil (who for the record is HOT).

About this time Thumper sent me a WONDERFUL picture that made me happy for about 127 reasons however it’s also a picture which has absolutely no relevance to this story aside from the timing and I wanted to just rub it in a bit (nah nah).

As we cruised down the road, we heard something that caused an immediate “what was that?” question from both of us at the same time. Long story short, “that” was the sound of dry rotted bungie cords breaking in unison as we looked up to see the grill sliding across the bed and over the side of the truck bed where it narrowly missed a Lexus before landing upside down in the middle of the Peachtree Street of my city. If I had not been so scared we had caused a huge problem for someone else, I would have been mortified. We jumped out to try to collect bits and pieces of the shattered ceramic and the various other parts – along with the shards of our dignity. Luckily we are strong and just threw the now scrap metal into the bed and got out of the way before just sitting quietly staring not saying anything to each other.

As noted before, I thought this would be my perfect time to allow him to save the day but, you know what, he couldn’t. And that was okay actually because at that moment I realized that THAT is what he relies on me for when we are together and has for many, many years. I just “fix” things and he has comfort in that. So, fixer hat now on tight, I launched right in and planned it, knew where to take it, and, thanks to the magic of MasterCard, we just licked our wounds and bought another one (along with about $45 in new bungie cords). I did not go where I shouldn’t go by worrying about emasculating him or anything, but I did realize I went exactly where I needed to be and I think that was a lesson I needed to be shown, although it would have been nice if I could have learned it more cheaply and with something less heavy.

We went to dinner on the way home with grill number two and just each stared at our phone and didn’t talk much. It wasn’t anger, it was just exasperation with a bit of sadness mixed in that our one weekend together was just a cluster fuck ALL THE WAY AROUND and we could not even laugh about it yet and, trust me, if you had seen me in the middle lane picking up debris, you would have laughed I am sure.

It was done and fixed and time to move on and we went outside where then, and only then, did we both suddenly see that as the grill came out, it evidently tried to come back in by banging itself against the side of the truck – my father’s now really dented love.

Fuck me running, this was an expensive day.

So, while I will file the insurance claim Monday, I am making Axel tell my Dad tomorrow.

Best, the sorta old Drew

I have learned that comfort is my new key word.

I am rather shocked by this fact; however, I am very happy with it.

First, comfort with Axel.

One thing I have not mentioned here is our mutual friend, Griffin, who I introduced back in January, and Axel have become close and have started down a path of friendship that I suspect is one that is paved with nothing but smooth asphalt. Axel admires him greatly, as do I, and I know that they have talked about him mentoring Axel as a Dom. This, of course, will also involve him helping Axel learn more about me, about how, when, and why I might need control and, most importantly, what to do about it.

Last Friday night when I got home from a trip, we were laying in bed talking and he started talking about Griffin, some of their conversations and how he was really very excited about the possibilities that could lead for him, and for me, as one component of this would surely be me having a session or two with Griffin and then likely being cuckolded in a situation between them. This scenario is a long way out and maybe just a fantasy thought in my/our head at the moment, but, what struck me in that moment was the fact that were were just laying there having that discussion like we were talking about how his car needs to be detailed. In fact, I was very turned on by this fact, even more so than with the conversation topic, thought that did spark some action in my metal spiked region.

He went to sleep and I laid there just basking in the comfort of this conversation, of how he is with Thumper and how the bunny is now almost a daily conversation in our relationship, and with just life. That basking just led to more arousal, and I just had to wake Axel up to show him. It was the right thing to do and I didn’t care if he had a sleep Saturday or not.

Second, comfort with Thumper.

As I write this, I am sitting in just a jockstrap and a T-shirt waiting on Thumper to use his key and walk into my hotel room. We tend to have two one half day visits and this will be the morning that follows the afternoon we had yesterday. If you follow us on Twitter, you will know that yesterday we had some delicious fun that I am quite hoping repeats itself this morning,  although since he greeted me this morning with a text that so eloquently said “You made my butt hole sore” (he’s poetic, that Rabbit) I may have to aim my fire elsewhere. The sex was good. Frankly, the best we have had together. He may or may not write about it, but the sheer greatness to me (well, one of the greatnesses as he does have an ass that doesn’t, well, never mind) was the comfort involved.

