Shiny Security – Korean Style.

The broader point of this post has been on my mind for months, but I have not been able to figure out how to actually express my thoughts on it. However, I am in Hong Kong and it’s the middle of the night, so I thought I would give it a go. The overall theme of this is “owning your kink”, something I have struggled with for years. For me, it’s been a staged effort where most of the time I am not actually aware I have slipped into another stage of ownership until it’s presented to me in some way. This week, that presentation was me standing at the transit security check at the Seoul Airport at 3am in the morning while watching each of my chastity cages, and their supporting rings, wands, and other bangles, ride through the big gray tray all shiny and sparkling like little erect penises lined up proudly in a row.

To go back about ten minutes, I was transferring planes in Seoul on my way to China (I’m in Hong Kong now which is how I can write this) and my plane was almost an hour early arriving at something like 3:15am. I was one of the few connecting souls in Seoul (see what I did there?), so the transit line wasn’t very long and I, being toward the front of the plane, was toward the front of the line (as an FYI, for those who may not know my lingo, this area is where if you are connecting to another international flight, you simply have to have your carryons’s rescanned by the country you are in before being allowed into the airport).

Indicative of most other things in my life, my carryon backpack is very compartmentalized with each compartment also has little zipper pouches thus further giving all sorts of clues to my type A side. As we have discussed, Axel does not make my fly internationally locked for a variety of reasons, but he likes to choose which device I wear where (again, see what I did there?) so I take them all in a small zipper gray pouch along with six or other little pods that contain medicine, chargers, cords, more chargers, my Dodger’s cap, and a few more chargers. I have actually been commended by airport security before because it’s easy for them to see and, when they have had to open my bag for something, the little packs just go in the tray and I wait, repack and am on my way.

Except this time. This time as my carryon pushed through to me, I had that sinking feeling that one gets when they see their other bag come out of the shoot, lift slightly, go left, and then ride the conveyor belt behind the plexiglass as if they have surely found out I was carrying something I had no idea I had. As the bag came to rest, these two Korean agents who didn’t speak a word of English motioned me to stand on the two yellow feet on the floor as they proceeded to open the back and lift each little pouch out. That has happened many times to me in the past and they run the bags back through, smile and let me pack and leave. However, this time, I watched as the two men unpacked each of my cubes and laid all the items out one by one on the tray. As freaked as I was I did realize that they had done a fabulous job is setting a beautiful display and my cords and chargers were stunning and, again, I was moire freaked that I really didn’t care because those are part of me and that’s that. Then, then, they got to the penis bag containing everything and anything I have used to control my penis or those peni around me.

He lifted the bag, I wet my pants a little, and then he proceeded to lay every thing out, each screw, wand, ring, and phallic shaped device (I had my two Steelwerks and one Steelworxx Steelheart in there) was perfectly arranged on a beautiful display of control that might be what a museum in the year 2230 would show when talking about primitive orgasm control. As this happened, they did not make a single glance my way, didn’t say a word to each other, and he took my tray and broke into the line of families now ready to be processed and laid it down and let it ride. I felt like I should be mortified, but I wasn’t. I was worried about what pictures I would have to draw in the small booth as there was no way I could even think to make google say “locked dick” in Korean. I so wanted to take pics and document this, but, of course, they also had my phone.

So, as my penises slowly rode the belt of shame, I waited being quite proud of myself for not turning red, not shaking, or not doing anything other than planning on trying my best to tell the story of Thumper, me, orgasm denial, and butt plugs, all in Korean at 3:30 in the morning. But, nothing happened. My other items came through and the agent gently packed them back into the cubes and put them in my bag, but when the dick bag came, he actually packed it all back up, carefully making sure he got every screw and bauble and then zipped the bag and, instead of putting it back in my bag, he walked around the glass and handed me the bag with the two hand gesture often used in Asian countries, said something in Korean, and then sent me on my merry way.

I have no idea what he said but am so fucking curious it’s making me laugh over and over again. But, we shall see as I am off to New Zealand tonight and get to play this airport game over again.

The Rabbit, the Lizard, and the Troll

As most of you know, over the last four years Thumper and I have had a relationship that vacillated between pure, raw, kinky dirty sex to baseball to control and challenge games where I issue orders and he follows them. Usually those involve something in or on him, but it’s helped us both maintain a level of D/s regardless of whether there is sex or not. It’s actually now been over a year since I have seen him in person due to schedules, families and life (Warning: passive aggressive comment ahead) and I have no idea when the next time will be as I have actually decided to stop trying for awhile as my last six or eight attempts have been bad on his end, so the plug’s in his court on those (passive aggressive comment over).

But, anyway, we are maybe two years out of the boyfriend status that we used to say we had (and we did) and I technically have no official claim on his ass when not in a specific challenge, but something happened this week that kicked in my Dom side and I couldn’t help but insert myself into a situation where I was worried that he would be hurt as his lizard versus rabbit brain was clearly siding with the lizard . I was hesitant at first because there is no inherent right to his ass, but the reality was that, for me, once a Dom always a Dom and whether active or not, when we formed that side of our relationship I made a promise to protect him that I didn’t limit to just when my collar was locked on him.

