Well, the update was that it’s now day 18 and it looks like we are going to go for longer as Axel has now stated that he wants me to go until I return from a trip to Australia which is on Valentine’s Day, ironically. Unfortunately, the International Day of Chastity is the 15th, so would coming the day before be hypocritical?

Anyway, to back up. Last night was great in so many ways and wrong in so many others.

As you know from yesterday’s blog, I told you that Axel had a plan for me when he got home and had mentioned that I might be allowed to come if I didn’t touch myself in the process. Well, the afternoon started really well and we were both in the mood, but he needed to work out first. For context and to explain our “dungeon”, we have both started a TRX workout plan because I can travel with it and he can adapt it to fit his needs better since, as you know, he had major surgery reconstructing his right hip following an injury three years ago. To help with this, I have taken the spare room upstairs and mounted steel hooks at various levels into the studs in the wall for the TRX only (wink, wink).

He often gets frustrated that he can’t work out the way he used to when he was an athlete and sometimes it just makes him mad. So, yesterday, he decided that he would take the permission I have given him to use me at will and decided that he’d attach me to those anchor points (pic below) and, if he needed a “punching bag” of sorts, I would be there. Well, he really didn’t need that but it turns out he really does like objectified company when he works out and spent most of the time talking at me about how he is enjoying the control of my penis, how he plans to really expand that and was thinking that a few more weeks would really enforce it, and how he had been talking to our friend Griffin, who is already a Master at many things, and how he had really been a good find for him and how much he was valuing his advice, some of which, he informed me would be things that he knew I’d not like, but deep down appreciate. From that, the really hot points was that he turned all of that into how these things would make me better for Thumper and how he was really getting off on the idea that he was training the trainer and how happy this was making him, much to his surprise. He did say that one of the reasons he was rethinking the orgasm demand with the bunny was that if I was be denied for him, he wanted to be the one to enjoy the big moment whenever that may be.

So, he had one of his best workouts in awhile and I found a very nice inner peace that I haven’t had in awhile. He went off to shower leaving me there to wait on him and what I was hoping was going to be the sticky, sweet, wonderful afternoon of pure, simple, and dirty, dirty sex. He came back about twenty minutes later to unhook me and lead me to the bedroom. O.M.G. it was going to be fun and great and then a minor event happened and it all stopped. There was no going back but there was also ZERO anger or blame. It was like having a great evening planned around a wonderful bottle of wine that, when uncorked, reveals that it had turned rancid without any way of knowing in advance but, once that damn was unplugged, life had been unleashed and we could not reign it back in time to save the erections.

That said, we dealt with the issue, went to Chilis for dinner and Sport’s Authority because I needed new running shoes (now that Thumper and I have vowed to be fit) and just went about life. During dinner, much to the fun of the people in the booth beside us over that fake wall, we discussed my chastity status, how much he is looking forward to the device arriving and setting up ground rules around that and then he informed me that, just so I knew, before I leave for Bunny Country he will be getting off and I will be taking it. So hot. So so hot. He now has this look in his eyes that I have never seen before and it makes me hard each time I see it.

And that is where we stand today. Suffice it to say today I will be cleaning more between projects and may try out those shoes too!

vscocam-photo-3

By now, you all know that about four months ago I relinquished perceived ownership of Thumper’s ass in exchange for a friendship with him that continues to grow in different directions – all of which are educational, fun, and have truly been a gift to, I think I speak for him, both of us. What that left us with was the fact that Belle now let’s me “borrow” his ass once a month or so (and two high holidays per year and one weekend every summer). I have to promise not to break it, damage it, or leave it open each time or risk losing my security deposit and, frankly, you don’t want to know what that penalty is.

Anyway, all signs are that the end of the this week will be my next chance to use it and, due to the switch part of me and the now chronicled horniness, I plan to take full advantage of this gift I have been given and have mental plans that will take it to that place of rocket fire and, hopefully, leave it there for an extended period of time.

It’s funny, because, I have found that the more I am into all of this, I am very glad that I have a personality and a mind that let’s me compartmentalize things and act accordingly. Meaning, I have a career where I might have seven clients at once that might range from a religious institution to a gay rights group and I have had to learn to adapt my way of thinking completely within minutes of time. In this case, I have been able to use that job training to see myself as both Axel’s sub and his husband and as both Thumper’s friend and his tormentor.

In the case of Thumper, the friend part of me would not want anything to harm the man and I am looking forward to sharing a meal with him and a hot chocolate later the next day just as much as I am looking forward to using him like a cheap whore who really needs a very thorough fuck followed by a spanking in between. I am very lucky that we have learned that he can switch his thinking as well because this shift in dynamics is quite fun and, odd as it may sound, the comfort level with each other is what will allow me to treat him as nothing more than a hole I want to hurt at the right moment in time. Because, as we all know, I like the sound he makes when I hurt him and he really, badly wants to make that sound – often.