By that, I mean that he and I have settled into a pattern now where we have solved all of those teenage angst issues like whether or not our spouses approved, which hotel in town has the sexiest carpet to be fucked on, or who was going to bring which plug to the party, you know, the usual issues the newly intertwined face. Seriously, when I was flying here yesterday I realized that I didn’t have the pre-visit butterflies anymore, that it didn’t matter when he got to me, or the worry that we would not have anything to talk about. It just works now, for what it is, and for that, I am very thankful for the comfort.

It was funny too because last night we went to dinner, an act that Belle insisted he make as to be the perfect host, and were talking about that fact and the fact that Axel had actually texted me a “have fun today” message shortly after I arrived. It made me just say out loud to him that “we just are married to the absolute best people in the world, aren’t we?”, to which he raised his glass and we had a small toast in their honor. That is comfort, my friends.

Third, comfort with me.

Over the last few months you have all watched me evolve a bit and I am very proud of myself for how I have. I have found comfort in being monoga-mish and very much look forward to Axel developing something on the side with the right person himself so he can see the freedom and energy it allows. I am way better to him because of my time, and friendship, with Thumper so maybe I am just selfish and look forward to that for me too.

I am very comfortable with the fact that he now officially controls my penis and that soon it will be locked in steel for him every day of the year I am not with Thumper. I love this fact, actually, and now that I am wearing his cock ring 24/7, I am finding more and more peace with that every time I see it, feel it, or pull his pierced cock out of my pants.

Also, I am finding comfort in having further embraced my kinky self and in starting to mix my muggle and blogging selves into one at a few, specialized, occasions in life. Last week I met a Twitter follower and loved that. In a few weeks I am meeting my Domme idol Ferns, on the other side of the world, and cannot wait for that because I look forward to sharing real names, whole pictures, and actual facts because it is what I have realized all makes me who I am – the complete mix of husband, professional, son, brother, and kinkster all in one.

In addition to the two above, Axel and I have also developed a real friendship with another couple who are, get this, straight-ish, and have enjoyed getting to know the real them in addition to the fact that are very similar in progress and desires to us in a D/s relationship. We have enjoyed long chats on, another get this, Facebook, real Facebook, that have mixed in discussions of what should go up the husband’s ass and when while also talking about how one of their children did at the swim meet or how my mother’s dementia was doing this week. And, by the way, I will meet at least half of this couple tomorrow and cannot wait as it’s just more of my “coming out all over again” tour. There is only good that can come out of this and I am very excited about the possibilities of friendship here as the four of us are all fascinating people. (fyi, I have asked them to choose their blogger names they’d like me to use here, so I will re-introduce you soon)

More soon, but for today, comfort is the word of that day (except for, perhaps, Thumper and that butt hole issue).

It’s been almost a month since Thumper and I publicly vowed to look better naked both here on this blog and here on Denying Thumper.

Today we closed our first challenge month in Fitocracy, the app we are using to track our workouts, assign points, and to report in to the Ferns Workout Crew (#fwocrew). I think I speak for him when I say we both had a good month. Plus, I had fun.

While I didn’t really lose more than a few pounds, I was able to use my type A competitiveness to make sure I stayed in alignment with him and a few of our other team members throughout the month. For me, that is a huge step toward the positive. In the past, I have always been my own worst enemy because I could easily talk myself out of any activity that involved not sitting down at the end of a long day of traveling. I used to joke that I needed a man with a whip to go to the gym with me for motivation, and, while I still have the position open for the right man at the right gym, this level of virtual accountability has been just what I was hoping to have to fill the gaps when my mind is swimming with laziness.

Using Fitocracy, Thumper and I have started another challenge for March and it’s simply who can earn the most points and bragging rights as we have other ways we can challenge each other at other times. And, speaking of bragging rights, because caring minds want to know, I would be negligent if I didn’t point out that I won our February challenge by about 500 points, although he has a larger total overall point balance than me. What’s funny is that, although these mean nothing in the scheme of the real world, I will admit it killed me when he pulled ahead enough that I would get my ass out of bed earlier to work out to bring our numbers closer together. For March, my goal is to continue the lifting pace I have already set, but add in a lot more cardio like running which I have never been good at doing. I used to say I wasn’t built for it, but honestly think I have always given up before I pushed myself.

