80 – Nasty Pig style.

Back before I knew him and back in the days when I would just wait for the next post on Denying Thumper, I always wondered why Thump would leave us hanging, why he didn’t check in more, why in the world would he not post every day now and why were  there times when he did. Well, now I know. Life. Family. Sex drive. Body issues.

However, here we are and, while I would like to follow up the last few posts by describing the dungeon like setting of my home and how Ax and I are naked all the time, but, nah, the day that was supposed to happen was the first day that my mother didn’t remember who I was (for just a brief second) and then the non sexiness of life just continued to happen. But we are persistent and determined and this is not a post to complain about that as much as it is to just be an update.

I have also decided that I think we need a new house to truly go forward.  We don’t have the white walls, black floors, and massive space that every great Tumblr picture has., so that surely has to be it. I mean, have you ever noticed that? My house has 115 year old wood floors always in need of another refinish, caked on dust in the corners that got there some time in 1965 and cannot be scrubbed away, and dog hair that appears out of nowhere even when you think it’s all gone. We simply don’t have the sexy house, so how can we be sexy? It makes perfect sense in my straw grabbing now.

However, in the kink world, there is always something funny happening, right? For me, it was today when I went to see my parents. See, about three weeks ago when I was in Australia my Dad came to my house to do me a favor for something I can’t even remember why. When we were talking he mentioned he had forgotten his hat so I told him to look at the wall in the mudroom and just grab one of mine as I have way too many to ever wear anyway. He grabbed one he liked and a week or so later told me that he was wearing it all the time and he wanted to “buy it from me” which made me laugh, but I told him to just keep it, of course. I never thought about it again at all until this morning when I drove up and he greeted me wearing his new cap for which he is so fucking proud. Yep, it was sure something to be proud of as my 80 year old father was sporting my black on black Nasty Pig logo cap, the one with the pig snout on it. Now, he has no idea what it is and likely thinks it’s from the Piggly Wiggly, a former fixture in the South, but I honestly couldn’t look at him without laughing and visualizing him in a crowd of shirtless men in Nasty Pig jocks and hats. The reality is he doesn’t go anywhere that anyone would know what it was, except Lowes and Home Depot, so it’s not that much of a threat, but it’s going to have to just disappear one day when I visit despite the fact it will break his heart. Though, in the right crowd I wonder how many points I’d get when he told them that his son gave it to him? Of course, that’s also kinda creepy cause he’s not hot at all.

So, we find humor where we find it, right?

The other thing on my mind is a new friend of mine who is adorable and married to an equally adorable man and a conversation we had about open marriages, as they have one as well. Now, they are both 30 and much much more hot than me and Ax, but their rules are something akin to “rarely alone and mostly together” when it comes to outside sex, something I think that happens pretty frequently in their world. He was pretty much equally flummoxed by mine and Axel’s rules are “never together and rarely ever” and we started chatting about the couples we know and how no two are alike such as Belle and Thumper, and others you would know from here.

That started me thinking about other agreements and who has what so I thought I would pose that here and ask for stories, rules, etc. Always an interesting read and we might learn something to.

So, comment away.

The Men.

So, part two of the New Axel post, though it will deserve its own name when I am done with it. In the previous installment I said:

This installment of thoughts has to do with me and Axel and our changing, for the good, dynamic, my friendships with Mack and Jeep and the truly good things that come from them, and professional worries as I am now in the very active stages of the new job which basically means I have a certain period to prove myself and I am now right smack dab in the middle of it, and the fact that I miss both Thumper and Bolt, though I continue to talk with both almost daily.

In writing the first post, I decided it would be better to split them because, while they all effect the other, they are, indeed, truly different dynamics.

First, I think I want to officially say that I miss Thumper and Bolt. I haven’t given either much press lately, though the rabbit does do his own PR, but I am looking very forward to having a few meals with him, beating his ass, and/or just letting him drive me around and tell me cool news stories and shit that he pays attention to better than anyone. While we both were on the other side of the world together, a quick lunch was not an option, so our next get together should be great and I will be attempting to schedule it soon.

Also on the other side of the world is Bolt, who is steadily remaining chaste as his 100 days are drawing near. I would like to be there for that orgasm, but I think we will have to rely on Skype or something similar for that – do you think anyone has ever created a video of such a thing? Ha. He’s been good though and I am looking so forward to having him come hang out with me and Ax while we do all sorts of fun things to him and his metal dick and just to him being a regular part of our day to day again, as we both miss that.

Now, the bulk of this post is about Mack and Jeep.

While it wasn’t mentioned so much here, there was a plan in place where Jeep was going to actively be called our Sir in a very structured manner. What I think we have all determined is that while a structure is not going to work per se, due to Mack’s singleness (come on Sirs, the personal ad for him is still active – he’s adorbs) and my other side of the world-ness, Jeep will always be called Sir by both of us and always play a key role in whatever we do and who we do it with. Mack knows him much better than me, but I am getting there and this man deserves the Sir title and it’s very nice to know that wherever in the world I am, he will be a video call away as a shoulder or disciplinarian if needed.

