Just a random shot from Mack’s bathroom. It’s like visiting Thumper on the other side of the world.
Hey, it’s Thumper again. [waves]
As I’m writing this, I have the XXXL Mr. S World’s Most Comfortable Butt Plug inside me. That’s almost two pounds and 8″ in circumference and it’s been there for seven hours and will remain there for at least three more today. And, since I’m writing about it here and not on my blog, you may have guessed it’s inside there at Drew’s direction. Not that I wouldn’t want to carry it around anyway, but we’ve settled into an understanding where Drew tells me what do to with my ass (what’s in it, how long, etc.) and, as sub, being in that kind of situation is so much much more rewarding than doing something only for myself.
For example, a little while back, Drew and I spent part of a morning on FaceTime where I was naked and he wasn’t and he told me what he wanted to see put up my ass and I did it. I, of course, enjoy putting things in my ass, but I had never done it so explicitly at the direction of another. And that totally changed the texture of the experience. It was another expression of submission. Being pushed to used certain toys for lengths of time not of my choosing. To fuck myself with it for more strokes than I would had it been up to me. To sit as far down on the largest toys, trying to get them a centimeter further in, and then leaving them there until he was satisfied I was as full and open as possible. Feeling discomfort and a need to stop but fighting that because my ass’ Dom was calling the shots, not me.
I’ve written here before about the effect Drew has had on that part of my sexuality. It’s satisfying to have found a way to explore and develop in a way that wouldn’t be possible with Belle (based simply on her differing interests). Knowing that I’m not just a sub, but a sub bottom. And working with Drew to make me a better, more accomplished bottom. As I said last time, all this will eventually culminate in Drew fisting me.
Right now, today, it seems inevitable. I feel as though being a bottom and having a Dom top’s forearm inside me is what I was born to do. Well, one of the things. But totally natural. It’s what I am. Something I was made for. When I’m really buzzing with subby bottomness, I crave it like little else. I will not be happy until it happens.
Recently, I decided it was time to upgrade my selection of dildos. Most of the ones I have are years old (one at least 20 years old, if you can believe it). My favorite, the Jeff Stryker dildo, is definitely fully depreciated. In any event, as I was shopping, I found a series of toys described by Fort Troff as “monsters.” The smallest, which I ordered, is 8″ long and 8.5″ in diameter. That’s a half inch bigger around than the XXXL WMCBP, but smaller than other things I’ve been able to take. So, no problem.
It was kind of surreal looking at the next one up (10″ in circumference) and think, “Yeah, I could do that.” And then the biggest (12.5″ around) and thinking if Drew told me to…eventually. Then imagining him watching as it slid slowly into me, pushing it’s massive head deeper into my hole, forcing his will up my ass as far as it would fit. Then sitting there, waiting until he told me I could move, feeling myself stretch and open. And how he’d probably tell me to let it all out except the head, then push it all back in again. And wait. And then repeat until I was so open and loose that he could tell me to fuck myself with it as fast as possible until he told me to stop. A giant, fat pole of cock-shaped rubber pounding into me, past the point I’d want it to, just waiting for his word.
Unf. I mean, seriously. Though I’ve never had a dildo that large inside me, even that seems inevitable now.
Working and training my hole with Drew has been amazing. Seeing myself progress and overcome what I once thought were barriers and knowing that it’s just a matter of time before his big, meaty fist punches through the last one. Feeling that both ends of my sexuality are controlled. Knowing that he’s not really interested in the penis one bit. The focus of his intent is my hole. And it enjoys the attention.
Traveler’s Log: Day 17-ish.
Hello from Northern Australia today. I am heading to Tasmania in a bit, but wanted to check in and talk more about the events of what is feeling like the longest trip ever, but one that, now that I can see the end of, makes me a bit sad it’s ending because of the good things that have happened.
