A question for the male/female couples

Tonight, over dinner at a restaurant expensive enough that we felt guilty looking at our phones, Axel and I started talking about the couples we know, comparing some of them to us, some of them to Thumper and Belle, and a few of them to, oddly enough, my mom and dad who have been married 56 years and still light up when the other walks into the room.

Regarding my parents, I have always suspected that my father had extramarital adventures at some point when they were in their 40’s and 50’s, but my mother never seemed to either notice and/or care. It’s only now that I have come to realize that my mom may have known all along and, quite possibly, endorsed it given her new openness with questions about my recent “glowing status”. However, while I am curious, it’s certainly not something I am going to open the lid on with them at this stage in life.

Anyway, as we discussed many of the gay couples that we know, we realized that almost all of them are open in some form or fashion, whether it be through open and honest communication or whether it be from hidden Grindr adventures (I didn’t say both parties knew of the open status) that they are just not that discrete about. What hit me was how much of this we do know as a fact because it’s just a known thing that people just, well, know. With our gay couple friends, there is no judgement of the “players” unless one is being an incredible whore or doing unsafe things that bring risk to the other partner.

In our case, most of our closer friends know that we have given each other permission to explore should one of us choose to, but we are pretty down low about the real activities and only two or three of our very very close friends know that I have a bisexual boyfriend on the side. However, given the high number of nights I am away and Axel is alone, I would suspect that many people think we are far more whore like than we actually are and that we are just being cagey about it.

So, what all of this boils down to is that we wondered if male/female couples know this much about other male/female couples and if openness is something that is discussed among couple friends or if it’s still a Desperate Housewives type world where it’s all happening but everyone pretends that it is not?

I ask because, personally, I do not believe that same sex couples engage in non-monogamy at vastly higher rates than opposite sex couples, but I do think that we are just more comfortable talking about it (note: I am sure I could find actual stats out if I took the time to google, but, well)

So, for those of you in a male/female partnership, what’s the inside scoop? do you talk? Axel and I want to know.

NOTE: Here is an interesting article from Andrew Sullivan on this subject here

Inside the Bunny (and outside Axel)

So, it’s been a funny, yet, fun week.

To quickly sum it up I had a really slow work week; had my mother ask me if I had recently had an orgasm; had an orgasm; upsized my Prince Albert to a 4 gauge; finalized, paid, and submitted my Steelheart order; reached new, deeper levels of emotional and physical submission with Axel; got to spend naked, friend, and friendly-naked time with Thumper; bought a new travel bag that rocks beyond belief and potentially will not make my arm continue to go numb due to its design; bought myself a new Njoy 2.0 which is just like art designed to go up one’s rectum; and had great BBQ nachos – twice.

Oh yeah, and, I forgot to mention, I went vibrator shopping with my boyfriend for a new toy for his wife.

It was fascinating.

All sizes and textures. All those speeds. All those pastel colors. Ones with floppy little things on the top. Ones without. Ones that vibrate lightly. Ones that seem to simulate a donkey punch to one’s vagina. Oh, the questions and the enlightenment all wrapped into one pastel colored flowery box. It was delightfully fun.

To go back to the day with Thumper. It was great. I’m not going into any of the sexual details because it’s really not something that needs to be discussed, but this time, if there was any issue it was mine because the new ring caused some pain and the condom I chose was too small causing some edema, so, let’s just say I was not at my best and felt really awful about that. On the flip side, the bisexual bunny tongue is still one of the best tongues out there. Unfortunately for the world it is able to be marketed to a very limited audience, but, let’s just say, that if it were on the market, it would not come in a pastel box. I think that box would be a unibody stainless steel product with a nice black leather clasp with some sort of delicate jewel, you know, for the ladies, as the attachment point.

The other thing about these visits are they really are just fun and allow me to just be me for one whole afternoon or day because being around someone who knows your nastiest kinks and still thinks you are swell enough to lick, is just a great, open feeling. I think most of you can sense this through his writing, but something he can’t particularly address in the first person, nor can you really know yourself, is Thumper is just a fucking good man all the way around. His style, looks, deep intelligence, dark humor, and his love for Belle and his offspring just show in his eyes when he talks about his life and people just feel better when he is in the room. I certainly do, even when he’s not naked. He never fails to teach me something about politics, baseball, clitoral regions, and how to better access porn each and every time I am around him. Oddly, however, somehow these talks usually cause me to spend money.

