G’day from Down Under. There have been several interesting things this week in the mailbox including one that offended me and one that intrigued me. I will write about the offensive one later as I am still processing my thoughts, but the intriguing one involves a guy named Niles who contacted me who is “me” in a relationship very similar to Thumper and Belle.  I was in flight when I got this and responded with a “wow, give me some time” and, so, well, Niles, here is your response for the world to see! (fyi, I did clear this with Niles)

He wrote:

“Drew, stumbling upon your blog I was blown away and spent almost 12 hours reading it from start to finish and then moved on to Thumper’s where I am still engrossed. I say this because I am also the third partner in a situation like yours and need your advice. To start, I am 33 years old, live in London, and am married to a man who let’s me explore my kinks which are chastity and control release, so I am a locked bottom at home and mostly in a mature metal cage or a behind barz full belt. My husband hates fucking and just uses me orally and, as you know, a locked boy needs to be fucked, so he has let me explore. About six months ago I met a heterosexual couple in Berlin where the husband is submissive to his wife but has a strong dom bisexual side that he likes to explore with men. We bonded quickly and, within days, he was holding my key and giving me orders and I visited and got fucked in ways that I had NEVER experienced. It was going so well and then it wasn’t. He disengaged and lost contact with me and a few weeks later was right back on it with immediate orders and demands. I, of course, immediately responded by doing those only to have them go away again. This has been a cycle and I am worried that I contact too much or not enough but he has the only keys to my belt and it makes me worry. I am not in love with him, but I miss him and then worry about missing him, etc. Is this normal? In reading your posts it’s like you two became boyfriends instantly with both spouses happy and I am just not getting this. Did I make a mistake?”

So, I have to laugh and really call out my gay self here because I feel like Carrie Bradshaw with this question and even found myself reading it hearing Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice. Luckily, that delusional side didn’t last long so here is my response, Niles.

No, I don’t think you made a mistake at all because in whatever time you have had you admit you have gained experiences you didn’t have before and have had incredible sex. Putting this to my situation, yours doesn’t sound that different than mine aside from time and the reverse roles. In the beginning, when Drew met Thumper we were giddy, I traveled there as much as I could, he bent over as much as he could, we chatted, we talked, we irritated our spouses because we got caught up in the newness. That lasted awhile and then faded and the boyfriend word was never used again. But, we continued doing all of the above, but just in lesser intensities.

Now, you hit on something Thump and I have talked a lot about too in that, in your case, I translate to the weeks you say he is very much on to you as a Dom and even micromanaging your tasks, etc.  I might get slammed for this, but, on my end, in my head I call those “Thumper’s gay weeks” and I have learned that they are what they are. He and I will go strong and, as you say, then we don’t, and it’s usually not my call despite my Dom side. In my head, I just accepted that because I, like you, am married to a man, gay sex and discussions of male on male things is common place. And, when that week of kinky male on male sexual acrobatics is done, you and I go home to something that looks like we just had, even if the actions are sadly not the same.

I am not sure I have actually discussed this with Thump this way, but when he would leave me after a sex date or at the end of one of those challenge weeks, he went home to something that looked WAY different with kids, females, etc. I honestly can’t imagine the switching back and forth that has to go on, even though I have witnessed some of it first hand, in his mind and admire the fuck out of him for being able to do that at times.

Now, I get where you are coming from because, in full bluntness, at the beginning of our relationship I would often feel a bit used (as did he is a completely different way – HA) when suddenly I wasn’t in vogue at the moment, but I learned to adjust to that and knew it was never personal. Our friendship remained tight. In fact, right now he and I are in one of those zones where we are not talking much and I would bet he doesn’t know where I am this week, but I also know that if I needed him he’d answer the phone and, if I really wanted him to go take his underwear off just to feel a bit used, he might bitch a bit, but he’d do it because, whether we talk or even act it, he’s still submissive to me and after four years there is no longer any wavering on that fact (that was mostly my issue but better now).

So, all this to wrap up in a sentence really means that if you are enjoying it and the Dom is good to you when he is using you, just adapt and give it time. I would assume since he holds your keys you have to have some regular contact, and, if you don’t that is an entirely different type post, but find your ground rules and go with it. Thumper and I were not afraid to communicate our needs to each other, ever, and that continues to shape our friendship when and when it doesn’t have benefits.

