Pimping Axel – How to get your husband laid by a stranger?

Axel and I are on our way to the other side of the world. Currently, we are sitting on an outside misted deck watching planes at the SkyClub in Atlanta waiting to fly to Los Angeles and then fly to homeland of Ferns.

This trip started off in a rut but has gotten better immediately. As you know, I have been gone almost non stop since getting back from Australia last time, got home Friday and had yesterday to get ready. Because of this, Axel and I have not had much, well, no, quality time together which has caused some tension which culminated in a series of events last night including him shattering his iPhone screen on the concrete porch after tripping on the step, Stella the dog landing funny from one of her stellar jumps and spraining her front leg (it’s not broken but was just an expensive way to hear the word sprain) and then, of course, some sort of technology disaster at my parent’s house which was averted when they realized they had the TV on the wrong input after 45 minutes of me on the phone.

So, all of this to say, I was not going into this trip relaxed and peaceful. In addition, Axel and I have discussed really strongly rekindling our D/s side during these eleven days which excites me, scares me, and makes me uncomfortable in a sense because I do not have the home field advantage, which, in my case has an odd meaning since I live out of a suitcase anyway but really means I am not comfortable outside of my regular world of work, texts, and multiple schedules to juggle.

But, all of that to say that last night, Axel and I were finally winding down and started talking about all of these things, particularly our perceived distance from each other. He thought it was me. I thought it was him. But the reality was just our weird life because, in addition to some of the things you know about my job, his is changing very very quickly and he is on the edge of a life changing career change that, in my mind, is awesome, but in his mind is creating a boatload of consternation. Anyway, the talk was about the distance and the fact that we both WONDERED if the other felt even more weird because the week came after a “Thumper visit”. Neither of us did. He yet again told me that he is so happy with the arrangement and that they only issue he has with this is is related in the unrelated way which is that he has not been able to find even half what I have found, though he has admittedly said hundreds of times he really doesn’t want strings, even the elastic kind Thumper and I have. He talked more about the fact that he has not gone outside since the marriage door opened, how that shouldn’t disappoint him but does, and what he is looking for when it happens. Honestly, I think,  he’s just having some self doubt because, he always thought he would be the one with the boyfriend first and he’s still just a bit surprised that I hit a home run at my first bat in the open leagues.

This conversation was followed by some really nice, tender sex. It was not the kind of sex one would blog about, but it was just what we needed and was going really well until he said “is that a blister? how did you get a blister there? ohhhh” which immediately sent our thoughts into me being naked with Thumper and how I hurt him. For me, well, I try not to think of the rabbit while naked with the husband, but I did and the blistered penis roared in excitement which made him further ask about “what happened there? it’s okay, you can tell me”, so I did. And boy howdy did I. He loved it and said he knew I had that “darker sadistic side” to me and that he was “so fucking glad” I was able to explore it. That warms my heart in some weird version of the modern love way.

So now I have in my head the fact that I think I want to help get him laid while we are gone. I know, I will be doing a lot of the laying with him, but wonder if his self esteem will get a boost if he did have another man excited about him for a hour or so? I know I leave Thumper feeling a bit more cocky (even though the actual one is usually tired) so I wonder if it would help and how he’d react? Of course, I could barely get myself laid in my single days so I think I’d suck at pimping out my husband, but, maybe, just maybe I will try. I wonder if I should tell him or just surprise him? (kidding on that)

Finally, I am making a vow to no more than an hour work a day only if absolutely necessary and to give him as much attention as I can. That said, there will be a post or four, some pictures, and a dual one from me a Thumper coming up soon too so I won’t be too far gone :).

Have a great week.


I have been in an anxious place all week and have not been able to put my finger on why. There are many options which include being at a client this week I used to love but now particularly don’t like, getting ready for vacation with Axel that starts Sunday that will take us to the other side of the world which I do all the time, but feels oddly odd together, and, perhaps, the afterglow of the weekend where I rekindled my inner sadist and had more orgasms in two days than I typically have in two or three weeks. That fact alone is a possible reason for my anxiousness.