Anyway, I think I can tell you that now without it worrying that it sounds romantic or too clingy or any of that shit we all worried about when we met because I think I realized that, whether or not it has actually been acknowledged formally, I think we finally have a settled definition of those attached elastic strings we wanted when we started versus the usually bolded NO STRINGS ATTACHED most men in our positions typically seek. It’s definition is fluid and has no actual words, but it’s one we just “know” and don’t really have to ever discuss again.

Oh, and by the way, I teach him things too. At the present I am not sure what they are, but, I know I have. Hmmmm.

On the Axel front, I think we are better than we have been in 17 years and I mean that with 112% accuracy. As great of a day as I had yesterday, I was just ready to come out of my skin during the last 30 minutes of my flight home because I was going to get to see him and take him to dinner – which he paid for thanks for a very clever Facebook post on my part. One of the best parts was at dinner when we were waiting on the aforementioned BBQ nachos (I mean, I do live in the BBQ capital of the WORLD) and he said, “So tell me about your day”. Having had the doors fly open on what Thumper and I do during our leather weekend a few weeks back, I soon found myself talking about the tight condom, the pinching ring, and the fact that Thumper thought it got in the way of his teeth. Then,THEN, I realized what I was doing and just stopped cold. COLD.

It was almost as awkward when, yesterday, I was waiting in the security line watching a really cute business man walk toward me and realized he was very handicapped in his gait when, at that point, I had the “don’t stare, stop looking at this cute man because he’s going to think it’s because of that and not how cute he is” voice in my head screaming at me (don’t judge, you have all done it) and, when, at that point he got his bad leg caught on something and fell flat on the floor. Hard. It was awkward because, he saw me, but laying there like that, he was no longer cute and I just had to walk away. FAST.

(I am so kidding, I helped him up, he made a joke, I wrestled with the voice in my head about whether I should laugh at it with him, and then I went to a separate entrance which Thumper teases me about).

Now, back to Axel, at that awkward moment I looked up and he was just beaming. Ear to ear smiling because he said, “You know, I really just meant to ask if you had gotten upgraded on the flight, BUT, I am very glad to hear that and would you even have ever believed we could be so “this” about this conversation, in public even. This new relationship has been so good for you, Drew, and I am very proud of all four of us”. It made me really, really warm inside before the next line was “So don’t fuck it up” (which he was smiling as he said it).

I also talked to him about me being more open on this blog about our “new” dynamic and he was okay with that, so some of this you will see moving forward. I had been careful with that because of Axel and also because of Thumper as I think it may be hard for him to think of submitting to a sub at times, although just those times, but, I think his really really slutty “I want to be used” part of his brain will hopefully one day find that a turn on in itself. He and I discussed it too, so good to go when I decide to actually do go there.

Finally, in summary,  I think I was just writing this post to tell you it was a good day and I am so happy these days. Many of you have played a role in that too by helping me be honest with myself and those around me, so thank you as well.

Tonight we have reservations at a great spot in town, so that will be fun too.

Now, be warned, this is likely the last of these happy posts because in the next 48 hours I will start a diet, bind myself to my gym plan, try to start running again (that will be Wed), and will be flying a combined 37 hours to my 10 day assignment which I have gotten out of the practice of doing. The worst part, though, is I have been home just long enough to have forgotten just what it’s really, really like to miss Axel and Stella (so have they) so that alone just makes it a tough ride without even counting the fucking rocket salads I am going to have to eat (ask Ferns, it’s “their” word for fancy lettuce).

Happy last day of January to you.

Fucking the Rabbit on Day Zero while debating O versus U – a typical Thursday in my “new” life

Day Zero. Yes, yes, I guess we all know what that means don’t we?

