“Is Thumper still bisexual?”
That was the question posed to me yesterday from a reader of this blog who was basically asking why I haven’t written about Thumper (or why he hasn’t written about me) much over the last few months. This guy caught me at a time where I was able to exchange emails back and forth and, for the record, I told him I was going to write this because that is one of the most stupid ways to look at anything ever, yet I am worried that he was actually serious.
So, for those on the edge of your seat, yes, Thumper is still bisexual. Just like the fact that my eyes are still green and I am still prone to sudden sunburns. I assume the guy who was chatting with me is gay so I posed the question back to him about whether he had talked to anyone about his gayness, written any blog posts about it recently, or used it as a way to introduce himself to waiters, cashiers, flight attendants or the like and, you know what, he said no. I asked him whether he was still gay since he had not done any of that and, you know what, he still was. I was enjoying pointing out these facts to him though I am not sure he enjoyed me doing so. Idiot.
But, as I have said many times here, I was never one in the bisexual thought camp until I met Thump because it was just not something that got my mind thinking. However, since I did meet him and, through this blog, have now met many others like him, it’s very clear to me that one can be attracted to both sexes without having to pick a permanent camp on one side of the river. But, for those who are lucky enough to be able to swim across, their lives all seem to be enhanced in some way by this dual desire. Of course, this is not to say that those who can’t swim are unhappy either, but I think knowing that they could if they wanted to is just enough for them to be happy on their riverbank.
The other point I had to make about this is that I was just amused by the fact that a seemingly educated person would or could deduce that a sexuality had changed by the lack of it being discussed. That is so stupid that it’s funny but now has me wondering if I were to write “Thumper is bisexual” over and over again in my notebook how many times would I have to write it before he texted me wanting to come suck my dick? (Thumper, fyi, I do have a new pen AND notebook – just sayin’). Blog writing is not witchcraft.
By the end of our chat I think my new (and now likely short lived) friendship with this guy had been able answer his question, but sheez. Really?
Finally, as I have written this I just realized I don’t know any bisexual men who are in a primary relationship with a man but have a woman on the side. How odd. I do have multiple gay friends who had marriages/relationships with women but changed teams after some years and none of them want to go back to anything intimate with a woman, but, also, none of these guys identify themselves as bisexual now either. That’s just a curiosity of mine, now. Hmmm.
I tried, I really tried to keep my comment short. But I failed spectacularly. I just need to run an errand, then proofread, then I’ll publish my thoughts on this as a post and link it here.
“…it’s very clear to me that one can be attracted to both sexes without having to pick a permanent camp on one side of the river.”
Hurmph. Just pick already.
Interesting comment regarding primary relationships for bi men at the end of your post. It reminds me that even if a bisexual person is able to reconcile their identity within themselves the challenge of finding a partner who is an equal in both understanding and allowing for their partners needs is at least as complicated. Adding to the complexity, someone who has explored a broad spectrum of sexuality in their life the likelyhood of finding a dominantly straight or gay person comfortable with knowing their partners interests may travel far and wide from their relatively shorter spectrum of comfort.
I haven’t calculated the probabilities for each scenario but my guess is the probability for a fit in the latter case is low enough to count as a unicorn.
I think it’s probable that Drew has more bi-identified friends in MF relationships because in any situation a bi person will tend to hide their proclivities. A bi man living in a gay relationship is unlikely to broadcast to his gay friends that he sometimes has sex with women for fear of judgement (the rediculous ick factor of most gay men towards female body parts alone is enough reason). Likewise, most bi men with woman would not tell anyone they’re screwing around with guys (straight men feel about gay sex the same way gay men feel about vaginas). Drew is in a unique situation being the guy on the side for a bi man married to a woman to hear from more of those like me.
Of course, all we can a do is try and be examples for our monosexual friends…
Well put and you are right about that ick factor!
I like that you challenged the guy about his “being out”. Why is there such as thing as “coming out” anyway? Hetero people do not “come out”!
And as you said before, this blog is NOT about your sex life. Although, as a person who does not get much sex and bondage, it is nice to read other people’s experiences, basically, that is why there is porn, isn’t it?
Always interesting… 🙂
I’ve never commented before but this cracked me up.
My best friend hasn’t called me up just to tell me he’s still gay in like, years! Maybe we’ll get married after all the way his mom always envisioned! Were it not for the fact that I’m already married and even if I weren’t, I’m entirely sure he’s still gay.
Maybe they assume that your relationship in some way *made* Thumper bisexual and if you aren’t writing about it and nor is he, that means you’ve *unmade* him?
I think it’s probably the classic idea that bisexuals aren’t actually a genuine thing and therefore can simply choose or decide willy nilly to -not- be that thing they really weren’t anyhow. Because after all, if someone isn’t exactly like us then they must not exist at all! So silly.