Hello from the Australian Capital Territory. I have been absent from here for too long, but am now five days into a 23 day trip and, although I am homesick as fuck, I am keenly aware of the fact that I have been given this opportunity to work here, with a few days off in the middle, and do not want to sound petty by simply being “homesick”.

Since the last post, things have settled down, the kink drop has lifted, and life, aside from being 10,576 miles from home, is feeling normal again. The boy, Bolt, continues to impress me with his dedication to his rules which are building to his fully locked status and Axel and I are gelling in ways we have not in a long time.

In fact, as a follow up to the kink drop, that down period served as this amazing opportunity for me to reconnect with him and discuss what I was feeling, what he was feeling, and how we could (and would) take the fact that I have a strong attraction to another man – a younger hot man – and use that to make us better while also continuing to explore the attraction I have for growing the control of the boy over the next one to two years.

In the immediate glow of that conversation, a few things happened.

One, he established a relationship with Bolt that is very much still on the surface of anything right now, but they do text each other at times, etc and that has, in my mind, made the idea of whatever easier and established this absolute verification of trust and agreeability that, while we didn’t need, did make me smile a bit.

Two, Axel’s dom side roared with this as he, apparently, liked the idea of his submissive controlling another submissive a bit more than he/we expected. The immediate response to this was that I will be locked a majority of the same time Bolt is, as that excited Axel (and me) (and Bolt). What this means for me and him down the road as his dominance reemerges will surely be the subject for another post in the future, but for now, I am absolutely satisfied that it started the way it did.

Three, whether it was the impending trip, which certainly played a role, or all this isn’t clear, nor does it matter, but in the few days before my departure we were in our 20’s again. We touched more. We cuddled more. We fucked more. We listened more. We planned more. And, probably more important than anything else, we paid more attention and realized the more of what we are building is a good thing and that it will only serve for more of what works as we face the next nineteen years together.

Then, I flew away.

Fuck the timing of things including Bolt’s six months away, but, in the scheme of things, I would rather be away literally dreaming of the things and actions that will take place when I get home versus being home without that or, worse, being away and not wanting to come back.

Finally, I am off for a weekend with one of my friends I met through here, I think we called him plugboy back then, but now I will just call him my friend. We are planning a very secluded weekend of quiet with lots of conversation and maybe a cuddle or two, but there are no expectations other than to celebrate the fact that kink and conversation can lead many places,

Happy weekend.

A fucking flight delay.

I worked hard this week to wrap up early, paid a fortune to change a ticket to get home early, and now I have a flight delay. Three and a half hours to be specific, which is why this one is called a fucking delay versus just a regular one.

Anyway, it’s giving me time to balance out a bit because the next twenty four hours at home are going to be crazy since I have two birthday parties, tons of laundry, and a multitude of things to plan and pack before going down under until Easter, much less making sure I talk to multiple people I care about voice to voice in case I wind up on that island from Lost. As much as I love it there, I am dreading it, because my OCD kicks into high alert and I feel like I am missing out of every single thing that is happening at home, even if I wasn’t actually supposed to have been part of it anyway. But, I know how to control that and am really not THAT worried, just aware.

While the last few posts have focused on Bolt and my impending control of his cock (not his mind, not his dating, not his life, maybe his jockstraps though – dear commenters), I have completely ignored the fact that over the last several weeks Axel has started “dating” a few boys here and there himself. His experiences have not go as great as mine have for multiple reasons I suspect, one being the fact that he is a fucking therapist and sometimes can make someone feel pretty deep as they suddenly find themselves all introspective while they are supposed to be enjoying a nice meal and, to be honest, he’s not that great at flirting.  Yes, he grew up in the South and should have learned this trade, but he didn’t and it tends to sound silly or just awkwardly contrived. I think that is turning boys off kinda fast, BUT, soon one will fall for it and they will do what they need to do. I mean, I did.

That said, the point of this was not about how he’s doing it, it’s about what he’s doing. I am fucking proud as I can be that he started looking for someone who might help him deal with life while I am away and I am happy for him when he thinks he has found a substantial prospect. That said, that kind of laying myself of the line like that is not really something I enjoy emotionally, though I have obviously done it. He’s stronger with rejection and can just file it into some file in his mind that will one day make him get  weapon and go to the streets or just process slowly as he gets older and even more wise.

His dating is important to me because it cleared up any lingering doubt I might have had at some point in my brain about doing things with Thumper and now with Bolt. Plus, this is signifying a healthier place with him and his recovery where he is ready to go out and do so.

Finally, while we are speaking of the Axman, I told him yesterday that if he’s having all the kinky thoughts he’s told me he has, then “man up” and show me (I was nicer about it than that). As things progress with me and my Dom side, there is not a single thing in my mind that stops me from subbing to him if he wants that, so I decided to simply remind him that at our ages, we should start because we need some flexibility within our muscles!