I started to write this earlier today on the plane but waited until I got to the hotel (lobby at least – room not ready) so I could use words like fuck, creamy, chastity, Master, slave, and all the other fun ones IF I wanted to without worry that the gentleman sitting next to me in first class who kept googling “best southern baptist churches” would see me. Yes, I will fully admit that I was tempted to go ahead and do what I wanted, but I am not in my best feisty mood today, so I thought why bother and just relaxed and listened to Dan Savage’s latest podcast which was quite nice as always.

Anyway, to address the obvious, yes, Axel did not hold me to his vow to make me wait until Sunday or until after I am overseas to orgasm basically because he and I had a conversation last night about that interfering with me and Thumper, should we decide to test his creamy aversion theory and that one of our base rules had always been that his dominance of me was to never impact my dominance of Thumper. When I said it out loud, he immediately realized what was happening and said that he would give me a choice. I could decide that we could get busy immediately or I would at least have his permission to do what I needed to do with the bunny. I chose immediately.

Duh.

Fact is, the ability to have that deep and that level of communication with Axel is one of the things I just so admire about him, because the logical always wins. As I have mentioned, he is a full on whore for ejaculate and his thing he admitted was that after me saving up “this long”, he wanted to make sure that he was the one who benefitted from it, not another man who might or might not be repulsed by it and or the idea of me when I do it. That’s only fair and as I stared at his milky covered face an hour or so later, he had the look of a very, very happy Sir – although I didn’t look long because he would have wanted to kiss me and, well, even a sated boy has some limits on what’s gross (I really despise bodily fluids, mine included, milliseconds after I am done).

The evening was wonderful and very hot and that gleam I have told you about in Axel’s eyes before was stronger and brighter than I have ever seen it. There is another story here for another time because during my orgasm he started talking to me about making sure Thumper knows “his boy’s dick is pounding his ass” or something like that and, I have to admit, it threw me and made me almost want to giggle a bit. He was very proud of himself for working that in, so I didn’t say a word and won’t, because, the reality, is that it is both hot and incredibly wonderful that he has been able to get my third party relationship so deep in his mind that he will now vocally admit to me how much it turns him on and how happy he is with it.

Now, flash forward twelve or so hours and I am now sitting in the lobby of a swanky hotel in Thumper’s city with what I think I am going to describe as “the post orgasm blues”. I have heard from others that after so long you tend to drop and have even watched it happen with Thumper, but this is the first time I have experienced it directly or at least been able to attribute my feelings to that. However, in no way do these blues make me feel less like I want to do really bad things to the bunny and, in fact, have almost increased my mental plans for what he is going to endure tomorrow. Plans and life being what they are it MAY not happen, but if they do come to fruition, that rabbit will be writing a really nice post on Saturday. (Spoiler alert, he and I are going to have a few hours this afternoon to go do a few fun things like buy an actual captive ball ring for my newly upsized PA – have I told you I went up to a 4 gauge last weekend? -and even though we won’t actually be doing anything, the bunny is going to be forced to his sub space at least a bit through one act I am going to surprise him with)

In addition, last night, Mrs Fever wrote a very nice comment on one of my earlier posts about Axel having difficulty finding someone local because he can’t travel and how much she liked the fact that her third party was a distance away and required planning and travel. Overall, I think she is 100% right, but being the one who travels also has its risks because the local doesn’t have the benefit of stopping their day to day life like the traveler does and that creates all sorts of other considerations that you don’t think about when you are just going to go “get some ass”, so to speak. For instance, this trip has been hard on Thumper because I am not here during one of his best weeks personally or professionally, but non cancelable airline tickets and my international travel being what it is about to be, we needed to fit this into our time because, otherwise, it would have been too long. That damn delicate balance is just so fucking hard to achieve sometimes but, speaking as one corner of this kinky quadrangle, we will work it out and all will be fine.

Finally, a reader project!

I tend to use words like ejaculate and others because it’s time I admit that I am perplexed about using cum vs come and especially cuming vs coming. According to the urban dictionary I should be using the “u” version, but my fifth grade English teacher Mrs. Vowell’s (I am not kidding, I was about 22 before I realized what a wonderful name she had to match her profession) voice screams in my head anytime I use anything but the “o” version. I’ve watched my fellow bloggers and it’s a mix and even Thumper uses the “o”, so, let’s solve this together and decide.

