A question for the male/female couples

Tonight, over dinner at a restaurant expensive enough that we felt guilty looking at our phones, Axel and I started talking about the couples we know, comparing some of them to us, some of them to Thumper and Belle, and a few of them to, oddly enough, my mom and dad who have been married 56 years and still light up when the other walks into the room.

Regarding my parents, I have always suspected that my father had extramarital adventures at some point when they were in their 40’s and 50’s, but my mother never seemed to either notice and/or care. It’s only now that I have come to realize that my mom may have known all along and, quite possibly, endorsed it given her new openness with questions about my recent “glowing status”. However, while I am curious, it’s certainly not something I am going to open the lid on with them at this stage in life.

Anyway, as we discussed many of the gay couples that we know, we realized that almost all of them are open in some form or fashion, whether it be through open and honest communication or whether it be from hidden Grindr adventures (I didn’t say both parties knew of the open status) that they are just not that discrete about. What hit me was how much of this we do know as a fact because it’s just a known thing that people just, well, know. With our gay couple friends, there is no judgement of the “players” unless one is being an incredible whore or doing unsafe things that bring risk to the other partner.

In our case, most of our closer friends know that we have given each other permission to explore should one of us choose to, but we are pretty down low about the real activities and only two or three of our very very close friends know that I have a bisexual boyfriend on the side. However, given the high number of nights I am away and Axel is alone, I would suspect that many people think we are far more whore like than we actually are and that we are just being cagey about it.

So, what all of this boils down to is that we wondered if male/female couples know this much about other male/female couples and if openness is something that is discussed among couple friends or if it’s still a Desperate Housewives type world where it’s all happening but everyone pretends that it is not?

I ask because, personally, I do not believe that same sex couples engage in non-monogamy at vastly higher rates than opposite sex couples, but I do think that we are just more comfortable talking about it (note: I am sure I could find actual stats out if I took the time to google, but, well)

So, for those of you in a male/female partnership, what’s the inside scoop? do you talk? Axel and I want to know.

NOTE: Here is an interesting article from Andrew Sullivan on this subject here

Inside the Bunny (and outside Axel)

So, it’s been a funny, yet, fun week.

To quickly sum it up I had a really slow work week; had my mother ask me if I had recently had an orgasm; had an orgasm; upsized my Prince Albert to a 4 gauge; finalized, paid, and submitted my Steelheart order; reached new, deeper levels of emotional and physical submission with Axel; got to spend naked, friend, and friendly-naked time with Thumper; bought a new travel bag that rocks beyond belief and potentially will not make my arm continue to go numb due to its design; bought myself a new Njoy 2.0 which is just like art designed to go up one’s rectum; and had great BBQ nachos – twice.

Oh yeah, and, I forgot to mention, I went vibrator shopping with my boyfriend for a new toy for his wife.

It was fascinating.

All sizes and textures. All those speeds. All those pastel colors. Ones with floppy little things on the top. Ones without. Ones that vibrate lightly. Ones that seem to simulate a donkey punch to one’s vagina. Oh, the questions and the enlightenment all wrapped into one pastel colored flowery box. It was delightfully fun.

To go back to the day with Thumper. It was great. I’m not going into any of the sexual details because it’s really not something that needs to be discussed, but this time, if there was any issue it was mine because the new ring caused some pain and the condom I chose was too small causing some edema, so, let’s just say I was not at my best and felt really awful about that. On the flip side, the bisexual bunny tongue is still one of the best tongues out there. Unfortunately for the world it is able to be marketed to a very limited audience, but, let’s just say, that if it were on the market, it would not come in a pastel box. I think that box would be a unibody stainless steel product with a nice black leather clasp with some sort of delicate jewel, you know, for the ladies, as the attachment point.

The other thing about these visits are they really are just fun and allow me to just be me for one whole afternoon or day because being around someone who knows your nastiest kinks and still thinks you are swell enough to lick, is just a great, open feeling. I think most of you can sense this through his writing, but something he can’t particularly address in the first person, nor can you really know yourself, is Thumper is just a fucking good man all the way around. His style, looks, deep intelligence, dark humor, and his love for Belle and his offspring just show in his eyes when he talks about his life and people just feel better when he is in the room. I certainly do, even when he’s not naked. He never fails to teach me something about politics, baseball, clitoral regions, and how to better access porn each and every time I am around him. Oddly, however, somehow these talks usually cause me to spend money.

