“The Bisexual of the North”, a conversation with Mom.

It’s been awhile since I have written a Mom post, but it’s been awhile since we have been able to have conversations alone when she was in a good place. As long time readers know, I am a lucky bastard because I have one of the best mothers on the planet. She is incredibly accepting, witty, and almost intuitive as she used to discuss me and Thumper in a general way as if she had read the blog. However, as you also know, a bit over a year ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and the last 14 months have been an interesting ride through medications, therapists, and neurologists trying to give her the best of care while preventing too much mental slippage to happen as rapidly as it used to. In her case, we’ve been lucky in that while the first two, major medicines did not work for more than a few weeks, the combo she is on now, though wildly expensive even after insurance, is working and there are days when there are more glimpses of her old self combined with the new. Today was one of those days and I have smiled all day because, for the most part, old Mom was present.

With my travel so heavy lately it’s been awhile since I was able to really just chill with my parents and spend more than an hour as my time is generally spent explaining, again, the correct input for “the Netflix” while explaining that it’s not the same as “the Hulu”. Today was “technology Sunday” which meant that I needed to take the time to update the OS of both of their iPhones, iPads, watches, and, somehow, their car, so we had a lot of time to just talk while we watched the little apple gears spin.

We were making small talk when suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear, “Drew, how are your boyfriends doing? You never talk about going to Minnesota anymore”. Wow. She just fired it out right there, though I didn’t know what she meant by the plural. At this point my Dad decided something in the yard needed his attention – even though it was raining – as he is always rolling his eyes when she goes outside the lines he thinks is not “proper talk”. So, I decided I should just go with it and say “oh, he’s fine, we have not been in the same country a lot lately so I haven’t been up there“. She looked pretty forlorn and said, “you know, you have to put yourself out there as relationships take effort. I am sure Axel would agree.” Now, the Axel comment was less about the open thing and more about how she likes to think his role as a therapist will always back her points – any points. So, I said “yes, Mom, I agree, but what kind of relationship do you think I have with him?“. It was funny because she looked at me like “you don’t know?” which made me melt because even though she is just in her early 70’s, she has shrunken and had the look of a child in her eyes and then she said “well, he’s your friend, isn’t he, or did I mess that up?” I confirmed that which was followed by “now he’s a bisexual, correct, from the North?“. Again, I confirmed which was followed by “and his wife knows and allows this, right?“. I was so wondering where this was coming from and, apparently so was she because the conversation paused for a bit due to a dramatic scene on “Gibbs, from the Netflix (NCIS btw)” and I went about my updating knowing that based on prior experience she might be done. Then, she said, “you know, Drew, I really admire his wife. In fact, I just like her. She’s apparently intelligent and understands that his sexuality is just who he is, right? I mean, good for them. You and Axel should learn from them (“like, WTF Mom?”). You tell them I said hello” (you know, as if she has met them multiple times).

Now, “the bisexual from the North” was really making me giggle (though I am replacing “from” with “of” to make it Game of Thrones-ish), but I was not enjoying this conversation at all. The iPads were not even at 50% so I was stuck. Stuck. Mentally I was working out what I would say should this conversation come back to me or worse, me and Axel and sex, but it didn’t.

Well, it didn’t until the masochist in me couldn’t stand the fact she had said “boyfriends”, so you know I had to ask. However, the mood had past and the conversation was over, (though I suspect she was talking about Mack in Australia, but who knows) and we spent the next 20 minutes coming up with response lines for the ladies in her card group who insist that Trump should be respected. She will never remember what we came up with, but we did have fun coming up with them, including the phrase “well, fuck you, Mildred” She will never actually say that to Mildred, but I am certainly enjoying the vision of her doing so. Moms.

 

 

Meeting Thumper

Earlier today, Thumper posted a piece about the nine year anniversary of Denying Thumper and his reflections back. It’s funny because, as I have been in a bit of a post drought due mostly to just coming to terms with the fact I have one of the weirdest work schedules in the world and finding time to just write, these days, is becoming more and more hard to manage. However, I will continue to do my best.

Even before his post I was thinking that this weekend will mark the three year point since I met Thumper. As long time readers of each blog know, he and I immediately hit it off like Trump and a big bucket of KFC with a side of hate. We embarked on the boyfriend term because we didn’t, at the time, know how to describe a D/s friendship, though a bit over a year later we dropped the term for stupid Hallmark reasons that made us think we needed to do more for each other than we could/would. Now, we don’t really use a word to classify our fairly steady D/s relationship because we are simply incredibly weird friends who share some incredibly intimate moments, you know, often with thousands of people watching. These days we both know that I pretty much own (ie: sublet) his ass at most times as we have discovered more and more that he is happier when he has that control, though it’s subtle and not very public for multiple reasons, but it works for us and that’s the important factor.

I say the above because meeting Thumper changed my life in so many ways that I would never have expected. I mean, yes, we all have people in our life that we meet that lead us to new things or better friendships, but rarely does one blog about meeting that person and have a running document chronicling the whole relationship. For me, meeting him represented a freedom that I knew I needed but didn’t know how to get as he allowed me to accept my Dom side and grow it to a point where I think I may have even surprised him, but it allowed me to open myself in general to a whole new side of myself – one that now contains steel in my penis and titanium around it.

The thing is, meeting him didn’t just limit itself to he and I as, because of the accidental start of this blog, I have met two people who I consider to be my absolute best friends, one boy who I now have collared (fyi – Bolt is almost back in the country) and look forward to watching and helping him find a forever Sir, and multitudes of other people who have come into my life as a direct result of that one time I raised my hand and volunteered to loan a bisexual man my penis. It’s a benefit of non-monogamy not in the brochures, but it’s been a huge blessing to me.

All of that is wonderful and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for that, but one of the bigger things is that meeting Thump allowed me to find myself and, even more importantly, accept myself and all those dirty thoughts I have in the chain aisle at Home Depot. It’s made my marriage stronger as the “shame” of being open dissolved and Axel and I have learned to embrace our particular style of open after learning that the meaning is absolutely different for each couple and, well, for each “other” as we have found our rules vary based on trust, openness and the particular adventure each of us is chasing.

I also think this was good for Thumper for many of the same reasons. We’ve all seen those changes too and, kink aside, I am particularly proud of the fact that as two middle aged men rapidly going through life, we have been able to thrive moving forward with humor, pride, and nakedness, of course.

So, I think the lesson learned here is never be afraid to raise your hand. You never know what will become of you when you do!

Here’s to the upcoming year four and, like Thump often says when he drops me off at the airport, it’s been a good ride thus far.