So, I have been an ass the last two days. Thumper called me a drama queen. I prefer ass. A big ass.
Unfortunately, this has put a huge strain on my relationship with Axel this weekend. However, fortunately, since he doesn’t read this blog, I can say that it’s without a doubt 100 percent of his fault. Maybe even 110 percent.
As it’s no secret that I have a dominant personality within everyday life and with my boyfriend sexually, with my husband, I have always had a desire to be more submissive to him. He and I have been going along this path swimmingly well and, as he had requested, he asked me to take a step back in managing, or over-managing as some might call it, the day to day aspects of our household especially given that I am almost always somewhere else because he liked that idea of having that role in our domestic relationship.
As I said, this, along with his growing dominance of me sexually and domestically has been going great and was really getting to a place where I felt it beginning to just become a natural part of my core. Until yesterday. The day I will forever call the day Drew emasculated Axel, yelled at a Nurse, became covered in white dust, and, perhaps, added my name to a list of potential kidnap victims by a Mexican gang (or maybe a Chinese one).
The issue that caused all of this was stone. Ironic only because Thumper’s theme of the week was also stone, just a vastly different kind.
We needed new countertops in our kitchen. Even after a renovation a few years back, this was something we had put off until we had enough bonus cash from my annual, well, bonus, to be able to splurge a little and get the good stuff. This was a project that, frankly, we had both looked forward to for about fifteen years and this month was the month. Thursday, in fact, was THE INSTALL DAY. Because life has been what it has been for us and because of our new dynamics, I left this up to Axel as this is something I typically would have been all over every spec of piece by piece. By that, I mean we picked out the stone and sink together, the fancy new faucet that you just have to wave your hand in front of to turn on or make a fist to turn off, and even the color caulk that would be used, together.
However, the new Drew left all the details of the measuring appointments up to Axel as well as the install dates and times where he would make sure he would be the one here to take care of everything. That was hard on the newer, domestically submissive Drew, but I understood and, in reality, that is so what I do want in order to help lower both of our stress levels, thus increasing our desire levels, my submissive state, his dominant state, and our newly improved sex life.
So, spoiler alert, it’s now two days after the initial install and I am now sitting on my front porch while a crew of workers remove everything they did Thursday and replace it with all new everything. The old Drew not only came back, but he came back breathing fire, unfortunately. I knew something was not right Thursday night when Axel sent me a picture and said “looks good, but they cracked the stone all the way across by the sink, but it’s okay, they fixed it. You can hardly tell. Plus, it’s really dirty in here”. He said he was happy with it and signed the form and all was fine. New Drew was skeptical, but fine.
Friday morning, while I was at the airport on my way home, he texted again and said “Um, prepare yourself, it doesn’t look as good as I thought and, wow, they did make it dirty in here. I will call when they open”. New Drew still existed, but when he received a copy of the email from Axel to our sales guy showing the pictures, well, he and every bit of sexual submissiveness he had vanished.
To cut to the chase, and, to his credit, Axel had already arranged that they were going to replace the stone but, in the passive way Axel has that I am often jealous of, he didn’t bother to ask when or how. I was very happy with that, despite the unknown factors, and new Drew sparked a bit. However, I soon came home to find 2 inches of dust on almost every single inch of the entire downstairs of my house and about an inch on every surface upstairs. Adding to this was the crack that was allegedly covered up, looked like someone had taken a sharpie and a glue stick to it, a dishwasher that wasn’t anchored, a floor tile had been broken, and there was a board still nailed to the outside of my lower cabinets – the ones that face the dining room. Old Drew was back and with a vengeance. Oh, oh, the fancy ass faucet, wobbled.
I did call Axel and ask if I could call the company that did it and take over and he willingly obliged. While on hold, I tried really, really, super really hard not to be mad at him for not noticing these tiny details or not thinking that one should cover up the doors and cabinets when one’s work crew is cutting a hole in stone for a sink WHILE INSIDE – even if one has two Masters and a Doctorate degree and is clearly wise in the world, but I could not. I was angry and him, at the place that did it, and at my job for not allowing me to be home more. (FYI – this is about the time Thumper texted me calling me a drama queen) (I will get revenge -said in a queen like voice mind you).
I ranted and raved about the quality with the installer people, who unfortunately mostly spoke Spanish and oddly one who only spoke Mandarin, which I only tried a bit of with her, and finally wound up with them bringing in a crew to work overtime last night and to be here at 9am today, Saturday, to redo everything. Axel went to work this morning and I sat here, fuming again, until they showed up at 11:15.
So, ALL THAT, for me to ask advice. We made up last night, even watched a Dodgers game side by side on the couch while texting with Thumper who was watching the same game (another story for another time because how cool is that in Open Relationship Land?) but I found myself seeing him as weak for not being the alpha and taking charge of the situation and for allowing me to walk all over him to get it the work that needed to be done, done immediately so we can spend tonight cleaning and moving on with the weekend. I am still there in my head, and the thought of sexually submitting to him right now just does not make me quiver in any way. I know I am still mad and that might go away soon, but I let him lose the “power” spot I had for him in my mind and I am now afraid it won’t come back.
I know I will feel better when the literal dust settles, but any advice in the interim?
I understand that one being in one role or the other does not mean that fights or disagreements won’t be had and I also know that we have clearly never stated the fact or even thought the fact that being submissive means you automatically lose an argument, but it just sucks that this hit now, right here, as things were moving forward.
I know that 12 hours from now we will have cleaned the house (or if my Facebook friends who have Angie’s List have come through, hired someone to clean the house) and I think I will be in a better mindset when I literally don’t feel dirty everywhere (this is made worse by the fact it’s pollen season in the south and everything is coated in yellow dust). In fact, I feel better having just gotten this out, as I often do about most things I write about. So, time will tell and I think all will be fine.
In other news, I see the rabbit for a day and a half this week and am very excited. It’s been the longest gap of time away we have had, but what is also funny is that is not anything I have thought about which shows me nothing but good in the evolution of things. He’s been feeling better lately and his tumbling has increased, but even if he’s not feeling “it” yet, I don’t care as it will be good to just “be”.
P.S. – The yelling at a nurse part – which I am adding just for fun. During the middle of this, I stopped to get my weekly shot and was greeted by the nurse who always loudly says “Hey ‘name'” which is a childlike version of my real name that only my Mother and Axel call me. He has done this for four years and I have cringed inside each time; however, yesterday was his mistake.
Let’s just leave it at that.