So, just to start it off and put it out there, it’s been 15 days since I have ejaculated. I know that most of the men who have been into chastity for awhile read that sentence and muddle to themselves about the fucking newbie who thinks that two weeks is some sort of milestone or something similar. I get that because, to me, it’s like some newbie really excited about earning silver status on an airline. Fly ten times more than you did to earn that and then I will consider giving you the secret diamond handshake.

Now that we are all aware that I know that this time period is really not that special to the world, let me say that it is to me for various reasons. Frankly, I don’t think it’s the longest I have ever gone without an orgasm, but I do know that it IS the longest I have gone when I wanted to have one. Just as a refresher, Axel has stated that he does not want me to reach that point until the next time I see Thumper, which, mother nature and business partners cooperating, will be this upcoming Thursday evening and Friday. While I am not expecting to enjoy this release due to all the factors you already know, I am looking very forward to it as well because it will mean I have done something for Axel, which the idea of turns me on more and more each day.

Frankly, not coming has been good for me and I am really looking forward to actually having the custom device (versus self imposed will) when it arrives because I suspect the feelings of horniness and drive I am about to discuss will be intensified on a much grander scale.

That said, four lessons I learned this week are:

Lesson One – Horniness makes me cleaner.

Yes, this weekend has been spent cleaning out drawers, sending things to Goodwill, and scrubbing every inch of the master bathroom (even those little jet things in the tub) because I knew it would make Axel happy. I’m really not thinking that it’s sexual energy that is driving this, because I still want to just sit on the couch and write most times, but the desire to please him has intensified this week a great deal.

I know some of it is his new, stronger ownership of my penis, but part of me also thinks it was the experience we shared together last weekend at MAL when he got to meet and spend time with people like our new friends Griffin, his partner Captain, and his boyfriend CrógaPup. Axel got to see a different part of the world and feel very accepted and I suspect that has as much to do with his new willingness to be all owner-y with me much more than the fact that I have been walking around with a hard dick knowing I can’t touch it. Well, he does enjoy that too.

Lesson Two – Horniness is not about me.

I have willingly given Axel the control of my orgasms, therefore I really have no say in them anymore. I never really thought about this working two ways until a conversation with Thumper. See, one night last week, Axel and I had some amazing sex. He was all over me and I, in turn, was all over him, in him, and around him at various points in time. During all of this, he had been reminding me that I was not allowed to get close to coming because he had decided otherwise. This reminder, as it turns out, is evidently the trigger I will need should someone ever need my penis to assist them with hammering nails and/or cracking walnuts because, fuck, that was hot and I was as opposite of flaccid as one could be. This sexual adventure continued for almost two hours, when, he said that he had changed his mind and wanted to feel “me” all over him (I have told you how he likes that versus me who generally wants to keep clorox wipes on the nightstand just in case I am touched with it post orgasm). I did not know what to do when he said that because my thinking had to shift too fast. I had prepared for another week or two and was enjoying that idea, especially at that stage. I told him no, I wanted to wait. We didn’t think anything about it, and he came, I showered and he rolled over and went to sleep semi sticky (sheets washed the minute he got up, btw).

For the record, at that point, I was very proud of my resolve and the next morning relayed all of this to Thumper since we tend to both talk to each other about sex with our spouses (I tell him because he likes it, he tells me because it’s educational for me). He was neither excited about it or put off by it and just generally didn’t care and I chalked it up to the week he was having and/or the fact that he was doing the “you go six months and then we will talk thing” in his head. Life went on and last Friday afternoon we were talking and he said something like “you know, you gave Axel the control, and technically you didn’t have any right to say no to him. You can’t have it both ways.” He was in a store and had to quickly get off the phone, so we didn’t get to finish that talk, but it really hit me hard and I have thought about it ever since, even to the point of it being one of the first things Axel and I discussed when I got home.

I will consider that a newbie mistake, but nevertheless, it was a lesson learned.

Lesson Three – Horniness makes me think of lady parts

No, I am not about to come out as bisexual to you, but I have realized that with the increased level of sexual frustration, I have a new sexual appreciation for many different things. For instance, one evening last week, Thumper and I were going back and forth in a Twitter conversation with our blogger friend Ferns, who I have referenced here before. In our tweets, she made reference to “Thumper and I kissing while she stood in a corner furiously masturbating”. It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t think anything else about it until suddenly it was the only thing I could think about.

Me? Me? Thinking about that? WTF?

Of course, the bunny was there for me to run this by (because I suspected he’d enjoy me bringing that particular vision back to him) and he told me that I wasn’t going all straight, but that in the right mood, I might even think about having sex with a woman, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I needed to be open and let my mind go where it needed to go.

Let’s just say that, in the days that have passed, my mind has gone several new places since.

Lesson Four – Horniness will make Axel and I stronger

When I got home yesterday from a trip, Axel said, “I know this sounds unlike me and so sappy, but I had a horrible morning, but just knowing you would be here this afternoon made absolutely nothing bother me today because I was so excited”.

That floored me because, while I know this man is incredibly in love with me and our life, he is not one to express a great deal of emotion. It’s taken 18 years and I still have trouble sometimes knowing if he is excited about something. It’s a combination of a poker and therapy face that is just nuts, but, I can already tell he is enjoying the control he now has and I think, and hope, that gets more and more strong.

In many ways it’s like how I watched him embrace the open marriage concept. It was slow to start and now he’s buying my boyfriend presents and is genuinely both curious and excited about when I will see him next because he says he likes how I am when I come home. That’s cute in a way.

