Hello from a tiny little corner of New Zealand. It’s such a fascinatingly beautiful, quirky little country that I can’t help but smile every time I am here. Just based on Twitter, recon and Scruff, it seems to be a kinky little country as well.

Anyway, over the last few months I have casually been texting here and there with a new sub who connected with me through this blog for advice, some mentorship-ing, and just general chat. The funniest part is he has the exact same job I had 15 years ago, so I feel this very weird Dad vibe with him regardless of whether he embraces his kink or not, but we do laugh because our mixed conversations about chastity, plugging, and percent utilization of suspect pooling would be enough to scare any HR officer sideways should we have worked in the same company. He is married to a kinky sub who has encouraged him to find a Master or a Sir as he (his partner) has zero desire to ever take control of him. His main kink at the moment is chastity, and he looks really nice in his Holy Trainer that I push him to wear more and more.

However, he won’t wear it to work without an absolute threat and, when he does, he reports that he sits at his desk all day praying that no-one will look at his crotch. I have been kinda hard on him pushing more and more though I can’t say I would have been much different at his age. My excuse, however, is I didn’t have anyone telling me it would be okay, so why not just blindly follow my advice? I get it and, well, I still get unlocked when I am giving a speech because generally if I am on a stage and if the lights are right, people are exactly at crotch level and I feel, even now, that the world would notice thus interfering with my ability to work. I would not be able to finish. So, alas, I have patience with him and am trying to gently coach him along.

This all got me thinking about the crux of this story, face pics. Dude and I have had lots of conversations and this is an area I do feel a bit of a hypocrite about because I don’t post them. On site like Scruff where the message is “nice guy who travels a lot and loves to make new friends”, I absolutely post it without any worry because, in 95% of the cases, I really am just looking for new friends (and, yes, that caveat is spelled out in the profile). In situations like this blog, Twitter, or recon, where my message is “HEY YOU GUYS!!!!!, HEY HEY, LOOK AT MY SHINY SHINY TITANIUM SUPER PENIS”, I am a bit more reserved and don’t disclose a great deal about my real life and never show a face, though I will always gladly send one to anyone who cares.

It’s this dual identity thing that suddenly is giving me pause because, how can I be a real role model if I am not willing to 100% own what I like attached, inside, and around my body? I feel it’s a double standard in so many ways and I see exactly what I am doing. However, the other side of me that has worked hard for 20 years to build a very unique career that is not particularly non-public, is just terrified about the details of my sexual life mixing with the public life. It’s not a gay thing as I very publicly changed my name to the same as Axel’s and will talk about my incredible husband to anyone who dares look at my left hand, but it is a kink thing and I, to this day, cannot figure out if its a privacy thing or a shame thing, though I think it once was one and now is the other.

When I think about this I think about two figures from the interwebs that I admire incredibly for their public embracement of what gets them off and I often think about how much I thank them for doing so. The funny thing is, I have never met either one and have not had any more than a brief few words on Twitter or recon with them directly either. And though it might sound slightly stalkerish, one of these helped shape me and the other continues to guide me, even without their knowledge.

The first is Ruff, from @ruffstuffsblog on Twitter. He is a few years younger than me, but we started coming out in kink about the same time, but he just went exponentially faster than me and way more public. But, despite the fact he was a Twink’s age at the time, he showed me the “normal side of kink” through his generous display of pictures, comments and such things and continues to do so through his blog and Twitter feed. My claim to fame here is that I actually did stand next to him once at MAL, but I was shy and he was in a full latex catsuit and Ax was holding my leash a bit too short. I laugh because muggle facebook thinks he and I should be muggle friends at least once a week (mutual friends), so they clearly do have all of my data. I have no idea if you will read this, Ruff, but thank you for being so out, kinky and proud as you have led a generation in many ways,

Second, also in the recon and Twitter world is Sir Steven, aka @TXLTHRMAN on Twitter. He and I have a mutual real life friend as well, but I have watch him “grow” online the last few years and this young Sir owns his dominance (and a slight submission at times) and just displays it through the internet with a sense of grace and pride that only a true Texan would have. Again, I’ve never met or even talked with him seriously, but if you follow him you will see why I am drawn to him. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or not, but I watch the tweets he likes from the younger (and some of us older) boys, subs, doms, and other (especially the others) and he continually gives affirming comments, likes, and more than I know if something that really does help the growing kinkster. So, should you also read this, keep this up, Sir, there are many out there who silently very much appreciate it I am sure.

So, back my face drama, I really don’t know but am edging closer and closer to just baring it all which sounds so funny since the world could likely pick my dick out of a crowd I have so many pics of that flapping around out there.