As I have written about before vaguely, one of my goals of this trip was to re-evaluate myself in ways that only being away from home for three plus weeks allows. I didn’t really know what it was I was seeking, but I just knew it was a time that I needed to come to peace with a few of my own demons at home such as not relaxing, not allowing Axel to even try to exert the control he was finding, and dealing with the fact that I was not ever allowing myself to be present in a moment. By that, I mean that I had reached a point where I could not enjoy a movie for worrying about what I was missing at work. I could not enjoy cuddle time with Axel for wondering who might be texting me. I could not enjoy being bound because my mind just plotted everything in life I was not getting done such as cleaning the house, doing some work report, or worrying about my friendships and/or worrying about some work email that could ruin my whole day, as those happen frequently since I work for someone who doesn’t know how to work unless it’s by being on fire. I knew and know that it is not healthy at all, but didn’t know how to deal with it and just chalked it up to having a job that has amazing pressure at times that pays me to undergo it.
Then came Australia.
My first two nights I hardly slept because of the above and, knowing that work and life is happening while you sleep, will drive someone like me mad. I woke up every hour and checked email, etc. Then, as you also know, it was the weekend and Mack and I went away to the middle of nowhere and I did better about worrying because I had amazing company and there was scant cell reception. But, the funny thing about sharing a bed with a stranger, in some ways, is you want to be on your best behavior even if not worried about sexual performance, so even when I woke up, I refused to look at the phone to even see what time it was. This was so unlike me that I would bet I surprised Axel who pretty much as the “go back to bed, Drew” ready to cut and paste into any text after ten, but, it surprised me too because I woke up happy. And, aside from one crisis with a friend that was crisis enough to warrant being awoken (story soon), every single night since I have followed that rule and I feel great.
Aside from sleep, Mack, who deep down is as wired as me in many many ways, had a bit of a talk with me about finding good music, good wine, and just being able to chill as it’s something he has learned to do more since his breakup. Now, I know this is not his every day action as he’s wound too, but he practices it enough that I could just tell he was in a happy place and I wanted to join him. So, music and wine have been part of my life since and I love both and plan to take this new addiction on the road with me as well because there is a calmness in there I was missing.
The other beauty of Mack, is that he’s not ashamed of his kinks and, though you’d never know it from the surface, that boy is a pervert and as I watched him insert a big plug in his ass at his Sir’s instruction, I was amazed. This Sir I mentioned, is a friend who is partially a Sir to him, partially a best friend, and partially an ex and they love each other dearly in the kinkiest of naked platonic ways. This Sir, who I will call Jeep for the time being, is married to a man who is a friend to Mack and who is just as understanding as Axel is of my dalliances. Like us, they have things that constantly need talking through and, from all indications, are doing quite well at it.
Now, I “met” Jeep through Mack 18 months ago as well and, while we have not had constant communication, we also hit it off to the point that when I meet him in person later this week, I have zero worries about whether we will get along in person or not. The best part about this is that Jeep and I have had some detailed talks over the last week or two about what I want to see in my submission to Axel and how I can lead a switch life where the sub side of me can be as fulfilled as my Dom side has become (a side I will not let go of and am now finding it easy to just drop in place with Thumper, Bolt, and others). It’s been incredible to have this sounding board and, what’s even more incredible, is that we have now introduced Axel into the mix and Jeep has agreed to mentor him as he and I revise our kinky relationship agreement that will likely go into place when I get home next week. Also, as an amazing perk, I will be spending two days at the end of the week as personal days and will be staying with Mack (though he will only be there one night) but Jeep is going to pick me up at the airport and hopefully spend some time with me the next day as we build our friendship in person. Jeep’s husband will also be brought into this mix too, but I don’t know him well enough to give him a name yet, but will do so expeditiously when prompted.
Bottom line, as I sit here on a Monday morning about to go to work, is that while the time away from home has SUCKED, it’s also been amazing and I will be leaving Australia with a filled level of contentment in myself, my kinks, and my two amazing friends and this feeling is something money cannot buy though it makes me as happy as an Amex gift card would at Apple when I think deeply on it.