Also, Axel asked me the other day if I missed the days when Thumper had orders, plug goals, or other areas of focus and the answer was no, because, while not an everyday or even every week thing, those things still have a background for the time when I do borrow the ass and the slut part of him will make sure of it. As a for instance, he’s had one task to do for me now for the last few weeks that has not been done. I think that, deep down, he knows he will pay for that. In fact, there are two ways he’s going to pay and only one involves the new paddle, but I will wait and let that be a post from him later in the weekend.

So, if nothing else, the horniness now has only proven the switch aspect to me more and more and I am very grateful to Belle for the loan, Thumper for his “talent”, and to Axel for understanding that keeping me chaste benefits both sides of me and gives the bisexual bunny the whore time he needs as well.

Finally, as an update to this morning’s post, evidently something is planned tonight and I will be allowed to orgasm if I can do it without touching myself. It’s a lofty goal, friends, because in the 34 years my penis has been fully functioning, I can’t recall an instance where that has happened.

However, never say never.

So, day 16 or 17 for me, but none of that matters because it snowed in New York.

Did anyone else hear about that?

I live in a part of the country where we are sent home from work and schools close at a quarter of an inch of snow, so I really have no idea of the actual misery, but all day yesterday I found myself jealous of the newscasters and weathermen who had multiple upon multiple orgasms every time someone said the the words “blizzard” or “inches”. When CNN announced the first snowflake Monday morning, my cynical side was hooked and there is no going back to the land of respect for journalists this week.

It’s now almost 2:00 in the morning and I am up. The inherent horniness mentioned yesterday is still there and I know contributing to the state I am in, but tonight it’s simply the dog down the street who barks at air, our really fancy dishwasher downstairs that is so proud of itself when it finishes that it beeps every 10 minutes to tell you (if anyone knows anyone at Bosch, please ask them which wire to cut because there is not off switch) and, most importantly, Axel, who I can tell had a very stressful day today because he is counseling one of his clients out loud in his sleep about something that was/is very painful to her. He will go to sleep and then say something out loud in a sleepy, muddled voice like “why (name), what do you think that solves?” followed a few minutes later by the wonderful words “fuck”, “fuck”, “shit” – it’s like sleep counseling with a side of Tourette’s and I can’t just shake it off tonight.

Now, it’s 7:00am and, having fallen asleep while writing the above, I am now refreshed and pissed off at the same time. This week is my last week of relative peace as I am not traveling and working from home before the international part of my job kicks in starting Monday, so this gives me much more time to think and process which, may not be good. I say that because this morning when Axel left, I thought, “fuck, he did not mention one word to me last night or this morning about me being horny and not being allowed to touch myself. God damn, it’s like he just doesn’t even care.”

Even in my energized state, that caught my own attention as a red flag because that is not me and I do not think like that 99 percent of the time. In fact, while Thumper may argue, I am one of the least selfish people out there so I shocked myself. But, the very first thing that popped into my head following that was something like “fuck, Drew, go back to what you know and what you have said, what Thumper has said to you, and what he wrote yesterday…”

This. Is. Not. About. Me.

That is an incredibly hard concept to get and I want to ask those of you who have been in this situation when, and even if, that reality really just kicks in and becomes the law in your head? I know for a fact that I will likely struggle with that long term because of the nature of who I am outside this house and, maybe even more importantly, who I was before within it.

So, today, between conference calls and writing I have to do, I plan to do what I can to make Axel smile when he gets home. I know that will be clean sheets on the bed, a spruced up laundry room, and I will likely sneak up to his office and steal his car to go have it washed before bringing it back and parking it in the same place (fyi, that is about 80% for me because I cannot stand a dirty car).

I seriously doubt that this will lead to sex, or at least climaxing sex for me, when he gets home because he’s made it clear to me that he does intend to keep the goal of after when I am with Thumper next (T minus 50 something hours…) although I also have a sense, or maybe a hope, that he’s just fucking with me too.

I have another post in my head regarding the switch side of me and how I am actually using this for MY advantage when I am next breeding the bunny (to THOSE commenters, it just sounded good, in no way does that imply unsafe anything) as this energy will likely help him experience something new to us both.

Stay tuned…

So, just to start it off and put it out there, it’s been 15 days since I have ejaculated. I know that most of the men who have been into chastity for awhile read that sentence and muddle to themselves about the fucking newbie who thinks that two weeks is some sort of milestone or something similar. I get that because, to me, it’s like some newbie really excited about earning silver status on an airline. Fly ten times more than you did to earn that and then I will consider giving you the secret diamond handshake.

Now that we are all aware that I know that this time period is really not that special to the world, let me say that it is to me for various reasons. Frankly, I don’t think it’s the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm, but I do know that it IS the longest I have gone when I wanted to have one. Just as a refresher, Axel has stated that he does not want me to reach that point until the next time I see Thumper, which, mother nature and business partners cooperating, will be this upcoming Thursday evening and Friday. While I am not expecting to enjoy this release due to all the factors you already know, I am looking very forward to it as well because it will mean I have done something for Axel, which the idea of turns me on more and more each day.

Frankly, not coming has been good for me and I am really looking forward to actually having the custom device (versus self imposed will) when it arrives because I suspect the feelings of horniness and drive I am about to discuss will be intensified on a much grander scale.

