110 Percent Honesty – Part One

Axel has a date tonight. With a couple.

There. That’s out. Over and done.

Actually, while that is true, the build up toward tonight’s date for him has created a rather raw week as we have examined emotions, feelings, thoughts, and, mostly, irrational thinking on both our parts. You see, Axel is the one who wanted to open us up about three or four years ago. He brought up the subject. We discussed our points of view on it. And he went out actively looking and I set about somewhat, at the time, passively looking. Both of us fully believed that he would be the first one with a “significant side guy” and we were equally shocked when a year ago, right about now, I met Thumper and you all know where that is. In this time he has had two little “things”, one being a 3 event “thing” with a mutual friend who he found out he really didn’t like and one mutual jack off with a person I would describe as my absolute and complete nemesis, professionally and personally. When that happened, I was never mad at the act, though I was very mad at the lack of judgement and maybe, just maybe that has led to some of the feelings this week.

Axel and I have two very different personalities and in the rules of our extra engagement that became clear. At the time, he did not want to know much about the person I was with, wanted no details about the exchanges, and only asked that I let him know if and when something was going on. I, on the other hand, wanted to know everything. I promised I would not interfere, but I do not like the unknown and as a sufferer of some severe anxiety throughout my life, the wonder about what is happening would kill me much faster than the actual details, most of which I would not mind hearing about anyway if it made him happy. So, that is how we ended the plan years ago.

When I met Thumper, Axel kept his hands off approach the entire time and never pushed, never asked, and I didn’t tell because that is what I thought he wanted. As a few weeks went by, he started asking more questions and ultimately, the night after the first time I was all naked and with Thumper, he asked for certain details and I told him. As a few weeks progressed, Thumper and I had talked about him more in the context of me and Belle and some general stuff and then one day I got a text from Thumper saying something like “FYI, I just friended Axel of Facebook”, which was immediately followed by Axel texting saying “FYI, Thumper just friended me on Facebook, what do you want me to do?“. I thought it was surprising but fine and this electronic relationship led to one or two chats and some business together via a third party they each knew, but they have never exchanged physical words (though I just want that to happen one day to see Thump’s reaction to his accent). Where we stand now is that Thumper is a daily part of our conversations and Axel follows his very thorough Facebook feed because, by doing so, he learns more about him and never has to go to a news website or entertainment one, because Thump pretty much shares anything that he feels the educated world needs to see, and that’s perfect for both of us.

I mention all of that because of a few things. That veiled social media connection made things very fuzzy in my head when it came to Belle and Frodo because, well, I just didn’t know if or how that kind of “flow” could or should only go one way. But, that is not the point of anything now other than to say that it’s just made me wonder if they needed to know me in the same way Axel knows Thumper and, I kind of wanted that for that inner need I have for approval because I want them, in theory, to see more than the stories about what I do to Thump and to know that I am a good man who cares for him and would never do anything to hurt either him or them. Belle knows this by now, I assume, both because of the time and history that has now taken place and purely because she is one of the greatest women alive because of her mindset toward things. Another factor in this feeling happened this last week and, being 110 percent honest here, in the first few hours after Thumper told me what he did with Frodo, I immediately saw Frodo as a threat to something, not really me and Thumper, but just something I cannot explain. It was just a feeling in the sense that he had known Thump for 35 years, knows Belle, knows his family, etc and, again, in those few hours I felt almost like a cast aside mistress condemned to the condo her executive bought her to “keep” her in silence. However, when rational Drew who wasn’t exhausted by a surprise trip kicked back in, I realized that Frodo is no threat to me in ANY SINGLE WAY because he and Thump want something else, do something else, and what I do to, for, and with Thump sexually is not something in his wheelhouse (I hate that term) and that is never going to change. So, I breathed, I thought, I talked to Thumper, and I didn’t worry any more about that and thought, in my mind, writing a blog post about being okay with things and saying hi to Frodo would seal that deal. And, for me it did. But, I feel like I owed a deeper explanation after talking with the rabbit a bit more in the days since, so that is why I write the above. As for them knowing I am the good guy and junk, that is Thumper’s business and his job to convey that should it ever be questioned. So, for now, that’s not a single factor in my mind anymore and I hope it won’t be again.