But, this morning as I waited on any possible announcement from the Supreme Court about the marriage ruling, I realized I am nervous and that energy has caused me to be off my game most of this week. When the ruling didn’t happen today, I was saddened because I just want this over and done with. Will it be tomorrow? I hope so because, either way it goes down, I hope that I am in the country to watch this in person. Frankly, in my head the logic just adds together that the decision will have to be positive. It truly and rightly just makes legal sense. But, my stomach is telling me not to get my hopes up because I don’t want to face the bitter disappointment in our government should it not sway my way.

It’s funny, rulings come from the higher courts all the time and I never even bother to blink when they are read. But this one, this one will literally change my life because Axel and I live in a state that currently does not recognize us. Honestly, the decision two years ago was the bigger life changer one because it did allow us to have all the federal benefits we needed together which is more than we ever thought we would have. Since we live in a state without an income tax and don’t have to worry about how we file taxes federally, the only thing that was really a pain was changing my name and getting a new driver’s license in addition to being unable to participate in married discounts on insurance. For health insurance, I technically work for a company in one of the progressive northeastern states, so my insurance is covered through them and Axel has full rights to what I have, so that is another battle we don’t have to face locally. Luckily.

All that to say, tomorrow, or whenever before June 30, I just want this to be over. I want the debates to stop, the state fighting to stop, and for the world to just settle down on this subject a wee bit. For me, I want to be able to also leave on vacation with things being a bit more settled and I hope this will help me.

I talked to Thumper tonight and he gave me more logical reasons which did help ease me a bit ( I say this like I am having a nervous breakdown over this, but I think you get what I mean) which, aside from just being a general boyfriend duty, is always an amazing thing because the man knows everything from multiple sources and can spit it back out in one concise way that is on topic and at the core of the point. So, thank Thump, you did good.

I guess that’s all there is to say on the subject. Until then, keep your fingers crossed.

Further Objectifying Thumper: Three more ways I love it when I hurt him.

Over the last few days since Thumper and I finished our first of what we hope will become an annual baseball trip, I have been reflecting about the fact that I really, really do love the way he sounds when I hurt him. So much so that I have listened to the recording of it that we briefly posted on Twitter multiple times and always, always have this giant smile on my face when I do it.

In fact, my love of this sound has evolved and now I would be remiss if I didn’t say that I have grown to not only love the way he sounds when I hurt him, but…

I love the way he feels when I hurt him:

When I am doing things to him he squirms, moves, and writhes in ways that I bet even he is surprised that he can do. That is, unless I tell him to be still and, when I do that, he is already at the depths of his submissiveness and he stops cold and lays there like an absolutely perfect pain slut should until he just can’t take it anymore. When he’s had enough, I can feel his body betraying his mind as his legs start to move or his hips start to flex just enough that I know he feels he is disappointing me by moving, but he just has no other choice. Often, when that happens, I will lay down on top of him forcing him to stay in place and this causes his body to become hot and slick with sweat that is in addition to what the pain has already caused. The temperature. The movement. The sweat. Those are the factors that make the blood flow faster to my penis causing it to want to explode with each additional drop of sweat we create.

I love the way he talks when I hurt him:

Thumper has a distinctive voice that can make me want to come just in general conversation. He’s accent free, deep, clear, and has a way of expressing his feelings in his regular day to day statements that is just sexy even when talking about needing to run to Target to buy detergent. However, when I am hurting him, this bold voice becomes soft and incredibly submissive in tone which tells me that I have him in the spot I want him in. There is a softness, a revised pitch, and a submissiveness in every word that makes me both melt and rage with desire as I continue to bring him down into the vault of submissiveness. When I hear a certain tone now, I know that I can do anything I want to him and he will take it for and from me. I know that he knows I am going to hurt him, but I am not going to harm him. I know that he knows that I am going to push him past a point he was at before and that he is allowing me to guide him to that place since he literally no longer has the voice to stop me. For me, at this point, it’s the power that is making me hard versus the pain I am causing him as I am literally hard as a rock knowing that he likes me, trusts me, and wants to please me so much so that he will literally hurt to prove it. That is the ultimate in feelings.