Finally, speaking of content, I SAW FERNS AGAIN YESTERDAY! She’s as beautiful as ever and will be receiving her own post on here too soon!!
This weekend I had a great time with a friend who I met through this blog about 18 months ago who just happens to live on this southern side of the world. He and I hit it off in a weird way through text and, for almost the last year, I think we have likely texted each other daily – at a minimum – as sometimes we may have texted like 13 year old girls every waking hour of the day. Though we had never met in person, our relationship became instantly tight and we each have served as the other’s therapist on multiple, multiple times. There were times I wanted to get in a plane and fly 33 hours just to give him a hug because I knew he was hurting but I did what I could from afar. On the other side of it, I think there were times he would have done anything to help me as well, though just listening was great. It was an odd manifestation of a relationship as two grown men became so tight, but, in many ways, that is one of the things I find so amazing about being gay because we can do that if we want to and there is no threat to anyone’s masculinity or more.
So, I used to call him an unflattering name on here that started with plug and ended with boy, but, for the rest of eternity we are going to call him Mack.
For the record:
Mack is a pervert.
Mack likes his dick locked up.
Mack likes his nipples abused.
Mack likes things in his ass.
Mack likes to be bound.
Also, Mack is in the process of a divorce/breakup the fact that his ex and he had very different views of the kink, it caused some stress or a lack of understanding at times. However, while this was not the entire reason the breakup happened, there was a sharp line between them about the kink and, specifically chastity, that caused friction and didn’t help the overall relationship when things started to take a dive.
Whether he knew it or not at the time, this breakup and that friction was something that was hard on me in a way, because some of the issues he had were exactly what Axel and I had gone through at almost the same point in our marriage as they were. No, it did not directly affect me or Axel, but seeing the pain he went through gave me that “fuck, it could have been me for the exact same reason” feeling and it both made me happy that it wasn’t, but also made me just wonder or re-evaluate how my part had evolved, whether I was wrong in my Mack advice, etc, etc. But, the time was near that we would meet and I would see for myself.
We met in person last Friday and, like any rational set of strangers, embarked on a 72 hour journey into the bush to be together in a one bedroom cabin with no other people around at all. While it was always a gamble whether in person we would click, I honestly had no worries about it and from about 12 seconds after he got in the car, we clicked and did not stop clicking. No, for your perverts out there, we did not have sex, but we did naked cuddle a lot and we are gonna do that again next week when I see him again (or Wednesday night if I can convince him he needs to come up and take me to a bar that I am too chicken to go to alone), though I should qualify that he was never really naked-naked, as he was always in a holytrainer or in my Steelwerks cage.
But, as we talked, walked, and drank lots of wine, the thought hit me that he was such a good guy that, in my opinion, he deserved something different than what he had. I wanted to do what I could to help him find a dominant key holding man who would sweep him up in his muscular arms and keep him in a chaste bliss forever – while also maintaining a certain standard of living, of course while also showing him that his kinks are just part of the great guy he is. I have no idea how to really do that, but I thought I would give it a go in that 2005 way of writing.
So, please feel free to cut and paste the below and send it to anyone who you think might be worthy of this guy.
Kinky GWM seeking key holder. 41, 5’10, in shape, very professional, masculine, well spoken, owner of the best ass in the country (as stated by Drew), well traveled, athletic, educated seeks dominant male who is professional, demanding, and man enough to own his kink and own mine. This man should be ready to hold the key to my cage and willing to take me on a journey like no other. I am loyal, obedient, and look great in a collar. My friends, especially new ones, are better people because they know me and I strive hard to be “that guy” who is there when they need me. I am very kinky and have a great credit limit so I come with a lot of the Mr. S store pre-purchased but am more than willing to buy more. Oh, should you want it unlocked my dick is another story as to itself as it was recently described as both pretty and excessive. Want to own me? Then tell me why you are worthy (Drew must approve too).