Opinions?

Uncorking the Rancid Wine

Well, the update was that it’s now day 18 and it looks like we are going to go for longer as Axel has now stated that he wants me to go until I return from a trip to Australia which is on Valentine’s Day, ironically. Unfortunately, the International Day of Chastity is the 15th, so would coming the day before be hypocritical?

Anyway, to back up. Last night was great in so many ways and wrong in so many others.

As you know from yesterday’s blog, I told you that Axel had a plan for me when he got home and had mentioned that I might be allowed to come if I didn’t touch myself in the process. Well, the afternoon started really well and we were both in the mood, but he needed to work out first. For context and to explain our “dungeon”, we have both started a TRX workout plan because I can travel with it and he can adapt it to fit his needs better since, as you know, he had major surgery reconstructing his right hip following an injury three years ago. To help with this, I have taken the spare room upstairs and mounted steel hooks at various levels into the studs in the wall for the TRX only (wink, wink).

He often gets frustrated that he can’t work out the way he used to when he was an athlete and sometimes it just makes him mad. So, yesterday, he decided that he would take the permission I have given him to use me at will and decided that he’d attach me to those anchor points (pic below) and, if he needed a “punching bag” of sorts, I would be there. Well, he really didn’t need that but it turns out he really does like objectified company when he works out and spent most of the time talking at me about how he is enjoying the control of my penis, how he plans to really expand that and was thinking that a few more weeks would really enforce it, and how he had been talking to our friend Griffin, who is already a Master at many things, and how he had really been a good find for him and how much he was valuing his advice, some of which, he informed me would be things that he knew I’d not like, but deep down appreciate. From that, the really hot points was that he turned all of that into how these things would make me better for Thumper and how he was really getting off on the idea that he was training the trainer and how happy this was making him, much to his surprise. He did say that one of the reasons he was rethinking the orgasm demand with the bunny was that if I was be denied for him, he wanted to be the one to enjoy the big moment whenever that may be.

So, he had one of his best workouts in awhile and I found a very nice inner peace that I haven’t had in awhile. He went off to shower leaving me there to wait on him and what I was hoping was going to be the sticky, sweet, wonderful afternoon of pure, simple, and dirty, dirty sex. He came back about twenty minutes later to unhook me and lead me to the bedroom. O.M.G. it was going to be fun and great and then a minor event happened and it all stopped. There was no going back but there was also ZERO anger or blame. It was like having a great evening planned around a wonderful bottle of wine that, when uncorked, reveals that it had turned rancid without any way of knowing in advance but, once that damn was unplugged, life had been unleashed and we could not reign it back in time to save the erections.

That said, we dealt with the issue, went to Chilis for dinner and Sport’s Authority because I needed new running shoes (now that Thumper and I have vowed to be fit) and just went about life. During dinner, much to the fun of the people in the booth beside us over that fake wall, we discussed my chastity status, how much he is looking forward to the device arriving and setting up ground rules around that and then he informed me that, just so I knew, before I leave for Bunny Country he will be getting off and I will be taking it. So hot. So so hot. He now has this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and it makes me hard each time I see it.

And that is where we stand today. Suffice it to say today I will be cleaning more between projects and may try out those shoes too!

vscocam-photo-3

Flipping the Switch – Borrowing Thumper’s Ass

By now, you all know that about four months ago I relinquished perceived ownership of Thumper’s ass in exchange for a friendship with him that continues to grow in different directions – all of which are educational, fun, and have truly been a gift to, I think I speak for him, both of us. What that left us with was the fact that Belle now let’s me “borrow” his ass once a month or so (and two high holidays per year and one weekend every summer). I have to promise not to break it, damage it, or leave it open each time or risk losing my security deposit and, frankly, you don’t want to know what that penalty is.

Anyway, all signs are that the end of the this week will be my next chance to use it and, due to the switch part of me and the now chronicled horniness, I plan to take full advantage of this gift I have been given and have mental plans that will take it to that place of rocket fire and, hopefully, leave it there for an extended period of time.