I love the way he smells when I hurt him:

As Thumper goes deeper and deeper into this magical realm, he releases a pheromone of sorts that drives me absolutely insane. For clarification, he has a great natural smell anyway. Be it his body, his mix of product, or just genetics, he has a woodsy scent to him in general when one is lucky enough to be that close. When he starts going toward his, what I ironically call his comfort place caused by pain, his body emits an olfactory delight that I might be one of the few in the world to have the pleasure of ever smelling. It doesn’t last long and is not part of the general smell of sex, but it’s a regular occurrence that if I could capture, I would put in a bottle and carry with me every single place I go.

I love the way he thinks when I hurt him:

When I am through pinching, impacting, or impaling him I tend to just stop without any warning given to him. It’s not his choice at that point and, even when it’s over, I want to make sure that he has no say so in that fact so I will often stop, start, stop, start, and then finally stop and just walk away leaving him deep in the zone. I say walk away, but I am always just a few feet beside him because, at these times, I can actually watch him think. I can watch him process. I can watch him react to what was likely a mental orgasm of sorts and deal with the fact that he is done, whether or not he wanted to be or, actually, regardless of whether or not he wanted to start in the first place. I watch him react by moving, by whining a bit, and by shifting his body deep into the pillows to find some comfort from the down. At this point I most often go back and lay down beside him and, well, cuddle a bit to help him re-enter the real world and will usually allow him to blow me as a thank you. Trust me, he can express gratitude in this form better than a note ever could and, well, you know how good he writes, so interpret as you like.

So, those are the new ways I have found that I enjoy HIM when he is enjoying being hurt. For him, I know the pain is real, but the trust he is placing in me is what drives me and makes me take him harder, faster, and deeper each and every time. I no longer ask for permission or ask his opinion as at this stage in our boyfriendship I don’t need it because I know I already have it. He knows that I have learned the line between hurt and harm and am pushing it more and more each time. THIS is where I get off and I love that he knows I love it and allows me to take him there.

Does this make me a sadist? Yes Ma’am or Sir it does.

I am okay with that though because sometimes the big, shiny, cuddly Drew has to unwind too.

Post Weekend – Vanilla Edition

The weekend. What to say about last weekend?

Let me start by saying that it’s now done. I was home, back to work and am already heading out again. I write this with a bruised penis, a rabbit bite on my arm, and a really big smile on my face, which, frankly, should and could tell you everything you need to know about the last few days.

But, as we often do, I have in my mind some of the “detaily” things to discuss here while Thumper likely will be writing soon about why exactly his balls are aching and his nipples puffy; however, he came home with a really bad cold so it may be a few days before he does so. That, and, frankly, the rabbitslut needs some rest.

In many ways, this weekend was something of a test, although it was the kind that you don’t worry about passing at all, but one that you are just curious about how you will pass it, even though you know you will. Still with me? I say that because in this weirdly wonderful foursome we have going, different rules apply. Translated, that means that Thumper and I have been in the boyfriend category for ten months now, but, until this point, we had never spent the night together, never traveled together and, well, never really spent any more than six hours together at one time. I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t think about those things prior to the trip, plus the fact that he hates to leave Belle, and all kinds of other things people who have minds like mine that do not shut off worry about in the dark crevices of the day.

As typically happens, I flew to his city because it’s just easier for me and this time I got there late on Thursday and he picked me up in the wee hours of Friday morning. As I suspected, he did not like leaving Belle and was rather solemn, but that is something I one thousand and seventeen percent understand and just simply smiled at him, patted his hand, and off we went. If he chooses to talk about that at some point it’s his business, but the rest of the day went as scheduled, he made fun of my old lady ways of travel (one gets set in one’s ways when one travels alone all the time) and I made sure that he would be a tad too cold on the giant plane by standing up and pointing the vents all right at him, you know, the kind of thing a boyfriend in control does just to irritate.

Now, I am not going to go into the trip detail aside to say we got a kick ass car and a kick ass suite at a swanky place in Hollywood that was so cool that one had to go through bouncers to get in after dark (the points I earn have their advantages). I’m pretty sure that was pretty much just because the word was out that Thumpie and I were there, but, well, what can you do? But anyway, we were all set.

But, once we got there, got settled and made a few fun purchases at a store that sold lots of metal things, such as his new steel collar that I was able to buy him symbolizing the control he gives me at times, the pain he takes from me, and the fact that we get to write our own rules and be okay with that, we settled into a routine that was just, for lack of better terminology, comfortable, sexy, and, rather natural with him usually naked and me not.