Hello from the Australian Capital Territory. I have been absent from here for too long, but am now five days into a 23 day trip and, although I am homesick as fuck, I am keenly aware of the fact that I have been given this opportunity to work here, with a few days off in the middle, and do not want to sound petty by simply being “homesick”.
Since the last post, things have settled down, the kink drop has lifted, and life, aside from being 10,576 miles from home, is feeling normal again. The boy, Bolt, continues to impress me with his dedication to his rules which are building to his fully locked status and Axel and I are gelling in ways we have not in a long time.
In fact, as a follow up to the kink drop, that down period served as this amazing opportunity for me to reconnect with him and discuss what I was feeling, what he was feeling, and how we could (and would) take the fact that I have a strong attraction to another man – a younger hot man – and use that to make us better while also continuing to explore the attraction I have for growing the control of the boy over the next one to two years.
In the immediate glow of that conversation, a few things happened.
One, he established a relationship with Bolt that is very much still on the surface of anything right now, but they do text each other at times, etc and that has, in my mind, made the idea of whatever easier and established this absolute verification of trust and agreeability that, while we didn’t need, did make me smile a bit.
Two, Axel’s dom side roared with this as he, apparently, liked the idea of his submissive controlling another submissive a bit more than he/we expected. The immediate response to this was that I will be locked a majority of the same time Bolt is, as that excited Axel (and me) (and Bolt). What this means for me and him down the road as his dominance reemerges will surely be the subject for another post in the future, but for now, I am absolutely satisfied that it started the way it did.
Three, whether it was the impending trip, which certainly played a role, or all this isn’t clear, nor does it matter, but in the few days before my departure we were in our 20’s again. We touched more. We cuddled more. We fucked more. We listened more. We planned more. And, probably more important than anything else, we paid more attention and realized the more of what we are building is a good thing and that it will only serve for more of what works as we face the next nineteen years together.
Then, I flew away.
Fuck the timing of things including Bolt’s six months away, but, in the scheme of things, I would rather be away literally dreaming of the things and actions that will take place when I get home versus being home without that or, worse, being away and not wanting to come back.
Finally, I am off for a weekend with one of my friends I met through here, I think we called him plugboy back then, but now I will just call him my friend. We are planning a very secluded weekend of quiet with lots of conversation and maybe a cuddle or two, but there are no expectations other than to celebrate the fact that kink and conversation can lead many places,
A fucking flight delay.
I worked hard this week to wrap up early, paid a fortune to change a ticket to get home early, and now I have a flight delay. Three and a half hours to be specific, which is why this one is called a fucking delay versus just a regular one.
Anyway, it’s giving me time to balance out a bit because the next twenty four hours at home are going to be crazy since I have two birthday parties, tons of laundry, and a multitude of things to plan and pack before going down under until Easter, much less making sure I talk to multiple people I care about voice to voice in case I wind up on that island from Lost. As much as I love it there, I am dreading it, because my OCD kicks into high alert and I feel like I am missing out of every single thing that is happening at home, even if I wasn’t actually supposed to have been part of it anyway. But, I know how to control that and am really not THAT worried, just aware.
While the last few posts have focused on Bolt and my impending control of his cock (not his mind, not his dating, not his life, maybe his jockstraps though – dear commenters), I have completely ignored the fact that over the last several weeks Axel has started “dating” a few boys here and there himself. His experiences have not go as great as mine have for multiple reasons I suspect, one being the fact that he is a fucking therapist and sometimes can make someone feel pretty deep as they suddenly find themselves all introspective while they are supposed to be enjoying a nice meal and, to be honest, he’s not that great at flirting. Yes, he grew up in the South and should have learned this trade, but he didn’t and it tends to sound silly or just awkwardly contrived. I think that is turning boys off kinda fast, BUT, soon one will fall for it and they will do what they need to do. I mean, I did.