If you follow him on Twitter, you will have seen that this week he was approached by a guy online who we have both talked with in the past who has always wanted to give Thump orders. This guy, while nice, has always been a bit sketchy in that he has no email, no real picture, and won’t reveal anything about himself that could be real – you know, the three SCREAMING red standard red flags, but Thump has always been drawn to him despite those things. I have interjected before and stopped anything while telling dude to back off and, in true online fashion, he’d disappear for months and then be right back at it again. He talks a great talk and if he were real and it was an option, I’d likely drive Thump to him and hand over my rights to anything because they actually have that much in common in the kink and dirty talk world that they’d be naked together forever. But, something has always been off and I have no trust in him, but, being virtual, I always kinda thought what real damage could be done by talking?

Well, not too much for most people, but the thing about Thumper is that when he is in his sub space, he IS IN HIS sub space. It’s almost trance like and the 50+ man who is widely successful in non kink life, suddenly becomes this passive being who can only use the words Sir, hole, plug, fuck, and cage. I admire the fuck out of him for being able to do that and there were times in the past I had to rely on myself to stop myself, because he’d have let me do anything I wanted to him and I could have easily done it. But, we had boundaries and rules and I also know that when he comes out of that trance, it’s sometimes not pretty, so I felt a had a duty to protect.

So this week, I could tell dude was getting him to that sub place just trough texts and phone calls. He cannot hide it from anyone, though I am likely more attuned to it than most. He started talking about dude and how he wanted to do whatever he said, so Drew’s Dom voice stepped in from wherever I was an absolutely insisted that dude talk with me and that he be bound by a set of guidelines I established (which included Thump getting rid of the stupid font he was using on Twitter that made everything look stupid – you are welcome, Twitter). Thump wanted to submit for a week, but I insisted on just 48 hours and messaged Thump and dude saying that along with a variety of other things, like family time is family time and that his career CANNOT be brought into it, etc. In addition, I insisted that they use a group message that allowed me to watch, but I said I would not participate in the conversation. Immediately, dude told him to do something that would have made it obvious to Belle and Thump was actually starting it and I stepped in as a warning. That was fine and the next day they talked incessantly (which was so fucking annoying as my watch and phone buzzed for hours on end) but Thump seemed to be enjoying himself and, after verifying that with him separately a few times, I let them be. I was with a brand new client and they decided to take me to dinner, so I dropped offline for about two hours, and, though I felt my watch buzzing like mad, but with a new client I could not be rude and keep looking, so I let it be even more. However, when I got back to my hotel and logged in, it was a hot mess with dude repeatedly giving orders outside our agreement, Thumper trying his best to not say no, dude being belligerent, and Thump trying. I immediately stepped in and stopped it and sent dude packing (though Thump has likely yet to block him), but the texts flowed from Thump about how when the line was crossed he felt violated but could not stop the guy, who conveniently messaged that he had a family emergency that was going to keep him offline for about a week. Yeah, right, of course.

Anyway, Thump was hurt and I think embarrassed, but I think it was likely a very strong lesson learned for him on multiple levels. In the end, all is fine and there was no actual harm done, but being able to witness this incredible guy suddenly turn into a pool of submissive juice was extremely eye opening because the sub mind is truly fascinating as I don’t think my switch brain would ever get close to that on either side. But, the flip is I also realized that even without planning or thinking, a Dom’s role IS to protect and in this situation, Thumper and I did this right.

I’ll be curious to see how this plays out in the future, especially because I didn’t want Thump to use it as a source of withdrawals from being the guy who accepts orders, as he truly does thrive on that even after the drama (as he is at work now sitting on a giant plug wearing briefs chosen by me – how’s it feel, Thumpie?) and that’s fantastic! I’ll be interested to see the comments here and see where this goes now. And, fyi, dude is blocked on my end forever and I hope the lizard allowed the rabbit to do the same in Minnesota.

The Forever Penis: The Steelwerks Crucible 2.0


As many of you know, I have had my very own, very personalized, very beautiful Steelwerks Crucible 2.0 for a bit over two months. I have tried many times to start a review of the cage like I have my other ones, but something about this cage feels so different and yet so right that it’s been a struggle to find the exact words. This review is less about the stats and less about me saying “you must go buy one now” and more about the mental reaction caused by this creature that makes you stop and think about a few things. Now, Chris would kill me if I didn’t actually mention that you can buy your own that will be based on your own dick, not someone else’s, and then carved from a single block of titanium (ie:no seams to irritate). Plus, breaking news, SW now has a BEAUTIFUL new version that uses the traditional ring versus the piercing so all you non-PA’d guys can have both the security and beautifully shiny crotch that I have too (spoiler alert: I am going to interview the original locked man in that beauty soon).