As the weekend progressed, he was just easy to be with and fun to boot. In many ways, the trip solidified a great deal of things because we just got to talk a lot, learn what each other sound like when they sleep, and, well, fuck like rabbits too. That part of the trip was amazing in its own way and I had a comfort level doing things to him, in him, and on him that I had not had in the past. Trust me, that’s the next blog post I will be writing hopefully tonight when I get to the lovely green northeastern state I will be hanging in for the week.

Something to clear up as well (I say this based off of exactly one Twitter comment and zero statistical analysis beyond that) is that he and I are not romantic together like I think people think we should be or in the typical sense one thinks of with a boyfriend. Yes, there is the occasional touch of the leg while driving, the occasional hand hold when getting metal lodged in our genitals, and a level of “caring” I don’t get from my other close male friends (like the fact he would have moved the stadium if he could have to get my out of the sunburn zone) and I still melt when he calls me BFM, but beyond that, when we are together we are smart asses with each other, disrespectful in our language to each other, and just talk like best friends versus a partner of any sort aside from the occasional “btw, in 10 minutes be expecting something of mine to be somewhere inside you” line. To be honest, I love this so much that it often makes me a bit sad or worried that Axel and I don’t have such a level of “surfaceness” anymore. In fact, I even mentioned that to the DILF on the way to the airport and he just looked at me, smiled and said something like “why would you, it’s not the same” and, like he occasionally is, he was right. The beauty of me and Thumper is that we will never HAVE to share the day to day things like whether the pool is clean, decide if we can afford both a new roof and to have the house painted, or whether our current level of health care coverage is sufficient. That is not the point of our relationship and never will be. Of course, that does not mean we will not, as time goes on and our lives grow, celebrate successes together, mourn together, or the like any more or any less so than either of us would with someone very close to us who we had had not been inside of, but that’s just another part of the beauty of the boyfriend status that we get to create as we go along.

Now, before I close talking about the spouses, the other two pieces of our important puzzle, I want to touch on something that maybe I wondered about long ago or that people thought might happen, but as we packed to go home, I warned him that I was going to say something sappy. So, after he braced his mind and his naked body, I said pretty much what I just have typed but it was something like “thank you. This has been incredibly fun and one of my favorite parts of the weekend is that I have realized that we actually can be together a longer amount of time and that we truly ARE about more than just sex, but that does not mean we HAVE to be either”. I did not really doubt it, but I have to say I’m relieved  and relaxed in a way now that makes me wonder if I did carry that worry in my self conscious a bit more than I should have, but, regardless, it’s now gone and, while I look mightily forward to seeing him next month (fyi, Thumper check your calendar) I’m no longer “anxious” that it might not happen. Does that make any sense? His reponse was something like “yeah, you know, I feel the same and, nothing personal AT ALL but the weekend has made me further aware that I am not bisexual enough to want more than three days with a man and I am very ready to get back”. Out of context that phrase would be in the “I couldn’t wait to get rid of him” section of our initial posts, but now that I know him and his particular style of bipanflexibleness, I took great pride in the fact that even at the end of our weekend, I was still just as excited to be with him as I was on Friday and I think he felt the same as well, yet I was incredibly ready to see Axel again too and know he felt the same about Belle and his offspring.

Finally, a word or two hundred about the comfortableness of our spouses and extended friends. We have droned on and on about this in the past so I will avoid doing so now, but I talked on the phone to Axel in front of him multiple times with nary an issue, sent Axel several selfies he and I took (clothed ones of course), and even checked in on Facebook with him because I am proud to have him as a part of the gray area between friend and lover (I say that word just to make him giggle at thinking about how much he is giggling now knowing how much it made me cringe to type it – we discussed that). In turn, he did the same in talking to Belle, his children, and others with, from what I gather, nary a worry on his part I would hear and never a pretense when talking with Belle that I was not next to him, although I tried to give him space when I could. He did not do the same on Facebook, but mostly because he has a comical sleuth in his life who he is very close to and who wonders who I am because I “just appeared” and, for Thumper, who has a very controlled day to day (pun intended) versus me who meets new people and possible new friends every day, I am hard to explain, especially given my handsomeness and rent boy body (ha, just seeing if you are still paying attention here).

