I was thinking about a post to write while locked under Master’s desk yesterday just as he, the voice from above, asked me what my favorite things about being a slave are. I told him a few and thought I would write it out as well. So, here we go.

I’ll start with the obvious. I don’t own my dick anymore, but the cage attached to it, around it, through it, encasing it. That part belongs to me. It is a daily reminder that I’m owned, loved, hurt (not harmed), part of a family, and truly fucking cared for- all unconditionally. Try finding that in a “ normal” relationship and see if you’d smile like I do. I doubt you’d find one growing stronger and deeper every day despite knowing how much of an actual pervert (again I use that term with nothing but love) and sexual deviants (again, said with love and no judgement) all three members of the relationship truly are.

I find pure joy in the fact that my Master (Drew) owns me, every fucking part of me, mentally and physically. He knows my mood, what I’m thinking, how I’m feeling. He reads it on my face, my body language, the tone of my voice (when I am allowed to speak). He uses those things to help me deal with things that are within my control and even things that I seemingly don’t truly have much control over. It is fucking amazing to be known so well by someone, well two someones. Daddy (Axel) picks up on these things as well. Quite often the solution each offers is quite different than from the other. My Master seems to be able to use my kinks and his ownership of every bit of me to adjust his slave or my mind set, depending on the particular situation. Daddy, being in the field of work he is in, often has some sort of psychiatric insight, exercise, coping mechanism, or just being the best fucking listener a slave could have. I guess what I’m saying is that our kinks give me the benefit of support in ways I’ve never gotten it. In turn, we all seem to grow. Fuck…I’m cared for, but I am cared for in a way that all of my needs (well except an orgasm) are met in the most amazing ways.

I get to be a pervert. I real fucking service slave, a bound piece of art on display, a hole for various uses, an outlet for receiving my Master’s pain, even an outlet for Daddy’s pain and control on occasion. I get to lick, worship, massage the most amazing legs I’ve ever seen on a man. The don’t belong to me, but they’re mine…well MY Master’s. I’ve been allowed to safely explore and push limits that I would have never ever allowed to happen. The best part is, I don’t have that choice to make. My Master owns that, too

Something I think everyone needs to understand is that slavery, like mine, is not like in porn and takes all shapes, sizes, and structures. I used to think a slave should not love his Master or that a Master should never say thank you, but I was wrong in the way we define it at least. I get to be a best friend, a boyfriend, a slave, a beast, an animal. I get to be every part of a very complex pervert. I get to be used for whatever my Master and Daddy need me for. Sometimes that involves building a deck outside with Master and some questionable electrician work by me (man, I will feel bad if the house burns down – especially since I am a fireman). Sometimes it involves me wrapping a bandage, getting them a drink, or cleaning my Master’s office (something I love doing). It evolves and I love that.

I get to be the person I am, the slave my Master trains me to be. I get to share love with two amazing men and see how our differences and similarities meld us together and make us better.

And I love all the pervert stuff, too. I love the smell of the leather harness, the collar that is chosen for me to wear at home, the daily wear collar that is passable in a muggle world and allows me to continue to perform my job without any hinderances, and the plug I carry every single day to always know my Master is inside of me (more subs should do this). I like be used to bring Master and Daddy a sexual gratification, that gives me that same gratification, sans orgasm. I love the feel of my Master, the look of him, the smell of him, how he taste, how he relaxes when I do things that I KNOW relax him (not many people get the privilege of seeing him truly relaxed). I guess what I’m saying is that I get to share parts of me that are meant only for them. In turn, I get to see parts of them that are only allowed to be experienced by an owned slave like myself.

This sounds kind of rambling and a bit less kinky that you may have expected. I love that my dick is pierced and locked in titanium. I love that my Master allows me to take his pain. I love how he has an orgasm and somehow you’d think I’d had one, too. The lack of an ejaculation can be just as intense and I might argue better than an orgasm of the regular variety.

So my most favorite things about being enslaved is that the man that owns me loves me, cares for me, hurts me, is one of the best people you would ever have the privilege to meet. Daddy is the same way, minus the giving me pain quite as much, but he knows me well enough to know that I NEED it from time to time. One last try, my favorite thing about being an owned slave is the unconditional love that we share and the growth it brings to us all in the muggle world and the fuck me senseless and use me like the slave that is no longer capable of making such choices as which huge plug to carry each day under the uniform he no longer need to bother with choosing for himself that day. One day, maybe I’ll write a book called “The Perverts Guide to the Muggle World” that outlines all the day to day things that those around us see but can’t comprehend these things show I’m my Master’s slave and my Daddy’s beast. Maybe a few real life stories where I’ve given just a little more of a hint than usual to one of the muggles hoping they will pick up on it. One day, I hope to be able to board the plane harnessed and attached to my Master via my shackles and chain, walk across the hotel lobby as he leads me on all fours by my harness and leash. Until then, I’ll think about all the favorite things that go along with being enslaved by the most amazing Master a man could have the privilege to serve, to love, and to be a part of a kinky, loving, sappy, perverted family.

Two years ago today I met the short, muscle bound, hairy, sweeping ginger topped man with a deeeeeeeep Southern drawl I now call my slave for the first time in person. As most of you know, we had talked a bit and when we met, we met as friends as he was a “dominant top” himself and had a few boys whose asses he liked to blister every so often when time allowed.