That said, the point of this was not about how he’s doing it, it’s about what he’s doing. I am fucking proud as I can be that he started looking for someone who might help him deal with life while I am away and I am happy for him when he thinks he has found a substantial prospect. That said, that kind of laying myself of the line like that is not really something I enjoy emotionally, though I have obviously done it. He’s stronger with rejection and can just file it into some file in his mind that will one day make him get weapon and go to the streets or just process slowly as he gets older and even more wise.
His dating is important to me because it cleared up any lingering doubt I might have had at some point in my brain about doing things with Thumper and now with Bolt. Plus, this is signifying a healthier place with him and his recovery where he is ready to go out and do so.
Finally, while we are speaking of the Axman, I told him yesterday that if he’s having all the kinky thoughts he’s told me he has, then “man up” and show me (I was nicer about it than that). As things progress with me and my Dom side, there is not a single thing in my mind that stops me from subbing to him if he wants that, so I decided to simply remind him that at our ages, we should start because we need some flexibility within our muscles!
He reacted well and with one text said “oh good, be ready to be locked alongside Bolt awhile”.
So, we shall see.
It’s been an interesting week since I have been back from visiting the boy. A good week. Just interesting.
So, more about that boy?
I have been quiet since my trip to see him for multiple personal reasons and, the biggest, is that he and I have been working out an agreement to what the future might hold. In theory, we formed a “relationship agreement”, which, if you think about it would be ideal in so many vanilla friendships; however, this one specifically applies to a Sir/boy dynamic, a chastity mentorship, and various small things that we both agreed to in order to stay consistent and grow with each other over the course of time that this agreement is in place. Details will follow, but I mentioned this early to set the major tone of this post.
As you know, our meeting was pretty happenstance. I was meeting this random dude who knew I liked Steelwerks and who thought he would say hello since we were close that particular day. We met and we clicked. Period. I remember thinking that this is the kind of boy that I would one day want to collar and, at some point in the conversation, he said something along those same lines about wanting to be collared by someone like me, but those sentences blended into a mix of discussions about our switchiness, our mutual experiences in chastity, and how I am at a stage in life where my Daddy-side is emerging as rapidly as the gray hair in my beard. This kid made me swoon in a not-really-romantic-yet-some-romantic-sexy-wanna-take-care-of him fashion. Apparently, he felt the same way (though probably without nearly as many hyphens) and, two weeks later we have a signed agreement (that doesn’t have an end date) and, he has a clasped band around his wrist that serves as the collar. This will be glued shut tomorrow rendering it non-removable without destroying it, so the symbolism is huge.
My two nights with him were great. We made great use of a sleepsack, a straightjacket, a few hoods, some clamps, and I, somewhat ceremoniously, locked him in my Axel cage for two days and left with him locked in my Steelheart. He has his own Steelwerks cage, very similar to mine, arriving this week (there are advantages to having a best friend who makes cages) and when that is in place, he will be locking significantly more under my direction. In fact, we are building to a year locked which has been a fantasy of his (and mine) for many years.The funny thing is during those two nights we didn’t have sex, per se. Yes, there was some oral action and lots of naked togetherness and, as much as I wanted to fuck him, I know those times will come down the road. For me, this was about taking control from him, and, at the end, allowing him an orgasm in a way meant to be very special as it’s the last he will be having with me for many months. I wanted to watch and be allowing that from a vantage point versus just “fucking it out of him.” That said, I am so tempted to call the Skymiles line and get on a plane and go fuck him now, but Axel would likely not approve, especially because I have to go to Canada for five days starting tomorrow, and I am sure Bolt has other things going on that would inhibit him from just dropping it all too. But, alas, a Sir and boy can dream, huh?
Distance will not really be an issue later, though it is funny that he is almost the exact same mileage from me as Thumper is. Right now, it’s all about distance because I leave for a month in Australia next weekend and, while I am gone, his work is sending him to Japan for six months. So, while those things do indeed suck, the great news is that technology will make daily communication easier and, because of my super weird life, I have gotten really used to my world being filled with electronic relationships – a plus and a minus but something best saved for a future post.