But back to the cage and my lack of words. I have mentally been thrown since the minute I put the Crucible on as basically, this cage is so good one could wear the rest of his life without needing much of anything or ever orgasming again (it’s sanitary, airport proof, and looks like a penis in pants). THAT is what scared me and made me realize that Axel and I are not ready to even remotely try that level of management. It also made us aware that we just might want to get there but, first, we had to get a few things done and the to-do list just kept growing. Apparently, we are/were not quite ready to be so adult and, most importantly, the levels of stress and clutter in our lives continued to grow despite our best attempts to say we made good attempts. So, while it almost sounds stupid now, this one cage represented something to us that made us want to be better and get our shit together to move into the next life phase, whatever that may be. We made a vow to declutter what we could, adjust our thinking along some kinks, and just be more together when we are together. I would say we vowed to workout more and eat healthy, but you know, we do have limits.

So, over the last few weeks, while in the shadow of the crucible hanging between my legs, we actually started simplifying, just to get ready for a cock cage.  He started by closing a practice/business that was costing us money personally each month, we’ve updated our insurance and wills, we have done the whole big picture financial piece (and got scared and went for pizza), cleaned out about 80% of the drawers and closets at home, updated CV’s, and this last weekend we hired movers to come take away about 12 pieces of furniture we had that we really didn’t like and/or no longer had a need for to take to what will be a family estate sale in a few months.

No, I am not going to be locked in this forever, but I could be. When you put this on it’s amazing in how it really feels like your own dick, just in titanium and just slightly more endowed. It’s so light that you can’t even feel a weight as well which is odd.  In fact, when it comes down to it, I am almost bothered by the comfort of it and have contracted with SW to make me a new locking scrotal cuff that will allow the bottom of my PA to lock into it, thus seriously constructing the freedom the caged penis has without it. I know that sounds odd, but there are times when you want chastity to feel like chastity and when that time is for me, I will have the o ability to click the lock down to the ring and be a bit more managed, shall we say. And, yes, with this cage you can get hard, and while I have admittedly not really tried too hard, orgasm would be tough with this because it’s so slick that there is really nothing to grab nor any feeling when you do.

Bottom line, this is likely one of the most advanced pieces Steelwerks has ever made and is the perfect device for lifestyle lockers as it could be the forever penis many often dream about. For me, I still have a few weekends of cleaning the closets but we are getting closer.


Wanted: Kinky on the Side (again)

IMG_3783Hi, as usual, from the sky. I am heading cross country today to California for just a day after getting back from Australia over the weekend. The travel has gotten to a point where any adventure is really nullified, but I am trying my best to not allow that to happen.

In kink news, I, frankly, have never felt kinkier in my life and am so sitting on the edge of go and ready to strip to my cage and go to town, but each time I think I am starting, forces beyond my control have shut me down and spiraled me mentally backwards for a brief bit. The first was two weekends ago in Sydney where I had been talking to a really cute man who was kinky as fuck on the dominant side. He and I just really clicked. After some intensive conversations, we decided it was time to meet and, unlike my usual nature, I felt so safe that I was going to meet him at his nearby apartment where we would go for a drink and talk. Axel knew all about this and endorsed it heavily. My friend Mack knew it as well. All was good until I got there where there was a strange looking dude standing at the door of the complex. My new mastery friend buzzed me in and the strange dude followed. I let him go first because I didn’t feel the love from him and had wondered if I has just accidentally buzzed a jewel thief inside while feeling a bit bad. Then creepy dude suddenly went to the exact apartment I was going to, knocked and went in. I messaged my friend immediately to say I saw that and that I would be leaving and didn’t hear from him for six to eight hours and, when I did, he was high as he could be and gave off a significant Meth vibe that I have learned from my friends who have had issues in the past. I felt stupid and really questioned myself, but I was safe and in the scheme of things, that was the important factor. While I think this guy would have been incredibly fun, burn me at the beginning and we are done.

Fast forward two weeks and my arrival home. There was someone Axel and I had both been talking with in a training, perhaps cuckold situation, and it had been months of nice gentle conversation. We had set a time to meet, just for a drink or three, and an hour before he messaged running late and that was all there was . Ghosted ever since. That may or may not be a misunderstanding as Ax and I had both been talking to him, so maybe there was wire crossed, but for now, it’s off the table and again, I feel like I was played.

All of this is simply me trying again, because, I have decided I need a new Thumper. Plain and simple. Yes, I still have a friendship and a maybe sex/maybe not relationship with Thump (though we were supposed to meet tonight in LA and he cancelled on me so I am reevaluating the whole thing – kidding, Thump). But, in hindsight of the days when Thump and I did see each other once or twice a month where I could abuse him, I was at my kinky best. The regular outlet of kink, BDSM, and a bit of polyamory fueled me, allowed stress to be relieved, and actually increased my relationship with Axel as we were both very happy with how things were going. I even enjoyed writing then, something that has failed me since.

