“Dear Drew, Forgive me for being so personal, but now that the submissive sex is ending, may I ask if you will continue as DualDrew?

Hugs, Edited Name Here”

Thumper closed the story of the week on the Drew and Thumper Show with a very interesting post about how his submission waned as he got to know me better. I was not going to post on this at all and let this close out and then I received the question listed above this morning that made me think about it and, well, here we are. But, first and foremost, I would like to point out to all that I was in a conversation with him and, I believe, I was the one who said “we got to know each other too well, but in the scheme of life that’s probably better”. He said, “Now I know what to post” and the rest is history (though him being him he will likely dispute my story, just cause). I say that to point out that all is good and the DT show will continue, maybe in a milder format, though, in all honesty, one can’t get more mild than most of my whole blog anyway.

As a funny and a fact, the post of Thumper’s I referenced could not serve as a better example of how he and I are different. I say that because with that post he thought he had closed the chapter, honest and true, and in my mind, I thought he had accidentally deleted a chapter at the end saying what is next. There’s no real right or wrong in that (but if there was I would be right), but that’s just probably a way that our friendship is good in many ways because, sometimes, I make him talk one more minute or two than he wanted to and, sometimes, he makes me shut up a minute or two before I wanted. That alone is probably a good check point for both of us friendship wise and those two things can come in handy in many of life’s little situations.

So, enough about Thumper (“finally”, they scream)

To address the question above, yes, DualDrew will continue because, well, I am that guy even without a rabbit boyfriend. I laughed at the question at first and Thumper called the writer a name or two, but when I took a step back I realized that to a casual reader or a late arrival, someone may have thought the Dual part was about the dual relationship not realizing that it truly describes my almost polar opposite sides of preppy southern seersucker laden business guy who just might happen to have a metal penis and/or something up his ass that day. It describes me as a guy who is almost too kind and sensitive for his own good, but when the mood is right I am the same guy who could hang a man from the ceiling by his nipples and become aroused because it is hurting him. It describes the guy who can act like everything is perfect but who might be dying inside temporarily because he wasn’t mentioned or didn’t get the same compliment as other people. And, finally for at least here, it describes the guy who literally travels all over the world disrupting offices and lives, often in very harsh terms and actions, in an effort to make a team better but who then comes home and occasionally puts on a collar and lets his husband give him a chore list. All those things, for me, define the word “dual” and that is why, at a minimum, Thumper and I chose this name way back when we were creating a pseudonym for me (it was between this and Kinky Kevin).

So, yes, officially I will go on living AND, as a bonus, the blog will too. Thumper will still be a guest star through stupid stories and I will continue to encourage him to write anything really kinky and nasty he would like to on here, because it’s a different outlet for him in case he ever needs it. For me, I will still tell the day to day world of my brain and, while some days it may be about how stupid I think Ben Carson is or how my pants fell down while I was giving a speech, the other days may be about the sex Axel and I are having with each other and, now, other people. In many ways, it’s more freeing to me because I can write about whatever sub feeling I have and how it plays with my Dom feelings without the worry of the coming across as too submissive for my submissive boyfriend. Finally, though he may not like it or, as in most cases, likely doesn’t give a fuck, for now, I will still use the boyfriend reference from time to time because the closeness between us that signified that word remains in many ways and, well, it’s just in too many places to go change right now.

So, that’s that. No more whining about what this is or isn’t because it’s two steps forward now and if he and I take a step back and there is inappropriate touching, I will be sure to let you know first. But, for the moment, forward we go.

It’s late on a Thursday night and I am sitting in the front row of the first class cabin on yet another plane ready to crawl out of my skin because flying on Thursday night is just miserable. It’s a combination of business guys like me trying to get home and families who are trying to start a weekend vacation a bit earlier. It’s always chaos and I really prefer staying and taking a 5am flight out the next day, but every time I book my trips I seem to not remember this because all I see is an extra night home with Axel. Of course, it’s almost always at this skin crawling level but, tonight, it’s worse because it’s raining in Atlanta and that means that everything runs on Hartsfield time, which, on nights like this is two hours behind real world time. So, I will get home around 1am, take a shower, (finally) eat dinner, and then crawl in bed with Axel for about four hours before he has to get up. Not really quality time, but it will count for something.