We went to lunch at one of those local restaurants every city has where it’s a dive with inside and outside seating and the trendy staff with lots of tats and piercings who like to pretend that they don’t give a fuck you are there and we had a great time. I can actually put my finger on the precise moment I knew he would be my slave and it was within the first 3 minutes of sitting at the table. There was a vibe, and a moment, and I knew. I think he knew too, though I am not sure he realized that two years later he would be sitting in the same place having lunch with me with not a hair on his body, a titanium penis he doesn’t own anymore, and steel up his ass that very rarely leaves all while dressed in clothes I picked out for him.

I think one of the ways I know was that I had a broken foot when we met and was in a cast and his service side immediately kicked in It wasn’t just a Southern boy with a good manners, it was a submissive boy who aimed to please. A week later I had surgery and he was glued to me like a perfect service animal would be and we both just knew, that boy would be collared soon. Ironically, two years later, I type this while also in a cast for the same foot as surgery number five happened last week and, once again, the boy was and is here. And, as an aside, a pro-tip for the youngsters, don’t break a bone after 50 – especially one that carries your weight – one fix creates new issues and that fix creates others. That said, my whole foot should be titanium soon so maybe I can get some super powers or something.

Anyway, back to jack. I cannot tell you how proud I am of him and how he found something inside himself that not only had been awakened, but something that he let bloom and grow. Every. Single, Day. While some like to think slaves are not men or less than men, you all know I do not, and being a slave has MADE him a man. His confidence, his demeanor, his parenting skills, and his ability to deal with the uber religious world he grew up in are all 100 times stronger than they were two years ago. Yes, we have a hierarchy, and he’s at the bottom, but I fully believe that is just who he is and how he gains his strength for the real world.

This is my anniversary letter to him, MY boy who I own every fucking part of. I love you jack, and Axel and I can’t wait to grow old with you in our service.

Finally, just a note to remind readers that it’s not all sunshine every day. I had a message on twitter that said “you have the perfect life” and that bothered me. Yes, I have a pretty great one that is based on hard work, good genes, good education, good healthcare and a LOT of fucking luck. BUT, it’s not perfect, nor is anyone else’s life. Just a reminder, we talk about the perfect parts here, we tweet pictures with good lighting, we tell you about the good and I do that because there is too much bad in the world. None of it is false or embellished (aside from names) but I just want to say there are damn, dark and scary days too. There are days when I think jack would rather be a boyfriend than a slave and I have to remind him. There are days I’d rather him be a boyfriend than a slave and then I have to remind myself. There are days I want him, but his child comes first and there are days I think he’d sell his child to gypsies just to come get fucked, BUT, real life ALWAYS steps in and applies before anything. We do not share about those days because, why? Our aim is to show you that a Master/slave relationship can be fulfilling in so many ways and not abusive or degrading, unless both parties want and consent to that, so please do not compare most of what we say 1:1 because it fits us and your perfect will likely be different. Be you and find what fits YOU.

Master was out of town this week. Work kept us all quite busy. I miss him when he is out of town because of all the normal sappy reasons you miss someone you love when they are away. I miss him because of other things, too. I’d be willing to bet he misses me for some of the same reasons. Maybe.

My job is busy, my mind is running from the time I walk through the door until I leave. Stressful at times, often due to reasons I can’t control (and yes, I generally am a bit of a control freak when it comes to certain things). All of this to say that I miss my Master when he travels because time spent under the desk not only allows me to serve him and submit to him and help him relax. It also helps me to turn off the day and focus on making him proud. 

But, he always comes back.

After work yesterday, I greeted Master and Daddy as I changed into my uniform. I held my Master. I felt the stress of the week leaving my mind and the tension in my body ease. I held my Master tighter, closer. I rubbed my scruff against his. I felt his breath on me. No words were exchanged as our bodies communicated. I got under the desk and rested my head in his lap. I felt his tight muscles and knew exactly where to massage to relieve his work week’s tension. As his breathing communicates when I get just the right spot. I heard a heavy breath as tension started to leave his body. My cage strained. 

Master motioned for me to stand up. I stood. He inspected his property with his hands. He turned me around and bent me over. He delivered a few slaps to his slave’s ass that left a little redness and a sting but only made his slave crave more. The Njoy plug I was carrying has a handle on the base. I know he likes it because it is easy to grab, twist, and makes ease of using a hole I no longer own. 

“How does that make you feel?” We’re the first words spoken between the two of us since I got home, as the plug was being twisted and worked in and out of his property’s hole. A switch flipped on inside of me. As I leaned into the plug entering this body. I was horny the moment I touched him, but it just doubled.

It felt good. I enjoyed being his property. I enjoyed knowing his dick was hard. I was proud. “Hopeful that it makes you proud,” was my answer. 

“You always make me proud,” he replied. That level of horny multiplied by ten this time. “Always?” I thought to myself, but apparently it came out loud. He shoved the Njoy back inside and turned me around. 

“Always, boy.”

I melted. He asked if my nipples were sore still as he pinched and twisted them. I shook my head no as I offered him the right nipple. As he bit down and twisted, it hurt. I squeezed the plug inside me as I held onto my Master. By this point I was sitting in his lap facing him and holding onto him again. My head rested against his as he allowed me to take his pain. I’m sure my cage bounced with my heartbeat   He released the nipple and I offered the other one. “Does it make you proud to give me your pain Master,” I asked.  

“Always slave,” he said through his teeth as he bit down hard on my nipple. I knew they’d be sore later, and I was proud. I held him, rubbed him, kissed his body, licked him as I breathed deeply processing his pain. I could feel the wet spot saturating his shorts as I took in and processed his pain. I held him closer. 

