Well, contrary to my earlier post, the sky did not fall today and Axel and I are not fighting, although I can’t say we we are really talking either.
I went to bed tonight with Axel and Stella and couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about the last 48 hours, listening to every god damn dog in the neighborhood bark along with people walking to their cars laughing and talking. I think I have mentioned before that we live in a regentrified area of the city where fifteen years ago we were on the cusp of the movement and now, after the gays moved in, of course, there are now 47 bars and restaurants that we can walk to from our house (some people count sheep, I count food establishments). This is wonderful and good, but it’s also noisy as people park all over our streets and ruin my love of sleeping with the windows open when the weather is perfect. Plus, my god damn dishwasher is still beeping to announce that it has finished a load, ironically, because it’s so silent one doesn’t actually hear it when it’s actually working.
Thank you, Bosch.
Anyway, the comments from the last post were very nice and, as always, each one taught me some sort of something, but I also realized through the beautiful Ferns and her comments, that I blogged in the middle of something that was happening and, by the time the comments were coming, I had moved on and things were better. In hindsight, I don’t think I emasculated Axel when I seized control of the bad kitchen elves and squeezed their balls until they made it right, but I also know that I did not behave well because I was WANTING him to be this man that he is not and in reality. He was, most likely, willing to accept a shitty job because he was worried about the installers being away from their families so late and worried that they would get in trouble, because, he said tonight, that they reminded him of some of the homeless kids he had worked with in the past and that he just didn’t want to admit how bad they were at what they were doing. While that is sweet and all, I am still staring at dirt all over the place that we have yet to find time to get to and am still absolutely baffled why nobody, him included, thought to cover any god damned thing in the house OR run a shop vac. But, this will pass and with each swipe of the swifter things will be better.
Also, as a follow up, I think I tried to apply the D/s aspect of him making more decisions and having more actions to something where it didn’t really belong. Him taking those actions on as tasks are not really a Dom action as much as they are him just trying to help spread out the load when I am gone and him being project manager on something. We learned this week that it’s just not going to work out that way and, well, now we know.
In addition, the reality is that I was mad and when I am mad I am not sexual. Period. NADA.
As the afternoon progressed, all was getting better and we were smiling again. However, if life had a soundtrack, weird foreboding music would have been playing because the smiling didn’t last long.
Yes, we went shopping again as it’s that time of year again in the South where we go buy ferns, palms, and bloomy things and, once the vast yellow worm like ribbons of pollen stop covering everything like snow, we spruce up our yards. This year he, the cook, needed a new grill so we borrowed my father’s truck to go get all of the above. Being the gay snobs we are, we decided to go with the big boy grill with the stainless body and the ceramic lid, you know, the one with the big tag on it. This, by the way, is typical of us too as we are often drawn to the shinier bits. We procured these things quickly, loaded them, used lots of straps my father had in his truck and off we went looking forward to going home and just cleaning and ordering a pizza and watching Daredevil (who for the record is HOT).
About this time Thumper sent me a WONDERFUL picture that made me happy for about 127 reasons however it’s also a picture which has absolutely no relevance to this story aside from the timing and I wanted to just rub it in a bit (nah nah).
As we cruised down the road, we heard something that caused an immediate “what was that?” question from both of us at the same time. Long story short, “that” was the sound of dry rotted bungie cords breaking in unison as we looked up to see the grill sliding across the bed and over the side of the truck bed where it narrowly missed a Lexus before landing upside down in the middle of the Peachtree Street of my city. If I had not been so scared we had caused a huge problem for someone else, I would have been mortified. We jumped out to try to collect bits and pieces of the shattered ceramic and the various other parts – along with the shards of our dignity. Luckily we are strong and just threw the now scrap metal into the bed and got out of the way before just sitting quietly staring not saying anything to each other.
As noted before, I thought this would be my perfect time to allow him to save the day but, you know what, he couldn’t. And that was okay actually because at that moment I realized that THAT is what he relies on me for when we are together and has for many, many years. I just “fix” things and he has comfort in that. So, fixer hat now on tight, I launched right in and planned it, knew where to take it, and, thanks to the magic of MasterCard, we just licked our wounds and bought another one (along with about $45 in new bungie cords). I did not go where I shouldn’t go by worrying about emasculating him or anything, but I did realize I went exactly where I needed to be and I think that was a lesson I needed to be shown, although it would have been nice if I could have learned it more cheaply and with something less heavy.
We went to dinner on the way home with grill number two and just each stared at our phone and didn’t talk much. It wasn’t anger, it was just exasperation with a bit of sadness mixed in that our one weekend together was just a cluster fuck ALL THE WAY AROUND and we could not even laugh about it yet and, trust me, if you had seen me in the middle lane picking up debris, you would have laughed I am sure.
It was done and fixed and time to move on and we went outside where then, and only then, did we both suddenly see that as the grill came out, it evidently tried to come back in by banging itself against the side of the truck – my father’s now really dented love.
Fuck me running, this was an expensive day.
So, while I will file the insurance claim Monday, I am making Axel tell my Dad tomorrow.
Best, the sorta old Drew