It’s been a heavy week. I am not going to say it was a bad week, but just a heavy week. One of the Scotts has been really freaky sick and in the hospital for a week which has caused Axel (and me) stress and worry (he’s going to be fine)(but cardiac things can happen to a fit thirtysomething), Axel and I have been arranging his surgery dates, care plans, and time off of work, which, for me means a lot of rescheduling since I am generally booked six months out, and, as you know, Thumper and I have declared a “break” which is essentially no more than officially labeling what, pretty much, was/is just our normal routine when we are not in each other’s presence. Add to this that I have, apparently, been labeled the destroyer of the environment because I often like to leave the TV on when I leave hotel rooms, and all that just creates the word “heavy”.

Anyway, a few days ago Thumper posted about the break on DT linking it back to mine where he likens this to Ross and Rachel and then goes so far as to even dare think that he is the Rachel in the situation. Perhaps this is part of that one sidedness showing, but I didn’t like that post much, though I adored the comments, and I can’t exactly express why, which bothers me further. It’s a topic he and I have not had enough time to actually discuss, so I am leaving this right here for right now and one day one of us will pick this back up surely.

As for the Scotts, they have weaved their way into our world in a way neither Axel or I expected, but I have to say we are delighted they have. It took a bit of time for the weirdness to go away, but Axel and I found a groove and I no longer feel any stupid jealous like feelings when he is with them at all. In fact, as I have mentioned, I have a bit of a crush on both of them which has been acknowledged in return, so that door is open now too and, as surprising as it is since Axel and I have said for years that we’d never play together, I can really see me stepping through that door one day fairly soon, which is both exciting and scary in that good way scary can be.

Finally, tomorrow the BEAUTIFUL “Axel”, which is appropriately named because Axel helped design and purchased it, device arrives between 3:15 and 5:15 CST. This device is likely going to make a significant change in our momentum and we are both quite excited about that, though we have put the cautionary brakes on anything “official” until around December as I will be traveling internationally again for two weeks starting next week and he is swamped during the holidays as families create chaos and people need counseling in a dramatically higher rate starting around Thanksgiving. But, that’s plenty of time for me to practice and adjust and we will likely have some goal based lock ups during this period that I will be writing about more in the coming days.

I’m almost home, so happy Friday.

Oh, about that god damn TV thing, FOR THE RECORD, I tend to leave the power on because at most hotels you have to go through about 27 menus and advertisements before you can get to the channels and/or I travel with an Apple TV and if the TV is off I have to then crawl behind it and adjust the inputs each time. It’s irritating and I am in a hotel room just enough that these small little annoyances can just make a bad day worse. Fuck, I have rented enough Praises (or is it Prii?), to offset that stupid amount of energy, dammit. Don’t judge me. It’s really just me being practical.

I have no idea where to start with this.

First, every single person who plays a major role in my life right now has been in a weird mood. Myself included. While not really related in any way, we are all a bit too in our heads for our own good right now and it’s led to just a general funkiness that does not include a disco ball or glitter.  I am not worried about anyone really because we are all proven to pull out of these times – though it just sucks that we all hit it together.

For me, I have been almost downright angry at myself for having the feelings I have had about Axel and the, now to be known as, the Scotts (nobody thought they were “Kevin like” enough to keep that title). I am not really ready to go into where things stand with that at the moment but I am trying really hard to not let my insecurities negatively impact the threesome. With this, what we have come to realize is that Ax and I spent years laying out how it would work if he or I had a boyfriend, what we’d want, how we’d function and what we’d expect from one partner, or even two separate ones if the time and penis function allowed. When I met Thumper, Ax and I pulled out our rule book, applied every section to the individual aspects of the relationship, and Thump and I proceeded down the road of nakedness and sex with little, if any, bad feelings at or about home being in the way.