I felt a wave of pure lust, love, horniness, pride, submission, and sappiness all at once. He sensed it. He stopped, well because we’re perverts and the whole denial thing. 

He turned me around, sat me in his lap and held me closely and tightly. I may have been grinding the plug against him. I just wanted to feel close enough to him, which I am convinced is not possible but a task worth trying to accomplish, regardless. 

We talked about growth and progress in general and In the relationship. I felt his face against my head and I melted again. His body feels so amazing, every bit of it. 

I felt his dick pressed hard against me I reached for it because I love how his girth feels. I could feel the wetness of his leaking and my pride grew stronger as skin protruded from the vents on the head of my cage. 

We discussed the fact that I voluntarily gave up my chance to have an orgasm for 2022. He doesn’t see a true need for me to have one again, but says we will discuss 2023 in 2023. He knows I’ve already been thinking about it. I told him so. He wouldn’t let me give him my answer, but I told him I already made my decision. Waiting, thinking on it. The denial runs deep in our relationship on many levels and only grows us closer and stronger. 

I had a realization that I love for my Master to cum, to orgasm. Through my denial his orgasm is in a way mine, too. I bring him that amazing feeling. I bring him that release. I take that inside of my body. I feel the energy as he climaxes and I feel an amazing feeling. I get that same post orgasm high that I vaguely remember at this point. That makes me proud. It makes my Master proud. It makes us closer. It builds us stronger, and it only makes me all the more his, every fucking part of me. It just makes me more determined hear those words “You make me proud,” even more. 

Last week’s post from the boy about double denial was fun to read. While it was more fun to do, he wrote this amazingly hot piece about how I pushed him through his limits for pain while still denying him his dick, and for most of the session, mine too. As you all know from years of these posts, orgasm to me is a hit or miss thing as I am just not one who is drawn by the need to ejaculate (even in my 20’s.) Since I own a slave who really wants me, his master, to replace all of his denied orgasms with mine, I mentally thrive on the fact that I am double denying him access to either one of the cocks I own. Sucks for him, but thus is the life of a slave.

Post that post, someone asked me how I knew that, on that day, I could take him past his limits and why I did not ask him first. Well, first, I do not have to ask, he has given me every permission that I need to do whatever I want to his body as that is part of our agreement. Now, that came with trust and the kind of trust that is built from years of service, not just answering an ad. This is something I think more and more submissive’s need to think about when they are out there stating what they will and will not do. In order for me to know that the day had come, it wasn’t just a decision driven by my dick, but was the fact that it was a Friday and any lingering soreness I caused had time to go away before work, it was a day when he did not have immediate childcare duties, and, most importantly, it was a day that I really wanted to do it. But, how did I know that despite all of the above that he was ready? Well, he told me without even knowing he did so,

By that I mean that, when you own a slave or are in charge of a submissive, one of your duties is to learn how to read their body often better than they can. At the time I didn’t realize it, but I learned it from a bisexual bunny boyfriend eight years ago (fuck, eight years?) as he helped me learn how to not be afraid of his pain as he wanted more and more. I realize now that I was the one with limits then as I was not ready to take him to the place he really needed to be, nor did I have the skill to get him there without marking him up in some way, something that was not allowed in my sublease agreement with his wife. I look back at it now and, at times, think “Fuck, I want to hurt Thumper” and then smile and go about my day (or text him to make sure he knows and hope that it makes him twitch a bit.) It’s not a “I miss him” thing as much as a “look at me now” thing where I can show him how I took the submissiveness he gave me, and turned it into something far greater for my future by using it to learn, to grow, and to know when “ouch” or “fuck that hurts” is not a safe word. He mentored me from the bottom as much as I did him from the top. The beauty of this is that I can and will show off this skill to him soon, as we never closed that door, and I cannot wait to hurt him badly in all those good ways again and even have this fantasy of a reality show type thing where the rabbit is pitted against the slave to see who can make me most proud, though logistics and waiver forms will be troublesome for that.

However, back to the day, the day that jack went almost double past his limits. His ass was full, as it always is and always should be. His dick was locked, as it also always is and always should be. And, his mouth was full of a locking 5″ penis gag that I wish it often was and one day might be, and he was mine for the taking. I did not intend to take him to that place, but when he brought me the paddles he chose, I knew he was craving more than just a red ass so I locked his hands behind him, locked his ankles to a nice, discrete anchor point I had added to the floor to keep the giant and very heavy mirror from sliding, and then placed him facing himself in the aforementioned giant mirror. When I did that, his cage jumped. That fucker was turned on by the vision of himself so helpless and that fueled me like seven red bulls mixed with Cialis. So, I started spanking him hard. I am usually very much about a heavy impact anyway and he can take it better than anyone I have ever seen (especially having zero fat on his ass) but on that day I was overly heavy handed. Usually I will take one paddle and go cheek to cheek giving one a break, but this day I focused on the impact place and went 30 times in a row on the exact same place I had been before. I did this on both sides, switched to a heavy leather paddle that will cover his whole ass in one hit and think I went about 100 times that way, to the point that my arm was sore. Also, with that paddle I make sure I strike the base of his plug, so that it will send the vibration all the way through him over and over again. He had not had a break and I asked him, as I always do, “do you need more, boy?” and without thinking he nodded yes. I told him “you are going to get more than what you have had, do you realize that?” and his eyes got big, but I knew from reading his body that he wanted it, so I repeated the exact same paddling and then followed it all up with about 100 slices of a riding crop, my particular favorite. I know when his skin is getting too much in one place (the ginger reading the ginger) so I always make sure to not push past that as I feel no need to make him bleed to prove anything to me or anyone else. At that point, I released his ankles, sat on the edge of the bed and put him over my knee. I told him how proud of him I was, how taking my pain makes him the best slave and that is because he is a strong, strong man, and that allowing me to take him there was such a great honor. As I said this, he started shaking, like a shivering. He does that when his emotions reach the same adrenaline level of his body and it’s like an orgasm but not. My words triggered him which was made worse by my constant “I bet you wish you could come, huh?” questioning which was always followed by “but you gave up that right when you agreed be owned as your dick has no use in this relationship. What a pity.” – he shivered more.