So, those are today’s four lessons. I’m sure there will be others. I hope.

Adding to my lists of first the last few months, I’m now sitting here writing my thoughts on bisexuality. Gay man style.

So, it’s no secret I have a bisexual man in my life these days. When we met, I remember thinking something like “Oh cool, he can see me naked and his wife naked and be happy all the time – neat” or something equally silly. In fact, I actually remember one point in my life wishing I could identify as bisexual because, that way, I could hide “the gay”, marry a bisexual woman and the world would be wonderful while I lived with my wife in the big house with the white picket fence. Of course, said house had a gate to my boyfriend’s fabulous house on the right with the BMW in the driveway and another gate to the very practical house on the left with the Subaru in the driveway where my wife’s girlfriend lived. You know, typical suburban bliss. However, I grew up – as did my thinking.

Now, thirty years or so later I really never thought about bisexuality much except for my pure hatred of the term “bi-guy”. They were just simply “those people” who, in my mind, had somewhat of a choice in who they went to, but not in the fact that they were attracted to them.

That thinking changed almost immediately after I met Thumper because we both had that question “could you fall in love outside of your marriage” thrown at us by our spouses, friends – both online and actual, and in our own heads too. It was a natural curiosity for all and is something that happens sometimes and it really opened my eyes to start thinking. For us, the answer simply was no, because that is not how he is wired. A relationship could exist, but not one that would ever threaten either spouse because, the way I see it is, his level of bisexuality is purely about the sexual attraction and not about the “need” that I, as a gay man, have of wanting to deeply nest with another man who I also have sex with while we build a family together. He has those nesting feelings, but his are and forever will be for a woman.

As a side note, I want to make sure I clarify that a need for friendship with a man is outside either sexual parameter and was something we evidently both needed. It’s like one is the cake and is one the icing as they can both exist on their own or blend nicely together when the time is right. One is sticky. One is sweet. Oh the metaphoric journey I could go on with this, but I won’t.

I note that I know most of you already know that story, but that happened months ago and is now a non-issue with the four people involved, however I brought it up though to introduce why I have been thinking so much about this lately. As I have been attacked by a few of the Amy’s of the world, I have thought more and more about the level of unfairness everywhere. Now, some of you may disagree, but I one hundred percent believe that sexuality comes from your genes and nowhere else. I used to joke with a few of my really, really effeminate gay male friends that they “got more of the gene” than I did, but now I wonder if it really was a joke as I have met bisexuals who really do feel like they could nest with either gender. Did they get more sparkly embryonic fluid than Thumper did? Who knows. One day, when science justifies my feelings of gay by birth without question, I hope they get right to that next question.

But, here is where I want to stand up for the bisexual men and women because, I never really realized that it has to be as hard, or even harder, for you to “come out” to yourselves and others as it was for me and I apologize for being so flippant about it in my youth. A thought I have had of late is that once I was out it was, in some ways, over. I married a man, started a family, grew my life and, aside from those random professional questions of “what does you wife do?” or “what is your wife’s name?” I don’t think about it that much (as a side note, I used to get the “why don’t you and your wife have kids?” question so often that I developed the ability to get a tear in my eye when I answered about how “we tried and tried but medically it just could not happen”. I miss that question).

Anyway, there is a general lack of respect for the bisexuals and I want to do my part to change that, some how, some way. As a for instance, I told my best friend about Thumper. Yes, that involved me telling him about the open marriage thing first but I luckily didn’t have to also come out to him as “straight – but only once a month or so”. That sucks for the “bi-guy” (I disgust myself even typing it). In addition to that, I suspect many have to deal with the unjustified feelings that others may have that they “just didn’t have the courage to be all the way gay” or that they may love their opposite sex partner but not lust after them the way they would for a same sex one. That is complete bullshit because I can see a look in Thumper’s eye when he mentions Belle’s name that just shows how much he WANTS her in every way possible and how much she completes him. I also see that same look in the eye of a female friend who is bisexual but married to a man. I kid you not, I hope and pray that Axel makes those eyes when my name is discussed because we all deserve that and for anyone to even think that they made a choice of love over lust is stupid (noting that I recognize many people, gay, straight and sideways do “settle” in some way, but that’s not today’s topic).

Another myth I debunked for myself is that being bisexual and bi-curious is the same thing. I know many people who have tried sex with the same gender just to scratch a little itch and then never went back because that one tryst was all the benedryl they needed. Frankly, one day I may do it simply so I have the experience, but, for the record, only with someone who was completely in the know. For the truly bisexual, the itch doesn’t go away and for those who don’t have the courage or ability to admit it to their partners, I am sad for them.

But even for those who do admit it to either themselves for their partner, finding that right person to “help scratch” has to be hard (even for the ones who don’t have penises encased in steel) because, well, it’s a pretty unique niche and the Grindr’s and Scruff’s of the world don’t have those categories.

I have rambled here, I know, and I am sure by this point you are all expecting Sally Struthers to pop into the post to ask you to give money for the “sexually starved bisexuals”, but she’s not. I am, I guess, just asking everyone to be more aware (as I have been proven wrong before in thinking that anyone reading this would already be aware) and to always think as broad as possible as we go about our lives representing our kinks and our sexualities.

However, since I did mention Sally, I guess I should close with something like, “if you could just lend one bisexual man your penis for just one day, you could save a marriage. Won’t you just think about it?”