So, during the same period as that, Axel met a guy who wanted a Daddy type figure in his life and, given that the guy was younger, cute as a puppy in tall grass, and seems to be very intelligent, Axel was all on that idea. So was I. Then, it shifted a bit because, we always knew this fellow was married, but it turns out that his husband wants the same thing, and they have essentially asked Axel to consider being their third. Now, going back to the fact I wanted to know all of the details, Axel was telling me this and I was okay with it. However, at the beginning of this week, I started having just bizarre feelings of jealousy, a feeling of being left out, and, well, just having a general cloud over me that, unfortunately also floated over Axel because of the way the wind in our house flows. In my head, I had been and continued to be fine with him seeing “a boyfriend” but two was something I had never thought about and this really played out in my head very funny. On top of this, my need to know everything and to know them kicked in, and I made a spectacle out of myself trying to think about asking that I meet and approve them with Axel, then that went to just me being home the first time when they fuck so I could physically see and be seen when he got home and could see with my own eyes that things were okay, to finally just saying “I trust you and do what you need to do”. I said that because I talked to Thumper about this and he told me I was being an idiot. Actually, he told me my feelings were very valid and that me opening up about these things very much helped him see more into why I thought me, him, Belle and Frodo could all play Uno of Friday nights together, but he also told me that, in his opinion, I was being highly unfair to Axel and that I was adding a layer of bureaucracy on top of his outside relationship that he did not dare even mention or attempt to mention back when I met Thump and in the days since, so, yet again, he was right.

After that I texted Axel that all was good and that he should go with his gut and then, in some form of penance, went and locked the Steelheart on, shoved a plug in my ass, and told him that I would be here when he got home later (a rare fact on a Tuesday). When he got home, we were both in good moods, smiling, talking and then he stood up, told me to follow him upstairs to the bedroom and strip and he then unplugged me and fucked me like he had not done in 18 years before coming, locking the plug back in place, and then walking out to go to his client while I sat there stunned, chaste, and plugged again. It was really something just incredibly fun and made every bit of the sub inside of me happy until the text came about five minutes later that reengaged my Dom side when it said “I took your spare key and you will also notice a plug missing and it’s where you think it is. When I get home tonight, Dom Drew comes out when I unlock you and you are going to fuck me like you have never done before. Love you. Oh, if you go to Target, we are out of toothpaste” (he tries, he really tries).

This is getting long and I have a flight to catch, so stay tuned for Part II coming soon to this blog. Spoiler alert, Axel gets fucked, schedules a date with his potential boyfriends, and Drew gets weird again.

To be continued…

Frodo has a tag now – Welcome

It’s been an interesting week to say the least. First, due to the injury of a colleague, my entire week and travel schedule got turned around in an instant sending me across the country to Tarheel land with nary an extra pair of underwear to my name. The hotel took care of that for me with a nice $37 bill for dry-cleaning a pair of pants, a dress shirt and my undershirt and boxers – which were both delivered to me on hangers – a fact I am not happy with because I don’t need my underwear getting uppity by having a taste of the good life.

The, during all of this, a person named Star decided to visit the comment section of my last post and rip me to shreds over the “sinful lifestyle” I am leading personally and, yet again, decided that I should go straight to hell because I was leading a “family man” like Thumper down a dangerous path toward “infidelity in his bowels”, which is a probably one of the greatest lines in a long time, though I suspect she has no idea what she said. I left the comment there because as I was wavering between pissed off and being humored, I decided to just let you all be reminded of what kind of world we share so that you can think of that during the upcoming electoral seasons.

After a day or so, she came back and forth and provided a second line for me in which she described how I was de-masculining Thumper. First, I am not sure that is even a word and second, that is really not possible when you are talking about a man who can spend a week in the woods not showering, eating bark, and pooping behind trees who can then come home and rock a pair of capri pants. Trust me, if those pants don’t do it, nothing is going to de-masculine him.