So, all of this to say, thanks for putting up with our Twitter announcements and encouraging us as we move toward our naked pictures in June. If anyone is interested in joining us on this adventure this month, please send one of us a message as we’d love to have you in our virtual gym.

Finally, while it’s outside of the scope of this project to a degree, I have also promised Thumper that I will drink more water.

He worries.

Hello from the other side of the world.


It’s rather lonely on this side of the planet (despite it being the homeland of my favorite Domme, Ferns) as most everyone I love in the world is home sleeping to wake up to the day I am just ending. That is still one of the strangest things about this gig to me, to know that I really only share about seven hours of a day with Axel.

As you know, I have had the luxury of a travel break during the last six weeks, or at least long travel, and I had no idea how hard this trip would hit me physically and emotionally.

Physically, I think I caught some sort of stomach bug the day I left that, unfortunately, hit me about two hours before the long flight ended and stayed with me most of yesterday. I am no longer sick, but have been left with chills and zero appetite and nothing, not even my precious diet coke, tastes right. Even food smells funny. That, combined with general jet lag has been enough to just wipe me the fuck out

Actually, from every movie and tv show I have seen it sounds like I am pregnant. Oh. Shit. Could I…

Wait, my husband and I have not done anything that could cause that and my boyfriend is locked in a steel tube, so I guess that option is off the table. Fuck. I have always wanted to be on the cover of People and it looks like I am going to be foiled by Bruce Jenner yet again in life. I wonder what his new name will be?

Anyway, I did manage a full day working today and got a workout in, but just was zoned out completely. Tomorrow is packed again but I know it will be better and I will likely be eating my way through Australia before the weekend is over.

On the emotional side, or maybe the physical, I fucked up and jacked off this morning without permission. Since I am device-less for awhile, we are relying on me to have self control and, this morning, I had none. The funny thing is I was not actually very horny. I just wanted to do it so I did. I thought about the fact that I didn’t text Axel first and ask (he was awake at the time and I could have) but I didn’t really care either and thought this was something that I’d just not mention just like “the old days”. That feeling lasted until about 2.7 seconds after I came when I was then overcome with an emotional guilt like I have not had before. I had just used Axel’s penis without permission and that was not allowed. I almost wanted to go sit myself down in the corner but, well, you all know how I feel about having ejaculate on me, so that guilt was washed away by the need to shower. At that point, never once did I think I would not tell Axel, but I just figured I would wait until the right time or when I was home.

That lasted all of about three hours when, during the middle of a meeting I was in, I felt absolutely compelled to text him to tell him; however I thought I would soften the blow with a complaint about how bad I felt stomach wise first. It went like this.

Screen Shot 2015-02-05 at 7.46.19 PM
First and foremost, I should tell you that when you are down under, evidently you hack off versus jack off, or at least that is what the iPhone thinks happens, but, I would assume that hacking is as forbidden as jacking, so I am still in trouble. This is my first offense, but, having given him the control, what happens now is not my decision. Perhaps he will forget.

In one way I think I am almost glad it happened and maybe deep down I was testing our new resolve, because when he and I take steps back from this new life, it’s usually because of a trip like this. So, we will see what happens in eleven days when I FINALLY get home.

In other news, have you all read the recent rabbit posts? He’s been on a roll and has some really good stuff posted, so check it out if you haven’t. He surprised me with something we aren’t talking about here yesterday when I landed and that, so far, has made my whole trip and will make future ones I know as well.

He and Axel both hate it when I say this, but one of the best things about these trips is the Facetime calls in the middle of my night and I always tell them to call and wake me up (however, I am usually up anyway). It’s a very “grounding” feeling and, while I evidently can’t explain it to anyone as to why, it just makes the days fun. I mean, who wouldn’t want to talk to either one while laying in bed naked?

Speaking of the two of them, they spoke today. Technically they instant messaged, but it was very funny because Axel messaged him and he thought it was me having just seen the last name and was, from what I hear, kinda an ass to him, or at least in Thumper’s mind (for the record, he’s not an ass to me, but having been inside each other we can say things like “hang on” or “busy” without issue). When he realized this it became Twitter fodder which I enjoyed because I suspect Miss Manner’s protocol would usually say that “when greeting your boyfriend’s husband for this first time, one should be polite”, so I knew the rabbit’s mind raced a few seconds. In reality, Axel thought NOTHING of it and told me that he told him that if he (Thumper) still felt bad, he’d send me up there on an unscheduled trip just to punish him (Thumpie, don’t you feel awful????? – hint hint).