It’s funny, because, I have found that the more I am into all of this, I am very glad that I have a personality and a mind that let’s me compartmentalize things and act accordingly. Meaning, I have a career where I might have seven clients at once that might range from a religious institution to a gay rights group and I have had to learn to adapt my way of thinking completely within minutes of time. In this case, I have been able to use that job training to see myself as both Axel’s sub and his husband and as both Thumper’s friend and his tormentor.

In the case of Thumper, the friend part of me would not want anything to harm the man and I am looking forward to sharing a meal with him and a hot chocolate later the next day just as much as I am looking forward to using him like a cheap whore who really needs a very thorough fuck followed by a spanking in between. I am very lucky that we have learned that he can switch his thinking as well because this shift in dynamics is quite fun and, odd as it may sound, the comfort level with each other is what will allow me to treat him as nothing more than a hole I want to hurt at the right moment in time. Because, as we all know, I like the sound he makes when I hurt him and he really, badly wants to make that sound – often.

Also, Axel asked me the other day if I missed the days when Thumper had orders, plug goals, or other areas of focus and the answer was no, because, while not an everyday or even every week thing, those things still have a background for the time when I do borrow the ass and the slut part of him will make sure of it. As a for instance, he’s had one task to do for me now for the last few weeks that has not been done. I think that, deep down, he knows he will pay for that. In fact, there are two ways he’s going to pay and only one involves the new paddle, but I will wait and let that be a post from him later in the weekend.

So, if nothing else, the horniness now has only proven the switch aspect to me more and more and I am very grateful to Belle for the loan, Thumper for his “talent”, and to Axel for understanding that keeping me chaste benefits both sides of me and gives the bisexual bunny the whore time he needs as well.

Finally, as an update to this morning’s post, evidently something is planned tonight and I will be allowed to orgasm if I can do it without touching myself. It’s a lofty goal, friends, because in the 34 years my penis has been fully functioning, I can’t recall an instance where that has happened.

However, never say never.

This. Is. Not. About. Me.

So, day 16 or 17 for me, but none of that matters because it snowed in New York.

Did anyone else hear about that?

I live in a part of the country where we are sent home from work and schools close at a quarter of an inch of snow, so I really have no idea of the actual misery, but all day yesterday I found myself jealous of the newscasters and weathermen who had multiple upon multiple orgasms every time someone said the the words “blizzard” or “inches”. When CNN announced the first snowflake Monday morning, my cynical side was hooked and there is no going back to the land of respect for journalists this week.

It’s now almost 2:00 in the morning and I am up. The inherent horniness mentioned yesterday is still there and I know contributing to the state I am in, but tonight it’s simply the dog down the street who barks at air, our really fancy dishwasher downstairs that is so proud of itself when it finishes that it beeps every 10 minutes to tell you (if anyone knows anyone at Bosch, please ask them which wire to cut because there is not off switch) and, most importantly, Axel, who I can tell had a very stressful day today because he is counseling one of his clients out loud in his sleep about something that was/is very painful to her. He will go to sleep and then say something out loud in a sleepy, muddled voice like “why (name), what do you think that solves?” followed a few minutes later by the wonderful words “fuck”, “fuck”, “shit” – it’s like sleep counseling with a side of Tourette’s and I can’t just shake it off tonight.

Now, it’s 7:00am and, having fallen asleep while writing the above, I am now refreshed and pissed off at the same time. This week is my last week of relative peace as I am not traveling and working from home before the international part of my job kicks in starting Monday, so this gives me much more time to think and process which, may not be good. I say that because this morning when Axel left, I thought, “fuck, he did not mention one word to me last night or this morning about me being horny and not being allowed to touch myself. God damn, it’s like he just doesn’t even care.”

Even in my energized state, that caught my own attention as a red flag because that is not me and I do not think like that 99 percent of the time. In fact, while Thumper may argue, I am one of the least selfish people out there so I shocked myself. But, the very first thing that popped into my head following that was something like “fuck, Drew, go back to what you know and what you have said, what Thumper has said to you, and what he wrote yesterday…”

This. Is. Not. About. Me.