I have to admit that these comments have bothered me more than I wanted them to, but I luckily don’t weight my self worth on what others say, so I figured I’d just leave them in and see what happens. I will say, I will block her the next time if this continues.

So, as I was being sent straight to hell for my penis being in a family man over a week ago, Thumper was in the Northeast having another penis put inside him (just up top) which I am sure I am to blame for in some form or fashion. For those of you foolish enough not to read his blog, Thumper went with Belle on a work trip to Boston where his best friend from high school and the best man at his wedding now lives, with his husband. Thumper calls him Frodo (on the blog, not in real life, I hope) and he is the one that Thump often references when he talks about having sex with guys in his youth and then being really awful to them later over and over again, thus causing angst among all parties. This week was different and the two of them connected again (which is described here).

I had suspected it would happen so I was not shocked to get a text from Thumper right after telling me what he had done and how much he enjoyed it. I was only disappointed because he has always talked about Frodo having the “perfect penis” so I was sad he had not taken pictures. He did say he thought it would be awkward to pull out a camera and say “this is for my boyfriend”, but whatever.

Thumper was happy and I was proud for him. In fact, I was a bit excited because I thought that finally, finally I could share some credit for “turning Thumper gay” and that maybe somebody in the world would say “poor Drew” in addition to the standard “poor Belle”. But, alas, the very first comment on his post about this was along the lines of “poor Belle” was indeed, sadly, only about her while at the same time, over on my blog, someone was damning me and my sinful penis to hell.

Seriously, as word spread around the inter webs I had several of those who read reach out to me to make sure I was okay with this act, including my muggle best friend who sent me a text saying “What’s this about this fellow named Frodo?” which cracked me up because I had no idea he read Thumper’s blog (turns out he does, though he does not read me because, as we decided, it’s a bit like seeing your brother naked). Axel did the same because, as he said, he just felt the need to be protective of me.

So, first and foremost. Yes, I am fine as I have no reason not to be. In my mind, how can I tell my husband it’s okay if he wants to go out and have sex with someone he cares about without applying the same standards to my boyfriend? I can’t have it both ways, nor would I expect that. The keyword there is “care about” which also implies trust and that falls right within everything Thump and I have discussed about what we do with each other and our others versus just casual, randomness. Also, full disclosure, the dom part of me kinda liked that he was servicing another guy, but that’s for another time and another place.

What I am laughing about is that this is another one of those areas where those of us who have evolved in thinking about relationships have no idea what the social protocol is. It’s like with gay weddings, you don’t know where to sit because they are both grooms or brides, what to wear, reception protocols, etc. People get so frazzled you wind up with screaming queens everywhere trying too fucking hard. With this, none of the people who reached out to me, including Axel, ACTUALLY thought I should think anything about it, but they all thought that the social protocol for the open couple at least meant they had to check.

So, officially, to you, Frodo, should you be reading this, have a great time and don’t ever be shocked if Thump’s got a bruise here or there. He likely deserved it. And, finally, for those who think I should be jealous, I am, but only of his penis.

Husband/husband

Hello from a grand hotel room in an even grander hotel in South Beach/Miami, Florida. I am sitting on my balcony as I write this waiting for my colleague to fly in so we can go to dinner to talk about the presentation he and I are giving tomorrow. It’s a two hour one and I do not even know the subject, so I am going to have to pay attention. However, right now I’d give anything to be in the sky sitting next to Axel (even in coach) because he is on his way home after about a day and three quarters together celebrating his birthday and our anniversary.

People often ask about how he and I “work” with my travel schedule and loneliness and the like and I always tell them that we just make it work because it’s really been all we have ever known for most of our time together. During the first half of our partnership, I didn’t travel, but he spent most week nights and some weekends finishing multiple degrees and hundreds upon hundreds of practice hours while I stayed home after my desk job. When that finished, we had a few years that overlapped, but then I started traveling like I am now and, here we are. So, we make it work and, while leaving is never easy, it’s unfortunately just commonplace.