It really was nothing but I tell you this to simply say, HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? What a great reaction from Axel and this is just one more piece if the giant sea of okay that we swim in (for the record, we all knew this communication would take place as they are planning a very special birthday surprise for me during my birthday which coincides with my new bunny trip – wait, wait, I am projecting, the reality is that Thumper is an expert in an area that Axel needed some information in so it was silly for me to play the middle man).

Finally, it was pointed out to me that I don’t have text in the “about me” section (and that Thumper’s is out of date). So, to the arrogant ass who thought it was important enough to make that they only message they sent to me, thank you. We will get right on that.

So, from my balcony overlooking a shopping mall and a motorway I bid you adieu. I have an about me to do.

So, it’s been a funny, yet, fun week.

To quickly sum it up I had a really slow work week; had my mother ask me if I had recently had an orgasm; had an orgasm; upsized my Prince Albert to a 4 gauge; finalized, paid, and submitted my Steelheart order; reached new, deeper levels of emotional and physical submission with Axel; got to spend naked, friend, and friendly-naked time with Thumper; bought a new travel bag that rocks beyond belief and potentially will not make my arm continue to go numb due to its design; bought myself a new Njoy 2.0 which is just like art designed to go up one’s rectum; and had great BBQ nachos – twice.

Oh yeah, and, I forgot to mention, I went vibrator shopping with my boyfriend for a new toy for his wife.

It was fascinating.

All sizes and textures. All those speeds. All those pastel colors. Ones with floppy little things on the top. Ones without. Ones that vibrate lightly. Ones that seem to simulate a donkey punch to one’s vagina. Oh, the questions and the enlightenment all wrapped into one pastel colored flowery box. It was delightfully fun.

To go back to the day with Thumper. It was great. I’m not going into any of the sexual details because it’s really not something that needs to be discussed, but this time, if there was any issue it was mine because the new ring caused some pain and the condom I chose was too small causing some edema, so, let’s just say I was not at my best and felt really awful about that. On the flip side, the bisexual bunny tongue is still one of the best tongues out there. Unfortunately for the world it is able to be marketed to a very limited audience, but, let’s just say, that if it were on the market, it would not come in a pastel box. I think that box would be a unibody stainless steel product with a nice black leather clasp with some sort of delicate jewel, you know, for the ladies, as the attachment point.

The other thing about these visits are they really are just fun and allow me to just be me for one whole afternoon or day because being around someone who knows your nastiest kinks and still thinks you are swell enough to lick, is just a great, open feeling. I think most of you can sense this through his writing, but something he can’t particularly address in the first person, nor can you really know yourself, is Thumper is just a fucking good man all the way around. His style, looks, deep intelligence, dark humor, and his love for Belle and his offspring just show in his eyes when he talks about his life and people just feel better when he is in the room. I certainly do, even when he’s not naked. He never fails to teach me something about politics, baseball, clitoral regions, and how to better access porn each and every time I am around him. Oddly, however, somehow these talks usually cause me to spend money.

Anyway, I think I can tell you that now without it worrying that it sounds romantic or too clingy or any of that shit we all worried about when we met because I think I realized that, whether or not it has actually been acknowledged formally, I think we finally have a settled definition of those attached elastic strings we wanted when we started versus the usually bolded NO STRINGS ATTACHED most men in our positions typically seek. It’s definition is fluid and has no actual words, but it’s one we just “know” and don’t really have to ever discuss again.

Oh, and by the way, I teach him things too. At the present I am not sure what they are, but, I know I have. Hmmmm.

On the Axel front, I think we are better than we have been in 17 years and I mean that with 112% accuracy. As great of a day as I had yesterday, I was just ready to come out of my skin during the last 30 minutes of my flight home because I was going to get to see him and take him to dinner – which he paid for thanks for a very clever Facebook post on my part. One of the best parts was at dinner when we were waiting on the aforementioned BBQ nachos (I mean, I do live in the BBQ capital of the WORLD) and he said, “So tell me about your day”. Having had the doors fly open on what Thumper and I do during our leather weekend a few weeks back, I soon found myself talking about the tight condom, the pinching ring, and the fact that Thumper thought it got in the way of his teeth. Then,THEN, I realized what I was doing and just stopped cold. COLD.