I shall continue this debate in my head, but I now have a flight to Australia to catch and a dessert bar in the club calling all three of my names.



The broader point of this post has been on my mind for months, but I have not been able to figure out how to actually express my thoughts on it. However, I am in Hong Kong and it’s the middle of the night, so I thought I would give it a go. The overall theme of this is “owning your kink”, something I have struggled with for years. For me, it’s been a staged effort where most of the time I am not actually aware I have slipped into another stage of ownership until it’s presented to me in some way. This week, that presentation was me standing at the transit security check at the Seoul Airport at 3am in the morning while watching each of my chastity cages, and their supporting rings, wands, and other bangles, ride through the big gray tray all shiny and sparkling like little erect penises lined up proudly in a row.

To go back about ten minutes, I was transferring planes in Seoul on my way to China (I’m in Hong Kong now which is how I can write this) and my plane was almost an hour early arriving at something like 3:15am. I was one of the few connecting souls in Seoul (see what I did there?), so the transit line wasn’t very long and I, being toward the front of the plane, was toward the front of the line (as an FYI, for those who may not know my lingo, this area is where if you are connecting to another international flight, you simply have to have your carryons’s rescanned by the country you are in before being allowed into the airport).

Indicative of most other things in my life, my carryon backpack is very compartmentalized with each compartment also has little zipper pouches thus further giving all sorts of clues to my type A side. As we have discussed, Axel does not make my fly internationally locked for a variety of reasons, but he likes to choose which device I wear where (again, see what I did there?) so I take them all in a small zipper gray pouch along with six or other little pods that contain medicine, chargers, cords, more chargers, my Dodger’s cap, and a few more chargers. I have actually been commended by airport security before because it’s easy for them to see and, when they have had to open my bag for something, the little packs just go in the tray and I wait, repack and am on my way.

Except this time. This time as my carryon pushed through to me, I had that sinking feeling that one gets when they see their other bag come out of the shoot, lift slightly, go left, and then ride the conveyor belt behind the plexiglass as if they have surely found out I was carrying something I had no idea I had. As the bag came to rest, these two Korean agents who didn’t speak a word of English motioned me to stand on the two yellow feet on the floor as they proceeded to open the back and lift each little pouch out. That has happened many times to me in the past and they run the bags back through, smile and let me pack and leave. However, this time, I watched as the two men unpacked each of my cubes and laid all the items out one by one on the tray. As freaked as I was I did realize that they had done a fabulous job is setting a beautiful display and my cords and chargers were stunning and, again, I was moire freaked that I really didn’t care because those are part of me and that’s that. Then, then, they got to the penis bag containing everything and anything I have used to control my penis or those peni around me.

He lifted the bag, I wet my pants a little, and then he proceeded to lay every thing out, each screw, wand, ring, and phallic shaped device (I had my two Steelwerks and one Steelworxx Steelheart in there) was perfectly arranged on a beautiful display of control that might be what a museum in the year 2230 would show when talking about primitive orgasm control. As this happened, they did not make a single glance my way, didn’t say a word to each other, and he took my tray and broke into the line of families now ready to be processed and laid it down and let it ride. I felt like I should be mortified, but I wasn’t. I was worried about what pictures I would have to draw in the small booth as there was no way I could even think to make google say “locked dick” in Korean. I so wanted to take pics and document this, but, of course, they also had my phone.

So, as my penises slowly rode the belt of shame, I waited being quite proud of myself for not turning red, not shaking, or not doing anything other than planning on trying my best to tell the story of Thumper, me, orgasm denial, and butt plugs, all in Korean at 3:30 in the morning. But, nothing happened. My other items came through and the agent gently packed them back into the cubes and put them in my bag, but when the dick bag came, he actually packed it all back up, carefully making sure he got every screw and bauble and then zipped the bag and, instead of putting it back in my bag, he walked around the glass and handed me the bag with the two hand gesture often used in Asian countries, said something in Korean, and then sent me on my merry way.

I have no idea what he said but am so fucking curious it’s making me laugh over and over again. But, we shall see as I am off to New Zealand tonight and get to play this airport game over again.

As most of you know, over the last four years Thumper and I have had a relationship that vacillated between pure, raw, kinky dirty sex to baseball to control and challenge games where I issue orders and he follows them. Usually those involve something in or on him, but it’s helped us both maintain a level of D/s regardless of whether there is sex or not. It’s actually now been over a year since I have seen him in person due to schedules, families and life (Warning: passive aggressive comment ahead) and I have no idea when the next time will be as I have actually decided to stop trying for awhile as my last six or eight attempts have been bad on his end, so the plug’s in his court on those (passive aggressive comment over).