I left him there to bask in the moment a bit and went and retrieved this 10′ plastic coated cable that is THICK and heavy and I have no idea how, when or why it wound up in my house years ago (I think it was left by a contractor during some renovations). I rolled him over so he could see me attach one end to the floor mount and then he held up his ankle, the normal attachment point, and looked a bit confused as I went past it and straight to his mouth. I was able to run it through the buckle on the gag effectively locking him to the floor by his tongue, which is incredibly hot. I gave him some time to adjust and to move around as much as he could, and then I said, “it’s time to break even more records. You ready?” and, with that, I started a full on absolute assault on his nipples. I would squeeze and hold them as say “bark through your gag what number the pain scale this is” he’d respond with seven garbled barks and I would say “Seven?” to which he’d nod his head while squirming a bit with the pain. I’d say “okay, that’s seven now, but, fucker, seven is the new two – got that? THIS is almost your baseline pain now, boy, do you trust me, are you ready to show me?” to which I would get a “yes Master, it’s a two” garbled through the penis locked in his mouth. We did this for about an hour until he was spent and I was tired, but we got to the “new nine” which the day before would have likely been a 27 or 28.”

I was so fucking proud of him. I unlocked his mouth, moved his hands back to the front, sat him on the couch while I sat on the floor between his legs telling him all those things from above and more. I listed off personal things that, when he is in doubt. he should channel this moment, this time, and this fact that he was over and above his threshold to prove to himself he can do anything, ANYTHING he sets his mind to and can get through those mundane chores of life and ex-spouses. This boy amazed me that day and I meant every word I said.

However, I started with the “go ahead and come, you can do it” – as he has permission to come in his cage hands free if ever possible and then taunted him so more while he shook and cried a bit. Knowing that was the end, I just held him for who knows how long before it was “hit the shower, boy, oh, and clean it while you are in there” followed by “then meet us downstairs so Daddy (aka Axel) can comfort you”

It was a good day. He is a good slave. He is also an amazing MAN.

I have often stated that the organization of many gay bdsm families required the kink equivalent of a corporate org chart. I say this because it’s not that uncommon to have a conversation with a new friend that goes something like, “hi, my name is Josh, but my Sir, Joshua, calls me j, I am submissive to him, but we are both submissive to Daddy Chris who is owned by Master Chris who is married to another dominant named Sir Josh who has three boys, alpha Josh, beta Chris and gimp Bob. Alpha Chris owns two pups, mike and mike, not including beta jay who has one dominant brother, Bobby. All of us are submissive to Super Master B, who himself, and by extension the rest of us, submit to Super Duper Master Chris. It’s all very simple.” Yes, I have exaggerated a bit, but come on, we all have had similar conversations.

Currently, my definition of our family is only three people, but, as I have said many times, I always hope that the boy, who I call slave, boy, jack, boyfriend, and sometimes, dog, interchangeably, will have his own slave but for now, unless I use the myriad of names for the same person, we are generally pretty easy to define. Now.

But, back to my corporate analogy for two reasons. This week, at work, I had an employee who, at the ripe old age of 25, zoom with me to demand more money. Now, being that times are different, she at 25 makes now what I made at 40, told me that she had been doing some research (we have open salary ranges) and that there are some people with a “similar” title making six figures and that she felt she deserved that. I have to say that I admired her moxy to come to me like that, but my admiration quickly went away as she continued to talk because she clearly didn’t do her research, her math, or even look at Glassdoor, because the people she was referring to were ten or more years older than her and that “similar” title, for them, included words like “senior” or “director” or other key signifiers to prove that they had done their time, done their work, and deserved the pay they were making. I was very kind and, while pointing out that she had clearly not made any of her KPI’s or metrics last year and was really behind this year, that I would in no way consider this and that, if she was unhappy, that the job market is quite healthy for a young double degreed elite university graduate and that I’d certainly understand if she needed to go elsewhere. That did not go the way she thought it would and she, on the edge of tears, decided that we should finish our call later (by the way, if you ever work for me, please don’t cry. I try, really hard, to be empathetic but something about that makes me giggle and, though I try, again, really hard, to not show it, I can’t stop giggling. I do that at funerals too. I am not a bastard but…).

Fast forward about four hours and we had another call. This time, she seemed to have done some soul searching and she started talking about how she just wanted to not be at the new kid and be at the level of her more senior peers because “they seem to always have an answer, have respect from colleagues, and they make a lot of money and I am ready to have things they have in life and, I deserve it.” I remember feeling that way too. Fuck, I am the senior peer now and I still feel like that at times and, I told her that. We talked for over an hour about paying her dues and putting in the time (and, fwiw, I did not shatter her dream about the definition of “a lot of money” is) and I explained to her that she is not looking at all the work THEY put in, and that she deserves nothing at this point because she hasn’t proven anything, that she doesn’t see all the struggles they had at her age and the even more struggles they have now because they don’t talk about such things with those young enough to still have a dream. I also added that, if they are anything like me, the more money they make the less they enjoy their job because money and titles come with expectations and expectations come with stress. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d not change a single thing (well, a few) but she.has to just have her eyes open now and be willing to adjust, be molded, and grow (with me or elsewhere.)