That said, four lessons I learned this week are:

Lesson One – Horniness makes me cleaner.

Yes, this weekend has been spent cleaning out drawers, sending things to Goodwill, and scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom (even those little jet things in the tub) because I knew it would make Axel happy. I’m really not thinking that it’s sexual energy that is driving this, because I still want to just sit on the couch and write most times, but the desire to please him has intensified this week a great deal.

I know some of it is his new, stronger ownership of my penis, but part of me also thinks it was the experience we shared together last weekend at MAL when he got to meet and spend time with people like our new friends Griffin, his partner Captain, and his boyfriend CrógaPup. Axel got to see a different part of the world and feel very accepted and I suspect that has as much to do with his new willingness to be all owner-y with me much more than the fact that I have been walking around with a hard dick knowing I can’t touch it. Well, he does enjoy that too.

Lesson Two – Horniness is not about me.

I have willingly given Axel the control of my orgasms, therefore I really have no say in them anymore. I never really thought about this working two ways until a conversation with Thumper. See, one night last week, Axel and I had some amazing sex. He was all over me and I, in turn, was all over him, in him, and around him at various points in time. During all of this, he had been reminding me that I was not allowed to get close to coming because he had decided otherwise. This reminder, as it turns out, is evidently the trigger I will need should someone ever need my penis to assist them with hammering nails and/or cracking walnuts because, fuck, that was hot and I was as opposite of flaccid as one could be. This sexual adventure continued for almost two hours, when, he said that he had changed his mind and wanted to feel “me” all over him (I have told you how he likes that versus me who generally wants to keep clorox wipes on the nightstand just in case I am touched with it post orgasm). I did not know what to do when he said that because my thinking had to shift too fast. I had prepared for another week or two and was enjoying that idea, especially at that stage. I told him no, I wanted to wait. We didn’t think anything about it, and he came, I showered and he rolled over and went to sleep semi sticky (sheets washed the minute he got up, btw).

For the record, at that point, I was very proud of my resolve and the next morning relayed all of this to Thumper since we tend to both talk to each other about sex with our spouses (I tell him because he likes it, he tells me because it’s educational for me). He was neither excited about it or put off by it and just generally didn’t care and I chalked it up to the week he was having and/or the fact that he was doing the “you go six months and then we will talk thing” in his head. Life went on and last Friday afternoon we were talking and he said something like “you know, you gave Axel the control, and technically you didn’t have any right to say no to him. You can’t have it both ways.” He was in a store and had to quickly get off the phone, so we didn’t get to finish that talk, but it really hit me hard and I have thought about it ever since, even to the point of it being one of the first things Axel and I discussed when I got home.

I will consider that a newbie mistake, but nevertheless, it was a lesson learned.

Lesson Three – Horniness makes me think of lady parts

No, I am not about to come out as bisexual to you, but I have realized that with the increased level of sexual frustration, I have a new sexual appreciation for many different things. For instance, one evening last week, Thumper and I were going back and forth in a Twitter conversation with our blogger friend Ferns, who I have referenced here before. In our tweets, she made reference to “Thumper and I kissing while she stood in a corner furiously masturbating”. It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t think anything else about it until suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.

Me? Me? Thinking about that? WTF?

Of course, the bunny was there for me to run this by (because I suspected he’d enjoy me bringing that particular vision back to him) and he told me that I wasn’t going all straight, but that in the right mood, I might even think about having sex with a woman, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I needed to be open and let my mind go where it needed to go.

Let’s just say that, in the days that have passed, my mind has gone several new places since.

Lesson Four – Horniness will make Axel and I stronger

When I got home yesterday from a trip, Axel said, “I know this sounds unlike me and so sappy, but I had a horrible morning, but just knowing you would be here this afternoon made absolutely nothing bother me today because I was so excited”.

That floored me because, while I know this man is incredibly in love with me and our life, he is not one to express a great deal of emotion. It’s taken 18 years and I still have trouble sometimes knowing if he is excited about something. It’s a combination of a poker and therapy face that is just nuts, but, I can already tell he is enjoying the control he now has and I think, and hope, that gets more and more strong.

In many ways it’s like how I watched him embrace the open marriage concept. It was slow to start and now he’s buying my boyfriend presents and is genuinely both curious and excited about when I will see him next because he says he likes how I am when I come home. That’s cute in a way.

So, those are today’s four lessons. I’m sure there will be others. I hope.

I woke up today in a weird mood. Not a bad mood. Not a sad mood. Just a weird mood.

Part of it was that a very good friend of mine moved to China this week and, when I am in town, we had a standing Saturday lunch date. I missed him today.

Another part of it is professionally I start back to a life on the road Monday and, while it will be nice to be back in some ways, I have really enjoyed a few weeks “off” as well. Even with Axel having the flu.

My funk is also work driven because I have the kind of job that looks at one calendar year at a time for productivity, bonuses, projections, and other things. When January comes and everything resets to zero, it’s like you have been hit in the face with a cold winter reality that you have to start over again and that everything you killed yourself for in the previous year is now “just old news”. For the record, in 2014 I killed it and set a professional high mark; however, that celebration lasted about 37 seconds after midnight on December 31st and then I got wiped right back down to the bottom again. Plus, a big report I killed myself on is now just sitting, for the 13th day, just waiting for feedback which I know will come crashing down in a last minute fury any minute now before I am set to present it to over 200 people on Tuesday.