So, its time and saying that, consider this my own personal ad of sorts:

If you have a penis (naked or locked) and are Dom, sub, older than 45 and have a professional demeanor with a kinky as fuck side while also wanting something regular without being the main, please apply within. Distance can be dealt with easily..

While I semi joke with that, there is more truth to it than not because I am just not a random NSA guy and the thrill of getting to deeply know a kinkster inside and out (literally) is a huge driver for me. I think I have failed to admit this to myself over the last year as I didn’t want the whole Drew and Thumper show to end,  but I now realize it was cancelled two years ago, or at least in the format it began in and that is not coming back despite how we feel about each other or if we still get naked. I am best with an “on the side” and it’s time I find him again*. Period.


*referrals gladly accepted and finder’s fees may or may not apply.

Kinky Thoughts

Hello from California warmth. I am here following five days of snow and ice at home that left Axel and I with a bit of cabin fever. It was 3″of snow and that can shut down the South completely. I actually love to drive in it, but since my truck/suv is just a tad more than a month old, I chose not to risk anything and stay home like an old lady.

Anyway, the time home together was fantastic though I have no stories to share about amazing sex and sticky orgasms. However, I could tell you about the clean drawers and the organized closet, but that’s for another blog I’d never read. Axel and I kept up our bondage time and some additional kink here and there but we mostly just spent the time together just together and, thanks to HBO Go, watched all seven Harry Potter movies in a row -something I always have wanted to have the time to do. It’s amazing what you can forget about that magical kid.

Of course, all this togetherness led to a lot of conversation and he shared something with me that I thought was very interesting and might apply to a lot of people in the same situation as we are. It was basically kink fantasies and the fact that he used to feel very cheated when we were having sex because he always suspected that I was thinking about kink and kinky things in my head even if we were having the most salacious vanilla sex we could be having. He went on to say that these thoughts bothered him for years until he realized a few months ago that if Chris Pratt were naked in our bed I would not be satisfied until I had at least envisioned him in a collar and leash with a lock on his dick because he finally realized that that was just HOW I was wired when I was born and he was okay with that now.

Now, I never thought I was being unfaithful in the moment by flashing to Tumblr or recon in my mind because that fueled the fire and he always had much better ride because of it whether he knew it or not. I thought it was pretty common knowledge that most people are not 100 percent mentally faithful to the one they are fucking while they are fucking, though maybe I just assumed because I didn’t know it any differently? Kink, power exchange, and cute men in leather bits have always caught my attention inside my brain during sex or hell, during work, at the dentist, at Costco. I mean, it’s just how I thought it was. The only time I ever thought that odd was at a funeral but that was mostly because I thought I should have been more sad than I was.

For Ax, he told me that he thought I should be thinking about him that way and, in reality, I often do – now so more than ever, but I felt a bit stunned when this super intelligent man said that to me about me because he of all people should know how the brain works. In hindsight I should have fired back with, “what do you think about?” but I didn’t want to open that door because I would likely have to tell him that I am also thinking about the cable bill, where my seat is on the next flight, or even the snack I will have right after sex (I get hungry), though I suspect those things would have been easier for him to digest because he knew that side of me.

While this was a minor thing and we are not calling the divorce attorneys over Chris Pratt in a collar, the reality was that was the one area I don’t think I had considered in my quest to turn the most vanilla man kinky when I outed my leather bound self to him so many years ago. For those of us who have partners not on the same level of kink as we are, there are so many ways we work to educate them and convince them to play and try and, if you are like me, you get lucky and can find the kink within, but there is always something you didn’t think about even under the best of intentions.

Now none of this is ground breaking, but it’s just something I had never thought of in this situation. For the non kinky, being with a kinky partner has to be frustrating in that I suspect they feel they will never measure up at times and insecurities creep in at the weirdest spots. He says he’s over this now and has owned his insecurity about what I want to do in the kink world, but, for me, this was a gentle reminder that I need to make sure I remember all of him and his thoughts as I go down the leather lined path and not get excited so excited about his first few steps forward that I am literally dragging him by the leash to catch up, again.

Failure to launch. Literally.

As I think I mentioned in the last post, I had been locked on and off, though completely chaste, for about six weeks. This was probably the longest time I have ever gone without an orgasm and, though I wish I could tell you this was all at Axel’s direction, it really was just a combination of that, a month in Australia, the holidays and then, the worst of the worst, several days of my mother in law visiting which can put a chill on even the best laid plans to get laid. She’s just a joy. Her visits are always gifts that keep on giving as the week of discussions that follow about various things are again, enough to cool any and all erections.

But, I digress.

