Thumper posted yesterday on Denying Thumper about his May chastity numbers which were followed by a very enlightening look at the emotional ups and downs that he goes through as a locked man.
While I have never been locked long enough to get anywhere close to the feelings he describes and, because of my life, likely never will, I was very happy that he put that out there because it indirectly explains a lot about the relationship he and I have together. I say this because I have had some questions in the past from readers and friends about what happened and why did we not have this amazing sex or why wasn’t my arm up his ass or more. Sometimes these are genuinely just curious questions and, sometimes, they have an edge to them as if Thumper and I have misled the blog readers intentionally or, as if, he has been inconsiderate of my feelings and made it all about him, the locked submissive bottom, which, they say, should never be allowed.
I generally am very defensive of him in these situations or will blame it on myself as well because I can see why things may look the way they do. And, in full confession, there have been a few times where the “what the fuck, I fucking flew here, spent money and get no sex” thoughts used to cross my mind from time to time, especially early in our relationship. However, as I got to know him better and better, I no longer had that feeling, no longer felt unattractive, or had any of the other self limiting thoughts I would have had, because he, at some point around the six month mark, started allowing me into his head where I understood what he was feeling – though I could never really express it to the blog world, nor did I feel like it was my responsibility to do so. My nonchalantness about the times we didn’t fuck comes from here now and not a place of apathy.
In the post, he describes how he, as a man who doesn’t orgasm frequently, will go to a high high of horny and desire and then how it will suddenly crash down into a pit near depression. When this happens, he discusses how it feels with the following quote and, as someone who watches and who is often indirectly or directly effected by it, this is a great quote to help in the understanding.
Thump says…
When I’m in this place, it’s like the flavor is drained from everything. I’m easily angered and have little interest in anything sexual. I will usually be able to perform for Belle, but I’d not think to instigate anything. It has to be her to push the button. This is the time when, if I find a dirty selfie on my phone or computer, I’m most likely to delete them. I don’t look at my own blog, can’t imagine writing anything, and don’t even look at Tumblr. The toys I enjoy during normal times appall me. It’s not any fun at all.
It’s a great statement that is only missing one thing which is another sentence at the end saying “and that’s usually right about the time that Drew is scheduled to come into town”. I absolutely know it’s not because I am coming in town (now) but it has happened multiple times and he and I have had many, many talks about why and if it’s a correlation of the visit or simply happenstance.
We settled on happenstance because there are also always external factors that play into this that you don’t see and,we don’t share those, but these that can immediately limit any and all sexual play (such as a child calling in crisis at that moment the pants come off, etc) or stop it cold before I even get off the plane. Yes, if I lived around the corner we’d probably both be way more satisfied with each other sexually and would have likely tried far more kinky things, but I also venture a bet that if I did live there, we’d be more akin to fuck buddies versus having any type of friendship at all which is one of the things I would not change at all in this relationship.
I realize in saying the above is that we/I actually don’t owe anyone an explanation on any of this, but, when I read what he wrote, it just hit me that I already knew this stuff, but had not seen it written which was then followed by the fact that those who have written to me thinking he is an ass, just simply had no way of understanding that as it had not been easily explained. While he may be a huge ass at times, it is never intended as a slight against me and my ever ready kinky dick when I am there and that is all anyone needs to know.
I encourage you to take the time and read his post and think about it. Yeah, the metrics are there and stuff, but the underlying message is that a locked life is not always about sex and feeling like and wanting sex and being horny because the actual emotions involved can go from sunny to stormy within seconds. If you are a locked man, I hope you can get a better understanding of yourself from reading it to gauge where you go and what happens to you, but, if you are a keyholder, this is likely even more valuable to you in understanding the dynamic you control.
“I realize in saying the above is that we/I actually don’t owe anyone an explanation on any of this…”
And there are times when knowing there are a pack of voyeurs on the internet waiting to hear the salacious details create such pressure to perform that that in itself becomes a block. Granted, we have invited the voyeurs. I don’t blame them. But it is what it is.
Good write up Drew.
:Like Thumper, I experience the same lows. I haven’t associated it directly with long term chastity. I get much more frequent releases than him. Nevertheless, I go through similar periods with no real interest in sex. I’ve documented them on my blog.
Thinking about these periods, it may be general weariness with my loss of sexual control. Whether or not I am wearing a chastity device, I am no permitted to masturbate. Any release I get comes from Mrs. Lion. I can’t see any specific trigger for these periods, but they do seem to occur more frequently. When they occur, I get grumpy and just want to be left alone.
Thump:
While my chastity experience is not nearly as long lasting as yours (no pie charts!), in my few years, I built up to 30 days (yes, still a novice compared to you). I did have similar emotional drains, and coupled with work issues, and other things, the depths of my lows was very low; your analogy was appropriate. I had life complications which caused me to abandon my chastity adventures, but long to find someone to help get this beta back on track. Best regards, and good luck with your upcoming adventure overseas.
My adventure in chastity is relatively recent and new. As of today–25 June 17–I have gone one month in chastity without any relief, other than some heavy leakage when being fisted. My key holder is of the opinion that going for much longer than a month without ejaculating is unhealthy, so I suspect I will be required to do so fairly soon; however, I don’t feel any particular need, and as I know I will be locked again immediately or soon thereafter, I’m not sure I want to as I don’t know how I’ll feel. So far I haven’t felt any particular high or low or any special frustration, but it is only one month. My key holder is also my sole disciplinarian. I see him once a week for discipline (caning), and I do know that being caged, locked, and denied has made me much more desirous of his discipline. Just some random thoughts. I’m very grateful to find these blogs from others who are in chastity, so thank you very much Drew and Thumper.