So, those things are happening and just happen to all collide in the day after I returned from seeing Thumper; which makes me super duper sensitive about Axel and him interpreting my lack of excitement about the generalities of life as me wishing I was still with Thumper or having had more fun with the bunny than with him, etcetera. In fact, I probably over act how okay I am which is fucking idiotic to do when you are mated with someone who is trained to see into people’s minds for a living. I will never ever learn that lesson I fear.

Adding to that, Thumper had “issues” this morning that he told me about prior to posting this blog post and caused Belle to question the very thing I was worried about Axel thinking. So, me being me, I unfairly projected her question on to Axel and his mindset which made me insecure which was just, well, stupid.

So, I decided to talk to Axel about his issue which he realty didn’t have.

That said, it was a great talk and progressed through a shopping trip and dinner and ended with some really nice sex.

Fun sex. Emotional sex. Sticky sex.

And, I got my first blow job with the big ring in my penis. Woo to the hoo.

Anyway, through the talk I realized that I, me, Drew, Husband of Axel, Boyfriend of Thumper, Dad to Stella was the one with the issue, not Axel. I have been worried about him being worried for nothing and which them commenced us into a therapy session about why I felt that way.

It’s funny, what he and Belle allow, the “loaning” so to speak, is so great, so generous, so thoughtful that I think I have been blocking myself to fully allow this generosity, and, I mean, fully embrace it. It’s like being given a gift of a first class trip to Hawaii and not allowing yourself to enjoy it because you are too worried about what it cost the giver and what you might have to do to one day repay that gift. That’s just nuts and this “worry” will stop now. I promise. Or at least kinda promise.

In addition, the talk caused him to read a few parts of Denying Thumper and one or two sections of this blog, which you all know he chooses not to read. He read today’s post by Thumper and looked at me and said, “I just love Belle. I admire Belle. I hope to be as good to you as she is to him one day and I just want to thank them for showing me this” and then I looked down and he was typing. Typing to Thumper. Fuck.

He would not tell me what he was saying which had me wringing my hands and wondering but also knowing that he or Thumper would tell me. It was, in a way, a collision of worlds that was not supposed to be taking place. At least not yet. However, it was not my place to tell him not to or to even insist it so I waited and wondered but also found myself rather okay with it too, because, I have always thought they would meet and/or communicate long before Belle and I do. In fact, Thumper and I always tell each other to be safe and protect ourselves because neither of us is ready to deal with the awkwardness of attending each other’s funeral. I’ll still be careful, but in my head I thought that this way, it will one day be a bit less awkward for him. Ha. God forbid, of course.

Luckily, “Axel, the blog muggle” sent his response as a comment versus an email and it was there in black and white. He told me later he did not mean to do it that way and meant to send Thumper a private message, but, it was a sweet message and one I know that was almost like his official permission slip to me, his written blessing to Thumper, and a thank you note to Belle all in one very clipped, very brief paragraph (he’s not one for lingering, flowery prose like me, obviously). Frankly, I feel very weird that it is there, but I would bet that will be the only time we will hear from him so it’s a done deal.

He told me in the truck on the way to dinner that this time I was with Thumper, the third time, where I was did not even cross his mind in any way other than that he hoped I was having a good time. He knew that Belle had allowed Thumper to take me to dinner, which he loved and that he really enjoys the fact that the bunny and I have truly become friends. He told me that I need to value that and to just quit fucking worrying about it and that we would not be discussing this again.

This was followed by another statement about his admiration for Belle and that if there was anything I needed to be worried about, it would be about how much he is going to enjoy “his penis that’s attached to me” being in his control and that it’s not going to be as much about my denial, but his control of when and how often. This means that I will likely come more, but only with him (or with his permission with Thumper) and when he wants it and I will likely not be allowed to savor and enjoy it. While that may not make sense to many, I have told you I am one that has never been driven by the need to orgasm. Plus, I am like Thumper in that I am all about the ejaculate during the act, but 1.7 nanoseconds after it has left my body I think it’s the nastiest thing in the world. That nastiness is multiplied by 9,008 if it has left my body and THEN leaves someone else’s. However, that is not Axel. He can be coated in his or mine, wipe off and then roll over and go to sleep. So, so not me. But, I think I may have to learn.

Anyway, to sum this very long post up, Thumper and I were texting later when I said something like “how weird is it that your boyfriend’s husband would be thanking your wife?” to which he simply replied “weird is the new black”

It’s almost 3:00 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I tried, but having a strep-ish flu-ish ridden bed partner who is coughing like a chain smoking lesbian truck driver does not lend itself to a peaceful slumber.

I laid there at least two hours thinking about things like how good my penis feels with the metal rod through the end and, now that there is no pain, how groovy it is that I can push in toward the tip and actually feel and even hold the bar inside there.