Now, what the fuck does this have to do with kinky families? A lot in my mind, especially after I had that conversation, Where I am going with this is I have a pretty damn good thing going with my little triad, especially the Master/slave duo within it. However, that did not happen overnight and many of the above things on growing in your career come close to matching this. I was thinking about this because at least three or four times a week I get a request to “join us/join the family/step in to come play/use the slave, etc” (this does not count friends who seemingly joke, okay friends?). These are absolute strangers who, in the above situation, would be currently making $20K a year and expecting me to hire them at $100K because “those guys doing the job I want free about my age, have the same interest career wise, and it would be cool.” In all honesty, I don’t know if I ever want to add to our family in the way we are now but, if I did, the corporate rules of earning their place would apply. Anybody we might invite in has a lot of tests to pass, work to do, and trust to build. Right now, I have no interest in going through all of that, but I have also learned to never say never. I could and would love to one day have an extended family, like great friends treated as brothers, cousins, etc for the bonding and awkward Thanksgiving dinners, but who knows what reality will bring on such things, but even those guys would have a probation period.

Speaking of that probation, it’s an absolute. The idea of someone just dropping in to join us at a level we are now is indeed impossible because they have not gone through the hiring process, orientation, probation, and it will be years until they are fully vested. And, even though I did have a full strategic plan in place, what we have now doesn’t match it because the parties involved are much different than who I intended to hire. We have worked hard to make the plan flexible and put a lot of time to make it work and I do not think anyone could, despite their impressive resume, just drop in. They might intern, but that’s a whole other ballgame.

I am not meaning this to come away as cold as I welcome anyone and everyone to have a conversation with us, but, to those guys, please just don’t assume that returning a text is the same as an invitation. I am more writing this to the, in theory, young kinksters who want it all to tell them that they can have it all, but it will take work, it will take time, and it will take some heartbreak at times too. As Walt Disney once said, “All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.” So, “kids,” have courage and pursue away but be realistic. Remember, just like ANY job description you may get in the muggle world, the real work in a kink relationship will often be glaringly different than described and those guaranteed benefits often change. That’s okay. You can get to a place of happiness in time.

I promise.

As I sit in a hot bath filled with foaming Epsom salts, I’m forced to face a fact about aging that I’m not quite sure I’m ready to accept. My mind does find some ease as I watch my full titanium tube bob in the water like some beautifully perverse fishing tackle because with each bob, I ponder the realization why my muscles ache. Mostly, it’s because this body isn’t nearly as flexible as it once was back in my days at the Fire Academy. However, the best reason why is because I had the best day with my Master.

The past week was long, but the long weeks make the time spent with the Master I adore even more exceptional (if more exceptionally exceptional is even really a thing). This time of year is one I enjoy. Coming out from under the cold grip of winter, the yard starts to come to life. My Master’s legs are now visible more often than not in shorts as the temperatures warm (they are fucking amazing legs). Quite honestly, I’m cold natured and I’m glad that the weather is now warmer. The three of us enjoy working in the backyard together, and it just gives me a feeling of family that I can’t exactly describe.

Back to the hurting part…. 

After completing my chores in the yard and taking a shower, Master sent me to the gear closet for a list of items as he showered. After drying my Master, he came in and put me in a very tight hog tie on the bed. Earlier, I took Master’s pain. And, while I was bound on the bed I could see into a mirror and loved that my ass bears the marks of several implements that allowed me the honor of taking said pain. My nipples still burned, too. Master left me there for what seemed like hours just to contemplate about myself, my role, and on how to take what we did and will do this weekend and use it in my muggle life this week to be better, be stronger, and to make him proud.

Out of nowhere, he appeared and held me, flipped my on my back and redid the cuffs on the wrist and ankles and then, also out of the blue, another lock was connected to the posture collar restricting my movement even more as he hooked my ankles and wrists to my neck, thus effectively turning me into ball.  I’m convinced one day I’ll be writing about how an owned dick really can bend titanium as I swear I think I was so excited and so turned on that heat would have radiated from my body.

Then, we played a game. He knows I like to be close to him and, as I tried my best to get close to my Master, he gave me the word that triggers me to get even closer to him as he moved his naked body around and on the bed, JUST out of my tongue’s reach. I struggled like a turtle flipped on his back on a thick memory foam bed. I think I used every muscle but I just couldn’t get close enough.

I tried with my arms, my legs, my feet, my face, my tongue, my mouth. I struggled until I was exhausted. My neck hurt from the posture collar. I was a sweaty mess. My body was exhausted and yet I still wanted nothing more than to get every part of this body in contact with every part of his. He gave me the word to get closer to him again. A struggle between my body and mind ensued and my aching body was close to winning. My Master sensed this, I am certain and he settled me and held me while I calmed down.

While I was still bound (though ankles were removed from my neck), my Master asked what I wanted most at that moment, at that time, and then pointed out he was feeling generous as, at this stage, it is never about my needs (nor should it be). Of course the answer was to get closer to him but I also really needed to sit up to be able to breathe, the second part of my answer. Spring time in the southern U.S. is basically breathing air yellowed by the pollen of the blooming plants and trees which leads to a less than perfect BDSM experience at times.