It was almost as awkward when, yesterday, I was waiting in the security line watching a really cute business man walk toward me and realized he was very handicapped in his gait when, at that point, I had the “don’t stare, stop looking at this cute man because he’s going to think it’s because of that and not how cute he is” voice in my head screaming at me (don’t judge, you have all done it) and, when, at that point he got his bad leg caught on something and fell flat on the floor. Hard. It was awkward because, he saw me, but laying there like that, he was no longer cute and I just had to walk away. FAST.

(I am so kidding, I helped him up, he made a joke, I wrestled with the voice in my head about whether I should laugh at it with him, and then I went to a separate entrance which Thumper teases me about).

Now, back to Axel, at that awkward moment I looked up and he was just beaming. Ear to ear smiling because he said, “You know, I really just meant to ask if you had gotten upgraded on the flight, BUT, I am very glad to hear that and would you even have ever believed we could be so “this” about this conversation, in public even. This new relationship has been so good for you, Drew, and I am very proud of all four of us”. It made me really, really warm inside before the next line was “So don’t fuck it up” (which he was smiling as he said it).

I also talked to him about me being more open on this blog about our “new” dynamic and he was okay with that, so some of this you will see moving forward. I had been careful with that because of Axel and also because of Thumper as I think it may be hard for him to think of submitting to a sub at times, although just those times, but, I think his really really slutty “I want to be used” part of his brain will hopefully one day find that a turn on in itself. He and I discussed it too, so good to go when I decide to actually do go there.

Finally, in summary,  I think I was just writing this post to tell you it was a good day and I am so happy these days. Many of you have played a role in that too by helping me be honest with myself and those around me, so thank you as well.

Tonight we have reservations at a great spot in town, so that will be fun too.

Now, be warned, this is likely the last of these happy posts because in the next 48 hours I will start a diet, bind myself to my gym plan, try to start running again (that will be Wed), and will be flying a combined 37 hours to my 10 day assignment which I have gotten out of the practice of doing. The worst part, though, is I have been home just long enough to have forgotten just what it’s really, really like to miss Axel and Stella (so have they) so that alone just makes it a tough ride without even counting the fucking rocket salads I am going to have to eat (ask Ferns, it’s “their” word for fancy lettuce).

Happy last day of January to you.

So, just to start it off and put it out there, it’s been 15 days since I have ejaculated. I know that most of the men who have been into chastity for awhile read that sentence and muddle to themselves about the fucking newbie who thinks that two weeks is some sort of milestone or something similar. I get that because, to me, it’s like some newbie really excited about earning silver status on an airline. Fly ten times more than you did to earn that and then I will consider giving you the secret diamond handshake.

Now that we are all aware that I know that this time period is really not that special to the world, let me say that it is to me for various reasons. Frankly, I don’t think it’s the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm, but I do know that it IS the longest I have gone when I wanted to have one. Just as a refresher, Axel has stated that he does not want me to reach that point until the next time I see Thumper, which, mother nature and business partners cooperating, will be this upcoming Thursday evening and Friday. While I am not expecting to enjoy this release due to all the factors you already know, I am looking very forward to it as well because it will mean I have done something for Axel, which the idea of turns me on more and more each day.

Frankly, not coming has been good for me and I am really looking forward to actually having the custom device (versus self imposed will) when it arrives because I suspect the feelings of horniness and drive I am about to discuss will be intensified on a much grander scale.

That said, four lessons I learned this week are:

Lesson One – Horniness makes me cleaner.

Yes, this weekend has been spent cleaning out drawers, sending things to Goodwill, and scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom (even those little jet things in the tub) because I knew it would make Axel happy. I’m really not thinking that it’s sexual energy that is driving this, because I still want to just sit on the couch and write most times, but the desire to please him has intensified this week a great deal.

I know some of it is his new, stronger ownership of my penis, but part of me also thinks it was the experience we shared together last weekend at MAL when he got to meet and spend time with people like our new friends Griffin, his partner Captain, and his boyfriend CrógaPup. Axel got to see a different part of the world and feel very accepted and I suspect that has as much to do with his new willingness to be all owner-y with me much more than the fact that I have been walking around with a hard dick knowing I can’t touch it. Well, he does enjoy that too.