That got me thinking about chastity and how much I look forward to being able to wear a device again because I have found I have really missed it. For me, what I have discovered is that I love the fact that I am controlled yet still unlocked to fuck Axel or Thumper and, while it’s a different animal in many ways, my switchiness has even pervaded the Dom/sub dynamics at home because, in actuality, I set many of the rules as to how and why I will not be locked down. Axel has the power to change them, of course, but I don’t see that happening for awhile just based on him and how he approaches life and his dominant role. All that said, I am very different than Thumper in that when I am unlocked, it’s very rare I want to just Tumblr surf and jack off, because I like the feeling of self denial and will often wait as long as possible just because. In fact, I actually see him for two days at the end of this week and I am not sure I will come then (btw, we need a collective crossing of fingers now so that he and I both escape our partners germs – thank you)

Following that, I started thinking about how much I really, really like the one floor lamp I bought yesterday on sale and that I think I’d be a fool not to go back tomorrow and get the matching one (they are stainless steel and the top looks like a Steelheart tube cap). Of course, that led to where the one I will be replacing it with should go and, that drama alone is enough to keep me up for at least an hour. However, I soon rationalized how, in reality, me leaving one sale lamp is very inconsiderate as the store now an unmatched set to deal with. So, I now have a Saturday morning shopping adventure but am still torn about where to move the old one. Oh, the troubles of a gay man with a furniture sale and a limited floor plan.

Of course, it started raining here and that is a sound I LOVE so I had to stay awake and listen to that for a bit, right? We have a master bedroom on the second floor with a vaulted ceiling AND covered hot tub area below the window that is roofed with aluminum, so rain sounds are just wonderful. THAT led to me thinking about those wonderful, guttural sounds that Thumper makes when I hurt him and began immediately planning on what I am going to do Thursday to get him there quickly with the help of a small box that will be delivered to me on Monday from Mrs. S Leather. Oh, the purring I am planning.

Not yet settled, the next round of thoughts began with how much I LOVE BEING HOME with Axel and my friends who are also off, but how much I am LOVING that most go back to work on Monday leaving me here to write and actually work in peace. Everyone being around has changed the way I eat, the way Thumper and I talk, the way I get in my zone to work from home when here, and how the world has been in my way every single time I try to run an errand mid day. It’s just madness I say.

Then hunger hit and my focus turned to the two packages of Nutter Butters and Vienna Fingers that I bought at Target yesterday. I felt they were very lonely downstairs and that I needed to get a bit of a snack, so here I am typing away wrapped in a blanket (and what appears to be a towel that was statically attached to the blanket) with cookie crumbs all over the place. It’s not a pretty sight.

All that actually caused this next part because I had been thinking how I just want to really say thank you to the people who wrote me yesterday or commented on my blog and to all of you who also did the same for Thumper. Oddly, that Amy letter did not bother me until I saw how much it bothered Thumper, which then infuriated me and still has to some degree. It’s funny because in the evolution of the Drew and Thumper Show, we have reached the point of going into protection mode for each other when one is offended or hurt. It’s kinda cute and kinda just nice knowing someone has my back if needed. While I HATE to use a brother type reference with someone I fuck, it does have that natural protective feeling to it, not the just for show kind one sometimes feels.

Finally, and I promise that this time, an old friend has come back into Axel’s life that has the potential to be something more (but should he read this I have to specify it’s early and very very potential). While I was initially bothered by the fact that it didn’t bother me, I realized I have nothing to say about it as long as our rules are followed and I really hope this might work for him as the guy is not local but does work here twice a month which, as I know from experience, is not a bad arrangement.

Now, want to know what the absolute best/weirdest/creepiest thing would be about Axel possibly dating this guy?

Since I am guessing you won’t guess it…

Dude has the exact, and I mean the exact first and last name of the real Thumper (I know it’s a bit like me telling you there is no Santa, but Thumper is not really his name as Drew is not mine either) AND, AND dude’s son also has the same name as the Rabbit’s offspring. Further proof that life is just weird!!

Can you just imagine the discussions in my house about “my xxx xxxxx is WAY hotter than your XXX XXXXX”. They will be funny, but I say that only because I know I will ALWAYS win that argument. Always.

Have a great Saturday.

D

So, here we are, the Eve of New Year’s Eve. In case any of you care, New Year’s Eve is my least favorite “holiday”. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I HATE New Year’s Eve and have done so for my entire life.

I resent feeling like I “have” to go to a party just to start a year.

Of course, tomorrow I have to go to a party, you know, to start the year.

However, the good news, well, somewhat good news, is that Axel has the flu and may not feel like going. Wouldn’t that just be horrible? Of course, I’d need to stay home to play nurse, naturally.

Bless his heart.

At the end of the year I generally like to look back and write these long, flowing posts about life, love, and other things, but this year I am not doing that. Instead, I am simply going to say that I had a great 2014 and am proud of myself (and Axel) for opening my mind to new things, starting this blog, and officially opening my marriage because it’s been a fucking fun few months.