He reacted well and with one text said “oh good, be ready to be locked alongside Bolt awhile”.

So, we shall see.

It’s been an interesting week since I have been back from visiting the boy. A good week. Just interesting.

I am currently in Canada working with a team here that has me booked back to back all day in one hour meeting blocks, but they keep ending short leaving me with 10 minutes spaces to finally write down some of my thoughts.
As I have mentioned, the boy and I had a great time together, but was it too good? I ask that because when I got home, I was pretty blah. I missed the openness of kink around me and, maybe him, but we have not known each other well enough or long enough at that point to even begin to think that. I had Axel. I had Stella. I had everything and anything that makes me, as  a person, happy, but for some reason I wasn’t satisfied. Instead of rolling with this, I worried and worried some more. I have a history of anxiety and some depression during stress periods and I thought that might be coming back, but it felt different. Axel noticed and, being the sweet therapist he literally is, he tried hard to make me feel better, talk it through with me, and remind me that, in the very beginning days of all of this, I felt the same way when I left Thumper and those times I would visit there. He told me that it was okay and that, of course, there were going to be feelings but the sheer fact I had them was one of the reasons he loves me and surely one of the reasons Bolt was drawn to me. In addition, I am preparing for almost a month gone from home, my longest trip ever, and in my mind it would almost be easier if things were not going well with anyone as the better they are the more I fear I will miss something when I am 17 hours ahead and 7,800 miles away.
So, this went on a few days and I was talking to my buddy on Saturday, who is a kinkster himself, and he said “Dude, you are experiencing kink drop. This is entirely natural”. He went on to explain that when he goes to a kink event or spends time with kinky people, the next few days are always like the day after Christmas because you find yourself surrounded by those who think and act like you and, as excited as you are to get back home, it’s hard to not feel like there is something missing because the gear is packed back away, the mortgage is due, and you are just dealing with your basic life. This resounded HUUUUUUGE in my brain because it just made sense. The life I left to go see the boy was the exact same as it was before the collaring, but I just didn’t have a sleepsack laying on the bed with a naked really hot man ready to spend the night in it just right there.
This also brought up a lot of feelings I used to have for Thumper when I would leave him from those initial kinky, sex and toy filled times I would visit that always left me wanting and needing more. I used to confuse those feelings, in my head despite the fact we had up a NO FEELINGS wall, but in hindsight it also had to be the kink drop because those times I would see him and we would eat and shop and not have anything sexual happen, I would leave with a “see ya in a few months” and just be up and done and not think twice about it. So, was that all just around the kink? Was it the day after Christmas type madness, etc? Despite that rule, Thump and I formed a relationship of some sort which was not romantic in the slightest, but different than what I have with my other friends and one that lasts to this day.
With Bolt, yeah, there are going to be more feelings because we are both open to them and not afraid of them, and neither is Axel. There were a few comments on my last post directed toward him asking him if he was scared of the emotion and he responded with a “not at all” which made me proud of him. It’s far too early to predict the future, but once I understood the kink drop, it made processing the possibilities much easier and viable.
So, questions to those of you in multi partner relationships, especially long distance ones, do you have the drop as well?  For those not in these trios, do you experience this after events, etc?
Fire away…

So, more about that boy?

I have been quiet since my trip to see him for multiple personal reasons and, the biggest, is that he and I have been working out an agreement to what the future might hold. In theory, we formed a “relationship agreement”, which, if you think about it would be ideal in so many vanilla friendships; however, this one specifically applies to a Sir/boy dynamic, a chastity mentorship, and various small things that we both agreed to in order to stay consistent and grow with each other over the course of time that this agreement is in place. Details will follow, but I mentioned this early to set the major tone of this post.

As you know, our meeting was pretty happenstance. I was meeting this random dude who knew I liked Steelwerks and who thought he would say hello since we were close that particular day. We met and we clicked. Period. I remember thinking that this is the kind of boy that I would one day want to collar and, at some point in the conversation, he said something along those same lines about wanting to be collared by someone like me, but those sentences blended into a mix of discussions about our switchiness, our mutual experiences in chastity, and how I am at a stage in life where my Daddy-side is emerging as rapidly as the gray hair in my beard. This kid made me swoon in a not-really-romantic-yet-some-romantic-sexy-wanna-take-care-of him fashion. Apparently, he felt the same way (though probably without nearly as many hyphens) and, two weeks later we have a signed agreement (that doesn’t have an end date) and, he has a clasped band around his wrist that serves as the collar. This will be glued shut tomorrow rendering it non-removable without destroying it, so the symbolism is huge.