That is an incredibly hard concept to get and I want to ask those of you who have been in this situation when, and even if, that reality really just kicks in and becomes the law in your head? I know for a fact that I will likely struggle with that long term because of the nature of who I am outside this house and, maybe even more importantly, who I was before within it.

So, today, between conference calls and writing I have to do, I plan to do what I can to make Axel smile when he gets home. I know that will be clean sheets on the bed, a spruced up laundry room, and I will likely sneak up to his office and steal his car to go have it washed before bringing it back and parking it in the same place (fyi, that is about 80% for me because I cannot stand a dirty car).

I seriously doubt that this will lead to sex, or at least climaxing sex for me, when he gets home because he’s made it clear to me that he does intend to keep the goal of after when I am with Thumper next (T minus 50 something hours…) although I also have a sense, or maybe a hope, that he’s just fucking with me too.

I have another post in my head regarding the switch side of me and how I am actually using this for MY advantage when I am next breeding the bunny (to THOSE commenters, it just sounded good, in no way does that imply unsafe anything) as this energy will likely help him experience something new to us both.

Stay tuned…

Four Lessons in Horniness

So, just to start it off and put it out there, it’s been 15 days since I have ejaculated. I know that most of the men who have been into chastity for awhile read that sentence and muddle to themselves about the fucking newbie who thinks that two weeks is some sort of milestone or something similar. I get that because, to me, it’s like some newbie really excited about earning silver status on an airline. Fly ten times more than you did to earn that and then I will consider giving you the secret diamond handshake.

Now that we are all aware that I know that this time period is really not that special to the world, let me say that it is to me for various reasons. Frankly, I don’t think it’s the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm, but I do know that it IS the longest I have gone when I wanted to have one. Just as a refresher, Axel has stated that he does not want me to reach that point until the next time I see Thumper, which, mother nature and business partners cooperating, will be this upcoming Thursday evening and Friday. While I am not expecting to enjoy this release due to all the factors you already know, I am looking very forward to it as well because it will mean I have done something for Axel, which the idea of turns me on more and more each day.

Frankly, not coming has been good for me and I am really looking forward to actually having the custom device (versus self imposed will) when it arrives because I suspect the feelings of horniness and drive I am about to discuss will be intensified on a much grander scale.

That said, four lessons I learned this week are:

Lesson One – Horniness makes me cleaner.

Yes, this weekend has been spent cleaning out drawers, sending things to Goodwill, and scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom (even those little jet things in the tub) because I knew it would make Axel happy. I’m really not thinking that it’s sexual energy that is driving this, because I still want to just sit on the couch and write most times, but the desire to please him has intensified this week a great deal.

I know some of it is his new, stronger ownership of my penis, but part of me also thinks it was the experience we shared together last weekend at MAL when he got to meet and spend time with people like our new friends Griffin, his partner Captain, and his boyfriend CrógaPup. Axel got to see a different part of the world and feel very accepted and I suspect that has as much to do with his new willingness to be all owner-y with me much more than the fact that I have been walking around with a hard dick knowing I can’t touch it. Well, he does enjoy that too.

Lesson Two – Horniness is not about me.

I have willingly given Axel the control of my orgasms, therefore I really have no say in them anymore. I never really thought about this working two ways until a conversation with Thumper. See, one night last week, Axel and I had some amazing sex. He was all over me and I, in turn, was all over him, in him, and around him at various points in time. During all of this, he had been reminding me that I was not allowed to get close to coming because he had decided otherwise. This reminder, as it turns out, is evidently the trigger I will need should someone ever need my penis to assist them with hammering nails and/or cracking walnuts because, fuck, that was hot and I was as opposite of flaccid as one could be. This sexual adventure continued for almost two hours, when, he said that he had changed his mind and wanted to feel “me” all over him (I have told you how he likes that versus me who generally wants to keep clorox wipes on the nightstand just in case I am touched with it post orgasm). I did not know what to do when he said that because my thinking had to shift too fast. I had prepared for another week or two and was enjoying that idea, especially at that stage. I told him no, I wanted to wait. We didn’t think anything about it, and he came, I showered and he rolled over and went to sleep semi sticky (sheets washed the minute he got up, btw).