Anyway, I think I can tell you that now without it worrying that it sounds romantic or too clingy or any of that shit we all worried about when we met because I think I realized that, whether or not it has actually been acknowledged formally, I think we finally have a settled definition of those attached elastic strings we wanted when we started versus the usually bolded NO STRINGS ATTACHED most men in our positions typically seek. It’s definition is fluid and has no actual words, but it’s one we just “know” and don’t really have to ever discuss again.

Oh, and by the way, I teach him things too. At the present I am not sure what they are, but, I know I have. Hmmmm.

On the Axel front, I think we are better than we have been in 17 years and I mean that with 112% accuracy. As great of a day as I had yesterday, I was just ready to come out of my skin during the last 30 minutes of my flight home because I was going to get to see him and take him to dinner – which he paid for thanks for a very clever Facebook post on my part. One of the best parts was at dinner when we were waiting on the aforementioned BBQ nachos (I mean, I do live in the BBQ capital of the WORLD) and he said, “So tell me about your day”. Having had the doors fly open on what Thumper and I do during our leather weekend a few weeks back, I soon found myself talking about the tight condom, the pinching ring, and the fact that Thumper thought it got in the way of his teeth. Then,THEN, I realized what I was doing and just stopped cold. COLD.

It was almost as awkward when, yesterday, I was waiting in the security line watching a really cute business man walk toward me and realized he was very handicapped in his gait when, at that point, I had the “don’t stare, stop looking at this cute man because he’s going to think it’s because of that and not how cute he is” voice in my head screaming at me (don’t judge, you have all done it) and, when, at that point he got his bad leg caught on something and fell flat on the floor. Hard. It was awkward because, he saw me, but laying there like that, he was no longer cute and I just had to walk away. FAST.

(I am so kidding, I helped him up, he made a joke, I wrestled with the voice in my head about whether I should laugh at it with him, and then I went to a separate entrance which Thumper teases me about).

Now, back to Axel, at that awkward moment I looked up and he was just beaming. Ear to ear smiling because he said, “You know, I really just meant to ask if you had gotten upgraded on the flight, BUT, I am very glad to hear that and would you even have ever believed we could be so “this” about this conversation, in public even. This new relationship has been so good for you, Drew, and I am very proud of all four of us”. It made me really, really warm inside before the next line was “So don’t fuck it up” (which he was smiling as he said it).

I also talked to him about me being more open on this blog about our “new” dynamic and he was okay with that, so some of this you will see moving forward. I had been careful with that because of Axel and also because of Thumper as I think it may be hard for him to think of submitting to a sub at times, although just those times, but, I think his really really slutty “I want to be used” part of his brain will hopefully one day find that a turn on in itself. He and I discussed it too, so good to go when I decide to actually do go there.

Finally, in summary,  I think I was just writing this post to tell you it was a good day and I am so happy these days. Many of you have played a role in that too by helping me be honest with myself and those around me, so thank you as well.

Tonight we have reservations at a great spot in town, so that will be fun too.

Now, be warned, this is likely the last of these happy posts because in the next 48 hours I will start a diet, bind myself to my gym plan, try to start running again (that will be Wed), and will be flying a combined 37 hours to my 10 day assignment which I have gotten out of the practice of doing. The worst part, though, is I have been home just long enough to have forgotten just what it’s really, really like to miss Axel and Stella (so have they) so that alone just makes it a tough ride without even counting the fucking rocket salads I am going to have to eat (ask Ferns, it’s “their” word for fancy lettuce).

Happy last day of January to you.

Fucking the Rabbit on Day Zero while debating O versus U – a typical Thursday in my “new” life

Day Zero. Yes, yes, I guess we all know what that means don’t we?

I started to write this earlier today on the plane but waited until I got to the hotel (lobby at least – room not ready) so I could use words like fuck, creamy, chastity, Master, slave, and all the other fun ones IF I wanted to without worry that the gentleman sitting next to me in first class who kept googling “best southern baptist churches” would see me. Yes, I will fully admit that I was tempted to go ahead and do what I wanted, but I am not in my best feisty mood today, so I thought why bother and just relaxed and listened to Dan Savage’s latest podcast which was quite nice as always.