Except when it’s not, like today.

Today, I was willing to give my American Express to Delta to change his ticket to tomorrow night so we’d have one more night and one more morning tomorrow. Plus, he would have been able to watch me give a presentation tomorrow that would have been kinda hot, because any time I am in front of a crowd I always think about him and that I need to kick ass to both keep my job and get more jobs, but to also know that wherever he is, he’d be proud of me. But, the fantasy lasted as long as the realization that he had clients tomorrow and I really didn’t want to spend half of my house note either. So, I took him to the airport, turned in our personal rental car and picked up and new one under the work credit card (which coincidently is the hottest rental I have ever had – a 370z) and here I sit on the balcony almost in work mode again.

See, when I think about it, there is a price to pay for a great weekend and I am paying in now in self pity which will go away the minute he walks in the door to our house and, in my mind, the world is right again and everyone is on their “place”. When we have an average weekend, the leaving is just our life, but the exceptional weekends require the payment and, as I am always willing to pay that, I am really not complaining.

This weekend we slept. Saturday until 10 and today until 9:30. Both of us have just been exhausted and there is nothing like waking up next to a tan man wrapped in all white sheets with the blue of the ocean behind you. It’s the sexiest thing (and I have a picture of him I will see if I can share). But, after that, we walked, we shopped, we ate, and we talked. Sex? We had plenty of naked time but no sex because I simply still don’t feel that great and cold medicine and my penis are just not great friends. Also, until earlier today, I still could not hear out of my clogged right ear so that was just frustratingly bizarre. It got better quickly, but when it did there was blood, so I worry the pressure resulted in an eardrum tear that I will go see about sometime tomorrow. But, back to the good stuff.

As I said, we talked. In that talking, we mapped out almost every single detail of our sexual fantasies and then logically decided how each of us are going to fulfill those for the other, or, allow the other to go fulfill them for themselves. For him, I am going to be locked up at most times, not to the degree of Thumper or many of the rest of you, but enough to know that it matters and that my orgasms at any other time than with the rabbit are not mine to decide on. He wants to lose a few pounds and I have agreed to do some really perverted things for him when he reaches milestones. He, in turn, is going to do a few things for me or to me too. We will not be Master/slave, or even Daddy/boy, but something along the lines of Husband/husband where I am allowing him to take progressive control of me and some of the life functions I have been stubborn about letting go even when I am not around to do them. I will have a few standing tasks as well and we are going to explore some discipline based areas with that, because I now fully admit I don’t want or like being disciplined (but fucking LOVE to do it) but that is the only way I am going to allow myself some structure since my free flowing work world does not do that for me like many other workplaces would do. In time I will tell you more about them, but for now, that’s just enough to tell you that I left the conversation happier with the idea than I have been in years and WANTING him so fucking bad right now.

Throughout this, we talked about Thumper and his role in our life and we both smiled like mad when doing so. I laughed because last night during our anniversary dinner, we started talking about Thumper and Belle and how much we admire them as both muggle and kinky people and then I laughed to myself, because I think the circle has come around completely because I was introduced to Thumper’s blog right around the time of his anniversary with Belle. I remember that because it was the first of a few surprising negative comments about the insensitivity of talking about your “other” on a “holy” night like an anniversary. That commenter didn’t know what she would start with that, but nearly a year later, it’s was just one of those silly, funny moments that mean nothing to anyone but me.

So, in closing, it was a stellar weekend and I am planning to extend this feeling to the week as Axel and I kick into gear and Thumper and I build up to our trip next weekend.

The Betting Pool of Communicative Disorders?

Last night, I tweeted this:

Screen Shot 2015-05-16 at 10.56.23 PM

It’s been on my mind, kinda sorta, since I tweeted it because it was just another one of those funny moments that happens when you are part of a foursome like we are and I like to share such things.