For the record, at that point, I was very proud of my resolve and the next morning relayed all of this to Thumper since we tend to both talk to each other about sex with our spouses (I tell him because he likes it, he tells me because it’s educational for me). He was neither excited about it or put off by it and just generally didn’t care and I chalked it up to the week he was having and/or the fact that he was doing the “you go six months and then we will talk thing” in his head. Life went on and last Friday afternoon we were talking and he said something like “you know, you gave Axel the control, and technically you didn’t have any right to say no to him. You can’t have it both ways.” He was in a store and had to quickly get off the phone, so we didn’t get to finish that talk, but it really hit me hard and I have thought about it ever since, even to the point of it being one of the first things Axel and I discussed when I got home.

I will consider that a newbie mistake, but nevertheless, it was a lesson learned.

Lesson Three – Horniness makes me think of lady parts

No, I am not about to come out as bisexual to you, but I have realized that with the increased level of sexual frustration, I have a new sexual appreciation for many different things. For instance, one evening last week, Thumper and I were going back and forth in a Twitter conversation with our blogger friend Ferns, who I have referenced here before. In our tweets, she made reference to “Thumper and I kissing while she stood in a corner furiously masturbating”. It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t think anything else about it until suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.

Me? Me? Thinking about that? WTF?

Of course, the bunny was there for me to run this by (because I suspected he’d enjoy me bringing that particular vision back to him) and he told me that I wasn’t going all straight, but that in the right mood, I might even think about having sex with a woman, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I needed to be open and let my mind go where it needed to go.

Let’s just say that, in the days that have passed, my mind has gone several new places since.

Lesson Four – Horniness will make Axel and I stronger

When I got home yesterday from a trip, Axel said, “I know this sounds unlike me and so sappy, but I had a horrible morning, but just knowing you would be here this afternoon made absolutely nothing bother me today because I was so excited”.

That floored me because, while I know this man is incredibly in love with me and our life, he is not one to express a great deal of emotion. It’s taken 18 years and I still have trouble sometimes knowing if he is excited about something. It’s a combination of a poker and therapy face that is just nuts, but, I can already tell he is enjoying the control he now has and I think, and hope, that gets more and more strong.

In many ways it’s like how I watched him embrace the open marriage concept. It was slow to start and now he’s buying my boyfriend presents and is genuinely both curious and excited about when I will see him next because he says he likes how I am when I come home. That’s cute in a way.

So, those are today’s four lessons. I’m sure there will be others. I hope.

What it’s like to have metal in your penis – introducing a continuing, interactive (sorta) thread

It’s been a serious blog season, so let’s lighten this up.

Now that I have had my Prince Albert for one month and twelve days, I feel that I am expert enough to start a light-hearted discussion about what it’s really like to have steel in one’s penis.

That said, I would like to invite anyone else who would like to add to this list to please do so in the comments (except you Thumper, add directly) and I will cut and paste your observations in the main text when possible.

What I have noticed:

  • A sudden fascination with my penis that I have not had since I learned to masturbate
  • Urination is now an event – not a bad event, just something I now think about
  • My dick just feels longer from the weight
  • I’m now immune to pulling my pants down in tattoo and piercing parlors
  • I feel more powerful somehow – hear me roar!
  • My balls get way more wet than they have ever been
  • I am still surprised by how little it hurt after the first 20 seconds despite the blood
  • I vibrate a bit when I walk
  • I touch my crotch more than I used to just to feel it.
  • The curved barbell was fun, but my giant 7/8” ring is better
  • I like to have the ring tugged on
  • I LOVE the look in the eyes of the person who has it in their special places (you know, those two guys and those two places)
  • I feel like my pre-cum volume has doubled and my shooting has tripled
  • I have not gotten the membership card the “club” promised me (Dutchman)
  • Ejaculation feels about 106 percent better than before
  • I have to unbuckle my belt at urinals. I don’t know why
  • I’m already shopping for custom rings (even though I will likely not see them)

As I said, if you have one or if one is regularly in you, feel free to comment with your own bullet points.