When Axel met the Scotts, it was originally just the Junior Scott (the younger one – they are actually physically both taller and as broad as me) and we took out the rule book and flipped the tab to the “Drew’s Expectations” chapter and immediately applied the rules and discussed the plan. Then, Senior Scott was introduced with the intention of being an equal side of that triangle and we continued down the structured path we had applied to just Junior.  It worked fine. For about an hour. That’s when it didn’t work and, as I type this, we are still negotiating and talking and I know we will work this out, but it’s not something that is going to happen overnight. The complicating factor here is that when I met them at dinner the other night, we clicked as a foursome. Not sexually a foursome, though frankly I would love to see them naked, but immediately as that couple we’d love to one day years from now rent a beach home with for a month and just have the best time ever. Frankly, that has never happened to us and these two men are just as adorable as men can get both as individuals and as a couple. It would have been so fucking easy if I hated them or didn’t like them, but, that’s not the case so we will continue to find a path to make it work.

I say these things as an update more so than as any type of solution, breakthrough, or discovery but also as part of the honesty I have tried so hard to portray right now as part of the inside of a recently opened marriage. Not one single feeling I have had over the last week has led me to even have one thought or regret about opening it, because, even this has made Axel and I closer because it’s made us talk, it’s made us listen, and it’s made us be brutally honest with each other about several feelings and factors that are part of our lives including my travel, an undisclosed indiscretion on his part, our couple goals and, of course, my relationship with Thumper – which, once again, Axel fully supports, encourages, and enjoys, especially now that he knows more details of it.

The key word in here though is honesty, as I do not think an open relationship would flourish if one primary partner was not honest with the other primary partner about everything on the table. For me and Axel, we tend to repeat a story to each other and will often find ourselves leaving out a word here, a comment there, or a remark over yonder in an effort to either shield each other from the brutal realities of said item or, most likely, just to not have to deal with any possible repercussion that might arise from it. We agreed to stop this and, during this conversation I asked about something little and was told “no, not discussed” to then see a text when we were doing something together on his Mac that not only indicated the issue had been discussed but that it was done prior to the time I was told it wasn’t (fyi, the text popped up, we were sitting together, I wasn’t looking). Now, the subject at hand was very minor, the issue was something he just didn’t want to deal with, and the issue never would have even arisen had the timing not been what it was, but, right there, we had a teachable moment that just hurt my feelings more than anything else. This was not by what was said, but by the slight lack of judgement that Axel had shown and it just made me really hone in hard that we will have ground rules and they will be followed. No option.

If I told you what the issue really was you would laugh because it was that minor and this sounds so ominous, but it was a vehicle for he and I to sit down, yet again, and look each other in the eye and ask “are you okay with this?”. For the Drew and Thumper show, the answer was an unequivocal “yes”. For Axel and the Scotts, the answer was “I don’t know yet” but that is something that will be sorted out over the next few days and I am 99 percent certain it will be fine.

Again, these are petty things but petty things turn into big things and our intention is to keep that from happening when and if possible. I understand that in situations like this there will always be emotions that are technically unjustified, but that is just what it is, and, frankly, the jealousy that has popped up the last week or two has been rectified by some pretty awesome sex and just general naked cuddly time. Since we have never been two who argued or fought, we have never really had make up sex and this has been a nice little side attraction to diminish some of the drama that we have imposed on ourselves.

Over the next few days I will update this saga and the who blew who details, but for now, just know that, even through the chaos of honesty, jealousy, and horniness, the primary bond is strong if not stronger.

This morning I had one of those really nice visits with the parents that just made me laugh the whole time, while also wondering if my mother is seriously a bit psychic. We all know that I think either my mother knows about me and Thumper somehow or just has a really weird, open minded sixth sense.