Anyway, to address the obvious, yes, Axel did not hold me to his vow to make me wait until Sunday or until after I am overseas to orgasm basically because he and I had a conversation last night about that interfering with me and Thumper, should we decide to test his creamy aversion theory and that one of our base rules had always been that his dominance of me was to never impact my dominance of Thumper. When I said it out loud, he immediately realized what was happening and said that he would give me a choice. I could decide that we could get busy immediately or I would at least have his permission to do what I needed to do with the bunny. I chose immediately.

Duh.

Fact is, the ability to have that deep and that level of communication with Axel is one of the things I just so admire about him, because the logical always wins. As I have mentioned, he is a full on whore for ejaculate and his thing he admitted was that after me saving up “this long”, he wanted to make sure that he was the one who benefitted from it, not another man who might or might not be repulsed by it and or the idea of me when I do it. That’s only fair and as I stared at his milky covered face an hour or so later, he had the look of a very, very happy Sir – although I didn’t look long because he would have wanted to kiss me and, well, even a sated boy has some limits on what’s gross (I really despise bodily fluids, mine included, milliseconds after I am done).

The evening was wonderful and very hot and that gleam I have told you about in Axel’s eyes before was stronger and brighter than I have ever seen it. There is another story here for another time because during my orgasm he started talking to me about making sure Thumper knows “his boy’s dick is pounding his ass” or something like that and, I have to admit, it threw me and made me almost want to giggle a bit. He was very proud of himself for working that in, so I didn’t say a word and won’t, because, the reality, is that it is both hot and incredibly wonderful that he has been able to get my third party relationship so deep in his mind that he will now vocally admit to me how much it turns him on and how happy he is with it.

Now, flash forward twelve or so hours and I am now sitting in the lobby of a swanky hotel in Thumper’s city with what I think I am going to describe as “the post orgasm blues”. I have heard from others that after so long you tend to drop and have even watched it happen with Thumper, but this is the first time I have experienced it directly or at least been able to attribute my feelings to that. However, in no way do these blues make me feel less like I want to do really bad things to the bunny and, in fact, have almost increased my mental plans for what he is going to endure tomorrow. Plans and life being what they are it MAY not happen, but if they do come to fruition, that rabbit will be writing a really nice post on Saturday. (Spoiler alert, he and I are going to have a few hours this afternoon to go do a few fun things like buy an actual captive ball ring for my newly upsized PA – have I told you I went up to a 4 gauge last weekend? -and even though we won’t actually be doing anything, the bunny is going to be forced to his sub space at least a bit through one act I am going to surprise him with)

In addition, last night, Mrs Fever wrote a very nice comment on one of my earlier posts about Axel having difficulty finding someone local because he can’t travel and how much she liked the fact that her third party was a distance away and required planning and travel. Overall, I think she is 100% right, but being the one who travels also has its risks because the local doesn’t have the benefit of stopping their day to day life like the traveler does and that creates all sorts of other considerations that you don’t think about when you are just going to go “get some ass”, so to speak. For instance, this trip has been hard on Thumper because I am not here during one of his best weeks personally or professionally, but non cancelable airline tickets and my international travel being what it is about to be, we needed to fit this into our time because, otherwise, it would have been too long. That damn delicate balance is just so fucking hard to achieve sometimes but, speaking as one corner of this kinky quadrangle, we will work it out and all will be fine.

Finally, a reader project!

I tend to use words like ejaculate and others because it’s time I admit that I am perplexed about using cum vs come and especially cuming vs coming. According to the urban dictionary I should be using the “u” version, but my fifth grade English teacher Mrs. Vowell’s (I am not kidding, I was about 22 before I realized what a wonderful name she had to match her profession) voice screams in my head anytime I use anything but the “o” version. I’ve watched my fellow bloggers and it’s a mix and even Thumper uses the “o”, so, let’s solve this together and decide.

Opinions?

Uncorking the Rancid Wine

Well, the update was that it’s now day 18 and it looks like we are going to go for longer as Axel has now stated that he wants me to go until I return from a trip to Australia which is on Valentine’s Day, ironically. Unfortunately, the International Day of Chastity is the 15th, so would coming the day before be hypocritical?

Anyway, to back up. Last night was great in so many ways and wrong in so many others.