But, anyway, we are maybe two years out of the boyfriend status that we used to say we had (and we did) and I technically have no official claim on his ass when not in a specific challenge, but something happened this week that kicked in my Dom side and I couldn’t help but insert myself into a situation where I was worried that he would be hurt as his lizard versus rabbit brain was clearly siding with the lizard . I was hesitant at first because there is no inherent right to his ass, but the reality was that, for me, once a Dom always a Dom and whether active or not, when we formed that side of our relationship I made a promise to protect him that I didn’t limit to just when my collar was locked on him.

If you follow him on Twitter, you will have seen that this week he was approached by a guy online who we have both talked with in the past who has always wanted to give Thump orders. This guy, while nice, has always been a bit sketchy in that he has no email, no real picture, and won’t reveal anything about himself that could be real – you know, the three SCREAMING red standard red flags, but Thump has always been drawn to him despite those things. I have interjected before and stopped anything while telling dude to back off and, in true online fashion, he’d disappear for months and then be right back at it again. He talks a great talk and if he were real and it was an option, I’d likely drive Thump to him and hand over my rights to anything because they actually have that much in common in the kink and dirty talk world that they’d be naked together forever. But, something has always been off and I have no trust in him, but, being virtual, I always kinda thought what real damage could be done by talking?

Well, not too much for most people, but the thing about Thumper is that when he is in his sub space, he IS IN HIS sub space. It’s almost trance like and the 50+ man who is widely successful in non kink life, suddenly becomes this passive being who can only use the words Sir, hole, plug, fuck, and cage. I admire the fuck out of him for being able to do that and there were times in the past I had to rely on myself to stop myself, because he’d have let me do anything I wanted to him and I could have easily done it. But, we had boundaries and rules and I also know that when he comes out of that trance, it’s sometimes not pretty, so I felt a had a duty to protect.

So this week, I could tell dude was getting him to that sub place just trough texts and phone calls. He cannot hide it from anyone, though I am likely more attuned to it than most. He started talking about dude and how he wanted to do whatever he said, so Drew’s Dom voice stepped in from wherever I was an absolutely insisted that dude talk with me and that he be bound by a set of guidelines I established (which included Thump getting rid of the stupid font he was using on Twitter that made everything look stupid – you are welcome, Twitter). Thump wanted to submit for a week, but I insisted on just 48 hours and messaged Thump and dude saying that along with a variety of other things, like family time is family time and that his career CANNOT be brought into it, etc. In addition, I insisted that they use a group message that allowed me to watch, but I said I would not participate in the conversation. Immediately, dude told him to do something that would have made it obvious to Belle and Thump was actually starting it and I stepped in as a warning. That was fine and the next day they talked incessantly (which was so fucking annoying as my watch and phone buzzed for hours on end) but Thump seemed to be enjoying himself and, after verifying that with him separately a few times, I let them be. I was with a brand new client and they decided to take me to dinner, so I dropped offline for about two hours, and, though I felt my watch buzzing like mad, but with a new client I could not be rude and keep looking, so I let it be even more. However, when I got back to my hotel and logged in, it was a hot mess with dude repeatedly giving orders outside our agreement, Thumper trying his best to not say no, dude being belligerent, and Thump trying. I immediately stepped in and stopped it and sent dude packing (though Thump has likely yet to block him), but the texts flowed from Thump about how when the line was crossed he felt violated but could not stop the guy, who conveniently messaged that he had a family emergency that was going to keep him offline for about a week. Yeah, right, of course.

Anyway, Thump was hurt and I think embarrassed, but I think it was likely a very strong lesson learned for him on multiple levels. In the end, all is fine and there was no actual harm done, but being able to witness this incredible guy suddenly turn into a pool of submissive juice was extremely eye opening because the sub mind is truly fascinating as I don’t think my switch brain would ever get close to that on either side. But, the flip is I also realized that even without planning or thinking, a Dom’s role IS to protect and in this situation, Thumper and I did this right.

I’ll be curious to see how this plays out in the future, especially because I didn’t want Thump to use it as a source of withdrawals from being the guy who accepts orders, as he truly does thrive on that even after the drama (as he is at work now sitting on a giant plug wearing briefs chosen by me – how’s it feel, Thumpie?) and that’s fantastic! I’ll be interested to see the comments here and see where this goes now. And, fyi, dude is blocked on my end forever and I hope the lizard allowed the rabbit to do the same in Minnesota.