My mother has been mentally spot on of late thanks to a new medicine, so I sat with her and my father on their patio listening to them discuss how if Carly Fiorino really wanted to destroy Planned Parenthood that she should just apply to be their CEO and “HP them” and, then, suddenly she said, “How is your friend and his wife? I was discussing their open marriage with the lady at rehab last week (i.e.: physical therapy) and she was very impressed, I thought, and then she said she’d pray for them, which, you know, made me just decide to leave because at my age I have no time left for ignorance”. Before I could even answer she was back on Carly and, like usual when this particular subject comes out of the air, I sat there a bit dumbfounded wondering what the hell I should do or say. It didn’t come back up for a bit and we had moved on to the really, really serious subject about how what one woman I don’t know said about another woman I don’t know and then how they both fought over a man I don’t know which either occurred yesterday or some time in 1973. Who knows.

Then, it went right back to “Please tell him I said hello and that I hope he is well”. So, from that spot in left field I tweeted Thump and she was amazed when he tweeted right back. I even showed it to her

Though, as that thought provoking subject matter died, she then just said, “What is going on with Axel? When he was here Friday night to get Stella, he looked better than I have seen him in years. Maybe even ever. He was happy, relaxed, and just had a spring in his step I haven’t seen since, well, in a long time”. As if that wasn’t bad enough, my normally mute on any emotional issue father just started whole hearted agreeing with everything she was saying. Good lord, that’s not a blow to my ego at all, huh? (still sensitive there – lol)

She kept asking what had changed with him? work stress less? emotional clients less demanding? and then, she said the worst thing ever which caused my Dad to immediately leave to go find a tool or something, “was, you know what, good this week since you were home?”. Holy fuck, not since she asked me if I were top or bottom 20 years ago was there this level of awkwardness.

I didn’t know what to say other than “Yes, Mom, he’s had a very nice week” to which she then replied, “Well, I would have thought you would have looked happier today too”, I winced as she then said “That damn job of yours. I know it’s just so draining, but we are so proud of you both.”

Fuck. At least she didn’t ask about the Kevins directly.

Me again. I have been home about 18 hours and life as a fully open couple isn’t much different than life was when we were just halfway open. It’s weird, but we each slept on the same side of the bed we used to, Axel still liked the gray towel and I still liked the white one, and the applewood wood bacon that comes straight from God, via Costco, tasted the same amazing way too. Who’d have thought that, huh?

There are still those feelings that will pop in just a minute or two every couple of hours and they have to be dealt with, but they don’t worry me anymore like they did a few days ago because now, now that “it” happened, I know that it’s not anything that is going to cause any trouble, but it was enough that I thought I should write about it anyway.

However, first, breaking news, I spotted the couple, who I have decided to just call them Kevin and Kevin, a bit ago when Axel and I were at a street fair that has encompassed my neighborhood today. I said “spotted” like I was on a hunt of some sort and in reality, it was via Axel tapping me on the shoulder and saying “there they are, THERE” as he pointed toward a group of gay men in tank tops all with perfect hair despite the fact that there are literally 75,000 people in a two block area and that it’s 90 something degrees today (I looked like a horse that needed to be put down by then). We knew they were going to be there but they were with family from out of town, so Axel and the Kevins had already discussed that if we saw each other, great, but if not, we would not force a meeting in front of strangers (translation: Axel knows I am short tempered and pissy when hot and in crowds, so he didn’t want to risk me being an inadvertent ass to his boyfriends), though we did offer to let them park in our driveway. Anyway, there they were. In living flesh. Luckily for me in my dead looking horse state, they were way across the street holding nephews or borrowed children or something, so we didn’t have that sweaty hot greeting. They did not see us, but I saw them and, though cute, I found some strange satisfaction in realizing I was in better shape than they were. Petty I know, but I own it. But, from just watching them and having heard about them, they seem to be two really good chaps and, for Axel, I hope this works out as well as it has with me and my boyfriend.