The agreement is something that will remain private between us, but essentially it calls for him to have regular communications through specific measures and to not use his dick without permission. When his Steelwerks arrives, he will have about a week to get used to it before entering into the first of our two major agreements which will be 100 days locked which should take him somewhere to the middle of July without an orgasm. As of right now, I am investigating flying to Japan for day 101 and then, after that, he has some serious training to do for a few triathlons and races before entering into the already signed agreement of one full year without an allowed orgasm starting around November or so. My side of the agreement is to protect, encourage, mentor, and help him grow as a man and a boy and, oh yeah, to run one of his smaller races with him before the one year locking period starts. So, fat me needs to get moving.
He is going to reply to this post with a comment or two, so welcome him, but, as part of this experience, he is going to write a series of posts about the reality of getting what he asked for starting with the arrival of the Steelwerks next week. Those will be guest posted on here so you can all follow Bolt on his journey.
Oh yeah, one more note, in the last post I had a lovely comment about me cheating on both my husband and Thumper and, I just had to laugh it off. Axel, the husband for those of you new to this, is THRILLED and has already sent Bolt a small “welcome to the family” gift. Thumper is not a factor and, though he and I have not really talked this week, I know he is just as excited for me and this will not have any bearing on what he and I do. And, you know what, there may even be more boys in the near future, as there is a beta for Bolt we have our eyes on. It’s all fun!
Finally, to Bolt, I am very happy how things have transpired and look forward to this journey with you.
Last week I started about seven posts and never finished any of them. It was a birthday week, a busy work week, a Spring Training baseball week, and a week my Mother wound up being in the hospital for days (still in) due to some heart things caused by her deciding to play the role of pharmacist with her pills.
But, it’s a new week and today I am on an adventure. You will remember a few weeks back I met my new friend, Bolt, who I told you I clicked with immediately? Well, today and tomorrow I am going to see him. Yes, in some ways it’s rushed but, considering the fact that he and I will have opposing international travel for about five months, this might be the only chance there is to get to know each other better, eat together, and, well, get naked together. We have talked some serious chastity goals for him as well, but that will be for another post at another time as it’s in the air at the moment and we need some more face to face time to figure out what the reality of that situation is. That said, I have alerted Steelwerks’ Chris to stand by and be ready, welder in hand.
Bolt is a switch like myself, but he leans submissive with me. I think you have to be a true switch to understand that this is possible, but in situations like this, one can be the primary dom but allowing the sub to dom from time to time is a great reward for good behavior. He and I met three weeks ago through Twitter, though it wasn’t anything planned and I am not even sure we had previously held a conversation, but he was traveling through my hometown, on a Sunday, and direct messaged me to say hi and ask if I would be able to meet for a coffee in an effort to expand both of our kinky social networks. So, on a fluke, I was available and Axel was fine with it so I went, though coffee turned into lunch and lunch was followed by a walk and capped by a quick kiss in my truck as he HAD to leave. Yeah, we clicked in a way unexpected to either of us.
He’s tall (6’4′). He’s young (31ish). He’s masculine. He’s handsome. He’s a runner. He’s kinky. He’s into chastity. He’s structured. He’s adorable. He’s into latex. And, more than anything, he’s a good guy with a perverted streak that makes mine look tame and innocent (you know, just like me). He’s working this week and I am planning on doing the same and getting all the paperwork and non billable parts of my job done during the day – the beauty of being able to work anywhere. But, who knows what the evenings hold and there are honestly not that many expectations aside from picking up where we left off and finishing some great conversations and a kiss or seventeen. Oh, and he and I are about the same size, so he’s going to wear my cage while I am there (the Axel) which is something I had never really thought about before, but something, for some reason, I find incredibly hot in about 27 different ways.
So, my flight is boarding and I am off. Hopefully there will be more to write about soon.