The one thing I always enjoy about the New Year is the chance to take a look ahead and make a few plans. I am not one to technically make “resolutions” because, well, I simply don’t like to follow the norm, but my plans are generally along the same path and since I have been very “out there” in the last few months, I have decided to make a few vows for 2015. Besides, I think a “vow” is much stronger than a “resolution”, don’t you think?

So, all that fun stuff to say, for 2015 I vow to:

Show myself fully naked (neck down, of course) to all of you by June 1st.

I know I am not in awful shape now, but I am not where I want to show myself off to more than the two people who currently see me naked now. This will serve as my motivation and I suspect there are several of you who will constantly remind me of the upcoming date.

That said, I have hired a trainer who understands I do not have a normal life and can’t do things like Crossfit and other things I want to do based on my schedule, so he is creating a plan for me that travels and tomorrow is our first day of training.

Never beat myself up ever again for my kinks and my desires.

To do this I plan to encourage Axel to do the same, as it benefits us both. I hope this means I will spend more time locked, more time with something inside me, and more time adhering to the chalkboard rules.

Also, with this vow, I intend to also more fully embrace my “super switchiness” and, when possible and during “those times”, take Thumper to that rocket place of pain where he makes that magical sound more often while also perfecting my fucking technique to a precision pattern that will leave him walking sideways for at least an afternoon – or two.

To continue to defy as many stereotypes as I can

I rather enjoy being the gay married business guy in the expensive suit with a tattoo, a rod in my cock, who is going about his day in the corporate world while almost always thinking about what he wants to ask his boyfriend to put up his ass just to make me giggle and swoon all day.

So, I am going to find a way to expand this.

To travel more

Yeah, this is just here for shits and giggles. In 2014 I spent 240+ nights in hotels and traveled 297,308 miles.

I have no idea what the year holds to be honest, but I hope to NOT beat these numbers.

To be the best husband, friend, son, brother, boyfriend, and man I can be

I actually always, always start every year by telling myself this; however, this year I just added one new word that I am not sure I ever expected I would add.  For the record, it made me smile.

So, those brief vows said, Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2015 brings you nothing but love, blessings, and all that other junk.

D

P.S. – as a funny aside, Axel is in the kitchen and, as I finished this, I yelled across the house that I had just made a vow to post a naked picture of myself as an incentive to get off the couch.  I heard nothing and then he appeared saying in the most accenty of accents which is somewhat sexily muted and gravely by his illness,  “Whoa, now, Drew, I am really, really liking this new side of you, but this is a bit much.  Don’t you think you should reign yourself in? I mean, no.”

I was a bit shocked until I realized that he thought I had put that vow on Facebook.

HNY

I guess I should warn “those people” that is this not a sexy, kinky post as one needs to have been sexy and kinky recently to post a lot of that. I have felt neither this week but it’s coming back.

As I have mentioned, I am not traveling for almost three weeks and this is really throwing me off my game. Yes, I still have work to do (in fact, I am staring at a 150 page report I have to write that’s due Friday that I have only known about for six months and carried to four continents with me), but the inner Sheldon I carry around in my head is screaming at me because there is nowhere I HAVE to be and no logical schedule to be following.

Prior to this job, I was the typical 8-5 executive who always had an office to go to and a stress level that caused me to lose what hair I had left. When I switched careers, I spent months adjusting to having every day be different and often in a different city, but I quickly realized that no routine WAS the routine so it settled and I learned to embrace it and my stress levels are lower than in the last 20 years professionally. However, when home, I was struggling because I often became overwhelmed at the fact I had one, two or three nights to do what I used to have seven do to. This caused stress between Axel and myself because, frankly, I am just an ass when the world is not going my way. I try to fight it, but I just can’t sometimes.

That is where the idea of me being more controlled at home and while away in chastity came from and it was working, but with December being what it was professionally for him and my sex organ bleeding, the magic of that control dried up for a few weeks. However, as I have said, it will come back and I am looking forward to it. In fact, Axel and I talked this week on our road trip to what I call “Southern Hell”, aka, the in-laws, about how to get that back and how the chastity, we realized, had played a huge role in things. That is too much to add here, but I plan a separate post on that later today or tomorrow because I feel it’s important to share or at least for me to remember when I read this years from now for my own information.

Speaking of that trip, honestly that is what inspired this post in a way because it made me realize exactly how comfortable and how happy I have been since allowing myself to embrace my kink side, since allowing you all into it, since beginning my relationship with the bunny boyfriend, which ALL circles back to Axel and I opening our marriage.

I know it’s hard to get how all of that can happen around an aluminum Alabama Christmas tree, however, in this case, I was very out of my element and wanting to just tell every single person in the room that I had a piece of titanium in my penis, like plugs in mine and my boyfriend’s asses, and that I have met Doms/Dommes/slaves/subs/and pets in the last few weeks. It was crazy, but I had such a feeling of not fitting in that I was struggling to even make conversation. Of course, that was not fair to Axel so I worked hard and got past it, but it wasn’t easy.