All of that out of the way, I wanted to go back to my two posts this week about my side of the open door and discuss discussing the other side of open. When I started writing those posts, they were from my gut and were quite cathartic in many ways, so I am very glad that I wrote them as they helped me deal with things and also helped both Axel and Thumper see more into why I was acting like I was or more about how I saw things (btw, I asked Axel to read each of those as I do when something is there I feel he should see). What I didn’t realize when I started that is that I was essentially writing from a perspective of an open couple that many people don’t get to see. This means that I talked about the negotiations, the hurt feelings, and the actual, real life, somewhat stark realization that you are not all that your partner needs.

Ferns, my Australian girlfriend, left a comment on the first of the two posts that said:

I don’t see that many non-monogamous folks talk all that honestly about these complicated feelings. In fact what I mostly see is that everything is ‘great!’ and ‘fine!’ until suddenly it’s a big mess of jealousy and hurt and serious consequences and there is no insight into how that came about.

As usual, she was spot on, so that made me feel better about having laid it all out there then, and even now and over the next few weeks as this continues to evolve. I will continue to do that because it is what it is, and I refuse to just tell you that all is shiny and wonderful while still not 100 percent sure in my mind that it is.

Having said that, I would say that last week when I wrote the posts, I was at a 65 percent “I really am okay with this” place on post one and an 80 percent or so place when I wrote post number two. Today, as I sit here and type, I am likely at a 97 or even 98 percent place in my head and now find myself looking forward to what is going to evolve and how the Kevins are going to fit into Axel’s life primarily but into mine as well. I say that now through a bit more negotiation and thought in my head and was really moved by Thumper’s post yesterday but especially by this paragraph:

I never thought about openness with Belle because early on my feelings for her were such that I didn’t want anyone else. Saw no point in anyone else. There was no room inside me for anyone else. Now that’s changed. Luckily, we still have a connection and I still want her and need her in my life, but we’re both fundamentally different.

When I read that, I realized one immediate thing and one not so immediate thing. The first is that some of what I was grappling with the last week was a feeling that Axel and I had “let each other down” in a sense by NOT being everything each other needed. Rational Drew realized that one can’t be all to everyone and that this is indeed okay and he’s proud to be married to someone that understands that too, but irrational Drew felt slightly ashamed, slightly embarrassed, and slightly angry that he could not be it all for Axel (though it was perfectly fine that Axel couldn’t be it all for him). These thoughts had nothing to do with the Kevins or with Thumper, but they were the catalysts that fueled them, and I know now that those were the “things” I mentioned last week that I just could not put the right words on the screen to describe the actual sensation, most likely because I was in a place that was too raw for me to have completely silenced irrational Drew. I refuse to say Thumper used magic words, but what he did was cause the “moment” where the realization met reality and I am very happy to have that past me now because, it is, indeed changed from when we first partnered, while in our 20’s, and this open state is really some intense growth that has taken place for both of us as a couple and most likely was and is needed for our long term survival as a duo.

The second realization involves jealousy and the understanding that the jealousy I was, and still slightly am, feeling isn’t the fact that “Kevin is doing my man”, but it’s the excitement that Axel suddenly has in his world. He has that “young and stupid in lust” look and talk and I’m not the one causing that or being involved in that, so I think that is where the fourth wheel comment came from. And, at the same time, while not to the extent that Axel had, Thumper also had/has a renewed “energy” about Frodo and, god dammit, I couldn’t relate to that either. It was a double whammy of bad timing. However, as I realized yesterday again, it wasn’t (and isn’t) about the people at all, just the energy surrounding the activity and I had inadvertently let my ego be pretty wildly deflated by the Kevins and the Frodo and, in retrospect it was silly, but a human reaction so I also own that. I was honest with both Thump and Axel about this last night and simply told them that I was in a deflated place and asked them to keep that in mind and that if there is anything they could do to help me boost it, I would be appreciative. I know that is like saying “I am about to come out in a pretty dress so make sure you tell me how amazing and thin I look in it”, but, as I have told you, these two are alike in how they notice and react to things, so I just decided to put it out there instead of waiting to see if it went away or what. Oh, and before the comments start, yes, I know my ego will come back on its own and yes, I know I have plenty to have a boosted ego about, but this is just one of those inside the relationship and friendship moments that the outside world cannot affect.