My two nights with him were great. We made great use of a sleepsack, a straightjacket, a few hoods, some clamps, and I, somewhat ceremoniously, locked him in my Axel cage for two days and left with him locked in my Steelheart. He has his own Steelwerks cage, very similar to mine, arriving this week (there are advantages to having a best friend who makes cages) and when that is in place, he will be locking significantly more under my direction. In fact, we are building to a year locked which has been a fantasy of his (and mine) for many years.The funny thing is during those two nights we didn’t have sex, per se. Yes, there was some oral action and lots of naked togetherness and, as much as I wanted to fuck him, I know those times will come down the road. For me, this was about taking control from him, and, at the end, allowing him an orgasm in a way meant to be very special as it’s the last he will be having with me for many months. I wanted to watch and be allowing that from a vantage point versus just “fucking it out of him.” That said, I am so tempted to call the Skymiles line and get on a plane and go fuck him now, but Axel would likely not approve, especially because I have to go to Canada for five days starting tomorrow, and I am sure Bolt has other things going on that would inhibit him from just dropping it all too. But, alas, a Sir and boy can dream, huh?

Distance will not really be an issue later, though it is funny that he is almost the exact same mileage from me as Thumper is. Right now, it’s all about distance because I leave for a month in Australia next weekend and, while I am gone, his work is sending him to Japan for six months. So, while those things do indeed suck, the great news is that technology will make daily communication easier and, because of my super weird life, I have gotten really used to my world being filled with electronic relationships – a plus and a minus but something best saved for a future post.

The agreement is something that will remain private between us, but essentially it calls for him to have regular communications through specific measures and to not use his dick without permission. When his Steelwerks arrives, he will have about a week to get used to it before entering into the first of our two major agreements which will be 100 days locked which should take him somewhere to the middle of July without an orgasm. As of right now, I am investigating flying to Japan for day 101 and then, after that, he has some serious training to do for a few triathlons and races before entering into the already signed agreement of one full year without an allowed orgasm starting around November or so. My side of the agreement is to protect, encourage, mentor, and help him grow as a man and a boy and, oh yeah, to run one of his smaller races with him before the one year locking period starts. So, fat me needs to get moving.

He is going to reply to this post with a comment or two, so welcome him, but, as part of this experience, he is going to write a series of posts about the reality of getting what he asked for starting with the arrival of the Steelwerks next week. Those will be guest posted on here so you can all follow Bolt on his journey.

Oh yeah, one more note, in the last post I had a lovely comment about me cheating on both my husband and Thumper and, I just had to laugh it off. Axel, the husband for those of you new to this, is THRILLED and has already sent Bolt a small “welcome to the family” gift. Thumper is not a factor and, though he and I have not really talked this week, I know he is just as excited for me and this will not have any bearing on what he and I do. And, you know what, there may even be more boys in the near future, as there is a beta for Bolt we have our eyes on. It’s all fun!

Finally, to Bolt, I am very happy how things have transpired and look forward to this journey with you.

Last week I started about seven posts and never finished any of them. It was a birthday week, a busy work week, a Spring Training baseball week, and a week my Mother wound up being in the hospital for days (still in) due to some heart things caused by her deciding to play the role of pharmacist with her pills.

But, it’s a new week and today I am on an adventure. You will remember a few weeks back I met my new friend, Bolt, who I told you I clicked with immediately? Well, today and tomorrow I am going to see him. Yes, in some ways it’s rushed but, considering the fact that he and I will have opposing international travel for about five months, this might be the only chance there is to get to know each other better, eat together, and, well, get naked together. We have talked some serious chastity goals for him as well, but that will be for another post at another time as it’s in the air at the moment and we need some more face to face time to figure out what the reality of that situation is. That said, I have alerted Steelwerks’ Chris to stand by and be ready, welder in hand.

Bolt is a switch like myself, but he leans submissive with me. I think you have to be a true switch to understand that this is possible, but in situations like this, one can be the primary dom but allowing the sub to dom from time to time is a great reward for good behavior. He and I met three weeks ago through Twitter, though it wasn’t anything planned and I am not even sure we had previously held a conversation, but he was traveling through my hometown, on a Sunday, and direct messaged me to say hi and ask if I would be able to meet for a coffee in an effort to expand both of our kinky social networks. So, on a fluke, I was available and Axel was fine with it so I went, though coffee turned into lunch and lunch was followed by a walk and capped by a quick kiss in my truck as he HAD to leave. Yeah, we clicked in a way unexpected to either of us.