Of course, I was repositioned again and now being able to breathe, I got closer to my Master. 

Finally.

As he worked his way closer to climax, I felt his body, his breath, his being, his vibrations. I was able to talk in his ear as this was the first time that was allowed. I told him how proud I am to be owned by him, how proud I am to call him MY Master. I also told him how he makes me better. I told him how he feels to touch, how he makes me feel when touched, how physically and mentally he makes me a better man and a most gracious trained slave.

Soon after, he was done hearing me and literally just pushed my head down to where it belongs at times like that. I tasted him and ultimately swallowed him. I wished I was allowed an orgasm too, but I know that’s my my place. However, in moments like this of pure truth, unconditional love, pure being, I know that is far better than one meager orgasm.

Tomorrow I will ache. Tomorrow I will smile.

I have been thinking about the dichotomy between our kinky selves and our muggle selves and how, sometimes, it’s true that the separate lives most of us lead actually, often, make us better in both worlds.

It’s no secret that I limit the amount of muggle me that I let into this blog or Twitter because my professional and family worlds are not two worlds that can ever FULLY mix. However, I made myself a vow years ago that when I could mix elements of them I would and, as a for instance, sometimes I channel my Dom energy to work with a client, though I often have to channel my inner masochist to sit through a meeting for just an hour. In my head I find this entertaining because I have labeled it, but everyone likely does it without thinking.

I find myself fascinated by this and love watching it in the people I have gotten the pleasure to know on both sides of the collar, so to speak. This is not a post about shaming myself or others about keeping these lines separate, because there is a need. I had email from a 22 year old “pup” who bought his mask, named himself, and is 100% out and about being a pup at home, at work, and with friends. He was attempting to shame me for not showing up at a meeting in a harness or being more open so I pushed him. He’s 22, he works in a leather bar, and he lives with six friends he met at IML. He scripted his kink world, but is it real? He said if his world was able to accept his kinks than all worlds should. Isn’t that cute? I hope he’s right and I hope, for him, that he continues to live in that if it is what he wanted. This is different than being yourself and being out and gay, because kink is such a private thing different to all that do we really want to live in a society where mixing the worlds is just a given? Now, do NOT get me wrong, I wish we lived in a more accepting society about kink and a more understanding one at that, but I do think there always needs to be a line, at least professionally. As a for instance, do you really want to be treated by a naked doctor who is locked in a hood because that is “just who he is and this is what his Dominant wanted” or be in a plane where the pilot toddles in in diapers sucking on a pacifier? I mean, I know most of us are are never going to be “who we are” and, for me, that’s okay. For the record, if the doctor or the pilot told me that they were a slave or an infant at home, I’d be very cool with that, but I don’t need to see it in action (unless both were really hot but that is so another story).

Where my fascination really is in watching how the two sides of the people I know diverge and then come together all at the same time. I was thinking this a few weeks ago when my slave and I were sitting and talking and he was asking me for permission to take a shower and then for me to give him his list that showed what scrubs, underwear and plug he was to be in each work day. He was genuinely waiting on this and would be really out of sorts in the morning if he had to pick out his own clothes because that is just not a decision he has to make anymore. However, once those scrubs are on, this man with a locked dick and metal up his ass who was not even allowed to choose his outfit might be standing next to your hospital bed giving you meds, he chose, that might save your life. While he has no ability to control his own penis, he has full ability to save a life or guard a life all at the same time. When we have discussed it, he says that the mind space that he now has free and the peace he now has in not worrying actually makes him be a better at work, makes him more free because he knows that he has me for the small things if that makes sense and can focus on care and safety while at work.

Another time was actually a few days ago when I was talking to a very good, very in the know, friend and he was complaining about customer service and cleanliness at a national retailer he was doing business with. He didn’t know this, but I happen to know the exec vp of customer service for the chain and I happen to also know that he is owned by his husband and would be locked chastity sitting on a giant plug while running this extremely large part of the company. I told him I knew someone and could let him know about the experience, but knowing this couple, I knew the appropriate path would be that I told the exec vp’s Master that a friend had had this experience under his slave’s watch so that he would “be aware”. The next day there was a full letter of apology sent to my friend on behalf of his team and his Master told me that he would now be conducting an audit of how the situation happened and that, while that audit was taking place, he doubted he would be able to sit down at any point along the way. Now, I know this is just a one off situation and just HAPPENS to be how this couple operates, but I do love the fact that a spanked slave might mean that they rest of us no longer have to jump through two hoops and give a drop of blood just to pick up a package.

In this situation, my friend’s Master, who, for the record is a meek elementary school teacher, thanked me for taking that path as he found some self confidence in the power of being able to discipline for a third party infractions and, you know that stirred all sorts of thoughts in my head in good ways.

But, in all of this, there are likely hundreds more stories of how Doms and subs take their private kink to be better in public and I just absolutely love this. I do hope they recognize this as well.

Finally, to my 22 year old friend, I think the whole point of me writing this is to tell you that, yes, as you grow up you are likely going to have to lose the pup mask and work, but you don’t have to ever lose the pup in you. You will learn to channel that energy, obedience, or whatever it is that drives you to make you a better person, employee, parent, whatever. Please don’t think that if you move forward in life you will become boring and slow because you can’t be a 24/7 pup – trust me, you will become boring and slow anyway so enjoy it where and when you can.

It’s been awhile since I really wrote about me. Me. Me. And more, Me.