Anyway, last weekend the world settled a bit and Axel and I had a great conversation about the fact that he was proud that I had abstained for so long and that he would likely let me come Sunday afternoon provided I “was nice” all weekend and let him have his way – whatever way that was. We had a really nice weekend and on Sunday he was going to be meal prepping for the week and doing a lot in the kitchen that he enjoys and he told me that I should join him right before pulling out the sleepsack, hood and gag that he thought would be the appropriate “uniform” for me while he cooked. The game was set and for the next two hours or so I listened to him cook from my flat position on the big island in the back of the kitchen in the sack and the hood, though no gag because I had a small cough and a bit of congestion happening.  It was so nice and such a zen like experience and then I felt him unzipping the bag and strategically re-zipping it where just my titanium clad dick was on the outside. That went on a bit and I heard some fumbling and then, there it was, the key on the screw, and then the key on my balls, and then the key on the screw, and then the key on my bladder, and then finally, the key found it’s S slot and in two twists I was free (for those who don’t know, the Steelwerks keys are in a S pattern and are tiny keys and tiny screws, escaping is impossible and release requires a bit of patience and good eyesight – neither of which Ax has).

THIS was going to be the climax of all climaxes because it had been so long and, while I was still in the bag, he took the cage off, cleaned me up and bit and started jacking me to a point of pure pleasure, but sexual release was not happening. That said, I have never been a quick ejaculator. Be it years of SSRI’s or just me, I am not one that will orgasm fast and, while this is generally a pleasure for my partners (except that time Thumper yelled “God dammit, come already” as apparently even his ass can get tired) it’s always frustrated me a bit because I knew it meant I would never have a second career in porn. So, Axel backed off, unzipped and unhooded me and let me try to take care of business. I tried and I tried and I thought of every sexy happy thing I could and though I was hard as a rock, the climax was just not happening. I kept going but I was at the point where I was physically exhausted and my legs were cramping like mad (I somehow engage my thigh muscles big time when I ejaculate – which does help explain their size) but it was just not happening. Ax turned on his therapist voice, a voice I tend to hate because it literally is a different voice with a weird soothing Southern accent, and kept telling me I was tired and that this was okay and to go shower, relax and we could try again later. I felt horrible because he didn’t get to come either and I tried to get him to, but being the gentleman dom at that moment, he sent me scurrying upstairs gear in hand to shower.

I was devastated and even though my rational side could explain it all – cold medicine, sore legs from leg day, etc – the failure to perform killed me. The funny thing is it wasn’t erectile dysfunction really because, trust me, that was STILL there, but just the utter and complete prostate betrayal in my mind. I was so ready to trade it in. I showered, put on my comfy flannel pants and came downstairs ready to be locked again and he said no that we would try later and to go do “my things”. As anyone who knows me knows, I do not like or accept failure in myself, so I thought I would make sure it happened and I got into the fridge and took one of the Cialis pills we have that Ax’s docs have given him after his accident and surgeries. I had never taken one before but thought it would be great and surely would solve this issue.

So, I took it and went about the night knowing that thanks to modern medicine I would have a steel erection and life would be good. I WOULD COME and it would be magical. Soon after taking it the penis went into a semi state that was actually quite fun to play with and any trigger of anything would get to full mast at any time. But, about that point I started coughing a bit more, was more sniffly and had the dam flushing and headache the pill causes, and had to decide whether the Advil Cold and Sinus would mix well with the blue pill (yes, technically another drug) and decided to risk it. I wasn’t feeling great but god damm I was going to have sex whether or not it killed me. It was going to be so good and as I took him up to bed later, hand in hand all romantic like for about six steps since I walk faster than him, I still had my mind set on sex and sex I had. The most unromantic, transactional sex ever, but my six weeks was over and, like Thump had always told me, it wasn’t that pleasurable and kinda hurt, but it was done!

I slept, got on a plane, and then crashed and am writing this from the Michigan hotel room where I have quarantined myself because I have the flu. Full on fucking flu. What’s worse, that pill will stay with you about 36 hours, so I spent the day coughing, sniffling, dying all with a magical erection that just would go away and then come back the minute I saw something interesting. It was like 8th grade all over again. All day. But, that finally went away and I am better now and will likely see daylight today.  I had never been so excited to officially get sick because that HAD to explain my performance issue, at least in my mind and that’s all that matter.

Who knows, but the clock was reset…







Investing in Denial

January 2018, my first post in a new year that has so much potential.

Of course, in 2018, I am going to eat better, work out more, stay naked longer, and, practice more of what I preach regarding male chastity while trying my best to have something locked around my dick every day of the year – though exceptions have to apply for some of my travel to places like China and similar where I walk a very straight line through customs not wanting the risk of discovery, even on the devices that are not actually detected such as the Schandmaske.