In contrary to that, I have also been thinking that I needed to shut up about being happy because the blogs are getting a bit pollyanna-ish and that is also not me all the time because, frankly, right now, my job sucks big time (nothing major just one of those mid year revenue is down panic type of things), Axel’s schedule is crazy to the point that he’s exhausted, gaining weight, and generally just too tired to play with me and we have a lot of additional pressure happening in the muggle world with some medical things with both sets of parents. However, I continue to smile because I am happy that life has dealt me the cards it has and those things are trivial in the long run.

Relationships, friendships, and open communication are the things that I thrive on, so fuck those muggle things as I can already see the clouds breaking for them. It’s funny, I love it when those things are working, when Axel smiles at me, when I get called a boyfriend, or when I get a happy comment on one of the posts. Those are what I am quickly finding are the things for focus, not the other bullshit stuff that is just what life is.

That said, Thumper got a comment on his latest post that he shared with me but has not approved for his blog yet. I am assuming that is because he will likely write about it or that it made him mad to a point that he doesn’t want it out there, but it was just funny because, however it was intended, it made it sound like the world has an over/under type thing going on about how many times I can see the rabbit before the relationship we have explodes into glittery gay flames. Maybe it’s just that this is so unusual to people that they can’t comprehend it, or maybe it’s the gay thing (because this lad had a remarkable way of describing me), or perhaps it’s just a protective move over Thumper because, in many cases, he is and has been a blogging God to many readers for so many years.

I don’t know, but I have a new theory.

Axel and I talked about it last night and I actually now think the thing that is the hardest for most people to comprehend is the absolute 100 percent faith, trust, and allowances that our spouses allow us to have because that kind of freedom is very scary and something that many may dream of, but may not be able to handle when they are granted it, if they are granted it in whatever form or format that may take.

I know this is just a theory, but I have one friend who is required to copy his husband on all communications he has with any friend who has the “kinky box” checked beside his or her name. That works for them, but I have told him this so I feel it’s okay to say here, that I am often very uncomfortable having a monitor at times when we communicate because I have never made a friendship with a chaperone because I really like him and sometimes just want his opinion on things, but I don’t ask because I don’t know his husband. I have another friend, who is bisexual who has to hide any and all communication with men, women, or anything outside of the vanilla world by having two cell phones, one that he cannot even charge at home and has to pay for with a friend’s credit card, because she likes to read everything he has on his phone and goes into insanely jealous rages if she has seen his twitter likes or, god forbid, him reading blogs such as this or Thumper. However, to another extreme, I have two friends, or rather friends of friends, who are so open that I am surprised the neighbors don’t wonder if they are running a brothel because they literally have two extra parking spaces reserved at their building for their tricks who often times they pass each other in the house. The funny thing is, even with that level of openness, they have a “don’t ask don’t tell policy” and almost pretend that their naked boys have not been in the house all day when they sit down at dinner at night together. I am not judging, but I find that especially odd because it just proves that even in the absolutely most open of relationships, there seems to still be communicative issues. These are not mine to solve, but I just thought about them and added them to my theory box.

So, to circle back here, I am not judging any of the above friends, but those things just make me think that it’s less about me and Thumper, and more about me and Axel, Thumper and Belle, and even Belle and Axel because it’s apparently much harder to understand being wide open emotionally and having blanket trust than it is where one puts one’s penis or even if one’s penis is allowed to come out and play. In many ways, I almost hope that is the reason for the “betting pool of relationship doom” aimed at he and I because I can understand it much more than I can bigotry and intolerance.

What do you guys think?

Finally, if you are in the betting pool, spoiler alert, next month Thumper and I go away for a weekend – ba da bum (read the following with the soap opera voice in your head)

Will Belle survive the loneliness  Will Axel have sex with strangers in retaliation? Will Thumper and Drew do naked things?  Will Twitter be able to handle us in a new place? Will Thumper be able to wear chastity in another city? Will his chastity device color matter?

These, and many other questions, will be answered in the days that follow.

Da da da dum.

 

“Why yes, my boyfriend’s wife does controls his penis.”