Of course, turn about is fair play, and I absolutely see that a year ago I was giddy over meeting the rabbit and he was me too. Axel had his ego bruised during that period too, and while I knew it then, now I really know it, so I am going to be doing some reverse ego mending too. He got through it and I certainly will, but in this case, both sides of the door look the same and they are a nasty color that does not go with anything else in our home. So, like the ugly figurine his mother once gave us for Christmas, it wont be allowed to last long in this house at all.

Now, from the door itself, which I assume would be my home with Axel, all is well in the House of Drew tonight and it’s just going to get better (also because Kershaw pitches tonight too).

Axel has a date tonight. With a couple.

There. That’s out. Over and done.

Actually, while that is true, the build up toward tonight’s date for him has created a rather raw week as we have examined emotions, feelings, thoughts, and, mostly, irrational thinking on both our parts. You see, Axel is the one who wanted to open us up about three or four years ago. He brought up the subject. We discussed our points of view on it. And he went out actively looking and I set about somewhat, at the time, passively looking. Both of us fully believed that he would be the first one with a “significant side guy” and we were equally shocked when a year ago, right about now, I met Thumper and you all know where that is. In this time he has had two little “things”, one being a 3 event “thing” with a mutual friend who he found out he really didn’t like and one mutual jack off with a person I would describe as my absolute and complete nemesis, professionally and personally. When that happened, I was never mad at the act, though I was very mad at the lack of judgement and maybe, just maybe that has led to some of the feelings this week.

Axel and I have two very different personalities and in the rules of our extra engagement that became clear. At the time, he did not want to know much about the person I was with, wanted no details about the exchanges, and only asked that I let him know if and when something was going on. I, on the other hand, wanted to know everything. I promised I would not interfere, but I do not like the unknown and as a sufferer of some severe anxiety throughout my life, the wonder about what is happening would kill me much faster than the actual details, most of which I would not mind hearing about anyway if it made him happy. So, that is how we ended the plan years ago.

When I met Thumper, Axel kept his hands off approach the entire time and never pushed, never asked, and I didn’t tell because that is what I thought he wanted. As a few weeks went by, he started asking more questions and ultimately, the night after the first time I was all naked and with Thumper, he asked for certain details and I told him. As a few weeks progressed, Thumper and I had talked about him more in the context of me and Belle and some general stuff and then one day I got a text from Thumper saying something like “FYI, I just friended Axel of Facebook”, which was immediately followed by Axel texting saying “FYI, Thumper just friended me on Facebook, what do you want me to do?“. I thought it was surprising but fine and this electronic relationship led to one or two chats and some business together via a third party they each knew, but they have never exchanged physical words (though I just want that to happen one day to see Thump’s reaction to his accent). Where we stand now is that Thumper is a daily part of our conversations and Axel follows his very thorough Facebook feed because, by doing so, he learns more about him and never has to go to a news website or entertainment one, because Thump pretty much shares anything that he feels the educated world needs to see, and that’s perfect for both of us.