As I have mentioned before, I have a new device on order from Steelwerks that will replace the original cage, the Axel, which I sold last month to a now very secure man south of here. With the life I lead, I was looking for something simple without the extra tiny screws and without a scrotal ring as my ginger skin is always a bit more sensitive than the average unblessed person – the non ginger. What I have ordered is something,  called the Crucible 2.0, which is a fitted titanium cage that is being crafted around a model of my actual dick and will look very similar to mine in clothes and the 6,372 pictures I will take and tweet the first month I get it. Like the Schandmaske that I adore, this one will be secured via my PA and a locking hollow barbell which allows zero escape chances while also allowing me to piss in a straight shot like my friends who didn’t have a hole punched in their dick for fun, like me.

When I wrote about getting the new cage and posted the prototype photo, most agreed that the cage is absolutely beautiful and will be yet another piece of art like the Axel and all of the Steelwerks’ cages. However, one comment I got in person one day caught my attention about why I would want to spend the money that a Steelwerks’ cage commands again versus buying cheap from an internet toy store and pocketing the extra dough.  I laughed that off for a few reasons but mostly because it came from one of my friends who drives an Escalade (as if he couldn’t have bought the Tahoe and pocketed the extra dough??) and that it’s my dough and, thankfully I am in a position to be able to have choices. However, the core factors behind the choice is something that got me thinking about Steelwerks and the other niche manufacturers of cages similar to Steelwerks who now fight every day to make sure their work isn’t pirated – while also constantly defending the cost of custom manufacturing.

First, about the ebay and amazon knock off cages I see guys so excited about buying or trying. I could go through the whole thing about safety, quality of materials, and the question about if you really want to lock your most precious asset into something that may or may not rust, bend, or pinch but I won’t do that this time. What I will say is that these cages, in most cases, are often a complete copy of one from Steelwerks or the other companies that make speciality designs and by buying them you are basically stealing the science and design behind them which can ultimately endanger the entire industry we enjoy so much. I get that guys want to try these things out and realize that nothing will change this and I will even admit to having bought a few myself years ago, but I would just hope that the guys who do buy the knockoff XXX realize what they have and then purchase from the actual manufacturer of XXX when the knockoff inevitably fails them.

Second, and less soapbox like, is that the devices from “off the shelf” that are manufactured by the actual companies that make them like Holy Trainer, Rigid, and the others are all excellent devices and serve a great purpose. For me, these devices were a way for me to know that I wanted to make the investment in a custom device and, once I did that, there really was no going back. The best analogy is one I have used before about the BMW vs the Mitsubishi and how they will ultimately both get you the same place and serve the same purpose. However, the “ultimate driving machine” BMW will get you there with style, safety, and a quality of materials, craftsmanship, and assembly that even the best Mitsubishi could never do. I remember the first time I drove a BMW when I was in college and I was immediately hooked because of those things (and the cute guy letting me drive it) and will never forget the way it just held the road and felt when I gave it a throttle. However, at that point in my life I had a budget that only allowed me to enjoy the driving pleasure of a used beige Ford Escort with the exciting 4 speed manual transmission. Even though mine was equipped with a cassette tape player AND a rear window defroster, I still longed for the feel of that BMW because I knew that was what I wanted to feel. I think it’s the same thing with cages because, once you feel the way a custom device fits, how it physically feels, and see the detail that goes into the design, the shape, and the materials it’s addicting in a very good way.

Of course, just like with premium car manufacturers there are levels of custom and cost and, in my opinion, you find what works best for you (and or your key holder) and you run with it. That is why Steelwerks is where I choose to invest in my denial.

Bottom line, you get what you pay for and to my friend with the Escalade, I look forward to waving my titanium penis in your face. But, here’s to 2018 and all of the adventures we can have within it before the big button might be pushed. Have a great year and thanks for sticking with me.




Goodbye 2017 and Christmas with Mom

As I write, Axel and I are saying good bye to 2017 with a big pot of soup, homemade bread, Netflix, and lots of blankets as, even down south, today is struggling to even reach 15 degrees F. I’m thrilled with this lack of activity day because it’s just been one of those years where I feel like I haven’t seen him nearly enough and I have no desire to spend New Year’s Eve with strangers or at someone else’s house.

I have a lot of sexual and kink regrets over the last year and I have made mental resolutions to fix those this year and to even get back to blogging regularly. The regrets are not even worth discussing because they are the same ole same ole ones, but this was a year I needed to spend focusing on the new job, my aging family, and rebuilding some friendships that were in need of attention.

The travel was amazing and, though I can’t specifically mention everywhere I went for work, I did get two bucket list items done with one being able to walk on the Great Wall of China alone. For those who are interested in my geek side, I thought I would share my 2017 travel stats (maybe as an excuse for not many posts).

2017 Flight Stats:

138 flights (26 international, 10 intercontinental, 112 domestic)
31 Airports
10 Airlines
30 Aircraft

9 countries

5 continents

151,275 miles (around the world 6.07 times)

Time in Air: 16 days, 1 hour and 25 minutes

However, as a way of closing out the 2017 blogging season, I thought I would share one more story from my mother that changed the tone of Christmas Day but gives just a bit more insight into where my kinky genes derive.