Lesson Two – Horniness is not about me.

I have willingly given Axel the control of my orgasms, therefore I really have no say in them anymore. I never really thought about this working two ways until a conversation with Thumper. See, one night last week, Axel and I had some amazing sex. He was all over me and I, in turn, was all over him, in him, and around him at various points in time. During all of this, he had been reminding me that I was not allowed to get close to coming because he had decided otherwise. This reminder, as it turns out, is evidently the trigger I will need should someone ever need my penis to assist them with hammering nails and/or cracking walnuts because, fuck, that was hot and I was as opposite of flaccid as one could be. This sexual adventure continued for almost two hours, when, he said that he had changed his mind and wanted to feel “me” all over him (I have told you how he likes that versus me who generally wants to keep clorox wipes on the nightstand just in case I am touched with it post orgasm). I did not know what to do when he said that because my thinking had to shift too fast. I had prepared for another week or two and was enjoying that idea, especially at that stage. I told him no, I wanted to wait. We didn’t think anything about it, and he came, I showered and he rolled over and went to sleep semi sticky (sheets washed the minute he got up, btw).

For the record, at that point, I was very proud of my resolve and the next morning relayed all of this to Thumper since we tend to both talk to each other about sex with our spouses (I tell him because he likes it, he tells me because it’s educational for me). He was neither excited about it or put off by it and just generally didn’t care and I chalked it up to the week he was having and/or the fact that he was doing the “you go six months and then we will talk thing” in his head. Life went on and last Friday afternoon we were talking and he said something like “you know, you gave Axel the control, and technically you didn’t have any right to say no to him. You can’t have it both ways.” He was in a store and had to quickly get off the phone, so we didn’t get to finish that talk, but it really hit me hard and I have thought about it ever since, even to the point of it being one of the first things Axel and I discussed when I got home.

I will consider that a newbie mistake, but nevertheless, it was a lesson learned.

Lesson Three – Horniness makes me think of lady parts

No, I am not about to come out as bisexual to you, but I have realized that with the increased level of sexual frustration, I have a new sexual appreciation for many different things. For instance, one evening last week, Thumper and I were going back and forth in a Twitter conversation with our blogger friend Ferns, who I have referenced here before. In our tweets, she made reference to “Thumper and I kissing while she stood in a corner furiously masturbating”. It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t think anything else about it until suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.

Me? Me? Thinking about that? WTF?

Of course, the bunny was there for me to run this by (because I suspected he’d enjoy me bringing that particular vision back to him) and he told me that I wasn’t going all straight, but that in the right mood, I might even think about having sex with a woman, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I needed to be open and let my mind go where it needed to go.

Let’s just say that, in the days that have passed, my mind has gone several new places since.

Lesson Four – Horniness will make Axel and I stronger

When I got home yesterday from a trip, Axel said, “I know this sounds unlike me and so sappy, but I had a horrible morning, but just knowing you would be here this afternoon made absolutely nothing bother me today because I was so excited”.

That floored me because, while I know this man is incredibly in love with me and our life, he is not one to express a great deal of emotion. It’s taken 18 years and I still have trouble sometimes knowing if he is excited about something. It’s a combination of a poker and therapy face that is just nuts, but, I can already tell he is enjoying the control he now has and I think, and hope, that gets more and more strong.

In many ways it’s like how I watched him embrace the open marriage concept. It was slow to start and now he’s buying my boyfriend presents and is genuinely both curious and excited about when I will see him next because he says he likes how I am when I come home. That’s cute in a way.

So, those are today’s four lessons. I’m sure there will be others. I hope.

Dear Readers, while this is not how my mother would have taught me to introduce someone (but, in her defense, I guess she didn’t realize I would be writing a blog about Dom/sub sex between myself, my husband and a bisexual boyfriend either), meet Ferns, the writer of the only book about female domination that I have ever endorsed (it’s THAT good, buy it here), but the writer of the Domme Chronicles, an outstanding blog that mixes some great sexual adventure with some even better personal insight and perspective from her view from the top of her heels.

Ferns was inspired to write her own post responding to my post written exactly a week ago when Axel hurt my feelings, accidentally, when I came home all manlier and stuff since I had steel in my cock and thought I was a bleeding bad ass at that point. As you all know, that moment with Axel passed and, in fact, when I got home last night I walked in and he was sitting on the stairs with Stella and he said something to me like “I can’t remember when I have been so happy to have you home” so, of course,  I then forgave EVERYTHING ever, but, it was still a moment that taught me a lesson.