I mention all of that because of a few things. That veiled social media connection made things very fuzzy in my head when it came to Belle and Frodo because, well, I just didn’t know if or how that kind of “flow” could or should only go one way. But, that is not the point of anything now other than to say that it’s just made me wonder if they needed to know me in the same way Axel knows Thumper and, I kind of wanted that for that inner need I have for approval because I want them, in theory, to see more than the stories about what I do to Thump and to know that I am a good man who cares for him and would never do anything to hurt either him or them. Belle knows this by now, I assume, both because of the time and history that has now taken place and purely because she is one of the greatest women alive because of her mindset toward things. Another factor in this feeling happened this last week and, being 110 percent honest here, in the first few hours after Thumper told me what he did with Frodo, I immediately saw Frodo as a threat to something, not really me and Thumper, but just something I cannot explain. It was just a feeling in the sense that he had known Thump for 35 years, knows Belle, knows his family, etc and, again, in those few hours I felt almost like a cast aside mistress condemned to the condo her executive bought her to “keep” her in silence. However, when rational Drew who wasn’t exhausted by a surprise trip kicked back in, I realized that Frodo is no threat to me in ANY SINGLE WAY because he and Thump want something else, do something else, and what I do to, for, and with Thump sexually is not something in his wheelhouse (I hate that term) and that is never going to change. So, I breathed, I thought, I talked to Thumper, and I didn’t worry any more about that and thought, in my mind, writing a blog post about being okay with things and saying hi to Frodo would seal that deal. And, for me it did. But, I feel like I owed a deeper explanation after talking with the rabbit a bit more in the days since, so that is why I write the above. As for them knowing I am the good guy and junk, that is Thumper’s business and his job to convey that should it ever be questioned. So, for now, that’s not a single factor in my mind anymore and I hope it won’t be again.

So, during the same period as that, Axel met a guy who wanted a Daddy type figure in his life and, given that the guy was younger, cute as a puppy in tall grass, and seems to be very intelligent, Axel was all on that idea. So was I. Then, it shifted a bit because, we always knew this fellow was married, but it turns out that his husband wants the same thing, and they have essentially asked Axel to consider being their third. Now, going back to the fact I wanted to know all of the details, Axel was telling me this and I was okay with it. However, at the beginning of this week, I started having just bizarre feelings of jealousy, a feeling of being left out, and, well, just having a general cloud over me that, unfortunately also floated over Axel because of the way the wind in our house flows. In my head, I had been and continued to be fine with him seeing “a boyfriend” but two was something I had never thought about and this really played out in my head very funny. On top of this, my need to know everything and to know them kicked in, and I made a spectacle out of myself trying to think about asking that I meet and approve them with Axel, then that went to just me being home the first time when they fuck so I could physically see and be seen when he got home and could see with my own eyes that things were okay, to finally just saying “I trust you and do what you need to do”. I said that because I talked to Thumper about this and he told me I was being an idiot. Actually, he told me my feelings were very valid and that me opening up about these things very much helped him see more into why I thought me, him, Belle and Frodo could all play Uno of Friday nights together, but he also told me that, in his opinion, I was being highly unfair to Axel and that I was adding a layer of bureaucracy on top of his outside relationship that he did not dare even mention or attempt to mention back when I met Thump and in the days since, so, yet again, he was right.

After that I texted Axel that all was good and that he should go with his gut and then, in some form of penance, went and locked the Steelheart on, shoved a plug in my ass, and told him that I would be here when he got home later (a rare fact on a Tuesday). When he got home, we were both in good moods, smiling, talking and then he stood up, told me to follow him upstairs to the bedroom and strip and he then unplugged me and fucked me like he had not done in 18 years before coming, locking the plug back in place, and then walking out to go to his client while I sat there stunned, chaste, and plugged again. It was really something just incredibly fun and made every bit of the sub inside of me happy until the text came about five minutes later that reengaged my Dom side when it said “I took your spare key and you will also notice a plug missing and it’s where you think it is. When I get home tonight, Dom Drew comes out when I unlock you and you are going to fuck me like you have never done before. Love you. Oh, if you go to Target, we are out of toothpaste” (he tries, he really tries).

This is getting long and I have a flight to catch, so stay tuned for Part II coming soon to this blog. Spoiler alert, Axel gets fucked, schedules a date with his potential boyfriends, and Drew gets weird again.

To be continued…

It’s been an interesting week to say the least. First, due to the injury of a colleague, my entire week and travel schedule got turned around in an instant sending me across the country to Tarheel land with nary an extra pair of underwear to my name. The hotel took care of that for me with a nice $37 bill for dry-cleaning a pair of pants, a dress shirt and my undershirt and boxers – which were both delivered to me on hangers – a fact I am not happy with because I don’t need my underwear getting uppity by having a taste of the good life.