Finally, on a different note, Thumper and I want to lose weight and get even sexier – at least in our minds. We are thinking about a way to do this as a team against other kinkster friends and/or something along those lines. There will be more on this soon I am sure, but in the interim, any thoughts? ideas?

The Revolving Evolving Axel

Another post from me so I guess you can tell that I am luckily in a bit of a down period with work with only one quick trip this week, one next week to see Thumper, and then the absolute insanity that is my life begins the next day. It starts with a 33 hour (multiple) plane ride that will begin about four months of literal globe hopping and calendar juggling. You know how you read about those people who have complete secret families that they manage to see regularly? I want to find one and ask how because they apparently have a way better assistant than I do.

Anyway, this is a post about Axel. Give or take a few nights for work, he and I have spent almost the last six weeks together in the same house and same bed. It’s been wonderful in many, many ways and has made me wonder if I took all the nights we had together in the days before I traveled weekly for granted. The answer is a fast and easy, yes, I most likely did because it was simply what is was and it was life. I do not say that in any way of regret about doing what I do now, mind you, but when people ask how we deal with me being gone so much AND having a boyfriend on the side, I simply state that when I am home, it’s “better” and the last few weeks have proven that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

While I have not written specifically about it, our sex has been consistently good but the healing I needed to have for the Prince Albert has limited the amount of kinky, slick, wet, dripping sex we could have (that’s for you Thump), however, there have been no complaints. My chastity status is now on the “honor system” as I am waiting on the Steelheart to arrive and there are days, like today, when that is really really testing my resolve. That said, Axel is really beginning to “own” the keyholder aspect of his new role and I see him being rather severe with it as time goes on. For instance, as of right now, I am not allowed to ejaculate until I am with Thumper next. I find that incredibly hot in many ways because he’s allowing me to mix my switch sides into one very precise moment and he is secure enough that he does not have to be there to know that I will appreciate it. What he doesn’t realize to the full degree is that this is also a huge test because of how Thumper feels about ejaculating men mere nano seconds after they shoot. So, if he did know this fact, he would really be expressing his dominant, almost sadistic side in knowing that while I might enjoy the ejaculation for a few seconds, I will not be allowed to thrive in the moment for fear that my ride to the airport will have just sneaked out the door (don’t write the rabbit folks, I am somewhat kidding) (and if he does know this, good for you Axel).

With me, I suspect he is holding back more discipline, tasks, and actions until the device arrives because that will be the day that the chapter officially starts in his mind. The really good thing is that he is really rolling toward full ownership of his Dom status and I am enjoying watching it evolve. On Saturday, when we were shopping at MAL, as he was picking out the paddle for me (and for me to use on Thumper) he had a gleam in his eyes that scared me in that really, really good way. I was proud of him at that moment and felt that sub voice in my head, and in my pants, react accordingly.

When we officially opened our marriage, Axel always thought he would be the first to find a regular “on the side friend” and was shocked when it was me who did so first (and on my first try)(I was shocked too though). Like the prettiest sister who marries last, that smarted with him a bit more than I realized, but he’s past it now and has begun his search at full mast, sometimes literally. For him, the game is a bit different because, unlike me, he is limited to one geographic area and has the added pressure of shopping in the market he frequents all the time, so the discretion aspect is always a danger. Ideally, I would like him to find a nice married, bisexual man who needs a little guidance because I surely didn’t get the only one in the sea (just the best).

While he does like this idea, he is also very attracted to the idea of finding a twenty or thirty something guy who is looking for a bit of mentoring, discipline, and help finding his way in life so he can truly embrace what I am calling an emerging Daddy side. I think that is fantastic and will really help him improve his confidence in leading me and making more decisions at home because he will be able to “practice” so to speak. That said, what he has found is lots of boys with names that start with the letter E who are either very scared of embracing this side of themselves or who are looking for a financial mentor too. Axel will not be one of those aside from occasional small gifts which Thumper and I already do as well, but I classify those very differently.

I am proud of his rotation and look very forward to seeing how this all evolves for him and for the side of me that will be locked into that metal tube.

Just more evolution.