I stopped writing a great deal when it got too personal, when life got in the way of my kink. I felt I was in danger of turning a kink outlet into a personal diary and, since this ain’t fucking Facebook, I just withdrew a bit. Lately, it has really felt like outside forces had formed to try their best to throw me off my game that I have been in a constant fight to keep winning. During all of this, I met the boy and that boy is who I give a lot of credit for helping me stay in the game and keep things moving forward in kink and muggle life in many ways without a hitch, at least on the surface. Yes, I give Axel credit too and he’s been absolutely amazing, but he is right in the middle of most of the mud with me, so he needed his own propping up as well. The good Dr. Ax is amazing with solving other people’s problems, but that super power is often diluted when closer to home and I also know that it’s not fair for me to expect him to solve my issues either.

I have written about it some on here and it’s been no secret that we have had some personal losses which total 12 people very close to us who left this life for the next, but within that 12, last week we lost the fifth, and final, parent (four parents and one step parent total) all within 22 months, something that broke me a lot more than I admitted at the time. Losing a parent is hard enough, but losing a parent who did not remember you even being born when they died can sometimes be haunting.

And, as the icing on that funeral cake is another life fun that has not been discussed. Three days ago I had my 13th surgery in 15 months for a weird breathing issue I have that is caused by the biology of my neck (9 of 13) that I did not and will not discuss in detail here. Also, the broken foot I had discussed (4 of 13) previously, as I had to show those sexy wearing a jock with a casted/booted leg pics plagued me.  I THINK last week was the final, literal, cut and that the issues have now been resolved through some implanted jumper cords/stimulators in my throat, breathing sensors in my ribs, and batteries inside a tiny computer living just beneath the surface of my chest, but we will see how this plays out in time. As these happened, I didn’t mention these things because they are not relevant to the kink world and, well, fuck, I was afraid Lifetime would call and want to do a weird kink based movie about grief as seen through titanium dicks, bone plates and joints and/or that I would turn on all the drone/robot fetishists out there as I am now closer to that in reality than they are. We do not want a jealous robot uprising this year, friends. I simply do not have the energy for that at the moment.

Oddly, I feel like the people who read this blog are my friends and I felt I owed an explanation of my absence and, perhaps, my change in tone.  We all have flaws but I wanted to hide the fact that I know have new scars, both physical and mental. They had to heal awhile before I was ready to discuss my thoughts on teaching, training and growing a man into a slave while also trying to figure out who the fuck oneself is when he now finds himself in a newly decorated body, in a changed world, with a changed career, without a family while at a very small Easter brunch where there is a slave leashed to the table. It’s all so different and as someone who doesn’t like risk in life and who is worried about what color rental car I will get Tuesday afternoon in New York, change like all this shit is, well, to put it bluntly, hard.

However, not a fucking day goes by that don’t think about ALL of the above without telling myself I am better because of it in some many ways. The self reflection has been huge and good, and over the next few posts about just ME we will go through some of them with the biggest being an upcoming announcement, spoiler alert, that my switchy scale has radically shifted to the right (fyi, that’s okay, but should you ever hear me describe myself with that phrase not directly related to kink- something is wrong, send help)

As for the scars, I will take a step with this post, but actual scars are quite sexy and, when healed, I will show them off with pride. Emotional scars are not as sexy and sweet little silicone patches do not cover them quite as easily, but when they are healed, I will fucking show those off too. It’s just a matter of time for both and as much as I have recently honed my dominant skills, I know my own strength and cannot demand that that go faster.

Finally, this really long post has not been written in any way as a ploy to play a sympathy card as I don’t need that nor do I want that (and, honestly, please don’t). As I said at the start, this was all about me and the simple act of sitting down and writing this out has started something inside of me that feels a bit like healing, a bit like momentum, and a bit like normalcy. 

So, that said, let’s talk about my slave’s titanium dick and the plug he carries for me every day…

Last night was a rare night in that the boy was unlocked the whole time he was with me. It started as a need to deep clean and soak the cage and, in the process, a small red spot was discovered so for safety’s sake, I told him to stay unlocked for a day or two until it could get better.

Now, while it is always covered in titanium, his dick is truly something to behold. I mean, I know it’s not the right tool for a sub to have and we have taken measures to mitigate that, but while he’s a small statured man, his dick is built for someone two to three times his size. It has a left facing curve that I suspect was created by the sheer fact that when growing up it had to evolve itself to fit into his pants.

That dick aside, it’s not something I generally play with or even see. I like him denied and in being denied he doesn’t get to be touched or ogled at either. That said I often tease him about things with “let’s go get a pizza and when we get home, would you like to ejaculate?” or “If you do x I might let you come” but, deep down, he knows I am not serious because we all know he gave up the right to have a (traditional) orgasm in 2022 (as well as in 2021) and he knows I will not allow him to go back on that decision. We are working on the left ear orgasm I have been training him to have, but that will take some time.

But, last night, last night was different.

There was a sexual tension that was strong and, for me and him, I have the ability to talk directly into his ear and, in doing so, he fires up and in some ways almost becomes robotic. We were sitting in the floor together, he was naked and collared, and I starting pinching his ass which had just received about 500 licks an hour before. They were hard licks too as, after we finish, I always give him the choice for more. Last night’s choice was he could kiss me, but each kiss would cost him an additional 10 hard licks with the heavy leather paddle. He kissed me, and again, and on his third attempt I said, “are you sure, boy, this is a heavy price” to which he said “yes Master, it is worth to me.” So, since he was paying, he got a kiss worthy of the impending pain and, when we were done, I even gave him a free one as I am indeed a generous guy.