Fern’s post, as well as my comment back to her, can be seen here. Spend a bit of time on her page. You will be better for it.

I am a Double Gold Star Gay.  At least, according to the Urban Dictionary.

What that means is that 44 something years ago, I was a large baby and, even in-womb, I didn’t quite fit in, so I was delivered by c-section.  And, as I might have said in previous posts, I have never even been within five feet of a naked woman.  Add those two together and by technical standards, I’ve never touched a vagina – having never come out of one and having certainly not going back in.

So, by definition, that makes me a Double Gold Star Gay, or DGSG as we, the exclusive, like to be called.

Now, why does this matter?  Well, it really doesn’t, but it’s a great way to start a post as, today, out of the blue, I decided I wanted to blog about vaginas. The V word.  The scary, scary V word we DGSG’s have run from our whole lives- literally since before birth.

You see, ever since I met the benevolent bisexual bunny, I have had a newfound outlet for questions about those lady parts unknown and what one actually does with them.  Through the years, my friends have all been drawn to them.  Thumper seems excited about them when he writes about “the moistness” and “going in and out, and in and out” (eww).  People even sing songs about them, as I realized horribly as an 11 year old boy singing “Sugar Walls” out loud in the car one day with my grandmother driving.

I have been pussy challenged.  I admit that.  However, being the inquisitive boyfriend on the side I am and seeing how that place below was of such interest,  I decided weeks ago that I wanted to know more.

Thumper has been a wonderful teacher – he often sends me pictures, diagrams, and the occasional video clip.

In return, I randomly ask him questions about where one might grab, what’s inside, and why one of these things does not look like the other.  And, on a few occasions, I have had to fight my natural urge to vomit when he describes smells, textures, and why one should think “oysters”, but, like a good DGSG with a mission and a designer shirt not wanting to be tainted, I have held down my lunch like a big boy and opened my mind to that dark, moist place.

Why this post?  Who the fuck knows.

But, today was a good day.  In fact, it wound up being one of the best professional days I have had in months as the stars aligned and the corporate return on the investment in me was realized in a grand way.  However, during the middle of being accoladed for the work I have done, my mind suddenly started thinking about sex – straight sex.  Holy fuck. Like man on woman sex.  There were even breasts. That has never happened.  Ever. And, yes, I do blame the bunny 110 percent. It’s all his fault.

So,instead of enjoying my moment, I started giggling to myself about how weird life is and how wide my eyes have been opened by this relationship in ways I never dreamed – or even fucking wanted to dream about.  For fucks, sake, yesterday I even reviewed a book about Female/male domination on Amazon that I had bought AND read (fyi, it’s a great collaboration of erotic stories by the lovely Ferns – buy it, ’cause it’s good enough, even for gay men’). What is happening?

I have to tell you, for years, Axel has known how to make me leave a room just by simply using some of the words I have already listed above describing his high school encounters.  And, now, I am writing a post about the P word I couldn’t even say six months ago? Life. Is. Weird.

Are people going to start calling me, bi, or even worse, straight?  I cannot handle another duality in life.  I just can’t. And I won’t.  Thumper will not convert me, despite the fact that Twitter promised him a toaster.  He does not need toast that badly.

However, the sweet spot of this post and my inter-head pussy related riot today, is that I realized I have been a bit one sided in my sexual thinking, all my life – although my DGSG card does allow that, fyi – and I am very happy to be breaking out of the exclusivity of male genitalia – at least in my head, because it’s going to make me better in how I relate to the world, to women, and those straight men who fuck them.

It’s still weird but there are so many, many questions (no volunteers, one rabbit teaching is enough for me)

Who knows, one day I may even see one in person.

From across the room.

Hopefully (on the across the room part).

In other news, I bought new jeans today, had a great chat with Axel, Thumper, and my Mom, and had a turkey and rocket sandwich on sourdough for lunch.  Fuck, those things seem as related to this post and my blog as me talking about vaginas, so I thought I’d add them too.

Until tomorrow…

P.S. – after all that, the least I can do is show you the jeans (I ate the sandwich)

Processed with VSCOcam with g3 preset