The, during all of this, a person named Star decided to visit the comment section of my last post and rip me to shreds over the “sinful lifestyle” I am leading personally and, yet again, decided that I should go straight to hell because I was leading a “family man” like Thumper down a dangerous path toward “infidelity in his bowels”, which is a probably one of the greatest lines in a long time, though I suspect she has no idea what she said. I left the comment there because as I was wavering between pissed off and being humored, I decided to just let you all be reminded of what kind of world we share so that you can think of that during the upcoming electoral seasons.

After a day or so, she came back and forth and provided a second line for me in which she described how I was de-masculining Thumper. First, I am not sure that is even a word and second, that is really not possible when you are talking about a man who can spend a week in the woods not showering, eating bark, and pooping behind trees who can then come home and rock a pair of capri pants. Trust me, if those pants don’t do it, nothing is going to de-masculine him.

I have to admit that these comments have bothered me more than I wanted them to, but I luckily don’t weight my self worth on what others say, so I figured I’d just leave them in and see what happens. I will say, I will block her the next time if this continues.

So, as I was being sent straight to hell for my penis being in a family man over a week ago, Thumper was in the Northeast having another penis put inside him (just up top) which I am sure I am to blame for in some form or fashion. For those of you foolish enough not to read his blog, Thumper went with Belle on a work trip to Boston where his best friend from high school and the best man at his wedding now lives, with his husband. Thumper calls him Frodo (on the blog, not in real life, I hope) and he is the one that Thump often references when he talks about having sex with guys in his youth and then being really awful to them later over and over again, thus causing angst among all parties. This week was different and the two of them connected again (which is described here).

I had suspected it would happen so I was not shocked to get a text from Thumper right after telling me what he had done and how much he enjoyed it. I was only disappointed because he has always talked about Frodo having the “perfect penis” so I was sad he had not taken pictures. He did say he thought it would be awkward to pull out a camera and say “this is for my boyfriend”, but whatever.

Thumper was happy and I was proud for him. In fact, I was a bit excited because I thought that finally, finally I could share some credit for “turning Thumper gay” and that maybe somebody in the world would say “poor Drew” in addition to the standard “poor Belle”. But, alas, the very first comment on his post about this was along the lines of “poor Belle” was indeed, sadly, only about her while at the same time, over on my blog, someone was damning me and my sinful penis to hell.

Seriously, as word spread around the inter webs I had several of those who read reach out to me to make sure I was okay with this act, including my muggle best friend who sent me a text saying “What’s this about this fellow named Frodo?” which cracked me up because I had no idea he read Thumper’s blog (turns out he does, though he does not read me because, as we decided, it’s a bit like seeing your brother naked). Axel did the same because, as he said, he just felt the need to be protective of me.

So, first and foremost. Yes, I am fine as I have no reason not to be. In my mind, how can I tell my husband it’s okay if he wants to go out and have sex with someone he cares about without applying the same standards to my boyfriend? I can’t have it both ways, nor would I expect that. The keyword there is “care about” which also implies trust and that falls right within everything Thump and I have discussed about what we do with each other and our others versus just casual, randomness. Also, full disclosure, the dom part of me kinda liked that he was servicing another guy, but that’s for another time and another place.

What I am laughing about is that this is another one of those areas where those of us who have evolved in thinking about relationships have no idea what the social protocol is. It’s like with gay weddings, you don’t know where to sit because they are both grooms or brides, what to wear, reception protocols, etc. People get so frazzled you wind up with screaming queens everywhere trying too fucking hard. With this, none of the people who reached out to me, including Axel, ACTUALLY thought I should think anything about it, but they all thought that the social protocol for the open couple at least meant they had to check.

So, officially, to you, Frodo, should you be reading this, have a great time and don’t ever be shocked if Thump’s got a bruise here or there. He likely deserved it. And, finally, for those who think I should be jealous, I am, but only of his penis.