I have told you I am a proud Southern man and was born and raised “down here”, but Axel and I come from very different Souths. Mine is one of acceptance, private education, dressing for Sunday dinner (at 2pm), and using one’s natural accent for emphasis or sexiness (or just when drunk). His South is, unfortunately, more stereotypical where judgment rules, religious symbols are placed everywhere (someone we know has a picture of Jesus printed on vinyl and cut to fit the hood of their Camry), accents are just, well, bad for the image of all Southerners, and our German SUV is still looked at as “one of them foreign cars” and seriously does elicit stares.

That said, most of the people are good, hardworking people and have never, ever treated me with anything but respect, even while praying for the gay to go away. However, after hearing my mother-in-law refer to me as Jake multiple times (yes, while Drew is not my real name, it’s not Jake either and after 17 years, she should know it) and after my father-in-law and his wife gave me a giant cross sticker for the window of our cars, I ALMOST lost it before Axel suddenly jumped in and started explaining how all of that was inappropriate, how we were both pretty much agnostic and, even if we were religious we’d never have it on our cars, and that my name is ____.

It was really funny because then he started talking about how they could use a nice “re-think” of everything, how people, including their neighbors have secrets behind closed doors, and how praying to the Camry would likely not save their soul. When the irrational people left and the conversation evolved, I had stepped out for a bit and came back in to hear him talking about this couple he knows that have the kids, the house, perfect careers, and the dog, but have open minds about life and how they thrive. In fact, that “husband even has a boyfriend” (which caused two gasps and one brother in law to be seen adjusting his crotch) and that she is “encouraging of it and sees it just like when she goes to the spa”. I am not sure if I was too proud of him to be happy or too happy to realize how proud I was or just too busy looking around the table to see if anyone was putting two and two together (they didn’t and I didn’t blush) but it was just one more step on the Axel evolution ladder in a weird, weird setting.

So, this was a long post about nothing, but just shows that once again, the dominoes are all falling in a row and that just makes me smile harder than I would if a troop of hot firemen were to walk through the room (well, maybe not).

More tomorrow on chastity and the plans for January but until then, remember, if feeling blue, go find yourself your own Camry to pray to. I hear it helps.

P.S. Yes, Thumper, I know you predicted I would not know what to do with myself with 3 weeks off.  The bunny is always right, folks

I like the sounds he makes, when I hurt him.

I like the look in his eyes, when I hurt him.

I like the tension of his muscles, when I hurt him.

I like the way his ass grabs my dick like it’s never been as satisfied, when I hurt him.

I like the fact that, for a few seconds, he leaves me alone in the room when he goes wherever he goes in his mind, when I hurt him.

In fact, I am counting down the days until I can hurt him again.

Hurting him is fun. Hurting him gives me pleasure. Hurting him makes him “hard”.

This all started last week when Thumper tweeted the phrase “he likes the way I sound when he hurts me” and as mentioned, fuck, yes I do. In fact, while reading that phrase, my mind got turned on something fierce (my mind, of course, since, at that point my penis was still bleeding like a skewered goat and couldn’t react accordingly. He has since resumed his excitement over it; however).

Of course, me being me, I could not just accept the fact that his non-comfort, when naked and under me, makes me happy, so I have also been trying to figure out what it is that makes me want to hurt him and why when he begins this weird purr like guttural growl it makes me harder than I have been in years. See, he already has the sexiest voice in Minnesota, but, when it goes into that growly sound, it’s like I have just opened a Costco sized box of Cracker Jacks and the giant prize inside is just pure, dirty, sticky, wonderful sex.

Is that alone the reason? I dunno.

Today, Thumper wrote some advice back to one of his readers about how she should embrace her kinks and feelings because that is not going away and, through this post, I decided to do the same as I am now further embracing mine and have vowed not to even worry about why I feel that way, but to just let those feelings take over when that collared bunny presents me his fine tail and run with it, when possible.

In fact, let’s consider this my coming out as, at least, a part time sadist. Part time, meaning that the absolute only time I don’t want him comfortable is when we are on that path to his internal fireworks. Of course, this may not be a direct path and I have plenty of plans to make this take some time, but those will be between he and I until he shares them, (and you know he will).  I want to get him there faster next time, but in the days leading up to my next visit, we will be taking some steps to insure that as well and those may not be pleasant for him, but he will do them because he knows he has to in order to make his eyes roll back later in the week.  It’s the simple carrot and stick approach, really.

Anyway, let’s go back one week from tomorrow when he reached that place he described, shall we?

What he forgot to mention is that I had also linked the ring of his Steelheart to his locked ankles, so every time I would push him nipple wise, he’d pull himself ball wise and had linked nipple clamps through his collar so when he pulled his balls, he’d also “tug” his nipples. (I am a twisted fuck at times, btw). Actually, in hindsight, he may not have even realized that these elements were there as the scene escalated, but I did take some notes for next time and plan an updated configuration to make sure he won’t make that mistake again. In fact, next time we will get him there faster, keep him there longer, and we will spread out the pain so he may not even realize exactly where it’s coming from. I’ve been reading, my friends, and have all these notes neatly diagramed in my mind for the bunny to try to hop right off the bed, or floor, or windowsill, etc.

But he won’t.