As I wrap this up, the thought just occurred to me that are you afraid to say how you feel BECAUSE you are in the sub role? If that is the case, write back because there will be 100 comments to you about how you should never feel that way.

I always thought that at some point in my life I would be the subject of an intervention. I figured it would be because I had developed some weird obsession with a substance, a person or an object, but never did I think I needed to be intervened based on something I wasn’t doing.

See, the week started out okay which was nice because over the last few weeks I have been to China, Hong Kong, Korea, Canada, and on both coasts of the US. It was fascinating in some senses as I got a private tour of the Great Wall of China and ate all kinds of interesting things, much to my trainer’s dismay (I cancelled this week so he won’t see though so all is okay). But, in all that, I got tired and distracted and put my job above everything else in my life, Axel, friends, kink and Bolt and Thumper who may not even recognize me next time I see me.

Earlier this week; however, I had a work assignment for three days in Montreal, birthplace of my metal peni (I have a few so I think that is the plural) and so that meant that I got to spend time with Steelwerk’s Chris and his amazing bride, Mrs. Steelwerks. We had some great times, great talks and, as evening one wrapped, he said “Dude, make time for me for lunch tomorrow. I’m paying“. Well, I was able to move things around and make lunch happen and for him to volunteer to pay, I thought something was up, but decided not to worry too much.

The next morning I did my work thing, stopped be the Steelwerks shop where I made a bet that I was probably one of the first to wear a business suit and tie while sitting in that amazing antique barber/dentist chair. He gathered his things and we set out on a walk to find pizza, my favorite food ever. After we placed our orders, he turned to me as said, “Duuuuuuuude, we need to talk. You have lost your kink and we have to get you back on track“. Now, while Thumper and I still have a few things that we do here and there we don’t discuss, he was right and it hit me immediately, though it also hit me how loud he was talking, which was funny to everyone but me. Anyway, he proceeded to say “you work too much, you don’t have any fun, and you are not wearing any of the amazing things you have to keep your dick from getting hard. Don’t be wasting the Steelwerks, dude”. He was, of course, right and I had zero excuses that didn’t include the W word.

While I would like to tell you that then cancelled my whole day while he texted a beautifully built, 6’5, blond haired former underwear model turned Master to immediately come lock me into a sleep sack and ship me off to a dungeon, he didn’t and I didn’t cancel my day either. But, what we did do was discuss why I was not wearing the cages and what I would need to make sure I did since I have such a weird life, what impacted that, and how he could design something that fit all the things I was looking for in a chastity device. This was the right tactic because, when I have one on, I feel that kink vibe whether I am working or playing, but it’s there, so that always charges me up.

We went back to the shop and I fell absolutely in love with a new device he has been making for a few select clients that takes the beautiful shape of the Crucible and blends it with the practicality of the Shandmaske which then creates the “CrucMaske 2.0 Limited Edition from Steelwerks” which he lovingly engraves on the underside of every penis. It’s beautiful and, by the way, not really called that. I think he calls it the Crucible 2 while I will likely call mine Axel 2.0 because I will be selling Axel as a way to help make this happen.

Pictures of this device are as follows, but it’s basically like creating a titanium skin for your dick and locking it down through the PA. While rumor has it straight and/or curious men can fuck women with it, they certainly will not be able to seal the deal, making it even more so frustrating. Of course, the good news is they can drink that frustration off in an airport bar and this is 100% TSA safe and goes through both scanners like a charm. However, making it is complicated and fun and it starts with a semi-custom 3D printed mold of the cage which is also delivered with it for those times when you just want a black dick, cause that’s the only color he has which I suspect is really just for the jokes. Mine fit amazingly well and after wearing it a bit I succumbed and placed the order for a near Christmas delivery.

In the pictures you will see the final device as it should look (as worn by whoever now owns it) and a 3D model,


which I am wearing some though not long term as it’s not the bio resin that is officially supposed to be used against skin. It’s perfectly fine and likely very close to the 3D devices, you will see I was just planning ahead for my pants and love the sneaky look of it!

So, with that, I accepted his intervention and will be back and hope to be as strong as ever. Maybe.