While Mack and I were friends before both calling Jeep Sir (fyi, he had already done that for years and introduced us), I believe the concept that we could both be brothers in that new family dynamic has created a bond with him that I have honestly never experienced with another person, even Ax. I am not saying we are closer than me and Ax, just different as I have many of the same emotional feels for him in many ways, but not the complete sexual feels (though they could be called on if ever requested – who knows what Sir will do or random bar boys might request) or the nesting need to make a house or home with him. Axel described this as a “polyamorous relationship where two participants have not met” and, I think it’s pretty damn close to a good description. He’s VERY happy about it and loves that I have someone in the world in addition to him that I can 100% count on, and the fact that Mack can do the same and, his therapist side talking, he thinks it’s a great thing that guys can say things like “I love you” when parting or as an odd icebreaker at randomly attended dinner parties. I find it just a general comfort to know that there is this person out there that, because of this blog, will have my back and I his forever despite who we may fuck or even love in addition one day.

Now, most people would likely argue that term for this, but fuck em all. I dig it so it works – ha.

Wrapping this up, to Mack, Jeep, Bolt and Thumper (and of course, Ax) – you men make me better now and will in the future, kinks and all – well, especially the kinks part.


New Axel

Today is day one home: jet lag day. Actually, I tend to have either physical jet lag, mental jet lag, or, rarely, both. The last trip was the dreaded both, but this one I am thinking will just be slightly mental. Axel and I are getting away to a beach for four days starting tomorrow, so that will likely help with either or both.

Anyway, so today I call it mental jet lag because I am allowing obsessive thoughts to swirl around in my head. These are not necessarily bad thoughts at all, but just ones that really don’t need to have hours and hours of processing, yet there is no way to stop them. This installment of thoughts has to do with me and Axel and our changing, for the good, dynamic, my friendships with Mack and Jeep and the truly good things that come from them, and professional worries as I am now in the very active stages of the new job which basically means I have a certain period to prove myself and I am now right smack dab in the middle of it, and the fact that I miss both Thumper and Bolt, though I continue to talk with both almost daily.

On the Axel front, he is really coming into his own as far as dominance and I could not be more happy, but do have a bit of the “be careful what you wished for” thoughts in my head as it seems I may get exactly that. As you know, he has found a domestic slave that is keeping our house and yard very tidy while Ax keeps his dick locked and his ass plugged. This is a new experience for both of them and the slave is taking to this like nothing I have ever seen before. He’s not plugged 23 hours a day, every day (with the XL WMCPB that doesn’t hold him open) and has been locked in a holy trainer for almost 10 weeks now without one single complaint or one request to be released, which is damn impressive. This has given Ax more confidence than ever and I have come home to a new, more confident husband who has no problem pulling out a locking gag when he wants quiet (trust me) or creating rules and structure. In fact, during my flight home yesterday I received a four week for “initial training” document that will have me on a diet and gym routine so that I am down 10 pounds, regularly bound, disciplined when needed and, of course, locked in one of my cages for the duration. Oh, did I mention he had a collar made for me and wants me naked all the time – except for specific boots that I am to order tonight? Yeah, he did. I am thrilled and terrified but mostly thrilled. It shod be noted that, he said, “all of this is to make me a better dominant to my boys – Thumper and Bolt, and that he is sure they will both thank him in time”. 

Um, whimper.

The reality of the above is an amazing place that I had hoped for years to get to, but right now I am having a bit of trouble fully comprehending it all which I blame on the jet lag. Because of that, we are not fully implementing anything until after the vacation, though elements have already started happening. The funniest thing is that from all of that above, the biggest thing I have issue with is being naked, something I have always just hated and have blamed on low body self esteem though I think there is more to it than that. But, it doesn’t appear like I will have a choice in the matter, so I should adjust I would imagine. (Do any of you subs out there have any tips for this or the above?)

Again, there is no part of me that is complaining and I welcome almost every single bit of that, especially the parts that will help me get into the shape I want to be in as I think that will help that part of me that needs to be more open about this side of myself – though that is finally happening as well.

The second part of the mental screaming today has to do with Jeep and Mack, Thumper and Bolt, but I think I will post that in a follow up to this to keep things more short (a new goal of mine).

Stay tuned for the continuing story…


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Hello from somewhere over Queensland from seat 5a (and from Mack who is next to me in 5b -as he flew to meet me to spend some time together before he starts a big, new adventure). The longest trip of my life is coming to a close and, professionally, it’s been a really good few weeks and, personally, it’s been even better, despite the fact I am in a pissy mood today.

The beauty of now working primarily on the other side of the globe is I have found a new freedom to express my kinks and discuss, quite openly with strangers, the idea of control, how I love, like, and hate it. This is followed by and how all of these elements are now playing a part in my daily life and this is something I still find myself amused that I was doing. For instance, earlier this week I was chatting with a lad on Scruff about kinks and, within minutes, I was showing him pics of Mack’s locked cock – accidentally in that because I was looking for mine, saw the Axel and forgot special people in my life also wear it from time to time and, for one fleeting moment, I had a dick as big as Mack’s.