Now, all of this is very relevant to his post last week about “That Place Where You Can Only Take Trust” because, like the twin towers he mentioned at the end, NONE of this can or will happen until I make sure we are both at the right place, the right time, and that our minds are thinking the same way.  It’s only been a few months, but I suspect that if we were at a cocktail party right now we could read each other’s expressions from across the room – his would be one of fascination because he had just seen something sparkly and mine would be some sort of intense look because I’d be pissed we were still there – but we would know, sorta, where the other stood. This party game skill transfers to sex too, because, I like nothing more than to make his downward looking submissive eyes look me in the eye while I control him and one learns a lot during those moments. Trust me.

To answer some more of those questions from earlier responses, yes, we did have a safe word, which was something so unique that I have forgotten it. However, I knew he’d never use it at that point because if I was doing my job right, deep down he’d know that I would never really hurt him and I never ever would. But, at that moment, I know that he was no longer processing such trivial things as bruises, marks, or ER trips, so I had to, and will continue to do so, because, that’s my job. During those times when he is my submissive, my masochist, my hole, and my object, he’s also my responsibility and I do not and will not ever take that lightly.

Besides, the bottom line is something my grandmother always told me as a child:

“Drew, when you grow up, make sure you never send your locked DILF boyfriend home to his wife broken or there will be trouble, young man”.

Words. To. Live. By.

Yesterday, on this blog, Thumper and I received a really long, detailed, thought out set of questions from our friend Skipper in Nevada.  Thumper created a new post yesterday based on one question and I am going to do the same for a section or two of the question as it progressed.  Also, I know that Thumper has one more response that is coming quite soon as well.  As an FYI, the entire question can be found within the comments on my favorite post, The Bisexual Bunny Tongue, by clicking here.

So, Skipper says:  I’m surprised by my confusion with the Drew / Thumper relationship! I can’t explain my confusion easily? I consider myself a smart rational guy. In reality the relationship between you and Thumper is a relationship between two people. That’s what people do… engage in relationships! I get that.
But…..?

Well, I honestly don’t know how to best answer that except that I think, just think, that perhaps some people think he and I should just be about sex, or friendship, or just to be quiet about both as the stereotypical masculine male has not historically been known as a type who expresses emotion or lets people, especially strangers, into their “inner world”.  I have to ask you, do you think it’s just weird because this might be the first time that you are actually watching two people form a friendship inclusive, yet not fully so as it started, of their kink bond?  I only ask it that way because you are right, people form relationships, but rarely are you on inside of the formation of the relationship? Or, seeing two people who have an incredible amount of commonalities and odd historical relevant experience from the “inside” and we have both allowed that here since day one and, aside from the fake name here or there, are both nearly 100% honest about our loves, our lives, and ourselves.

That said, let me tell you that you are not the only one who has asked this, but you ARE the only one who has asked in a way I care to answer.  Some have been about how a gay guy and a guy with a family could even be friends or other things filled with the same type bullshit or even negative ones not worthy of my time typing, but I sense you really do care, so I hope that helps.

Also, a bit later in your question you ask:

How can two people like Drew and Thumper have a relationship that is really cool and both of them coincidentally be really great at expressing things in writing? amazing! Whats the odds of that?)

I wish I knew.  It’s CRAZY, but I think the writing and the way we express ourselves is one of the main reasons we connected before and after we connected.  You may remember, but a few of the very first commenters accused us of being the same person, something I hope we have disproven by now and with those clouded pictures.  So, the writing is just a fantastic coincidence of sorts, but if you were to spend time with us, together or apart, we pretty much both talk the way we write too – random, off the wall, simple, long, deep, stupid, etc –  it makes for a fun lunch.  It’s just another commonality.

(Paraphrase) I have to express feeling a bit of weirdness about the fact that I consider you, Thumper and Belle to be my friends and that I find it odd that I worry about you all as a group and as individuals, etc?  

Please don’t feel funny about that at all.  That’s why we post in the format we do, because I suspect someone is reading my stuff like I used to read Thumper’s – just looking for advice, ideas, or even internet connected and covered acceptance of who they are.  While it still smarts a bit that you left Axel out of that (I kid), I have to tell you I used to be one of Thumper’s greatest online fans – now I am just one of Thumper’s great fans in life.  It’s funny, because, like you, I knew all the backstories that have been shared, thought Belle was the hottest, coolest wife ever, and thought the Bunny was a God who had to be the coolest guy in the whole world.  I could even see them living in this huge home and each driving  five Porsches with custom locking butt plug docking stations for him, BUT, what I met was the real man who has let me into his life and I having seen for myself that all of those things are true in his day to day life – except the docking stations don’t lock in reality.  Seriously, don’t feel guilty or creepy about it in any way, it’s what we put out there so enjoy it.  Learn from it.  Etc

To sum that up, I see it in the same way that Betty White has always been my fantasy Grandmother. I. LOVE. HER, but,  I have never met her or even seen her in person, but the day that woman dies, I will be under a table rocking back and forth for at least four minutes and about 16 seconds (well, I will have things to do I am sure).  Does this make sense?

Keep the questions coming and maybe we can help decipher things for you!  Oh, and if you DO decide to start stalking, start with him. He’s much easier to track down than me!!

DD