To set the scene for those of you new to this, my mother is the most amazing woman in the world. Over the last ten years she has gotten more and more free about discussing sex, love and life and would often, in my mind, try to choose the most awkward way to express it. Four years ago when this blog was new, she often commented on me and Thumper in ways that made me think she knew things beyond what she should. Unfortunately, the last 18 months have seen an Alzheimer’s diagnosis and, though it ebbs and flows a bit, we have seen a pretty steady decline in the day to day things.

But, but, Christmas morning she was on a roll. As a family we had gathered for breakfast at her house with me, Ax, sister, sister’s husband, and various other old people. As my parents often keep Stella (my dog), my sister asked my Mom if Stella slept with she and Dad when she was there. I thought it was a rather silly question but my mom answered immediately with “Oh yes, yes, it’s a great little threesome in the bed. You know, like the old days cause your father….” . At this point she was stopped by my 80 year old Dad who had launched himself out of his chair (faster than I had seen in years) toward her saying her name with that “Dear God please fucking stop talking” look on his face.  It was so funny and so classic and one of those moments where I just thanked God that I am part of this family and have lived long enough to watch the WASP’s lose their country club wings. Aside from the immediate texts to Thumper and Mack, the best part of this was watching Axel and my brother in law squirm as they are rarely around when these things get said.

Happy New Year, people. See you soon,

Parallel Me

G’day from Down Under. There have been several interesting things this week in the mailbox including one that offended me and one that intrigued me. I will write about the offensive one later as I am still processing my thoughts, but the intriguing one involves a guy named Niles who contacted me who is “me” in a relationship very similar to Thumper and Belle.  I was in flight when I got this and responded with a “wow, give me some time” and, so, well, Niles, here is your response for the world to see! (fyi, I did clear this with Niles)

He wrote:

“Drew, stumbling upon your blog I was blown away and spent almost 12 hours reading it from start to finish and then moved on to Thumper’s where I am still engrossed. I say this because I am also the third partner in a situation like yours and need your advice. To start, I am 33 years old, live in London, and am married to a man who let’s me explore my kinks which are chastity and control release, so I am a locked bottom at home and mostly in a mature metal cage or a behind barz full belt. My husband hates fucking and just uses me orally and, as you know, a locked boy needs to be fucked, so he has let me explore. About six months ago I met a heterosexual couple in Berlin where the husband is submissive to his wife but has a strong dom bisexual side that he likes to explore with men. We bonded quickly and, within days, he was holding my key and giving me orders and I visited and got fucked in ways that I had NEVER experienced. It was going so well and then it wasn’t. He disengaged and lost contact with me and a few weeks later was right back on it with immediate orders and demands. I, of course, immediately responded by doing those only to have them go away again. This has been a cycle and I am worried that I contact too much or not enough but he has the only keys to my belt and it makes me worry. I am not in love with him, but I miss him and then worry about missing him, etc. Is this normal? In reading your posts it’s like you two became boyfriends instantly with both spouses happy and I am just not getting this. Did I make a mistake?”

So, I have to laugh and really call out my gay self here because I feel like Carrie Bradshaw with this question and even found myself reading it hearing Sarah Jessica Parker’s voice. Luckily, that delusional side didn’t last long so here is my response, Niles.

No, I don’t think you made a mistake at all because in whatever time you have had you admit you have gained experiences you didn’t have before and have had incredible sex. Putting this to my situation, yours doesn’t sound that different than mine aside from time and the reverse roles. In the beginning, when Drew met Thumper we were giddy, I traveled there as much as I could, he bent over as much as he could, we chatted, we talked, we irritated our spouses because we got caught up in the newness. That lasted awhile and then faded and the boyfriend word was never used again. But, we continued doing all of the above, but just in lesser intensities.

Now, you hit on something Thump and I have talked a lot about too in that, in your case, I translate to the weeks you say he is very much on to you as a Dom and even micromanaging your tasks, etc.  I might get slammed for this, but, on my end, in my head I call those “Thumper’s gay weeks” and I have learned that they are what they are. He and I will go strong and, as you say, then we don’t, and it’s usually not my call despite my Dom side. In my head, I just accepted that because I, like you, am married to a man, gay sex and discussions of male on male things is common place. And, when that week of kinky male on male sexual acrobatics is done, you and I go home to something that looks like we just had, even if the actions are sadly not the same.

I am not sure I have actually discussed this with Thump this way, but when he would leave me after a sex date or at the end of one of those challenge weeks, he went home to something that looked WAY different with kids, females, etc. I honestly can’t imagine the switching back and forth that has to go on, even though I have witnessed some of it first hand, in his mind and admire the fuck out of him for being able to do that at times.