The next day, I reconnected with the beautiful, and I mean beautiful, Master slave couple I met two years ago in Sydney.  I had the pleasure of watching these two professionals by day/leather by night men interact with each other in tones that just emulated authority, respect and, well, love. The Master was kind enough to offer his boy be available to show me things should I request it, but, not really knowing what to do with that, I said I preferred to watch him use the boy. He did and, within minutes, he showed me exactly how the boy is trained in ways that showed all the same elements of the the daily interactions mentioned above.  I was impressed, I was turned on, and, in some ways, I was a bit worried because I am just not one to ever be in the room while others are having sex though I was quickly able to channel that use the energy for my lessons. The use continued and Master asked me if there was something I was most curious about and, based on some of the posts he had read on here, he knew fisting was on table for the rabbit. He asked me if I would like to see it and have him show me how to use my hand and then asked the boy if he’d be up for it. After lookIng at the size of my hands and after having a slight gasp, his answer was “of course, Sir” and what immediately followed was me gathering towels (apparently they didn’t need to be soaked in boiling water like they are in movies when a lady goes into labor in a car – oh the looks I got), boy getting comfy, and me sitting inches away from a newly gaping asshole as Master showed me how to move my fingers, how to twist my arm, and how to listen for signs of good or bad. It was soon my turn to go and, while I did manage most of my hand, my size was just too much. So, while I may not have achieved the goal, I do now have knowledge and a certificate that only certain people are allowed to see (Hiiiiiiiii Thumper).

Fast forward a week or more and last night Mack and I had an adventure as we went to dinner with two of his friends followed by drinks at a local, very local, bar. Mack was immediately hit on by a gorgeous young Aussie who immediately gained all of Mack’s attention and created the first of several violations of the bro code for the evening/weekend, but they were cute together, so I vowed to let it go. Now, after what felt like about two hours of me standing all lonely like against the wall watching my best friend have fun without me (phrased in a Jewish mother way just because I can tease Mack a bit), I decided to go home as it was about 1:36 in the morning and I  was flat tired. Mack agreed and, to his delight, young sexy Aussie was in the back seat of the Uber with us regaling him with stories of the fun he had had at recess this week and summer camp last year. I honestly was absolutely fine with this and very very happy for Mack, as we had a two bedroom suite. We arrived, they went to the room on the  left, I went to the main room on the right and from the sounds through the wall I could tell that Mack was  proudly showing him how far he could spread his legs. My portable speaker was just not enough to cover this fun. The small voyeur part of me enjoyed this and, as I laid on the bed without clothes on – since its was bedtime, Mack quietly slipped into my room, himself naked, and said, “um, young sexy Aussie wants to know if you would like to watch“.  I was rather dumbfounded and after asking Mack if he was fine with it, I jumped out of bed and proceeded to watch my best friend do things I didn’t know he could do and my respect for him increased dramatically (remember, we used to call him PlugBoy). I was incredibly impressed, slightly turned on, but really uncomfortable and worried about where to stand and what exactly to look at more than anything else. Also, like everything else in my mind, as Mack’s naked ass waived in the air, I saw something I had forgotten to pack, noticed that the light outside was left on, and then critiqued every piece of furniture in the room. I was very very happy to be a part of this, felt special that I was asked, but incredibly and immediately mad at myself because I didn’t know what to do and was not standing there with a raging erection like I am supposed to do according to Tumblr. Again, I do know that this was not something covered in Miss Beverley’s cotillion classes when I was eleven so I have an excuse, but I felt like the big naked guy in the room without a role and without a plan.  However, I learned a lot and, when you are not an actual participant, watching other men orgasm is almost a funny thing. In this case I compared it to Elaine’s dancing in Seinfeld, but won’t tell you which one or why.

A few hours later and on the plane we sit and I am in a funk because both of these sexual experiences and including the bar experience of feeling alone, brought up so many inadequacies in my head that I have spent most of the day questioning why I can’t operate like a slut or why am I not comfortable just diving into sex like most of my friends would. These things, combined with the regular end of a long trip shit, just really ruined the day, though I know it will get better soon. Mack and I talked a lot about this today and it’s just so funny where we all personally find ourselves out of our box. As a for instance, yesterday morning I gave a presentation to 60 people for almost four hours. My guide was late and go us lost in the rain, so I walked in 20 minutes after it was supposed to start, dripping wet, and clicked open my visuals and started immediately covering some pretty serious topics without blink and without the slightest hint of hesitancy. Then, 12 hours later I can’t talk to anyone in a bar, crazy!

So, here are three stories of the last few weeks. There are more and, like we always try to do when I am gone, Ax and I are planning to “step it up” in our kinky sex lives the minute I walk in the door, so, if that happens, I promise photos.