That is where the tension had come from and, last night, I really did think that I wanted him to come. I made him be still, gave him the no talking command, and then I pinned him back and started playing with that curved, massive member. I fondled, I licked, I even sucked a bit too and the boy was vibrating, He knew better than to come, but I think he was mighty close and I had to try to think about what a punishment would be if he did and realized that we have never set one because I am that sure in his ability to stay chaste for me.

I felt him pulse, I felt it coming, so I stopped. I repositioned him so that he was effectively sitting in my lap with his back to my chest which gave me perfect access to speak directly into his ear while I rolled my Southern drawl in a more than whispered effect while also stroking his dick in a beautifully choreographed rhythm to my voice. And, of course, I was continually pushing his almost permanently installed plug up and down inside of him.

I said, “what would you do to come boy?”

He said, “umm mph“

I said, “before you come, I am going to do x and x and x to you so that you will have so much of me inside you that you will have no choice. Do you want that boy”

He said, “god damn, Sir”

I said, “but to be a good slave you will have to do x and x and x and it’s gonna fucking hurt”

He said, “Fuck Sir, anything, ANYTHING for you Sir”

I said, “anything, slave?”

He said, “EVERYTHING SIR. YOU FUCKING OWN ME SIR” (his whole body was vibrating)

I said, “Do you want to come boy, just tell me, just tell me”

He said, “It’s not my choice to make Sir, but mmmmmm, mmmmm, FUCK”

I said, “picture yourself coming with me doing x and x and x while you simply have no choice to take it and any pain“

He said, “Fuck, Sir, FUCK, Sir, that is so fucking” (and then his voice started cracking)

I said, “Okay, slave, you are ready, are you ready, fuck I bet you are ready“

He said, “tell me Sir, fucking tell me Sir“

I said, “Okay, boy, you earned this, picture your Mother naked boy, picture her absolutely naked“

He said, “mmmmmmmm, mmmmmm, no Sir, that’s terrible, and oh fuck Sir:

And, as I absolutely stopped all physical contact with him, I said, “Lock up and bring me the key, You have 10 minutes. Oh the plug stays in until tomorrow“

I have to wonder, did he really think I was going to allow such behavior? And, yes, I know I used X in place of the actions, but use your imagination, we can’t tell all our secrets.

The boy and I were having a talk yesterday afternoon while he sat on the floor between my legs. I had him turn around and face me so we could have a heart to heart and I essentially held him in place between my legs (I have kinda strong legs) so that he could be trapped in the discussion the likes of which we do have from time to time.

I needed to check in to make sure he was still feeling emotionally and physically fed from being trained and, if so, tell him that we were going to step up a few things over the next (traditional) orgasm free year. This was also a time for me to tell him how incredibly proud Axel and I are of him and how thankful we are that he gave himself to us and allowed us (me mostly) to take away so much of his freedom. While we have been very clear that these removals are all about shaping him to be better, there are times that he needs to be reminded of such and to look back at how far he has come in the 17-18 months he has been owned and orgasm free.

A sideline here for newer readers, but I feel like this is where I need to remind you that jack is not a typical, porn style slave or twitter based “degrade me, Sir” slave (not that there is anything wrong with those) and that we are not Masters that have ANY interest in ever making him feel he his less worthy of happiness or progress than we are. We have learned and watched that as his slave side has continued to grow that he, as a man and a slave, has flourished and, in turn, we know we need to take him “down” even more as we continue to grow him into what he is meant to be as it’s just natural progression for him. Now the flip of this is there are MANY ways he is a traditional slave such as with rules, protocols, service – both domestic and sexual, but those are the areas where the strictness associated with slavery are helping him grow.

In this discussion, I asked him how he was better and to list a few ways, if he missed his hair, and what, if anything, he would change. He gave me almost thirty minutes worth of answers and instead of me saying more here, he will be writing a follow up post to this within the next 24 hours that answers those questions and talks about the one way I want him to work toward a caged orgasm this year, which will take a lot of mental training. I like to challenge him and this is one way though I often have plenty. For instance, as I write this he is under my desk with my dick in his mouth. His rule is that he must keep it in there for as long as it takes me to write, edit and post this or face punishment. He is struggling and, although I didn’t tell him what the punishment would be, it doesn’t matter because his desire to please me by completing the task and not failing will drive him and ANY punishment I give him will pale to the fact he will know he didn’t abide by my wishes. So, stay tuned for the post and I hope he will mention how today’s challenge ended and how he felt (since it hasn’t ended, now going on about 30 minutes, I can’t give you a spoiler).

Self reflection goes both ways and I started thinking about how I am also much better since I became an owner.

So, here are a few ways.

I am a better man myself. I am more relaxed, more focused, and generally about 20x happier than I ever thought I could be. Some of the daily tasks he does for me take some of that away, having someone to spank just because, or someone who worships me really has just put my mind in a happy place. These things have led to so much acceptance of myself as a kinky man, a sadist, a mentor, and a stern disciplinarian that I have used that to channel in other places. In fact, since I have met the boy, I have had the most professional success I have had in a 30 year career. The two facts absolutely have to be correlated.

Finally, I think the biggest takeaway is that I/we want all those guys out there who are like jack to see that they can have a life of respect and balance while still becoming the submissive that they were destined to be IF that is what they want. Our relationship has proven that kink can be any way you shape it as long as it’s communicated and continuously evaluated.