So, that’s part one. He will write when he feels better and I am planning on writing some more about the pain and sex side of things too, but had to get this out first. Also, over the weekend a few people sent me some very direct questions so I am planning to do a Q and A post later in the week and might talk to Thumper about tag teaming with me on that so you can get both sides of the story. So, if you have any direct questions for either of us, send me a private note at the link above.


Kinky Water Buffalo Prancing

Yesterday was a day of conversations about submissiveness.

Me and Axel. Me and Thumper.

For me and Axel, we had the morning together, or as much as we could have between me running errands, going to two doctor’s appointments, and then having to pack to leave to get to the nice midwestern city I am in now. It was nice having breakfast and lunch with him and, while we hate what my schedule is this and next month, we also remind ourselves that we knew about this craziness months ago and that at least ten days of it is our vacation that starts in a little less than two weeks.

What started our talk was me bringing my suitcase downstairs and, as I readied to walk out the door, I said, “oh, I didn’t bring the Steelheart since it’s just two nights, a Thumper week, and since I am only carrying on my luggage. That okay?” I know better. I really do. But he and I have not even had time to talk kink let alone even touch kink since I had only been home a bit over 24 hours and since he’s been very preoccupied with his father’s rapidly deteriorating health, there was just no time. It wasn’t me being sassy or deliberate in any manner, it simply just was what it was. Well, apparently he did not like that and my warm hug goodbye turned a bit icy which led to me almost calling him as soon as I backed out of the garage and deciding against it almost all the way to the end of the driveway (about 15 feet) while waiting on the gate to open. We wound up talking until I was walking into the airport about forgotten expectations, my inability to stay within existing parameters even when not being monitored, and the fact that, during our upcoming vacation that we were hitting the reset button and that a list of predetermined rules would apply. I agreed with 100 percent of my mind and probably 75 percent of my heart – remember, my switchy heart sometimes likes to hold out on me.

My brain was smiling and my penis was most likely smirking.

But as I walked into the airport, I had a feeling in my stomach that, until about 45 minutes later, I could not explain. It wasn’t a pain. It wasn’t an upset feeling. It wasn’t even butterflies because it felt more like kinky water buffalo prancing versus dainty things fluttering. But, despite that weird feeling, it also felt right and went away just as quickly as the TSA officer reminded me that I had more hair in my driver’s license picture than I do now. Bastard.

So, switching gears to my switch side now, I settled down and went to the club to have a cookie and do some email before boarding what was a micro jet to Ohio from where I now write this.

As I settled, I texted Thumper or Thumper texted me or something like that because of some MLB news and we started talking about the weekend ahead where, in case you have been living under a giant dildo, he and I are traveling across country together and spending three days and two nights watching baseball live and in person from what appear to be amazing seats and staying at one of the hip places in Hollywood where we will be among the beautiful people – or, shall I say, they will be among us. Somehow, as most of our conversations often do, we went from baseball to glass dildos and the subject of how we are going to intertwine while naked reared it’s kinky and playfully fun head. It was then that he said something like “I *want* you to really top me on this trip but I’m not sure how much of my heart is in it”. I asked what he meant by that and he said simply that his head wants us to have a full weekend very close to back when we started where I literally just used his ass when I wanted and applied a few more parameters to our time together. It’s a dynamic that I would not go so far as to say we have lost, but also one that as our boyfriendship has built to the level that it has, those things went aside some times as we tend to just be about life and liberty more than collars and leashes. As I have said before, that is absolutely fine because we are quite good at filling whatever need either of us have for the other which, if you think about it, is one of the primary reasons we were both allowed to pursue this type of relationship in the first place.

Well, these words were like giving me catnip laced with diet coke because that was exactly what my Dom side needed to balance the previous conversation and I asked him what would help make his heart get into it as much as his brain. Now, a little “behind the blogger” moment here, Thumper is a man of incredible words and even more incredible writing, but sometimes, and often in these situations, he responded with a really poetic “dunno” (in his defense he was in a meeting, I just love the juxtaposition of these things at times). So, we went back and forth about a few things and determined that I would give him a few basic rules to follow when we are together in the hotel and I would have four tasks for him to complete before we leave (he did one yesterday – gold plug star to him). Nothing elaborate, nothing mechanically difficult or gamey about it, just four very simple tasks for him to focus on when we are there. I am not going to list them, but if he chooses to write a responding post for this blog, he has my permission to do so, but since the specifics are not important to this post, I will leave them out for now.