Hello from 31,000 feet somewhere above a flyover state. I was seeing Thumper at the end of a work trip and after a niiiiiiice afternoon of the bisexual bunny tongue and a great dinner, he got what appears to be the flu, so I am coming home early to bathe in a tub of Purell. Now, I am disappointed that we didn’t get to go through with our original plans noted in previous posts, but I am also thrilled to not be the one with the “condition” and am joyous about coming home seven hours early – with an upgraded seat on top of it. But, this post is something I have been planning to write for awhile, so since there are no real fist worthy stories to share, I will just go back to regular programming.
This week’s subject: the word “open”.
We have talked a lot about this whole open thing and my appreciation for it, but, in all honesty, it’s really only been the last few months, or maybe weeks, that I have realized how much I actually really like it, value it, and, well, crave it. There are various reasons for this, which I will go into in a bit, but the open part, I have discovered, is really starting to go beyond just my marriage and really into my whole mindset too. It’s funny because when I think about my life, I am in an open career – multiple desks at multiple employers in multiple states and countries, an open marriage – the rabbit and a the husband and maybe more, and, new to me, a variety of open friendships – in various states, cities and countries with people who are not all like me – being built around open discussion, frank conversation, and no shame or judgment. I can honestly tell you that it’s a really recent occurrence that I can call a friend to brag about the size of the giant plug Thumper put in his ass while also talking about the boy I am going to see in a few weeks between conversations about my mother’s Alzheimer’s disease. I didn’t make friendships like these in college or high school and as I rapidly settle into middle age, I am thrilled to say it’s happening in real time, not just virtually.
This realization was poked this week by a few life events that just made me smile. That said, I have been in a funk and a half the last month or so because, do you remember my big career decision I had to make? Well, against everyone’s advice here which is based solely on people who have seen pictures of my penis, I said yes and the reality of the new career focus was not ass slamming crazy busy as expected, but s – l – o -w movement and a few months of being at the bottom of production reports instead of at the top. I hate that and that had me funky. But, the bigger part of this week is I randomly met a boy from Twitter, who I will call Bolt, that just made me crush all over him because he’s adorable, kinky, masculine, professional, and, from a very brief conversation and walk around downtown, he is managing to blend all of that together in a way that has created this web of caring and kinky that he can seek shelter in when he needs to. Now, I don’t know him that well yet (but intend to) to know where this falters as I am sure it’s not the ideal picture I just painted all the time, but when the first thing I did when Bolt and I parted was to call Axel to tell him he was a great guy and that I kissed him in my car, I had this thought about “how fucking cool is this?” At that moment it wasn’t about a potential anything other than a mental celebration of my husband being open enough to allow me to meet strangers who might one day be a friend, a naked friend, or both. I realized that if we didn’t have this, there would be voids in my life from people and things created over the last four years that have help shape and grow me and, at that moment, I really embraced the openness while craving more of it at the same time.
I never really thought much about the fact that an open marriage is about more than sexual relations outside the twosome, but it really is and I would reckon that those I know in marriages like mine would say the same thing. For us, the best part is that the lack of secrets or the willingness to let the other explore, has opened us up to each other more too. A case in point is this week, Axel and I were texting during the day about the insurance payment due and whether our neighbor will ever move their trash cans off the sidewalk and that turned into a “what are you and Thumper doing this week?” which turned into a “Oh wow, well, I think that when you are home I want you to…”, which led to erections and lusting and, with any hope, a fun weekend ahead. I mean, I am home early now.
Axel is exploring his own types of openness as well and, as scary as I thought it would be, it’s not. He’s becoming a bit more bold, a bit more out of his shell, and a bit less afraid of the unknown too and I find that sexy as fuck. He, of course, has people who rely on him in one spot every day and can’t jet around like I do while getting paid, so his is a bit more scattered and, well, vanilla, but still it’s working to bring us closer in more ways than just sex. He’s had a really rough few years physically, so it’s also something that I think is amazing to watch as he’s now less afraid to show his scars – literally – and that is a power move in my brain that makes me want to do good bad things to him more and more.
So, in an effort to make sure that happen, I will wrap this one now but will write the Bolt story soon, after, of course, I find out if he’s open to it.