As you know from yesterday’s blog, I told you that Axel had a plan for me when he got home and had mentioned that I might be allowed to come if I didn’t touch myself in the process. Well, the afternoon started really well and we were both in the mood, but he needed to work out first. For context and to explain our “dungeon”, we have both started a TRX workout plan because I can travel with it and he can adapt it to fit his needs better since, as you know, he had major surgery reconstructing his right hip following an injury three years ago. To help with this, I have taken the spare room upstairs and mounted steel hooks at various levels into the studs in the wall for the TRX only (wink, wink).

He often gets frustrated that he can’t work out the way he used to when he was an athlete and sometimes it just makes him mad. So, yesterday, he decided that he would take the permission I have given him to use me at will and decided that he’d attach me to those anchor points (pic below) and, if he needed a “punching bag” of sorts, I would be there. Well, he really didn’t need that but it turns out he really does like objectified company when he works out and spent most of the time talking at me about how he is enjoying the control of my penis, how he plans to really expand that and was thinking that a few more weeks would really enforce it, and how he had been talking to our friend Griffin, who is already a Master at many things, and how he had really been a good find for him and how much he was valuing his advice, some of which, he informed me would be things that he knew I’d not like, but deep down appreciate. From that, the really hot points was that he turned all of that into how these things would make me better for Thumper and how he was really getting off on the idea that he was training the trainer and how happy this was making him, much to his surprise. He did say that one of the reasons he was rethinking the orgasm demand with the bunny was that if I was be denied for him, he wanted to be the one to enjoy the big moment whenever that may be.

So, he had one of his best workouts in awhile and I found a very nice inner peace that I haven’t had in awhile. He went off to shower leaving me there to wait on him and what I was hoping was going to be the sticky, sweet, wonderful afternoon of pure, simple, and dirty, dirty sex. He came back about twenty minutes later to unhook me and lead me to the bedroom. O.M.G. it was going to be fun and great and then a minor event happened and it all stopped. There was no going back but there was also ZERO anger or blame. It was like having a great evening planned around a wonderful bottle of wine that, when uncorked, reveals that it had turned rancid without any way of knowing in advance but, once that damn was unplugged, life had been unleashed and we could not reign it back in time to save the erections.

That said, we dealt with the issue, went to Chilis for dinner and Sport’s Authority because I needed new running shoes (now that Thumper and I have vowed to be fit) and just went about life. During dinner, much to the fun of the people in the booth beside us over that fake wall, we discussed my chastity status, how much he is looking forward to the device arriving and setting up ground rules around that and then he informed me that, just so I knew, before I leave for Bunny Country he will be getting off and I will be taking it. So hot. So so hot. He now has this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and it makes me hard each time I see it.

And that is where we stand today. Suffice it to say today I will be cleaning more between projects and may try out those shoes too!

vscocam-photo-3

Flipping the Switch – Borrowing Thumper’s Ass

By now, you all know that about four months ago I relinquished perceived ownership of Thumper’s ass in exchange for a friendship with him that continues to grow in different directions – all of which are educational, fun, and have truly been a gift to, I think I speak for him, both of us. What that left us with was the fact that Belle now let’s me “borrow” his ass once a month or so (and two high holidays per year and one weekend every summer). I have to promise not to break it, damage it, or leave it open each time or risk losing my security deposit and, frankly, you don’t want to know what that penalty is.

Anyway, all signs are that the end of the this week will be my next chance to use it and, due to the switch part of me and the now chronicled horniness, I plan to take full advantage of this gift I have been given and have mental plans that will take it to that place of rocket fire and, hopefully, leave it there for an extended period of time.

It’s funny, because, I have found that the more I am into all of this, I am very glad that I have a personality and a mind that let’s me compartmentalize things and act accordingly. Meaning, I have a career where I might have seven clients at once that might range from a religious institution to a gay rights group and I have had to learn to adapt my way of thinking completely within minutes of time. In this case, I have been able to use that job training to see myself as both Axel’s sub and his husband and as both Thumper’s friend and his tormentor.

In the case of Thumper, the friend part of me would not want anything to harm the man and I am looking forward to sharing a meal with him and a hot chocolate later the next day just as much as I am looking forward to using him like a cheap whore who really needs a very thorough fuck followed by a spanking in between. I am very lucky that we have learned that he can switch his thinking as well because this shift in dynamics is quite fun and, odd as it may sound, the comfort level with each other is what will allow me to treat him as nothing more than a hole I want to hurt at the right moment in time. Because, as we all know, I like the sound he makes when I hurt him and he really, badly wants to make that sound – often.