Now, I get where you are coming from because, in full bluntness, at the beginning of our relationship I would often feel a bit used (as did he is a completely different way – HA) when suddenly I wasn’t in vogue at the moment, but I learned to adjust to that and knew it was never personal. Our friendship remained tight. In fact, right now he and I are in one of those zones where we are not talking much and I would bet he doesn’t know where I am this week, but I also know that if I needed him he’d answer the phone and, if I really wanted him to go take his underwear off just to feel a bit used, he might bitch a bit, but he’d do it because, whether we talk or even act it, he’s still submissive to me and after four years there is no longer any wavering on that fact (that was mostly my issue but better now).

So, all this to wrap up in a sentence really means that if you are enjoying it and the Dom is good to you when he is using you, just adapt and give it time. I would assume since he holds your keys you have to have some regular contact, and, if you don’t that is an entirely different type post, but find your ground rules and go with it. Thumper and I were not afraid to communicate our needs to each other, ever, and that continues to shape our friendship when and when it doesn’t have benefits.

As I wrap this up, the thought just occurred to me that are you afraid to say how you feel BECAUSE you are in the sub role? If that is the case, write back because there will be 100 comments to you about how you should never feel that way.

Kink Intervention

I always thought that at some point in my life I would be the subject of an intervention. I figured it would be because I had developed some weird obsession with a substance, a person or an object, but never did I think I needed to be intervened based on something I wasn’t doing.

See, the week started out okay which was nice because over the last few weeks I have been to China, Hong Kong, Korea, Canada, and on both coasts of the US. It was fascinating in some senses as I got a private tour of the Great Wall of China and ate all kinds of interesting things, much to my trainer’s dismay (I cancelled this week so he won’t see though so all is okay). But, in all that, I got tired and distracted and put my job above everything else in my life, Axel, friends, kink and Bolt and Thumper who may not even recognize me next time I see me.

Earlier this week; however, I had a work assignment for three days in Montreal, birthplace of my metal peni (I have a few so I think that is the plural) and so that meant that I got to spend time with Steelwerk’s Chris and his amazing bride, Mrs. Steelwerks. We had some great times, great talks and, as evening one wrapped, he said “Dude, make time for me for lunch tomorrow. I’m paying“. Well, I was able to move things around and make lunch happen and for him to volunteer to pay, I thought something was up, but decided not to worry too much.

The next morning I did my work thing, stopped be the Steelwerks shop where I made a bet that I was probably one of the first to wear a business suit and tie while sitting in that amazing antique barber/dentist chair. He gathered his things and we set out on a walk to find pizza, my favorite food ever. After we placed our orders, he turned to me as said, “Duuuuuuuude, we need to talk. You have lost your kink and we have to get you back on track“. Now, while Thumper and I still have a few things that we do here and there we don’t discuss, he was right and it hit me immediately, though it also hit me how loud he was talking, which was funny to everyone but me. Anyway, he proceeded to say “you work too much, you don’t have any fun, and you are not wearing any of the amazing things you have to keep your dick from getting hard. Don’t be wasting the Steelwerks, dude”. He was, of course, right and I had zero excuses that didn’t include the W word.

While I would like to tell you that then cancelled my whole day while he texted a beautifully built, 6’5, blond haired former underwear model turned Master to immediately come lock me into a sleep sack and ship me off to a dungeon, he didn’t and I didn’t cancel my day either. But, what we did do was discuss why I was not wearing the cages and what I would need to make sure I did since I have such a weird life, what impacted that, and how he could design something that fit all the things I was looking for in a chastity device. This was the right tactic because, when I have one on, I feel that kink vibe whether I am working or playing, but it’s there, so that always charges me up.

We went back to the shop and I fell absolutely in love with a new device he has been making for a few select clients that takes the beautiful shape of the Crucible and blends it with the practicality of the Shandmaske which then creates the “CrucMaske 2.0 Limited Edition from Steelwerks” which he lovingly engraves on the underside of every penis. It’s beautiful and, by the way, not really called that. I think he calls it the Crucible 2 while I will likely call mine Axel 2.0 because I will be selling Axel as a way to help make this happen.

Pictures of this device are as follows, but it’s basically like creating a titanium skin for your dick and locking it down through the PA. While rumor has it straight and/or curious men can fuck women with it, they certainly will not be able to seal the deal, making it even more so frustrating. Of course, the good news is they can drink that frustration off in an airport bar and this is 100% TSA safe and goes through both scanners like a charm. However, making it is complicated and fun and it starts with a semi-custom 3D printed mold of the cage which is also delivered with it for those times when you just want a black dick, cause that’s the only color he has which I suspect is really just for the jokes. Mine fit amazingly well and after wearing it a bit I succumbed and placed the order for a near Christmas delivery.

In the pictures you will see the final device as it should look (as worn by whoever now owns it) and a 3D model,


which I am wearing some though not long term as it’s not the bio resin that is officially supposed to be used against skin. It’s perfectly fine and likely very close to the 3D devices, you will see I was just planning ahead for my pants and love the sneaky look of it!

So, with that, I accepted his intervention and will be back and hope to be as strong as ever. Maybe.