He’s tall (6’4′). He’s young (31ish). He’s masculine. He’s handsome. He’s a runner. He’s kinky. He’s into chastity. He’s structured. He’s adorable. He’s into latex. And, more than anything, he’s a good guy with a perverted streak that makes mine look tame and innocent (you know, just like me). He’s working this week and I am planning on doing the same and getting all the paperwork and non billable parts of my job done during the day – the beauty of being able to work anywhere. But, who knows what the evenings hold and there are honestly not that many expectations aside from picking up where we left off and finishing some great conversations and a kiss or seventeen. Oh, and he and I are about the same size, so he’s going to wear my cage while I am there (the Axel) which is something I had never really thought about before, but something, for some reason, I find incredibly hot in about 27 different ways.

So, my flight is boarding and I am off. Hopefully there will be more to write about soon.

Hello from 31,000 feet somewhere above a flyover state. I was seeing Thumper at the end of a work trip and after a niiiiiiice afternoon of the bisexual bunny tongue and a great dinner, he got what appears to be the flu, so I am coming home early to bathe in a tub of Purell. Now, I am disappointed that we didn’t get to go through with our original plans noted in previous posts, but I am also thrilled to not be the one with the “condition” and am joyous about coming home seven hours early – with an upgraded seat on top of it. But, this post is something I have been planning to write for awhile, so since there are no real fist worthy stories to share, I will just go back to regular programming.

This week’s subject: the word “open”.

We have talked a lot about this whole open thing and my appreciation for it, but, in all honesty, it’s really only been the last few months, or maybe weeks, that I have realized how much I actually really like it, value it, and, well, crave it. There are various reasons for this, which I will go into in a bit, but the open part, I have discovered, is really starting to go beyond just my marriage and really into my whole mindset too. It’s funny because when I think about my life, I am in an open career – multiple desks at multiple employers in multiple states and countries, an open marriage – the rabbit and a the husband and maybe more, and, new to me, a variety of open friendships – in various states, cities and countries with people who are not all like me – being built around open discussion, frank conversation, and no shame or judgment. I can honestly tell you that it’s a really recent occurrence that I can call a friend to brag about the size of the giant plug Thumper put in his ass while also talking about the boy I am going to see in a few weeks between conversations about my mother’s Alzheimer’s disease. I didn’t make friendships like these in college or high school and as I rapidly settle into middle age, I am thrilled to say it’s happening in real time, not just virtually.

This realization was poked this week by a few life events that just made me smile. That said, I have been in a funk and a half the last month or so because, do you remember my big career decision I had to make? Well, against everyone’s advice here which is based solely on people who have seen pictures of my penis, I said yes and the reality of the new career focus was not ass slamming crazy busy as expected, but s – l – o -w movement and a few months of being at the bottom of production reports instead of at the top. I hate that and that had me funky. But, the bigger part of this week is I randomly met a boy from Twitter, who I will call Bolt, that just made me crush all over him because he’s adorable, kinky, masculine, professional, and, from a very brief conversation and walk around downtown, he is managing to blend all of that together in a way that has created this web of caring and kinky that he can seek shelter in when he needs to. Now, I don’t know him that well yet (but intend to) to know where this falters as I am sure it’s not the ideal picture I just painted all the time, but when the first thing I did when Bolt and I parted was to call Axel to tell him he was a great guy and that I kissed him in my car, I had this thought about “how fucking cool is this?” At that moment it wasn’t about a potential anything other than a mental celebration of my husband being open enough to allow me to meet strangers who might one day be a friend, a naked friend, or both. I realized that if we didn’t have this, there would be voids in my life from people and things created over the last four years that have help shape and grow me and, at that moment, I really embraced the openness while craving more of it at the same time.

I never really thought much about the fact that an open marriage is about more than sexual relations outside the twosome, but it really is and I would reckon that those I know in marriages like mine would say the same thing. For us, the best part is that the lack of secrets or the willingness to let the other explore, has opened us up to each other more too. A case in point is this week, Axel and I were texting during the day about the insurance payment due and whether our neighbor will ever move their trash cans off the sidewalk and that turned into a “what are you and Thumper doing this week?” which turned into a “Oh wow, well, I think that when you are home I want you to…”, which led to erections and lusting and, with any hope, a fun weekend ahead. I mean, I am home early now.

Axel is exploring his own types of openness as well and, as scary as I thought it would be, it’s not. He’s becoming a bit more bold, a bit more out of his shell, and a bit less afraid of the unknown too and I find that sexy as fuck. He, of course, has people who rely on him in one spot every day and can’t jet around like I do while getting paid, so his is a bit more scattered and, well, vanilla, but still it’s working to bring us closer in more ways than just sex. He’s had a really rough few years physically, so it’s also something that I think is amazing to watch as he’s now less afraid to show his scars – literally – and that is a power move in my brain that makes me want to do good bad things to him more and more.

So, in an effort to make sure that happen, I will wrap this one now but will write the Bolt story soon, after, of course, I find out if he’s open to it.