Today I bought a new car.

Cars, especially German ones, are one of my few vices and since I lease, it’s something I get to do every 30-36 months and, since I am such a loyal guy, I have pretty much stayed with the same dealership for at least the last eight or nine of mine and Axel’s vehicles.

With that said, there is one lady at the dealership who has been there the entire time I have been a customer. She is the F&I person, which means she has the little windowless office with the giant dot-matrix printer that prints those mile long forms where you go when you are ready to sign everything. Since I actually picked out my car, turned in my lease virtually, and made my deal via email while I was traveling, she was literally my first stop when I got there. We have done business together so many times, that it was very formulaic as she does not try to sell me anything extra nor does she have to explain all of the 11,019 documents one has to sign for such transactions.

So, during this we started talking about Axel, how he was doing, her recent divorce, gay marriage, and right wing republicans, who, coincidentally, scare both of us a great deal. Around this time we started talking about things that most professional people in a professional setting wouldn’t discuss, but, well, fuck it, we did anyway. With this sordid conversation came her declaration that she often wished she had a penis because men, especially in her business, always seem to have the upper hand  and she said she often wondered what would have been different if she had been a man. Following that, she said something along the lines of “of course, I would probably have to give up control because, trust me, you can always control a man if you control his penis”, to which I smirked internally while saying, “you know, that works the same way with gay men too”.

Now, we were both talking about withholding sex, but I doubt she realized I was discussing it with visions of steel and locks dancing in my head, but if there was a way I could have discretely dialed Thumper and just screamed “you are on a call, be quiet and just listen” and then laid my phone down on the desk I would have, because this was just classically funny in the sitcom that often plays out as my life.

From there, I signed my name, initialed here, initialed there, and somehow, just somehow she decided to tell me more about her divorce, how her husband had cheated, and that she was just “done with men” which is when I made a joke about her coming out to me. She laughed and said “actually, I did have little things with women in college, but you know, they are fun, but you know, I am just not capable of starting a life and having an exclusive relationship with a woman, because I just love men”. I laughed which caused her guard to come up and say something like “I know that doesn’t make sense” and, again I laughed thinking of nothing else but Thumper at that point.

I said something like “you know, you can have both, don’t you? have you not ever listened to Dan Savage?” (she had not) and then I said, “actually, I have a really good friend, who is male, but identifies almost exactly as you do. He calls himself bipanflexible or something like that, but it just basically means his penis is driven by both sexes but his heart is driven just by one sex, women”. She looked like I has just told her something that caused a spark to fire in her head, so being the proud cocky one I was at that moment, I decided to take this further by saying “actually, he’s married to a wonderful woman but he has a boyfriend who he cares about in a different kind of way, but it really works for him, his boyfriend, and his wife who is not only completely aware of it, she endorses it.”

Her. Mind. Was. Blown.

She processed this for a bit, while she also processed my down payment, and then said “that’s really great and odd, but how does his boyfriend feel about the wife and that he’s always going to be in second place. Is he not jealous?” It’s a natural question and one that one might immediately ask so I didn’t think much about it which was absolutely obvious seconds later when I said:

“Oh, I don’t mind that at all, she’s a wonderful woman and I think the world of her and have nothing at all to ever be jealous of because the boundaries were always clear.”

I don’t think I heard myself because I wondered why she had such an odd look on her face right before I processed backwards a second while a chorus of “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck me, fuck” played in my now revealed as the boyfriend head.

She looked at me and rather smiled and said “well, good for you, now do you want your first payment processed today or on the 15th and, oh, I have to ask, does Axel know?”

I said “of course he knows although let’s not tell him I told you, okay?” and then we laughed a bit.

The business was done and we were wrapping up and I thought to myself I should at least close the loop, so when we parted I said, “Oh, ____, one more thing. To go back to the first part of our conversation, despite me being the boyfriend, there is absolutely no doubt at all that his wife controls the penis. In fact, he often says she refers to it as hers, so I think you are on to something there”.