I gave him these with the understanding that this is to be fun, different and just another thing we share, BUT, that if they don’t work out quite like we wanted them to, neither of us should have any disappointment and just enjoy what I am expecting to be lots of laughs, bonding, In and Out Burgers, and naked time – not necessarily in that order. I tell you this because as we were wrapping up and both agreeing that these rules would be good for us, I asked him it they made his dick twitch in his steel at all. He said “not really, but where I really feel this is in my stomach. I can’t really explain it, but I just do”. Little did he know I knew EXACTLY what he was talking about (I think, as we have not discussed it further) and I said something like “Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing”, to which he agreed.

So, that’s where we stand. Water buffalo prancing in both our stomachs, although mine have settled and based on some later conversations with him, I think his have to – now it’s a bit of a soft waltz.

I want to state again that even if Axel and I never get where we think we should be, we are going to have fun trying and the same applies to me and Thumper. My plan is to not let any of this get boggled in the brain and to go wherever the rising penis takes up (or in Thumper’s case, the little jumping ball of metal).

Stay tuned…

Husband + Boyfriend = the continuing saga of the open marriage

Just when I think that I have not gotten slammed by jet lag, I wake up at 1am like it’s noon and I am four hours late for work – that kind of fired up. So, like I usually do, I have spent the last bit creating drama for my bestus Kiwi and protecting Ferns.

You know, what everyone does at 1am.

Anyway, I woke up a bit ago after having the strangest dream that it was a random weeknight and I was having dinner with Thumper and Belle and Axel was joining us via an iPad in the fourth position at the table. It was a lovely dinner, good conversation, good wine, appropriate teasing about the size of Thumper’s penis and then we all realized we were in an Applebees and it all went to hell because suddenly the food was terrible and we lacked the ability to talk to each other because of the noise. WTF? My snobbery is in my dreams now? (I hate Applebees, fyi, but do love a good Chilis)

I have NO idea why an Applebees would render us speechless, but I do know the dream had to have been caused by a conversation Axel and I had at bedtime about how cute it was that Belle was recommending restaurants for me and Thumper next weekend when we take our little show on the road, specifically to watch some baseball in person and to eat bad food at the ballpark in Los Angeles.

What preceded that conversation; however, was that I tried to get all up on Axel earlier in the evening and he said “No” and basically blew me off in the sad meaning of that phrase versus the happy ending one. He was not mean about it, but has clearly not been in need of my service offerings since I arrived home about 24 hours ago (mostly due to some really bad news about his father that has distracted him) (however, often stress makes his penis thrive, so I am not the insensitive bastard this sounds like ). Considering I leave again in 12 hours, I was thinking that there might be some chance for a bit of love making, but as he backed me down he said:

“Calm down boy. It’s less than five days before you spend a lot of time with Thumper and what kind of husband would I be if I sent you off all sexually sated and boring? You know I adore him so I expect you to give him a really, really good time and for you BOTH to relax and have fun”.

While really, really horny, I melted a bit inside then too because, well, how the fuck did I get so lucky?

In addition to the previously mentioned dream, while on one of the planes yesterday, I fell asleep HARD, like did not even see my dinner in front of me hard, and the FA had to wake me up. I was disoriented it was so hard, but during those few minutes, I dreamed about Thumper’s business partner who I know nothing about aside from just stories, my big boss whose name is on the door, and my sister all in this weird little grouping where there were all together but not because there were different stories happening. The good news is all was good and I seemed to really like T’s partner, got along better with my boss, and apparently knitted something with my sister – a skill neither of us have in real life. Go figure. Any dream readers out there? If it helps, one common denominator is they are all short. (Great, now I have that fucking 70’s song Dreamweaver going round and round in my head. Shit. I believe it will get me through the night).

So, back to bed. I start traveling again tomorrow morning and am non stop for a few weeks – although most of it is good travel. This weekend with the boyfriend. Next weekend with the husband.

Happy week,


Oh, and “Dreamweaver……”. You are welcome.