Also, Axel asked me the other day if I missed the days when Thumper had orders, plug goals, or other areas of focus and the answer was no, because, while not an everyday or even every week thing, those things still have a background for the time when I do borrow the ass and the slut part of him will make sure of it. As a for instance, he’s had one task to do for me now for the last few weeks that has not been done. I think that, deep down, he knows he will pay for that. In fact, there are two ways he’s going to pay and only one involves the new paddle, but I will wait and let that be a post from him later in the weekend.

So, if nothing else, the horniness now has only proven the switch aspect to me more and more and I am very grateful to Belle for the loan, Thumper for his “talent”, and to Axel for understanding that keeping me chaste benefits both sides of me and gives the bisexual bunny the whore time he needs as well.

Finally, as an update to this morning’s post, evidently something is planned tonight and I will be allowed to orgasm if I can do it without touching myself. It’s a lofty goal, friends, because in the 34 years my penis has been fully functioning, I can’t recall an instance where that has happened.

However, never say never.

This. Is. Not. About. Me.

So, day 16 or 17 for me, but none of that matters because it snowed in New York.

Did anyone else hear about that?

I live in a part of the country where we are sent home from work and schools close at a quarter of an inch of snow, so I really have no idea of the actual misery, but all day yesterday I found myself jealous of the newscasters and weathermen who had multiple upon multiple orgasms every time someone said the the words “blizzard” or “inches”. When CNN announced the first snowflake Monday morning, my cynical side was hooked and there is no going back to the land of respect for journalists this week.

It’s now almost 2:00 in the morning and I am up. The inherent horniness mentioned yesterday is still there and I know contributing to the state I am in, but tonight it’s simply the dog down the street who barks at air, our really fancy dishwasher downstairs that is so proud of itself when it finishes that it beeps every 10 minutes to tell you (if anyone knows anyone at Bosch, please ask them which wire to cut because there is not off switch) and, most importantly, Axel, who I can tell had a very stressful day today because he is counseling one of his clients out loud in his sleep about something that was/is very painful to her. He will go to sleep and then say something out loud in a sleepy, muddled voice like “why (name), what do you think that solves?” followed a few minutes later by the wonderful words “fuck”, “fuck”, “shit” – it’s like sleep counseling with a side of Tourette’s and I can’t just shake it off tonight.

Now, it’s 7:00am and, having fallen asleep while writing the above, I am now refreshed and pissed off at the same time. This week is my last week of relative peace as I am not traveling and working from home before the international part of my job kicks in starting Monday, so this gives me much more time to think and process which, may not be good. I say that because this morning when Axel left, I thought, “fuck, he did not mention one word to me last night or this morning about me being horny and not being allowed to touch myself. God damn, it’s like he just doesn’t even care.”

Even in my energized state, that caught my own attention as a red flag because that is not me and I do not think like that 99 percent of the time. In fact, while Thumper may argue, I am one of the least selfish people out there so I shocked myself. But, the very first thing that popped into my head following that was something like “fuck, Drew, go back to what you know and what you have said, what Thumper has said to you, and what he wrote yesterday…”

This. Is. Not. About. Me.

That is an incredibly hard concept to get and I want to ask those of you who have been in this situation when, and even if, that reality really just kicks in and becomes the law in your head? I know for a fact that I will likely struggle with that long term because of the nature of who I am outside this house and, maybe even more importantly, who I was before within it.

So, today, between conference calls and writing I have to do, I plan to do what I can to make Axel smile when he gets home. I know that will be clean sheets on the bed, a spruced up laundry room, and I will likely sneak up to his office and steal his car to go have it washed before bringing it back and parking it in the same place (fyi, that is about 80% for me because I cannot stand a dirty car).

I seriously doubt that this will lead to sex, or at least climaxing sex for me, when he gets home because he’s made it clear to me that he does intend to keep the goal of after when I am with Thumper next (T minus 50 something hours…) although I also have a sense, or maybe a hope, that he’s just fucking with me too.

I have another post in my head regarding the switch side of me and how I am actually using this for MY advantage when I am next breeding the bunny (to THOSE commenters, it just sounded good, in no way does that imply unsafe anything) as this energy will likely help him experience something new to us both.

Stay tuned…